Confidentiality of a priest

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rkberlin

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Peace to you all! I don#t know if this is the right subforum, so please move me if it is.
My dh cheated on me a few times, just recently again ( October 05). At that time i had already moved to Germany, he was in Korea. We were in friendly contact with the pastor at our last parish in the States. Well, since my dh really likes this pastor and since he’s pretty much the only one he felt comfortable with, we informed him of what hubby had done again. Obviously it wasn’t in person, but we were in Germany on the phone, and Father was in the US. So, it wasn’t really a confession( dh still hasn’t gotten around to that…). I still kind of figured that this would stay between us and Father. I used to work at a dental clinic in the States, so when father had his appointment there, he told one of the docs what was going on between hubby and me. Of course, this is the worst gossipper and blabbermouth of the whole clinic, and she had nothing better to do but tell my friend and another asssistant. I just feel like my trust was betrayed, not just by hubby-which is bad enough, but now also by the priest. Should I be upset? I feel bad about being mad at a priest, I hope I don#t have to go and confess that? I think our priest at my new parish would be wonderful about this, though. I don’t know, I’m confused. Any ideas, help? Thank you!
:blessyou:
 
Confession is confession, and only the Sacrament itself is under the Sacramental Seal.

But this is, to say the least, an indiscretion and breach of trust of the highest order. I doubt that the priest’s superiors would be much enamoured of his behaviour.

My only other comment is not to give in to the urge (temptation ?) to view this as typical of priestly behaviour.

Blessings and strength,

Gerry
 
thanks! No, I would never think this is a normal thing for a priest to do! I just don’t know if I should email the priest and tell him that-“hey, you’re telling this doc already spread it around the globe!” I guess I should pray for him, which I find hard to do right now. Just wondering when the blows stop landing on me, that’s all…
Gerry Hunter:
Confession is confession, and only the Sacrament itself is under the Sacramental Seal.

But this is, to say the least, an indiscretion and breach of trust of the highest order. I doubt that the priest’s superiors would be much enamoured of his behaviour.

My only other comment is not to give in to the urge (temptation ?) to view this as typical of priestly behaviour.

Blessings and strength,

Gerry
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Although not regulated by the same laws as healthcare practitioners or lawyers, priests have an ethical obligation to keep personal matters confidential. The only exception I can see to this is if you granted him permission at some time to divulge this information. It doesn’t sound like you did. I’d think you’d have a right to be mad.
 
hi, no, I sure didn’t. And this particular doctor I never talked to about personal stuff because of the fact that she’s such a blabbermouth. So, it kind of irritates me. My friend’s hubby said to confront the priest, what do you think?
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ReformedCatholic:
Although not regulated by the same laws as healthcare practitioners or lawyers, priests have an ethical obligation to keep personal matters confidential. The only exception I can see to this is if you granted him permission at some time to divulge this information. It doesn’t sound like you did. I’d think you’d have a right to be mad.
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rkberlin:
hi, no, I sure didn’t. And this particular doctor I never talked to about personal stuff because of the fact that she’s such a blabbermouth. So, it kind of irritates me. My friend’s hubby said to confront the priest, what do you think?
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I’d think that’s an option, but before taking any action I’d decide what kind of resolution or remedy you’re looking for. Are you looking for an apology? Are you wanting the priest to “make it right?” Do you want to unleash your anger on him?

What is the ideal outcome to this situation, in your mind? Does confronting the priest get you any closer to that outcome?
 
RK, it sounds like you are military. Anyway, I wouldn’t expect that the priests’ behavior is typical but he is human and he may have not felt obligated since it was not presented to him in the confessional. I would make an appointment to see him and let him know nicely that there was a reason you were not sharing this information with co-workers. Let him know that your feelings were hurt and that you would prefer if he did not discuss this with others. He is human, he made a mistake, give him the chance to apologise. This will do a couple of things; it will give you the chance to clear the air with him and it will also let him know how you feel about others gaining this knowledge. It may even teach him that he needs to be a bit more careful in his dealings with sensitive matters. I urge you to talk to him in a civil way though, he may feel very defensive if you go in there with both barrels blazing.
 
I would be extremely upset with that priest. Even if it was disclosed outside of the confessional he has no right to pass on such private information. He needs to be told he was wrong and he needs to confess it. Unfortunately for you, the cat’s out of the bag but it will make him think twice before he does this to someone else. Just because you may be privy to someone else’s situation doesn’t give you the right to spread that info around.
 
Thanks for all of your replies. Well, yes, my dh is military, I’m not. I’m no longer at that parish. We called him since hubby doesn’t want to talk to another priest. So, we told him over the phone. I’m in germany now, and I just heard about it since I keep contact with a friend, who’s also a former coworker. So, I’m upset, but I’m so numb right now from all the hurt my husband has caused, it doesn’t REALLY faze me all that much. I’m thankful I can forgive easily, I’ve pretty much forgiven the priest the slip. But I will not tell him any more of my problems, and I hope my still husband won’t, either. I haven’t told dh, since he’s already turning from God as it is right now. that would completely shatter his trust in the church. I worry about his soul, he needs to go to a priest and confess without having another excuse not to. A friend at the parish told me she’d forward my email to father, but I told her not to. It’ll be ok. So, thanks again for your answers. I’m blessed with my new parish now, so I will just move forward- with God’s help.

God bless
 
Please get some counseling just for you. You deserve to have someone objective hear your side of the story. I would suggest marriage counseling too but seeing he isn’t in the area I’m not sure how that would work. I know how utterly devastating this is. I’ll pray for your peace of mind and for your healing.
 
Gerry Hunter:
Confession is confession, and only the Sacrament itself is under the Sacramental Seal.

But this is, to say the least, an indiscretion and breach of trust of the highest order. I doubt that the priest’s superiors would be much enamoured of his behaviour.

My only other comment is not to give in to the urge (temptation ?) to view this as typical of priestly behaviour.

Blessings and strength,

Gerry
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If she sought out his advice, as a priest, for spiritual guidance/counselling on the matter, which is sounds she and “hubby” did, then this priest has betrayed a different confidentiality. I personally would lodge an official complaint. He’s in a position that requires much better judgement, and should be held culpable for this grave mistreatment of this couple.
 
it was not a breach of the seal of confession because it was not told to him in Confession.

however, it was very wrong of him to tell anyone about that…i cant even imagine a priest blabbing about things like that…that is horrible!!!
 
Oh, I can imagine a priest blabbing such, and so much more. I’ve known one to even “blab” others’ confessions among other things. There are other confidentialities expected to be upheld by priests beyond “seal of the confessional.” Any priest who would “blab” such sensitive personal information in casual conversation has issues that must be addressed. This couple needs to make an official complaint; although, they shouldn’t expect much to be done about it. Apparently, it’s more important to The Church to maintain the facade of integrity than integrity itself…or so has been my experience. Either way, I still suggest the official complaint.
 
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