Confirmation Sponsor - Advice Needed

[run_for_fun]

Hi. I am new to the forums and am looking for advice. Next year my son will start to prepare for his Confirmation. The problem is we really have no friends or family who he could ask to sponsor him. Most of our family has left the Church, and the friends at our parish aren’t close friends, and really are adults my husband and I very casually speak to - no one my son is close enough to. It’s hard because I see so many parishioners with extended catholic family - aunts, uncles, etc, so they can easily pick sponsors. When you are alone out there as a catholic, it is difficult. What happens if my son has no sponsor? Thank you!

 

[punisherthunder]

When me and my wife were being confirmed, neither of us had close family to be a sponsor. Turns out our Church takes people who want to volunteer and uses them as sponsors.

My sponsor was a nice enough sort of guy, but he didn’t do much other than refer all my trouble to St. Joseph

My wife on the other hand had a wonderful older lady who was hers. In fact when our Church was built, this same woman is responsible for all the stained glass in our Church! The best of course is in the sanctuary where Jesus’s Passion is on all the walls. As a Confirmation present she gave us a stained glass portrait of a dove with an olive branch. It’s quite lovely and I still have it to this very day up by our window at home.

So my advice is see if the RCIA director has someone who will volunteer to be a sponsor for your child.

 

[Phemie]

Who are his godparents? The Church encourages them to also be Confirmation sponsors to show the link between the two sacraments.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

The answer is that you need to make the effort to make some Catholic friends, whatever that takes. Faith usually cannot survive in isolation.

 

[powerofk]

Who are his godparents? The Church encourages them to also be Confirmation sponsors to show the link between the two sacraments.

If possible, of course. Often, it’s simply not possible. For example, my godparents were my maternal grandparents. My grandmother had passed away before my second birthday, and, by the time I was confirmed, my grandfather was dealing with amnesia caused by a stroke (it had damaged his hippocampus, making it so that he couldn’t form new memories).

The godparents for my siblings were an aunt of mine and her then-husband. They ended up getting divorced before my siblings’ confirmations (which, due to change in diocesan policy, occured at the same time as my own).

 

[felsguy]

Your situation is not all that unusual. This frequently comes up, especially when families are new to a parish. As was mentioned above, there are usually individuals in the parish who would be happy to serve as a sponsor and it’s a good way to meet some folks. Just ask whomever is handling the confirmation preparation and they can link you up with someone who would be a good match.

 

[Mintaka]

“Proxy” sponsors are also pretty common. For example, if you have a friend or relative who would like to be sponsor and is eligible to be sponsor but can’t attend (or can’t attend most of the preliminary stuff), the parish or you can find another person who lives close by (and who is also eligible) to act as a proxy for the actual sponsor.

Proxy sponsors can save a lot of hurt feelings and guilt, as well as help with emergency sponsor unavailability! A lot of times, godparents who can’t sponsor because of being unable to fly in will be replaced by a proxy sponsor, thus making the godparent not feel left out entirely.

 

[Joannm]

When I received Confirmation in the mid 60’s the parish provided a sponsor. One sponsor for all the boys and one for all the girls. We didn’t know her, or even know her name. Everyone had the same sponsor. I think that was the way it was done back then. You could not pick your own. Sometimes I think that is not a bad idea, perhaps to ask the catechist to be the sponsor for all in his or her class. It is getting so hard for the kids to find sponsors that meet all the requirements these days. We still have 18 kids for this fall’s Confirmation that can’t find an adequate sponsor, but they balk at us assigning one. They would rather have Uncle Jim who has been married twice and hasn’t stepped in a Church since his own kids were baptized 20 years ago.

 

[Phemie]

**When I received Confirmation in the mid 60’s the parish provided a sponsor. One sponsor for all the boys and one for all the girls. We didn’t know her, or even know her name. Everyone had the same sponsor. I think that was the way it was done back then. **You could not pick your own. Sometimes I think that is not a bad idea, perhaps to ask the catechist to be the sponsor for all in his or her class. It is getting so hard for the kids to find sponsors that meet all the requirements these days. We still have 18 kids for this fall’s Confirmation that can’t find an adequate sponsor, but they balk at us assigning one. They would rather have Uncle Jim who has been married twice and hasn’t stepped in a Church since his own kids were baptized 20 years ago.

That’s the way it was done when I was confirmed too and, based on what I’ve seen in the registers, the way it was done in my present parish.

 

[run_for_fun]

The answer is that you need to make the effort to make some Catholic friends, whatever that takes. Faith usually cannot survive in isolation.

I find this a bit insensitive. It’s difficult to break into social circles at church, and when my husband and I are busy raising three children with no family nearby and he is stressed to the max at work, making Catholic friends for the sake of finding a confirmation sponsor seems contrived and also something we just don’t have time or energy for. We have casual friends at our parish, but since it is up to my son to choose his sponsor, it’s complicated. He doesn’t know these adults like my husband and I do. It’s easier when you have aunts and uncles to choose because the child has a relationship with them. Parents choose Godparents, but the child chooses their sponsor.

 

[MissRose73]

I would recommend speaking to the religious ed director to see if they have recommendations of people you and the candidate can meet with due to your situation. I am sure your situation is not the only one they may ever run into past, present or future.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

I find this a bit insensitive. It’s difficult to break into social circles at church, and when my husband and I are busy raising three children with no family nearby and he is stressed to the max at work, making Catholic friends for the sake of finding a confirmation sponsor seems contrived and also something we just don’t have time or energy for. We have casual friends at our parish, but since it is up to my son to choose his sponsor, it’s complicated. He doesn’t know these adults like my husband and I do. It’s easier when you have aunts and uncles to choose because the child has a relationship with them. Parents choose Godparents, but the child chooses their sponsor.

(No need to get defensive, this is only an internet board.) I did not suggest that you make Catholic friends simply for the sake of finding a Confirmation sponsor. I suggested it for the sake of your family’s faith life. When I hear people say that they have no Catholic friends, it sounds dangerous and not the way we should seek to live. I know that developing friends is difficult for busy people, but it should be on our priority list.

 

[run_for_fun]

(No need to get defensive, this is only an internet board.) I did not suggest that you make Catholic friends simply for the sake of finding a Confirmation sponsor. I suggested it for the sake of your family’s faith life. When I hear people say that they have no Catholic friends, it sounds dangerous and not the way we should seek to live. I know that developing friends is difficult for busy people, but it should be on our priority list.

As I said, my husband and I have casual friends at our parish. My point is that my son needs to choose his own sponsor. This is much harder for him to do when my husband and I have met others through choir or bible study or whatever. My son doesn’t know these people except their names. It’s different when you can pick an aunt or uncle or cousin bc you know them.

 

[fastenatingguy]

I teach our 8th grade CCD students. We have two classes. One boy who was in a similar predicament asked his teacher, my colleague. After much thought, he accepted. It was a great decision both ways.