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CatQuilt
Guest
Would you force a teenager to receive Confirmation if they felt they weren’t ready for it?
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RichT
Guest
Well, my 8 year old daughter says they should do it so they will feel a lot closer to God and be holier.
I would wonder if they are sincere when they say they are not ready, or are they pulling your leg a little and just being a difficult teen? That would be a good place to start.
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Corki
Guest
Would you force your teenager to go to school if he/she didn’t feel he/she was ready to receive an education?
The Sacrament of Confirmation is not something to be “ready” for. Even babies receive the Sacrament.
As long as the child is a minor, you make the decisions. If you are raising your child as a Catholic, you need to complete the Sacraments of initiation into the Church.
The Sacrament of Confirmation is not something to be “ready” for. Even babies receive the Sacrament.
As long as the child is a minor, you make the decisions. If you are raising your child as a Catholic, you need to complete the Sacraments of initiation into the Church.
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Br.Rich_SFO
Guest
No of course not! After the age of reason about 7, each person must make their own choice to approach the Sacraments.
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Brooklyn
Guest
Father Groeschel once said that Confirmation is something that takes hold later on in life. I was 9 years old when I was confirmed, and I have to say, it didn’t really make an impression on me at the time. But I was only a couple of week old when I was baptized, and that meant even less! 
So I don’t think age and reception have all that much to do with receiving the sacraments.
Mary
So I don’t think age and reception have all that much to do with receiving the sacraments.Mary
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CatQuilt
Guest
Thanks for the answers so far. I feel strongly both ways. The problem is, I just came back into the Church 2 years ago. I’m a cradle Catholic and got married in the Church, had my daughter baptized but my faith had always been lukewarm so I never passed it to her properly. My husband is also a cradle Catholic but I don’t think he really believes anymore.
So, I’m trying salvage the situation with my daughter as best I can but I’m wondering if by insisting that she go through the Confirmation program, perhaps something will click for her and she will find her faith.
So, I’m trying salvage the situation with my daughter as best I can but I’m wondering if by insisting that she go through the Confirmation program, perhaps something will click for her and she will find her faith.
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NewUlm1976_2000
Guest
It is hard to force people to do anything. You can get confirmed later on even after every other youth gets confirmed (probably come RCIA variation).
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SuscipeMeDomine
Guest
I agree with the person who compared this to going to school. As a parent it’s your responsibility to make sure that your child receives an education in the faith. I suppose if your teen goes to the classes and then decides not to be confirmed, that’s his or her decision to make.
But teens don’t necessarily look ahead to see what the outcome may be. I work with RCIA and have talked with people who want to be godparents for their friends’ babies, but have never been confirmed. It may not have mattered when they were 15, but it matters when they’re 25 and want to be a godparent.
But teens don’t necessarily look ahead to see what the outcome may be. I work with RCIA and have talked with people who want to be godparents for their friends’ babies, but have never been confirmed. It may not have mattered when they were 15, but it matters when they’re 25 and want to be a godparent.
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Joe_Kelley
Guest
I would insist that she participate in the program/training, but not that she receive the sacrament.
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thomasf
Guest
My mother basically forced me to get confirmed. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be catholic. I didn’t want to go to church. I hated going to ccd. And I had to go until I was 17, we weren’t confirmed until then. (And I believe that should be the way with all confirmations, but that’s another thread) I took the classes, did the stuff because it was something she made me do. If I hadn’t, I do believe she would have kicked me out of the house and disowned me. Seriously.
I did it, and when I was 18 and on my own, I was done with the church. At the time it had no affect on me really. It was done just to make my mother happy. And honestly, I didn’t know anything about the church or understand anything about the church despite my 11+ years of ccd.
That being said, it was so much easier for me to come back to the church because of my confirmation. And despite walking away from the church, I felt a great pull and ‘kinship’ with catholics and the church. Maybe it was the grace from the sacrament that kept pulling me back towards the church. I’d really like to think that. But I can’t be sure. And despite my sisters being confirmed, they aren’t real great catholics in their own rights. Although I do suppose they too are pulled toward the church as well.
