Confirmation for Child with Autism?

[Phemie]

I don’t know that he will ever be capable of that. I have tried to talk about the gifts of the Holy Spirit, but he is very concrete. I don’t know that he can understand them. The teachers said he would have to know and understand these before he could be confirmed. I have talked with the priest, but he basically told me to do what I think is best.

In the Latin Church a child has to be able to distinguish between regular bread and the Host, understand the difference and be able to receive reverently in order to receive Communion for the first time. There is no such requirement for Confirmation, as you’ve likely figured out by now, otherwise infants couldn’t be confirmed when they are in danger of dying. Tell your pastor you want your son confirmed – he’s correct, it’s your decision to make since your son doesn’t seem to really be able to do so – and ask how you both can make as easy as possible for your son.

 

[MAFD]

I know you didn’t ask about this, but if your son is capable of, say, disobeying you or a well-known rule of your house like not eating cookies without permission, then I would re-consider Confession and an evening examination of conscience and Act of Contrition, simply because Confessing even just our venial sins grants us additional grace, and if he is at all capable of just minimal evaluation of his actions, you want to encourage that, esp as he grows older. Being careful, of course, to do this in a context of God’s great love for us and His great mercy.

(I agree with those who recommend Confirming If for some it is done in infancy, then there is no problem about your son’s abilities, and receiving more graces is always good!)

 

[MAFD]

I think he should be confirmed too. What a blessing. He may not understand fully what is going on but be assured, his soul does and so will you. God bless you and your beautiful innocent son.

 

[Galnextdoor]

I know that my parish is pretty rigorous about the typical students knowing everything they should know about Confirmation. If they don’t know, then they are retained until the next year. I will try calling around to other parishes to see if there is a class for special needs teenagers somewhere. I had not thought of that.

Thank you for your thought provoking responses.

 

[Phemie]

I know that my parish is pretty rigorous about the typical students knowing everything they should know about Confirmation. If they don’t know, then they are retained until the next year. I will try calling around to other parishes to see if there is a class for special needs teenagers somewhere. I had not thought of that.

Thank you for your thought provoking responses.

With typical students at that age, sure, but your son is not typical so ‘typical rules’ should not apply. If an infant can be confirmed so should a challenged teenager.

 

[Cider]

When I said an adult Catholic for Christ, I meant something like a Christian warrior. Someone who would have a relationship with Christ that they would defend all of their life.

I don’t know that he will ever be capable of that. I have tried to talk about the gifts of the Holy Spirit, but he is very concrete. I don’t know that he can understand them. The teachers said he would have to know and understand these before he could be confirmed. I have talked with the priest, but he basically told me to do what I think is best.

I also worry because when I have taken him to CCD classes in different parishes, the other kids have made fun of him and called him names. The classes for Confirmation at the parish where I am now are very formal and involve a lot of higher level thinking skills. I tried to teach him on my own, but I was never notified about anything. I tried to talk to the head of the PSR, but she was vague about dates. Somebody was supposed to get back to me but they didn’t. I didn’t find out about the actual Confirmation date until the week before. The kids had all practiced and they were required to wear a suit and tie. I didn’t have the money for a suit and tie and because he has Autism he has to practice things over and over before he is comfortable doing them. So he did not get Confirmed.

I am not sure what to do. I wish it was possible to do a private confirmation for him.

Would you have any ideas about how I should approach this if I were to try it again?

I would talk to your priest about having him confirmed outside of the usual class schedule. The teachers you talked to are wrong that he needs to understand anything to be confirmed. This is one of the problems with moving the sacrament outside of it’s traditional time immediately after baptism. Explain to the priest what you posted here regarding him needing time to practice things repeatedly before being comfortable doing them.

 

[pianistclare]

I know that my parish is pretty rigorous about the typical students knowing everything they should know about Confirmation. If they don’t know, then they are retained until the next year. I will try calling around to other parishes to see if there is a class for special needs teenagers somewhere. I had not thought of that.

Thank you for your thought provoking responses.

Of course. But that’s for most of the population. not the population of kids who have autism or something like this. That is a WHOLE different thing, and they are certainly NOT expected to be in the same category or classes.
I think you are assuming that your child will not be welcomed or allowed to receive.
This is not the case.
Just because a particular DRE has not dealt with this issue before (and that would have to be someone with very little experience) doesn’t mean the answer is no!

The Church does make arrangements for people with special needs.
Please read this document.

ncpd.org/views-news-policy/policy/church/bishops/sacraments

All will be well. Don’t assume it cannot be done. This is not correct.
It can, and is encouraged.
Many Diocese have offices in place to address these issues. Call your Chancery as well.

 

[St_Francis]

I know that my parish is pretty rigorous about the typical students knowing everything they should know about Confirmation. If they don’t know, then they are retained until the next year. I will try calling around to other parishes to see if there is a class for special needs teenagers somewhere. I had not thought of that.

