Confirmation

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Hudsonite

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I am having difficulty working through a problem with my 16 year old son.
(If there is a Priest reading this, please help me.)

Let me brief you on a little history:
My now 16 year old son was very close to a a very good, very Catholic Priest who brought him to a good understanding of his faith. My son placed this priest on a pedestal of sorts. He moved away and within a few years killed himself. My son went through some tough trials (the kids in school talking badly of him etc, even in our own church he heard much gossip and judging of this man) We have shed many tears and the last tears were that of “how can I trust anything he taught me?” “he killed himself, he taught us that killing was a mortal sin etc”
My son is in his confirmation year and does not want to be confirmed nor does he want anything to do with the Church. I can’t force faith on him and I feel like if I forced him into confirmation that this would be a dead Grace.
I don’t know what to do except to pray! I pray that you will offer me a direction to go with this. We have no priest in this area that I would consider having my son talk to except for Father Altier in the cities, but he is so busy, it takes months to get an appointment with him.
 
I would go with Father Altier. As it stands, your son is not going to change his mind quickly anyway. It is possible that over the course of a few months, as his emotions naturally lessen, he may in fact be more capable of listening rationally later.

It is very hard for kids this age (who are very concrete in their thinking and very judgmental --black is black, white is white, and anybody who even suggests shades of gray is obviously evil) to understand the complex idea that a man or woman may be very capable of speaking and understanding and conveying truth to others, yet for some unknown reason not be able to understand it themselves. Thus, your son remembers only that his priest said to him “Don’t do this” yet turned around and did it himself. That feels like the grossest sort of betrayal. And, since the priest is part of an obvious group (Catholics), well, then, that group is probably going to betray your son too–or so he may feel. Especially since the priest was an authority figure, whom your son simultaneously wants to please/ be like himself, yet paradoxically at the same time wants to question, find fault with, and distance himself from. . .well, you can understand the incredibly volatile and complex emotions that have pretty much turned this from “thinking” into “reacting against”, for him.

Prayer will help, and so will sincere models of good Catholic behavior on all planes. It may not appear for quite some time–even years, perhaps–but like a seed, it WILL grow. Since we people are far more prone to notice the bad over the good, and since we are creatures of emotion, we tend to forget the “mundane”, the everyday goodness of most. . .until we have gained a little more perspective in our lives. Since your son has now had a “bad” experience, it is true that he will more easily see “bad” in others. . .however, it is also true that when he DOES experience good, it will seem MORE good. But it won’t happen right away. . .so once again, I would take him to that excellent priest a few months down the road.

He may not go to confirmation this year, but there is always next year. God understands. He has a Son of His own, after all.

God bless.
 
sounds like some discussion of the entire area of suicide, and of grieving properly for the death of a loved one, is in order. Those close to a suicide victim struggle with feelings of rejection, anger, inability to trust, relationships etc. for a long time. It is worse than losing someone to accidental death or illness because it feels like a betrayal. Please get him some counselling.
 
Thank you for your words of encouragement.
I try to be a good parent and to discern things before jumping on them or giving answers to questions for the sake of having something to say.
I suggested talking to Father Altier and my son said he didn’t want to talk to a Priest. So there goes that one.
We make him go to Church with us but I noted that he does not recieve communion. Thats a good thing because of the state of his soul right now. This leads me to beleive that he knows in his heart what the truth is and the Catholic Church holds this truth. I also know that he stated about a year ago that it was too hard to be Catholic.
He saw me go through a conversion many years ago, after Fr. came into into our lives and he watched as I dove in head first. I’m still learning everyday, but in trying to become a Holy woman I alienated my family and expected much from them. My first mistake. Now I just teach by doing and being.
For now I am a loss but refuse to fall into despair over this, I need to trust in God. Dear Lord, show me the way.
 
Hudsonite, I have a son who has left the Church. It breaks my heart almost everyday. I also have an older wiser friend who says “Life is a long long time and we can never be sure how the story will end.” I also knew a loving, concerned, faithful priest who had a mental flaw that led to suicide when undue pressure was exerted on him. I will pray for you and your son.
 