My younger brother on the other hand was not confirmed. He didn’t want to be, and I sided with him against my sister and father. My mother died before he was old enough for confirmation and wasn’t there forcing him to do so. He walked away from the church as a teen and never went back, doesn’t believe, doesn’t have the same pull I did. And I feel bad and guilty now about siding with him in that decision back then.
Now that I am back in the church, I realize that if it hadn’t been for my mother and her strong insistance on me learning the catholic faith, going to ccd, getting confirmed in the church, I would not have ended up back in the church. And I have thanked God for that, prayed to God for his mercy on her, and asked him to remember her faithfulness in passing on the faith to her children. At the time I hated her for that, but it was the greatest thing she ever did for me. Thank God above. IMO, that alone should make her a saint.
As far as the OP and her situation, it’s a bit trickier. I don’t know that you can force her to go to ccd or confirmation classes. But you can do what you can to teach her and convince her it is for the best for her. Pray for her, try to keep her in the church. She may not realize what you are doing, but someday she might just thank you for what you did. If my mom were alive I would call her every day to thank her.
Good luck and God Bless.
I did it, and when I was 18 and on my own, I was done with the church. At the time it had no affect on me really. It was done just to make my mother happy. And honestly, I didn’t know anything about the church or understand anything about the church despite my 11+ years of ccd.
That being said, it was so much easier for me to come back to the church because of my confirmation. And despite walking away from the church, I felt a great pull and ‘kinship’ with catholics and the church. Maybe it was the grace from the sacrament that kept pulling me back towards the church. I’d really like to think that. But I can’t be sure. And despite my sisters being confirmed, they aren’t real great catholics in their own rights. Although I do suppose they too are pulled toward the church as well.
My younger brother on the other hand was not confirmed. He didn’t want to be, and I sided with him against my sister and father. My mother died before he was old enough for confirmation and wasn’t there forcing him to do so. He walked away from the church as a teen and never went back, doesn’t believe, doesn’t have the same pull I did. And I feel bad and guilty now about siding with him in that decision back then.
Now that I am back in the church, I realize that if it hadn’t been for my mother and her strong insistance on me learning the catholic faith, going to ccd, getting confirmed in the church, I would not have ended up back in the church. And I have thanked God for that, prayed to God for his mercy on her, and asked him to remember her faithfulness in passing on the faith to her children. At the time I hated her for that, but it was the greatest thing she ever did for me. Thank God above. IMO, that alone should make her a saint.
As far as the OP and her situation, it’s a bit trickier. I don’t know that you can force her to go to ccd or confirmation classes. But you can do what you can to teach her and convince her it is for the best for her. Pray for her, try to keep her in the church. She may not realize what you are doing, but someday she might just thank you for what you did. If my mom were alive I would call her every day to thank her.
Good luck and God Bless.
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Br.Rich_SFO
Guest
If she is under 18 then you have an obligation to send her to the Confirmation catechesis, that is not an option. If she receives the Sacrament is going to be her decision.
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puzzleannie
Guest
no to force an adult (and teens are adults for the purposes of sacraments of initiation) to be confirmed is against canon law. However, the teen’s personal feelings are not the only way of judging readiness, and the teen should be encouraged to become ready, to prepare herself, and to avail herself of the many helps offered by her parish and diocese to prepare. It is the bishop who decides the age for confirmation and who calls those of that age for confirmation, and decides what constitutes readiness. That is his perogative. To reject the sacrament when the Church calls you is a very serious matter.
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RPConover
Guest
This is why I think kids ought to be confirmed before they have the choice. Many teenagers couldn’t care less, and many are denied the great grace of recieving the Holy Spirit by turning it into some sort of Protestant notion of “choosing” to be Chrismated; akin to “accepting” Jesus as the born-agains do. I skipped out on it when I was a foolish kid at the last moment, and wished later on that I hadn’t! Just my thoughts.
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SuscipeMeDomine
Guest
I agree with the idea of confirming kids at a younger age. We treat the sacrament like a graduation ceremony. I remember being told that “now you’re an adult in the church,” but that’s not it at all. (It’s not a Bar Mitzvah!)