Thank you for your thought provoking responses.

Yes, for most teens, confirmation is an endpoint (which it totally ought not to be!!!), so they get strict about Confirmation, but clearly your son is in a totally different situation. Often DREs and certainly the CCD teachers are volunteers, so they are not as knowledgeable as one might want them to be.

 

[pianistclare]

Yes, for most teens, confirmation is an endpoint (which it totally ought not to be!!!), so they get strict about Confirmation, but clearly your son is in a totally different situation. Often DREs and certainly the CCD teachers are volunteers, so they are not as knowledgeable as one might want them to be.

Thanks a lot!
What a presumption. I have a theology degree and years of experience, thanks.
We work VERY hard to ensure that our kids stay in catechesis and get the best instruction that we can give them. All of my catechists are certified by the Archdiocese and regularly attend continuing education courses. I don’t get paid a lot, but I earn every penny, sometimes working 14 hour days.
Glad to know we’re so highly regarded.

 

[Fone_Bone_2001]

I also worry because when I have taken him to CCD classes in different parishes, the other kids have made fun of him and called him names. The classes for Confirmation at the parish where I am now are very formal and involve a lot of higher level thinking skills. I tried to teach him on my own, but I was never notified about anything. I tried to talk to the head of the PSR, but she was vague about dates. Somebody was supposed to get back to me but they didn’t. I didn’t find out about the actual Confirmation date until the week before. The kids had all practiced and they were required to wear a suit and tie. I didn’t have the money for a suit and tie and because he has Autism he has to practice things over and over before he is comfortable doing them. So he did not get Confirmed.

I am not sure what to do. I wish it was possible to do a private confirmation for him.

Would you have any ideas about how I should approach this if I were to try it again?

Your son’s needs deserve to be accommodated. The grace of the Sacrament of Confirmation is for all Catholics - no matter how much they’re capable of understanding.

I’m no psychologist, but from what you’ve said, it sounds perfectly reasonable to me to suggest that your son should not have to complete all those requirements. I’d talk to your priest, say you’d like to have him Confirmed, and explain that his particular needs will have to be accommodated, which is perfectly fine.

Confirmation need not at all be about “graduating” to becoming an adult Catholic. Its graces are, like those of baptism, a gratuitous gift of God who loves us. The eastern Christian churches - Catholic and Orthodox alike - Confirm infants, and the practice in Mexico, even in the Latin Church, is also to confirm infants. Those babies obviously have *no *understanding of what’s going on, but that’s no barrier for their reception of Confirmation.

I know that my parish is pretty rigorous about the typical students knowing everything they should know about Confirmation. If they don’t know, then they are retained until the next year. I will try calling around to other parishes to see if there is a class for special needs teenagers somewhere. I had not thought of that.

Thank you for your thought provoking responses.

I hope that works if it comes to that, but I admit I also hope that the catechists at your parish understand that a certain intelligence level and a certain threshold of theological knowledge are not inherent prerequisites for the Sacrament of Confirmation. Your son sounds like a wonderful boy, and to put legalistic roadblocks in the way of his Confirmation would be an injustice - a grave injustice, it seems to me.

 

[St_Francis]

Thanks a lot!
What a presumption. I have a theology degree and years of experience, thanks.
We work VERY hard to ensure that our kids stay in catechesis and get the best instruction that we can give them. All of my catechists are certified by the Archdiocese and regularly attend continuing education courses. I don’t get paid a lot, but I earn every penny, sometimes working 14 hour days.
Glad to know we’re so highly regarded.

I in no way meant to offend anyone. I know thaf all the DREs and CCD teachers work very hard and do their very best for their students.

Not all areas have the resources which exist in yours. At the parish where I was briefly a CCD teacher, we had a 3-hour seminar about child safety, and that was it. At a previous parish, the CCD teacher did not know about Purgatory. The DRE is often the parish secretary or a volunteer mother.

And the OP’s DRE apparently doesn’t know a lot about Confirmation…

 

[Rosebud77]

I saw him disobey one time. When I explained that he had disobeyed and that was against the fourth commandment, he teared up and apologized over and over again. He is under adult supervision at all times. It is difficult for him to communicate. One time when he was fourteen he told me a lie. I told him that he lied and he told me that he only told a fib. I told him that a fib and a lie were the same thing. He teared up and apologized. He said he didn’t mean to tell a lie. He asked me if God still loved him. I told him God will always love him, but we need to tell God we are sorry when we make mistakes. That is what confession is for. Other than those two times no one has ever heard or seen him do anything wrong.
His Special Ed teachers have told me that they wish all their students were like him. He is quiet, well-mannered, gentle, and tries to do what he is told to do. He never complains, and never asks for anything even when it comes to Christmas. He picks up after himself. He is very compliant and prefers to have decisions made for him. The only time I ever have trouble with him is when I make him eat. He doesn’t like to eat.
Some times when I ask him to eat he says, “No thank you, I’ve already done that today.”
Then I have to tell him he is going to eat or else he can’t use his computer. Since this is part of his Autism thing, I don’t think it is a sin.

