Confirmation - can you change your sponsor after the fact?

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Today I found out that my son’s confirmation sponsor has had an abortion. Her behaviour since becoming his sponsor has been very much off the rails with a lot of vanity, immodesty, excessive drinking etc. And today she posted on Instagram a meme in favour of abortion.

I love her and always will because she is my niece, however, I really don’t want her to be his sponsor anymore, nor would I trust her to guide my son to heaven. Is it possible to change confirmation sponsors? And does her behaviour as my son’s sponsor have any negative effects on his soul?
 
If your son has not already be confirmed then as far as I know yes you can change sponsors. Just let your parish know.
Light said:
And does her behaviour as my son’s sponsor have any negative effects on his soul?
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In the role of sponsor for the Sacrament - I’d say no. But as you said yourself, would you really want her to be the spiritual guide he may turn to in the event of your death? I’d say no, by what you’ve said.
 
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Oh, well then, the deed is already done and she was his sponsor.

But going on what you’ve said, would she really take on being his spiritual guide?
 
Keep in mind, it’s his choice. Maybe have a chat with him - just simply asking why he chose her. Don’t go into it with any agenda, just listen to him. Maybe once you know you later can have another conversation about it. This young (I assume young) lady is hurting deeply. What can you do to help guide her?
 
Ok. I just read he was confirmed already. Nope. Just move on. Don’t bring it up…just see what you can do to help her.
 
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I think she would try to, but I would not trust that the advice she gives him would be in line with our values.
 
ok, well as far as I can see, I would do all in my power to raise him correctly in the Faith, buy books to be his resources too. Catechism of the Catholic Church for starters, others as are relevant to his age, and more as he matures and grows.

You can also tell him for example, that you can always ask Grandma, if you want to know anything after I’m gone. Adjust to his age of course. But plant the seed to ask whomever you deem more suitable.
 
My confirmation sponsor was someone only a few years older than me and while we are close, she doesn’t guide me spiritually. We are peers in that regard. Keep in mind most confirmation sponsors don’t continue in any sort of mentoring role after confirmation.
 
Thank you. She is my niece and I love her deeply. We always talk, and she attends mass weekly and takes the Eucharist, but then goes out and behaves completely counter to our values which resulted in said abortion. If I try to gently say anything at all, she becomes defensive and I then sound judgemental - it breaks my heart
 
thelibrarian said:
Keep in mind most confirmation sponsors don’t continue in any sort of mentoring role after confirmation.
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That is true. The role becomes an obligaton if the parents die before the child reaches the age of adulthood. They are to continue guiding and directing the child in the Faith as the parents would have done if they had lived.
 
You do not know of in the future it will be the same. Some people who go through trials and sins come out the other end of it years later closer to the Lord. You cannot possibly feel she is gone forever. She is not in a good place now, but you cannot speak for her future
 
CRV said:
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thelibrarian:
Keep in mind most confirmation sponsors don’t continue in any sort of mentoring role after confirmation.
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That is true. The role becomes an obligaton if the parents die before the child reaches the age of adulthood. They are to continue guiding and directing the child in the Faith as the parents would have done if they had lived.
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Isn’t that what the godparents do, not the confirmation sponsor?
 
thelibrarian said:
Isn’t that what the godparents do, not the confirmation sponsor?
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Yes, that’s correct - more so the obligation rests with the godparents, but it can also be a duty of a confirmation sponsor, especially if the godparent is also the sponsor (don’t know if this is the case here).

#1311 " candidates for Confirmation, as for Baptism, fittingly seek the spiritual help of a sponsor . To emphasize the unity of the two sacraments, it is appropriate that this be one of the baptismal godparents.129"
 
I would recommend the Docat and Youcat books if your son and your niece are teenagers or young adults.
 
HeDa said:
I would recommend the Docat and Youcat books if your son and your niece are teenagers or young adults.
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Thanks for the recommendations, but it’s not my son and niece, but those of @Light
 
No, you can’t change what is done.

I’m in the same boat, as I recently learned my son’s Baptism godmother is donating to Planned Parenthood and is recruiting others to donate as well. She also posted pro-choice mantras on Facebook. I’m pretty broken up about it, since, after all, godparents are supposed to help children grow in faith and learn morals. And it has crossed my mind — will she lead him in the wrong direction?

On the other hand, though, godparents/sponsors aren’t the be all end all of religious upbringing, and they don’t necessarily fulfill the role they’re supposed to. Neither of my godparents did a whole lot to contribute to my formation of faith, but I had enough other influences in my life that helped me become the strong Catholic I am today. And I’ll also note that my godmother is no longer Catholic, leaving the Church to join a non-denominational Evangelical church, and often bad-mouths the Catholic Church. It’s sad. But, what can you do?

Make sure there are enough people in your son’s life to set a good example. Is he in a Catholic school? If not, make sure he’s in a good religious education program at your parish. I really think that a good religious education is the backbone of faith formation, next to the instruction of parents in the home.
 
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