Confirmation is a sacrament of initiation! Does it make any kind of theological sense to baptize an infant, give communion to a child, but wait until the mid- to late-teens to confirm? It has the practical effect of keeping teens in religious education, but it’s not right to postpone a sacrament in order to keep kids learning about their faith. Their parents should be requiring them to go to classes anyway.
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Joe_Kelley
Guest
Unfortunately, many teens regard Confirmation as a graduation ceremony. It marks the end of their obligation to participate in the Church. This is especially true when they are confirmed in the eighth grade.
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puzzleannie
Guest
we have had past threads on the age for Confirmation, which is not the topic of this thread, we should stick to the question in OP, which I take to include “how should a parent react with a teen who wants to quit confirmation class because they think they are ‘not ready’?” and “how should a teen react when parents, or others, want to force him to stay in confirmation class?”
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RPConover
Guest
How about, although a strong will exists in teenagers, they are not independant of their parents and should obey them? As far as the child will be obedient to the parent (assuming they do not have to be physically dragged to the church) they should understand that they are expected to take part and will be confirmed.
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JimR-OCDS
Guest
When I was teaching Confirmation classes to high-school students, years ago, we were instructed by our dioceses, that Confirmation is a free choice the students make. In fact, during their interviews with the pastor, if they stated that they were receiving Confirmation because their parents were forcing them, the pastor would have a meeting with the parents and the child, to inform them that their child can not be forced to receive the sacrament and he would not allow them into the program.
After 10 years of teaching, my daughter(then 16 years old) did not want to be Confirmed. I allowed her to make her decision. Four years later at age 20, she returned to the Church and made her Confirmation, and it was an awesome experience for her.
Jim
After 10 years of teaching, my daughter(then 16 years old) did not want to be Confirmed. I allowed her to make her decision. Four years later at age 20, she returned to the Church and made her Confirmation, and it was an awesome experience for her.
Jim
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angillusion
Guest
I think if you’re a family of practicing Catholics, it should be a dialogue to see if your child is ready. It really shouldn’t be a rote thing. This is a person choosing to say “I know in my heart that this is Truth, and I want to be a part of it.” I think a lot of teenagers are confirmed without really considering fully and honestly what they believe. If someone does that, and isn’t confirmed until they’re 35, I think God probably appreciates the search as much as the Sacrament.
This coming from a very lapsed, non-confirmed Catholic School Catholic.
This coming from a very lapsed, non-confirmed Catholic School Catholic.
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u047mn
Guest
I have been teaching Confirmation preparation for 10 years now. One of the very 1st thing we discuss with the Candidates is that they approach preparation and the Sacrament by their own free will. This is not to say that they should ignore their parent’s wishes but ultimately, it is their choice. In ten years we have had a couple of times where it was very clear parents were “making them do it.”
For those of you who feel this is okay, I ask you to look at the Catechism of the Catholic Church (1310). It says that “To receive Confirmation one must be in a state of grace. One should receive the Sacrament of Penance in order to be cleansed for the gifts of the Holy Spirit. More intense prayer should prepare one to receive the strength and graces of the Holy Spirit with docility and readiness to act.” I challenge anyone who would “make them do it” to convince us that these teens are in a state of Grace and are able to receive the Sacrament with “docility and readiness to act”.
There is no debate here. Work with the teen. encourage them to understand the value of the Sacrament in their faith life journey, pray for them and lead by example. Don’t force them. No good can come of it.
For those of you who feel this is okay, I ask you to look at the Catechism of the Catholic Church (1310). It says that “To receive Confirmation one must be in a state of grace. One should receive the Sacrament of Penance in order to be cleansed for the gifts of the Holy Spirit. More intense prayer should prepare one to receive the strength and graces of the Holy Spirit with docility and readiness to act.” I challenge anyone who would “make them do it” to convince us that these teens are in a state of Grace and are able to receive the Sacrament with “docility and readiness to act”.
There is no debate here. Work with the teen. encourage them to understand the value of the Sacrament in their faith life journey, pray for them and lead by example. Don’t force them. No good can come of it.
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