For that last sentence blessings and thanks… You are right… he is fragile and needs the care you give so expertly and lovingly. he sounds a lovely child

 

[dconklin]

I am an Asst DRE at a parish that is very inclusive. Years ago we had three young men make their Confirmation despite their mental handicaps (I do not think any of them are on the autism spectrum). I know that one (perhaps two) of the boy’s parents were told by a religious sister at a parish when the boy was small that the boy would never celebrate his sacraments beyond Baptism. When the mom told us that years later we checked and worked with the young man. We have a catechist that just happens to be a special ed teacher in our school district. She works with most of these kids.

For younger children, we happen to offer the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd which is ideal for children on the spectrum.

 

[EasterJoy]

First off, I would revisit the question of whether or not there is a “point” in having your son to confession. Second graders are almost incapable of committing mortal sins in terms of judging the seriousness of a sin, too. That does not render them immune to the graces of the sacrament. There is no reason a person has to get all wound up in whether or not a sin is mortal or venial. If your son is capable of remembering his actions and capable of finding his motives were not to please God and if he is capable of confessing those things that seem the most serious to him, I would not prevent him from going to confession if he wants to go or if regret over some past action bothers him. If he resists going, however, then I can see where his confessor might see that it is not likely to put his soul in peril if he does not. He could be assured that if he examines his conscience and repents of his sins that the reception of Holy Communion will wipe away sins he is capable of committing.

As far as confirmation goes, that is a topic I would simply keep a watch on without feeling that a clock is ticking or a window of opportunity is closing. Your pastor needs to make certain a candidate in his care is properly disposed, but he does not have to prepare every candidate in exactly the same way. Since your son does not seem ready to make a positive decision to be confirmed, I would just concentrate on disposing him towards a deepening life of virtue. Let the question of whether he is disposed towards being confirmed be revisited from time to time without any rush to funnel him towards it solely based on his chronological age.

As for his IQ, while I’m sure you gave that number to give us an idea of the challenges your son faces, I’m also sure you know that number has some very real limits in terms of describing someone’s mental capacity. You are far more capable of assessing what he can and cannot comprehend on a typical day, not to mention far more aware of the range of how his capacities swing from a good day to a bad day or from a favorable situation and a less favorable one than what any two digit number can ever say. You know he doesn’t have capabilities that can be captured with a single number because you know that his abilities are a moving target and his perception of the world is not something that can be pigeon-holed. You know what to watch for and you know how to listen to what he has to say. Listen to the “experts,” but also be willing to trust your sense of your son’s range of capacities. Allow yourself the human necessity of doing the best you can with a limited knowledge and limited capacity you have. You and your son will be OK.

 

[pianistclare]

We prepared an autistic boy who was hardly verbal for Reconciliation.
I went over the actions of misbehaving and feeling bad afterwards. I talked about how mom and dad and siblings feel when he acted out.
We prayed a simple act of contrition using manipulative and pictures from Loyola Press. Words strung together that he could see and understand their meaning.
He had already be taught his basic prayers. When he met with Father, Father had him bring a picture of himself doing something he was sorry about. Like breaking something and yelling, which he drew himself.
Father spoke to him about how much God loves him, and forgives him, and then tore the picture up and threw it in the waste basket. He told the child that God has forgotten and forgiven it.
Father said the boy jumped up and said YAY! Hugs all around, and he left, feeling good about himself. Father gave him a simple and doable penance like helping mommy pick up toys at home.
It was a lovely and profound experience for the family.
See your priest. He will advise you based on your son’s capabilities.
Peace.

 

[Joe_5859]

We prepared an autistic boy who was hardly verbal for Reconciliation.
I went over the actions of misbehaving and feeling bad afterwards. I talked about how mom and dad and siblings feel when he acted out.
We prayed a simple act of contrition using manipulative and pictures from Loyola Press. Words strung together that he could see and understand their meaning.
He had already be taught his basic prayers. When he met with Father, Father had him bring a picture of himself doing something he was sorry about. Like breaking something and yelling, which he drew himself.
Father spoke to him about how much God loves him, and forgives him, and then tore the picture up and threw it in the waste basket. He told the child that God has forgotten and forgiven it.
Father said the boy jumped up and said YAY! Hugs all around, and he left, feeling good about himself. Father gave him a simple and doable penance like helping mommy pick up toys at home.
It was a lovely and profound experience for the family.
See your priest. He will advise you based on your son’s capabilities.
Peace.

What a touching story. Thank you for sharing. I hope my son is able to experience that some day.

 

[pianistclare]

What a touching story. Thank you for sharing. I hope my son is able to experience that some day.

God bless all the children. And you, friend!

 

[Joe_5859]

God bless all the children. And you, friend!

Thank you.