Just today, I was listening to the radio broadcast of Fr. Corapi on Relevant Radio. He was saying that there are 2 sins against hope…despair and presumption. These are sins against the Holy Spirit. That we have lost hope or presume that God’s mercy is not greater than our own problems, our own desires. Which we know is definitely not true. God is greater than anything we can drum up or life can offer.

Unfortunately, the priest who committed suicide was human. And probably suffered terribly…and unfortunately did not realize that the mercy of God was greater than any despair, illness etc that life can throw at us. So he needs our prayers, now that he has died.

But offer your son the chaplet of Divine Mercy. You can get it online. Offer to pray with him this chaplet on a regular basis and see if it can reach your son as only God can do it. And with all things, set the right example, pray for your son always.
We have 3 sons…all college age and each one heard and felt the secular excuses why we don’t need God. But as long as they lived under our roof, they were told, not going to mass was not an option. As long as we paid their tuition, they would go to mass regularly in college…and you know what. I dont’ have to remind them. In fact, frequently we have discussions about what the priest said at their respective college newman center masses.
Keep regular communication going with your son. Talk to him regularly about your faith. Encourage him to join a youth group and volunteer for it as well. He will hopefully come around.
And also mention to him, that somewhere down the line, he may be approached to be someone’s Godfather when they have a child. It might be his own sibling, but without the sacrament of Confirmation, he may not be able to be selected, as godparents represent the church, not the parents of the child.
Pray always! Never stop! St.Monica never did.
 
I too had a priest that I thought a lot of, and a few years ago I found out that… but despite this I still think a lot of him. Maybe you could talk to your son about some of the Saints and how at times they did horrible things, but later through the grace of God changed. One such Saint is St. Peter. He left Jesus at Our Lord’s most trying time and on top of that denyed Him three times, after he had told Our Lord that he would be willing to die for Him. Priests are not super-human and they to sin. I will be praying for you that God may enlighten you so that you can help your son.
But you should not force him to be confirmed. It must be his choice! God Bless
 
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Hudsonite:
I am having difficulty working through a problem with my 16 year old son.
(If there is a Priest reading this, please help me.)

Let me brief you on a little history:
My now 16 year old son was very close to a a very good, very Catholic Priest who brought him to a good understanding of his faith. My son placed this priest on a pedestal of sorts. He moved away and within a few years killed himself. My son went through some tough trials (the kids in school talking badly of him etc, even in our own church he heard much gossip and judging of this man) We have shed many tears and the last tears were that of “how can I trust anything he taught me?” “he killed himself, he taught us that killing was a mortal sin etc”
My son is in his confirmation year and does not want to be confirmed nor does he want anything to do with the Church. I can’t force faith on him and I feel like if I forced him into confirmation that this would be a dead Grace.
I don’t know what to do except to pray! I pray that you will offer me a direction to go with this. We have no priest in this area that I would consider having my son talk to except for Father Altier in the cities, but he is so busy, it takes months to get an appointment with him.
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Your son is not ready for Confirmation and should not be Confirmed until he is ready. He needs to somehow come to understand that Priests are ordinary men called by God for a special purpose. However after Ordination they still retain their ordinary human characteristics and suffer mental illness, depression, trials, like any other human being.
 
I thank you all for your continued prayers. I know the importance of prayer and I do pray the Chaplet daily, sometimes all day long.
I decided that my son needs to go to the classes but if he doent want confirmation, thats ok too. I do make him attend Mass and the RFP program.
This week was a turning point for my son. He left school early (walked out) because kids were teasing him about this Priest friend of ours etc.
I just happened to turn into the HS parking lot at the moment he walked out the door. (Praise God)
My son’s eyes were red and puffy and he was angry. He didn’t even talk to me, but called me on his cell phone within 3 minutes.
I followed him because I saw the anger and was afraid for him but what I witnessed next was definately from God himself.
He drove to a friend of mines house whos son is going to the Legionares of Christ to become a Priest. M is home for a year discerning. I was pleased at who he chose on his won to talk to.

He came home at peace.
Praise God.
Please keep praying for him, were not home yet.
 
Truth is truth regardless of what people say or how they act. I can tell you that pi=3 and do all my math homework with that assumption, but I’m still wrong and I will fail math class.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. The Church has been through some tough times - the Renaissance comes to mind. But truth is still true. People will be stupid, but that cannot change what is true.
 
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