Confessor's memory?

[CradleJourney]

I have been reading several of the confession topic threads and have noticed a possible discrepancy and was hoping someone could clear it up for me?

In several responses, particularly to those nervous about confessing, it has been stated that the Priest hears so many confessions and/or has a particular mindset so that they forget everything they hear in confession.

(So far, so good).

In several responses, I have also read posters suggesting that one should try to have a regular Confessor - to return to the same priest repeatedly because they may remember what you have confessed before and be better able to guide you as you deal with a repeated sin over time or other issue.

So my question - which is it?

Do priests not remember what you tell them in confession - in which case it’s safe for me to confess to my parish priest because he’s not going to remember it later when I see him?

Or rather that it’s better for me to go to my parish priest because he’ll remember what I’ve confessed before and be able to guide me to avoid being scrupulous and/or omitting or reducing the severity of sins, I’ve committed?

I do not have a particular sin or situation in mind right now - just wondering - Thanks!

 

[bzkoss236]

I have been reading several of the confession topic threads and have noticed a possible discrepancy and was hoping someone could clear it up for me?

In several responses, particularly to those nervous about confessing, it has been stated that the Priest hears so many confessions and/or has a particular mindset so that they forget everything they hear in confession.

(So far, so good).

In several responses, I have also read posters suggesting that one should try to have a regular Confessor - to return to the same priest repeatedly because they may remember what you have confessed before and be better able to guide you as you deal with a repeated sin over time or other issue.

So my question - which is it?

Do priests not remember what you tell them in confession - in which case it’s safe for me to confess to my parish priest because he’s not going to remember it later when I see him?

Or rather that it’s better for me to go to my parish priest because he’ll remember what I’ve confessed before and be able to guide me to avoid being scrupulous and/or omitting or reducing the severity of sins, I’ve committed?

I do not have a particular sin or situation in mind right now - just wondering - Thanks!

The memory of the priest is dependent on the priest. Just like how anyone can forget and remember. The priest doesn’t have to try and forget. A priest can remember and recall, regardless of how many confessions he hears, but because he is also human, it is possible for him to forget.

I should think you’d want the priest to remember. That way he can council you if you struggle with the same sins. But there’s no harm in reminding him if he forgets.

 

[Edmundus1581]

In my opinion, it is more the first (ie. the priest forgets) than the latter (he remembers). Priests hear many confessions and they are mostly very similar (One priest told me that he had heard it all after the first week). However, if you go to the same priest regularly and face-to-face, and indicate to him that he may bring your last confessions to mind (to help you work on issues) then he will start remembering the issues, but not anything specific. He certainly won’t remember what you told him in the last confession. I have sometimes wondered whether they remember the issues when they are outside the confessional, and we are chatting.

If they remember, then they are certainly not allowed to use what they have heard in any way. If, for instance, one applies for a position in the parish which is contrary to one’s confessed lifestyle, then the priest may not act on that information. However, I suspect that he really does forget, once the penitent leaves the confessional.

As a previous poster said, they are all different however, so the above is just my experience of most priests.

Fr Serpa answered the following in response to Do priests use ‘forget it’ techniques for confessions?

I don’t know of any who do. The subject never comes up. Most of us hear so many Confessions that we couldn’t remember who said what even if we wanted to. And believe me, we don’t.

Whether he remembers, or forgets, the main thing is that *he doesn’t care *what your sins are!

 

[VivienneJ]

My sense of this is that the priest does not remember the specifics, but, and particularly in face-to-face, he may well remember something like, “oh, this is that lady who borders on the scrupulous” and use that information to balance his advice.

 

[acadian]

I have a regular confessor that I confess to face-to-face every month or so. He says that he forgets, and I suspect that he doesn’t not remember my specific sins. But he does remember my situation and he does know what I am dealing with. I don’t have to rehash everything and give him background info each time I go. There have been times where he has reminded me of things that I have said…so it’s not like his memory is totally erased when I walk out the door. Yet, I never have the sense that he is looking at me as a wretched sinner when we have dealings outside of the confessional.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Priests are human, and all are different. The claim that they don’t remember sins is dependent on the priest, and personally, I think it is bad form to try to tell people priests don’t remember sins just to make them feel better about going to confession. That is treating them like a child.

What is important is that if a priest does remember someone’s sins, he cannot mention it or let affect his relationship with the person in any way. The priest cannot break the seal of the confessional. There is no guarantee they can’t remember sins, even though it seems unlikely, given the number of confessions they hear.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

A parish priest hearing 15 to 20 (or more) confessions every Saturday afternoon isn’t going to remember details of everyone’s confessions - probably even if they wanted to! And afterall it isn’t the same people in the same order each week either.

However if you have a specific confessor and you come at regular intervals he will come to remember that you are the lady with 3 grown children and a difficult relationship with your mil who has trouble with gossiping or whoever you are. Even more so if the priest knows he is your regular confessor. That means he can place today’s confession into a context and so give you better advice. However, that still doesn’t mean he will remember details of any specific confession. And I doubt any priest is trying to remember!

He can’t act on the knowledge he gets, he can’t discuss it with anyone or even mention it and that’s mostly how we remember things - by talking about it or acting on it. He also probably goes on to hear other confessions right after yours so details could easily become confused by the end of the confession period.

I have confessed face to face to many different priests, none of them have ever treated me any differently afterward.

 

[InThePew]

In several responses, I have also read posters suggesting that one should try to have a regular Confessor - to return to the same priest repeatedly because they may remember what you have confessed before and be better able to guide you as you deal with a repeated sin over time or other issue.

So my question - which is it?

It’s both!

As others have mentioned, priests are of course entirely human and subject to the same memory fades as everyone else - particularly after a heavy session in the confessional (followed by a wedding, followed by a funeral, etc…). At the same time, repeated confession of the same thing by the same person may well serve to jog their memory.

However, the priest cannot refer to your past confessions (so he can’t say something like: “not again!”) - once absolved, it’s as if they had never happened.

Whether you choose to refer to them is another matter and this may in fact be the best approach - particularly since it’s not always possible to return to the same confessor. So you might say something like “this is a problem which I have struggled with for some time”. That doesn’t change the restriction on your confessor referring to past confessions but it does help to signpost where things are at.

 

[GwenL]

Priests have told me that they do not remember the sins of individual people. There are too many people and too many sins, and most of the sins are the same. Plus, I challenge you to remember the details of a three-minute conversation after an hour or more of three-minute conversations. It all gets lost in the noise. They do remember the astounding things, such as the guy who comes in saying “my last confession was 80 years ago.” But hearing that you gossiped, after which they hear 30 other people talk about gossip, etc., I don’t think so.

I go to the same confessor, about every two weeks. I remind him of the sins that I want to focus on, by saying something such as, “I’ve been really struggling with this sin, and have confessed it every time over the past xx months.” That’s how he “remembers” my sins–I remind him.

What he does remember is my life situation and my spiritual progress, because he knows me well outside of the confessional also. I don’t confess face-to-face, either. My confessor prefers the screen, so I honor his preference. He knows my voice very well!

 

[CradleJourney]

Thank you all for your kind replies

Having (or at least not reacting) to specific sins while retaining the general knowledge of the penitent if they use him as a regular confessor makes sense to me!

 

[LINVS]

I think many of us go to a particular priest because we like how he hears and administers the sacrament. I live in a very urban area; I can’t imagine how the priest would remember my confession unless I identify myself.