Confirmation - can you change your sponsor after the fact?

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Welcome to CAF. ✝️

While your niece is your son’s sponsor, she is unable in present times to be the example you would wish, but hopefully he can observe people in his life who are a good witnesses, including of course, you yourself.

Your approach regarding your niece may be a reverse situation, that you and your son are the ones who offer prayer for her, a particular, loving responsibility for her spiritual welfare, just as sometimes it is the child who leads, as Jesus did aged 12 in the Temple.

My godmother was one of my mother’s cousins with the same name as my father chose for me from his Sunday Missal. There was a small print that I was informed was given by her at my Baptism. That was the last thing she ever did for me. It was my father who was my spiritual mentor. I admired his goodness always. As I grew older, as soon as he finished with a spiritual book, I’d be reading it .My brothers say they can never do anything morally wrong because he was our father. We siblings chose “Father and Mentor” for his gravestone.
Because it isn’t always the sponsor or godparent who is the witness of Christ to us.

My godmother ended up quite mad, poor woman, and may God bless her soul.

May God bless you and your family, and may the Lord Himself be your son’s guardian and guide.

May God flood your niece with His healing light and love.
 
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Trishie said:
It was my father who was my spiritual mentor. I admired his goodness always. As I grew older, as soon as he finished with a spiritual book, I’d be reading it .My brothers say they can never do anything morally wrong because he was our father. We siblings chose “Father and Mentor” for his gravestone.
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That’s wonderful!
 
True.

Isn’t it more of the God Parents role anyway to guide the children in matters of the faith if the parents pass on? The Confirmation Sponsor is more to guide through the process of coming into the Church, at least that is what I always thought. My sister was my sponsor and I was my brother’s. I am the only one still regularly attending Mass. My brother considers himself, Agnostic. My sister still believes but has some beef with the Church she won’t talk about. Really sad on both accounts, I pray for them.
 
In general.

Responsibilities of a Confirmation Sponsor Peggy Frye 9/25/2017
one of the ways mentioned in this article “Continue ongoing catechesis (e.g., sharing good books) and be available for questions.”

As well as
#1311 " candidates for Confirmation, as for Baptism, fittingly seek the spiritual help of a sponsor . To emphasize the unity of the two sacraments, it is appropriate that this be one of the baptismal godparents.129"
 
Light said:
Thank you. She is my niece and I love her deeply. We always talk, and she attends mass weekly and takes the Eucharist, but then goes out and behaves completely counter to our values which resulted in said abortion. If I try to gently say anything at all, she becomes defensive and I then sound judgemental - it breaks my heart
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Lots of saints started out in sinful and sin filled lives.
In this situation, with the little info we have, I’d say pray for her and set a good example by your actions but don’t push trying to change her. The Holy Spirit will do that.

However, I would probably stress to her the importance of confession before receiving communion…i’m not sure of a good way to go about that one.
 
CatholicSooner said:
However, I would probably stress to her the importance of confession before receiving communion…i’m not sure of a good way to go about that one.
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Or, at the very least, the OP should stress that her niece should refrain from speaking to her son about these matters. While receiving Communion in a state of mortal sin is bad, if I were picking battles, I’d make sure she wasn’t influencing my son.
 
Well, one would be hard pressed to find a Confirmation Sponsor who has not sinned. Your niece needs your love and your kindness.

No, you cannot go back and demote a sponsor. Baptism and Confirmation are one-time Sacraments. One cannot ask the Bishop administer Confirmation again with a new sponsor.

Remember, how you talk to your son about this shows your son how you will react if he commits a “big sin”. It is important he sees you loving your niece. This is not time for the “hate the sin” sort of dinner table conversation.
 
It would probably be a wise decision to sit down with your niece and talk to her about things.
Also, speak to your son about your feelings.
First and foremost, pray to God for guidance. 🙏🙏🙏
The fact that you thought your niece would make a good sponsor to begin with says that you think a lot of her. She must be a good person.
 
What a lovely post, Joe.
You must be a gentle kind person who can’t help seeing the good in everyone, even when it might be hidden for a time.
God bless you.
 
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Thanks. I do try to see the good in others.
The thing is that we all are good, but a bit bad at times. All we can do it try to live the way God wants us to live. Thank God, we have confession and communion.
We live this life to praise and give glory to God in all that we say and do. And to love and serve one another as brothers and sisters.
 
bassmansteiny said:
Isn’t it more of the God Parents role anyway to guide the children in matters of the faith if the parents pass on?
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CRV said:
Yes, that’s correct - more so the obligation rests with the godparents, but it can also be a duty of a confirmation sponsor, especially if the godparent is also the sponsor (don’t know if this is the case here).
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thelibrarian said:
Isn’t that what the godparents do, not the confirmation sponsor?
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CRV said:
The role becomes an obligaton if the parents die before the child reaches the age of adulthood.
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Not really. That’s kind of a “Catholic urban legend”. Imagine what the government would say if you stepped up and said, “his parents are dead, so now I’m taking over care of their son, in his spiritual life”? The answer would be, “no, his legal guardian takes that role, thank you very much.”

