Conflict Avoidance

[goodcatholic]

. Peace at all costs. My parents were prone to be like this. Not say out loud when they were unhappy. Be extremely patient. Whilst one of my brothers was absolutely ruling the roost there at one stage. Bullying my parents and the rest of us.My parents would cave in to his demands. ‘Give him what he wants as long as we don’t have to put up with him putting his fists through walls or threatening suicide’.
Sounds like I’m really critical of my parents. Well I am on this point. But it must be said in context, that they were extremely loving and patient with all of us. Gentle humble souls who silently accepted suffering with little or no complaint. I miss them both dearly.
But in order to avoid (haha) the same mistake I need to confront this issue. I can be like that too now. I tend to avoid conflict sometimes. I think it’s because I don’t have the right words at the right moment. No one likes to sound like a tyrant when all they want to do is stand their ground. And how many of us can communicate well in the heat of the moment? It’s a challenge which takes practice. But I am making this one a priority now. There a re certain people (siblings) who trigger my people pleasing button. Then I just behave from habit. Learning new habits with the same people is hard. Very hard. Yet I strive to do this. Despite looking like I’m one step from the grave anyway.

 

[goodcatholic]

It’s all about courage. It’s maybe the most important trait I’ve lacked over the years. Determination and persistence are not far behind. I give up too easily.

 

[Dan_Defender]

Patience is a virtue but there is a line to be drawn. Discipline is called for in the bible: ‘Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them.’ Proverbs 13:23

 

[goodcatholic]

But then you get the parent who excels in confrontation, loves conflict. Likes having “the edge” over their children. That can be highly dysfunctional too.

 

[guanophore]

‘Give him what he wants as long as we don’t have to put up with him putting his fists through walls or threatening suicide’.
Sounds like I’m really critical of my parents. Well I am on this point. But it must be said in context, that they were extremely loving and patient with all of us. Gentle humble souls who silently accepted suffering with little or no complaint. I miss them both dearly.

You are right, it is not loving to tolerate sinful behavior or allow oneself to be abused or taken advantage of. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is turn over some tables and whip them out!

No one likes to sound like a tyrant when all they want to do is stand their ground.

No, but sometimes it has to be done. For example, addiction was not known in ancient times as it is today, but it is counterproductive to feed the addiction by tolerating the behaviors that take advantage of others.

And how many of us can communicate well in the heat of the moment? It’s a challenge which takes practice.

You are right. Good communication is especially difficult when emotions are high.

It is true that communicating is a skill that takes practice, and I think even more so when there are strong emotions.

It’s all about courage. It’s maybe the most important trait I’ve lacked over the years. Determination and persistence are not far behind. I give up too easily.

The abuse that one endures from those who are bent on taking advantage is a terrible scourge. Our Lord suffered all kinds of accusations in the face of telling the Truth.

 

[goodcatholic]

My parents felt guilty. Because my sibling was/is disabled. And he was sent off to a special school from an early age. A boarding school.

 

[margaret42]

when it comes to “standing your ground”, in exchange a catholic has to accept unkind labels. Follow it up maybe, by saying , “well we think differently. Is that so terrible?” Or standing your ground on other matters-and I get pretty intimidated by others

 

[Eric_Hyom]

. Peace at all costs.

I have been a Street Pastor for the last ten years, this involves wondering the streets of our town until about 4am. We come into contact with a lot of angry drunks and violence.

I remember the first time we approached a dozen people fighting. I saw a man punched to the ground, another man was being kicked on the ground, and we saw a man turn round and punch a woman in the face. We walked in the middle of all this, we just tried to stand between people fighting and keep them apart.

I remember feeling a profound sense of peace, it seemed as if they absorbed my peace, and we soaked up their anger. Eventually the fight stopped, we stayed with them until tempers calmed, when it came time to leave, we had so many hugs and handshakes. We did not see any police.

I was in my sixties at the time, and I was with two ladies who were both in their seventies. I talked with the ladies after, and we had all experienced a deep faith and trust in our Lord. I have come to understand that you cannot calm other people down, the only person you can try and calm is yourself.

We have a lot to thank our Lord for.