Confirmation and Marriages

[MV32]

Hello,
I need help with something about the faith that I just realized. Ive been attending rcia for 4 months and hope to be confirmed in October. When I started, I remember filling out a paper that asked about my marriage and baptism. I was baptized at birth as was my husband who is very adamantly “non denominational”. We have been married for 17 years and have a daughter. The problem is he was previously married and wed by her father, a baptist priest. He has been of course divorced for many years now. Our marriage is my first and Im terrified now that I wont be confirmed. Ive looked at the anullment process and his ex wife will cause as much suffering as humanly possibly over this. Even though shes remarried and had several other children other than the 1 they had together 22 years ago. Isnt there a possibility it wont be granted and I could never truly be part of the church? My priests have said nothing to me as of yet. I want to do the right thing and I sure theyd catch it anyway, but this is going to cause immense turmoil in our lives.

 

[JulianN]

We’re you baptized as a Catholic as a child? If so, you’ll need to have your marriage validated, regardless of Confirmation. You should tell your priest about this as soon as possible—he or someone on the parish staff who’s trained as an advocate can help you.

 

[MV32]

We were both baptized catholic as infants. Dreading this whole process. He is overall supportive but outright does not agree with catholic church. Im afraid he will not consent or allow his ex wife to be dragged in all this.

 

[JulianN]

OK—this might be easier than you think. Were he and his ex married in a Catholic church? Or did he get permission from a Catholic pastor to marry in a different church?

 

[1ke]

Please start the process now.

You and your husband need to sit down with your priest, virtually if necessary, and discuss the situation.

Then take it one step at a time

 

[Gorgias]

We were both baptized catholic as infants.

OK. So, strictly speaking, you’re both already ‘Catholic’.

That means that, for his first marriage to be considered valid, it either needed to take place within the context of a Catholic wedding ceremony or that requirement of the ‘form’ of the wedding was dispensed by his bishop.

I’m with @1ke – talk to your priest. This might be rather straightforward to resolve.

(Did you talk with the person running RCIA about this at your entry into that program? Had they not asked about prior marriages?)

 

[1ke]

We were both baptized catholic as infants.

Oh. Then that is a horse of a completely different color.

This may not be a tribunal annulment case at all.

If your husband was baptized as a Catholic, and he didn’t obtain a dispensation from form to marry in the Baptist ceremony, then his first attempt at marriage isn’t valid at all. It’s a paperwork process to establish this fact. It requires his sacramental records plus his marriage and divorce paperwork.

Again, step one: talk to your priest and don’t leave out any facts. I’m surprised this hasn’t already come up and paperwork started.

 

[MV32]

He was married in a convention center. Her father came in from out of town to marry them. Thanks for all the answers feeling so much better. I did answer several questions about it in a paper form when I started. I just now realized the full extent of the required conditions. Im going to email my priest about this. It has been a crazy time for them. I was really discouraged as Ive already had to go through so much to get my baptism records. I had my baptism name changed after a sealed adoption, and it took several months to see a judge. So thankful and excited!

 

[Horton]

This should be an fairly straight forward case. Your husband will just need to provide some paperwork, his ex-wife wouldn’t have to be involved at all. Once this is done, you and your husband will have to have your marriage convalidated. I am assuming you were not married in the Catholic Church, so while your marriage is certainly legal it isn’t sacramental.

This generally doesn’t take much time to resolve, however now with COVID getting documents from the state may not be easy. Please make an appointment with the priest to discuss this. Be at peace, this is not a difficult problem to have.

 

[JulianN]

He was married in a convention center. Her father came in from out of town to marry them.

This should be really easy, and as @Horton said, his ex will not need to be involved. You’ll need a copy of their marriage license, divorce decree (both easily obtained from the courthouses involved) and a recent (less than six months old) copy of his baptismal certificate. Your parish should be able to request that from the church where he was baptized.

Good luck!