Godparents and sponsors act as models in living out the faith, and are meant to be available for advice in living a Christian life, if possible. However, there’s no formal role as such. (If there were, then @Light’s approach – that is, attempting to find a new sponsor – would be exactly what the Church would do! The Church doesn’t do this, however – the sponsor at the time of baptism and/or confirmation is never “replaced,” for any reason.)
 
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If he has already been confirmed he can’t change sponsors. He can of course seek someone else out for advice. I think a lot of young people choose someone they look up to or they like for a sponsor, but they don’t always go to that person for advice and spiritual matters. My guess is most do not. I wouldn’t say negative things to him about his sponsor. He is probably old enough to form his own judgements and make his own decisions when it comes to his sponsor. You shouldnt shelter him

Your son is going to meet lots of people who do not agree with Catholic morals teachings including family members. The most important thing is for him to be well educated in the Faith and morality. He needs to be able to understand the reason WHY the Church teaches what it teaches so he can defend it and understands why he is living it out.

I think it is not necessarily bad for him to spend time with his sponsor or friends that don’t follow Church teaching if he does not engage in any bad activity with them and knows what he believes and is strongly enough to live it out. In fact he can be a good example to many.
 
It does not matter. She will be asked at her Judgement about your son’s faith I think. Same as godparents. It is more like the pressure is on her than on your son. If she proud herself to be a sponsor even if she is not ready than she will answer it.
Pray for her and raise your son close to God. She is not a hovering person over him in a spiritual way.
 
@Gorgias
I respectfully disagree that it is a Catholic legend. Where I am it is generally understood that the parents are the first teachers of the Faith. But in the case of the parents dying, they take up the responsibilities of the spiritual care of their godchild/confirmant. The legal guardian may very well be someone completely different.
Gorgias said:
Godparents and sponsors act as models in living out the faith, and are meant to be available for advice in living a Christian life, if possible.
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That’s true.
It is permitted to change sponsors before the Sacrament of Confirmation as I indicated to @Light in an above post of mine. Not afterwards - again as I said in my post above. So whilst in the spiritual sense and on the Parish Register this niece is indeed the sponsor for Confirmation, in daily life as her childs’ parent she has to right to encourage the child to seek spiritual guidance from whomever the parent deems to be more suitable.

If my childs’ sponsor turned against the Church then I would certainly be influencing my child to seek spiritual advice from another, in the event that I passed, especially before they reached adulthood, and all things being equal that is I’d taught them the Faith well.

Edited to add:- that is generally their role whilst the Catholic parent/parents are still alive. Their responsibilities change/increase once this parent/both Catholic parents are deceased - it is then their role even more so to teach the Faith not just by example but more so by spiritual guidance - as they now fill the spiritual role that the parents did when alive.
 
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My guess is that most teenaged boys won’t be going to their girl cousins for advice that often anyway.
 
Thank you for your reply. I would never share my niece’s private details with my son. That is not my place. Nor would I judge her, or speak disrespectfully about own niece to anyone, let alone to my son about his cousin. I love my niece unconditionally. He knows that and sees that. My concern was more for her offering spiritual guidance to my son, when I have learned that she no longer shares the values of the church and now attends for the sake of her mother. Our family discussions regarding people who do the wrong thing always include how we can love someone more, give them dignity, try not to judge them but rather understand them whilst still having healthy boundaries for ourselves.
 
Thank you Joe. She is a beautiful girl. She is loving and clever. She had her first boyfriend at 18 and he broke her heart. After that she has gone completely off the rails, drinking excessively and being very free with her ‘love’. I will continue to pray for her and that she eventually finds her way back to God. Honestly, I know it’s common for children between 18 & 25 (at least here in Australia) to go away from the church but then come back to it. I pray that will be the case for her also.

My son doesn’t know about the abortion, nor will I tell him as it is not my place. However, he does see how his cousin is behaving and feels sad for her, that she feels she needs to behave that way to feel beautiful and accepted. She is certainly hurting and I will continue to be there for her, with a non-judgmental ear.
 
Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful replies.

When I found out yesterday I was in a bit of shock, and upset for the whole situation (for my niece, the baby, my son). I posted the original question while in this mind frame. Since then, I have calmed down and prayed on it. A lot. All of the replies were so helpful.

Thanks again!
 
I will add my prayers for her this day. 🙏🙏🙏
Don’t give up on your niece. With prayers and through God’s grace, she will get her life together. 🙏🙏🙏
I live in Texas.
Back when I was in college here, I had a friend from Australia for one semester. He said Texas reminded him much of his home. I forget exactly where he was from. That was a long time ago.
God bless you folks down under!
 
CRV said:
I respectfully disagree that it is a Catholic legend . Where I am it is generally understood that the parents are the first teachers of the Faith. But in the case of the parents dying, they take up the responsibilities of the spiritual care of their godchild/confirmant.
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OK, so… if it’s not “legend”, then you can find it documented somewhere as the official practice of the Church, right? 😉
 
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