Confirmation is not required. Not doing so will
not sentence her to hell. It will, however, greatly limit her full participation in the church. She won’t be able to minister, sacramentally marry, lector, or even participate in many other programs that place confirmation on the list of requirements. It is her right to be confirmed, and it imparts sacramental grace. So it will be difficult for her to be a “good” Catholic (ie fully participating in church life), but she will not be a “bad” Catholic by any stretch of the word.
I encourage you to speak with the church DRE or priest. It seems your daughter has some extenuating circumstances that would require a bit of working around. Classes are not a church requirement, but a parish (or diocesan) requirement. There are alternatives. RCIC/RCIA is one of them. That is much more adult in atmosphere, and a lot more personal work. Also, working at home and getting the sign-off from the priest is another option. Or, you could attend the classes with her if need-be.
I am concerned that she could be developing an outright fear of social interactions or classroom settings. You might consider having her evaluated by a counsellor to see if she would benefit from some counselling. Her confirmation preparation plans could be included in her therapy and could be adjusted to fit her personal needs.
Discussion on what confirmation is (one of three sacraments of initiation, asking the Holy Spirit into your heart (being sealed by the Holy Spirit), an indelible mark of grace, full communion with the church) and where it comes from should help her to see why it is so important.
Acts 8:14-17 - the people of Samaria were baptized in Christ, but did not receive the fullness of the Spirit until they were confirmed by the elders. Confirmation is a sacrament that Jesus Christ instituted within His Catholic Church to further strengthen the faithful.
*Acts 19:5-6 - the people of Ephesus were baptized in Christ, but Paul laid hands on them to seal them with the Holy Spirit. This sealing refers to the sacrament of confirmation. *
*Eph. 1:13 - Paul writes that the baptized Ephesians were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, in reference to confirmation. *
*Eph. 4:30 - Paul says the Ephesians were sealed in the Holy Spirit of God, in reference to the sealing of confirmation. *
*Heb. 6:2 - Paul gives instruction to the Hebrews about the laying on of hands, in reference to confirmation, not ordination. The early Church laid hands upon the confirmand to administer the sacrament of confirmation. *
*Heb. 6:2 - this verse also refers to the cycle of life and its relationship to the sacraments - baptism, confirmation, death and judgment - which apply to all people. *
John 6:27 - Jesus says the Father has set His seal on Him. As the Father sets His seal on Jesus, so Jesus sets His seal on us on the sacrament of baptism, and later, in the sacrament of confirmation. Rev. 9:4 - the locusts could not harm those with the seal of God upon their foreheads. See also Rev. 14:1 and 22:4.
Confirmation at one time was always administered in childhood along with baptism and first communion. This practice continues in Eastern Catholic churches. The reason it was seperated was best briefly summed up on another forum:
Henry Karlson:
Historically, from what I understand, the situation went this way in the West:
Charlesmagne wanted to baptize pagans but not allow them to recieve communion until they had proper catechesis. He asked how this could be done. He was told to withold confirmation – because it is confirmation which gives the right to the rest of the sacraments.
When this happened, baptism and confirmation became separate events. Through history, confirmation was pushed back, and with it, first communion in the West.
Go forward several centuries. Pope St Pius X notes that children used to recieve communion. He establishes an earlier age of reception, but the reason why they no longer recieved it had been somewhat forgotten. So they started to recieve without confirmation. This abnormal practice, which has lasted for nearly a century, now is seen as the “norm” by many Roman Catholics. But within theological circles, it is being understood as a mistake, and work is being done to reverse this problem and bring the proper order of the sacraments back.
If she understands the importance and has a genuine desire to be confirmed but is unable to participate in the prescribed classes, it would seem that a) other arrangements need to be made to accommodate her and b) she has a fear that is obstructing her day-to-day life that would need to separately be addressed.
