Confirmation Not finding answers

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frodor

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I’ve looked around I haven’t found answers. Here is my situation.

I’m looking to be confirmed. I know go to your parish priest and yadda yadda yadda. I went to him and he isn’t much help. He’s rather cool on the whole thing.

When I was getting confirmed 16 years ago we were allowed to miss 3 sessions. NO MORE. My step father worked in another state. We all had to go with him. This is how I ended up missing 3 sessions. When it came time for the 4th missed session (the last session in the classes) I asked to stay home. My Mother said no you can miss 4. I told her no it’s only 3, please let me stay home. She refused. I missed the last session and was told start over again from the beginning next year.

I feel this is SEVERELY unfair, as 4 of my friends went to a different parish. The priest there said well you go to Catholic school (as did I) and you don’t need to do anything else. Just show up to be confirmed.

I DID NOT miss due to my own fault or laziness or lack of trying. The ONLY requirement I missed was too many absences. Again not due to my own fault.

Now I find myself in a this situation. My wife is wanting a divorce. One of the things that bugged her is I am not confirmed. She would reconsider the divorce if I were confirmed. The papers are being drawn up. She says actions speak louder than words. I have VERY limited time to be confirmed.

I have wanted to be confirmed for some time now. I have tried but haven’t found cooperative souls in this endeavor.

Who could I contact to try to explain my situation and try to be confirmed ASAP?

Almost forgot. The parish I originally went through has had 3 priests since then. I’m not sure if they would be much help. Even If they had my information and were willing to forgive the absences, given the situation, the next confirmation might not be for 10 months from now.
 
After putting it off every year in a row for sixteen years, you think getting confirmed is going to save your marriage?
 
I don’t have the answer you are seeking; confirmation shouldn’t be something you are blackmailed into or are strongarmed into.

I wish you peace!
 
you knw my response… Go to your parish priest and yadda yadda yadda its worth it

peace
 
The thing is I HAVEN’T been putting it off for 16 years.

After that happened. I waited 2 years. I tried again, the classes conflicted with my schedule. It was graduate or be confirmed. Not Both. I got married, didn’t have a car, worked odd hours, moved at least once every year all of which made me unable to attend classes. Finally after 9 years of marriage, and just missing confirmation class start dates, most parishes seem to do it only once a year, I tried to become confirmed just before our 10th anniversary. They said it was mainly for younger kids. When they had a significant interest from adults they would let me know. Waited a year. Nothing went to another parish, just missed the start again.

Would it help, yes. This is a BIG point to her. I’m not doing this for her. I’m doing this for me.
 
Your first step should be to schedule some marital counseling with your priest. Your marriage is not in trouble because you are not confirmed, and confirmation alone will not save it.

Praying for you. God bless you.
 
Did you get married in the Church? The Sacrament of Confirmation is a prerequisite to the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, but some priests ignore the requirement.
 
djwright4341 said:
Your first step should be to schedule some marital counseling with your priest. Your marriage is not in trouble because you are not confirmed, and confirmation alone will not save it.

Praying for you. God bless you.
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Already meeting with a counselor.

Actually this is the last sticking point. As silly / petty as that sounds that is the only reason at this point.
 
Stylites said:
Did you get married in the Church? The Sacrament of Confirmation is a prerequisite to the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, but some priests ignore the requirement.
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She’s confirmed I’m not. Only one needs to be confirmed to be married.
 
Stylites said:
Did you get married in the Church? The Sacrament of Confirmation is a prerequisite to the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, but some priests ignore the requirement.
Click to expand...
Can. 1065 §1. Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before they are admitted to marriage if it can be done without grave inconvenience.

It doesn’t say grave inconvenience to whom and different priests interpret “grave inconvenience” differently.
 
A person who is not confirmed can be married, ie if a confirmed Catholic marries someone who is not Catholic they can still get permission to be married.

As noted, if both people are baptized Catholic they are supposed to be confirmed first.

I don’t know if you are in a rural area or a city, but the same RCIA process that is in place for adult converts is also the method most parish’s use for adults who were never confirmed. I know this process has been in place for years and all of the programs I know will accomodate special circumstances even if the “norm” in the parish is to have adults go through all or part of the RCIA process.

That being said, as others have noted, it sounds like the issue is not really due to your not having been confirmed. If you are known at your parish (ie at all active and not just Easter & Christmas) the priest may make an exception, but you will need to speak with him.
 
frodor said:
I’ve looked around I haven’t found answers. Here is my situation.

I’m looking to be confirmed. I know go to your parish priest and yadda yadda yadda. I went to him and he isn’t much help. He’s rather cool on the whole thing.

When I was getting confirmed 16 years ago we were allowed to miss 3 sessions. NO MORE. My step father worked in another state. We all had to go with him. This is how I ended up missing 3 sessions. When it came time for the 4th missed session (the last session in the classes) I asked to stay home. My Mother said no you can miss 4. I told her no it’s only 3, please let me stay home. She refused. I missed the last session and was told start over again from the beginning next year.

I feel this is SEVERELY unfair, as 4 of my friends went to a different parish. The priest there said well you go to Catholic school (as did I) and you don’t need to do anything else. Just show up to be confirmed.

I DID NOT miss due to my own fault or laziness or lack of trying. The ONLY requirement I missed was too many absences. Again not due to my own fault.

Now I find myself in a this situation. My wife is wanting a divorce. One of the things that bugged her is I am not confirmed. She would reconsider the divorce if I were confirmed. The papers are being drawn up. She says actions speak louder than words. I have VERY limited time to be confirmed.

I have wanted to be confirmed for some time now. I have tried but haven’t found cooperative souls in this endeavor.

Who could I contact to try to explain my situation and try to be confirmed ASAP?

Almost forgot. The parish I originally went through has had 3 priests since then. I’m not sure if they would be much help. Even If they had my information and were willing to forgive the absences, given the situation, the next confirmation might not be for 10 months from now.
Click to expand...
Ok since actions speck loader than words, and your wife needs this action. then both of you need to go meet with the preist. See what needs to be done for you to be confirmed and follow through with it in the time frame outlined by the preist. She needs to go with you so that her concerns are met and that she knows you are not makeing excuses.
 
frodor said:
I’ve looked around I haven’t found answers. Here is my situation.

I’m looking to be confirmed. I know go to your parish priest and yadda yadda yadda. I went to him and he isn’t much help. He’s rather cool on the whole thing.

When I was getting confirmed 16 years ago we were allowed to miss 3 sessions. NO MORE. My step father worked in another state. We all had to go with him. This is how I ended up missing 3 sessions. When it came time for the 4th missed session (the last session in the classes) I asked to stay home. My Mother said no you can miss 4. I told her no it’s only 3, please let me stay home. She refused. I missed the last session and was told start over again from the beginning next year.

I feel this is SEVERELY unfair, as 4 of my friends went to a different parish. The priest there said well you go to Catholic school (as did I) and you don’t need to do anything else. Just show up to be confirmed.

I DID NOT miss due to my own fault or laziness or lack of trying. The ONLY requirement I missed was too many absences. Again not due to my own fault.

Now I find myself in a this situation. My wife is wanting a divorce. One of the things that bugged her is I am not confirmed. She would reconsider the divorce if I were confirmed. The papers are being drawn up. She says actions speak louder than words. I have VERY limited time to be confirmed.

I have wanted to be confirmed for some time now. I have tried but haven’t found cooperative souls in this endeavor.

Who could I contact to try to explain my situation and try to be confirmed ASAP?

Almost forgot. The parish I originally went through has had 3 priests since then. I’m not sure if they would be much help. Even If they had my information and were willing to forgive the absences, given the situation, the next confirmation might not be for 10 months from now.
Click to expand...
Many, Many parishs offer adult confirmation class. Depending on were you are, you need to contact one, the info is available from your parish priest. It may be to late for this year, my diocese this past weekend did all of the adult confimations. Your priest can only to it with dispinsation from the Bishop.

I would assume that there are deeper issues with your wife, perhaps councelling is also in order.
 
The only one that can really help you out in this is your pastor.

Also I would leave out the reasons that you were not confirmed in the past as they really have nothing to do with getting confirmed now.

There is nothing we can add or help you with other than to tell you to speak with your pastor.
 
Thank you everyone for the answers. I asked my priest, his answer was I don’t know. He wants to help me get confirmed but he has no clue what to do.

The RCIA I looked into them. I found 8 websites. What is their main site?
 
frodor said:
Thank you everyone for the answers. I asked my priest, his answer was I don’t know. He wants to help me get confirmed but he has no clue what to do.

The RCIA I looked into them. I found 8 websites. What is their main site?
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I doubt very seriously that he doesn’t have a clue.
Stop looking at web sites, follow other advice on this site, set up an appointment with your preist or even a deacon, they will put you were you need to be so you can be confirmed. there is a process and you have to choose to follow it. RCIA is through the parish, not the internet.
 
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