Conflict between parishioners

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I would go to the guy with six children and ask him for advice. Very likely, he spanks his children which is probably not the best way, or incompatible with your methods.

Also, you will need to communicate more with your husband about this. He should be helping you by attending Mass and managing your toddler’s behaviour.

But, at the very least, your husband could tire out your boy before Mass by playing soccer or increasing your son’s activity so that your son is relaxed or practically asleep when he finally finishes the walk to church. In other words, the 600 metres is insufficient as a form of exercise.
 
i think the cry room was created for the new churches, it could be the sound demographics that brought it about. at least the children are still with parents unlike protestant churches where the children are sent to a classroom to be taught while the parents are at the actual service.
 
mary77 said:
i think the cry room was created for the new churches, it could be the sound demographics that brought it about. at least the children are still with parents unlike protestant churches where the children are sent to a classroom to be taught while the parents are at the actual service.
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Um, that happens regularly at Catholic parishes. “CLOW” or children’s liturgy of the word. Kids are invited to leave Mass before the first reading and come back before offertory.
I don’t think it’s a wise idea, but smarter people than I believe otherwise.

Have we become so helpless, that parents can’t do what other parents have done for thousands of years? When I was a parent of small children, we employed the ear grab. The idea behind the ear grab is, you either stop moving or your ear comes off. Simple yet effective. And if you child is screaming for some reason beyond your control, pick him/her up and go to a location where you are not disturbing everyone. Common sense.
 
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goout said:
Have we become so helpless, that parents can’t do what other parents have done for thousands of years? When I was a parent of small children, we employed the ear grab. The idea behind the ear grab is, you either stop moving or your ear comes off. Simple yet effective. And if you child is screaming for some reason beyond your control, pick him/her up and go to a location where you are not disturbing everyone. Common sense.
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My father used the Vulcan knee squeeze. It couldn’t be seen by others thereby maintaining the idea of perfect children, it hurt but left no mark, and if it had to be repeated you were going to be punished when you got home.

When we were all at Mass together we would sit child/Dad/child/Mom/child. That’s after we were deemed old enough to go to Mass which generally didn’t happen before we were 4. Babies at Mass were a novelty until I was in my teens. Until we were all 3 going, one parent went to the 8 a.m. Mass and the other went to the 10 a.m. Mass. If for some reason they wanted to attend Mass together, one of our cousins would babysit for cigarettes.
 
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mary77 said:
i think the cry room was created for the new churches, it could be the sound demographics that brought it about.
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I think in a good number of American Catholic churches, cry rooms evolved from a re-purposed room where once cloistered nuns attended the Mass. That’s the former use of my church’s cry room. When it was first built, that’s were the cloistered nuns sat when they attended Mass. But when the order left our parish, it was decided to re-purpose that room as the Children’s Prayer Room (AKA cry room).
 
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In my parish they glassed off the choir loft to use as a cry room but few if any parents have used it. It’s cold, uncomfortable, and requires climbing stairs with a baby or carrying a larger child.
 
I am sorry you are feeling the weight of parenting for two but know God our Father knows your pain and Mary understands your struggles. Find the strength and grace you need in them. ask to know what to do in this difficult situation. Jesus himself said bring the children to me and that is what you are doing. It is not easy especially for an almost 2 year old to understand why he must sit still when it hasn’t being taught beforehand. I have two at home and my second daughter is a climber and runner. She is a mover like yours and had the hardest at sitting quietly during mass. What I did that helped me was first to accept that they are children and it is developmentally normal for them to be moving and running and wriggling. That is a sign of a healthy kid. I learned to lower my expectations and to correct with grace. Although I am not at my best at times. I often asked myself and imagined how Mary taught or guided Jesus when he was little. I can only ask so much from a two year old and same with my four year old. They are not born knowing thenorm/social ethics. We must teach them that- but with understanding and mercy just as our Father is merciful towards us. Because we as adults are still learning just as little kids are learning.
I first started with teaching my 2 year old to be still with very concrete.examples. we played games where we pretended to hide from sister and had to be quiet. It was a game to her yet she was indirectly learning when and where to be quiet. At first she was only able to be still and quiet for 5 seconds and then uncorver herswlf and yell where she was. But we played other games where we learned to be still and others where we had to move/run. Freeze dance, hide and seek, singing loud and then quiet, wiping down a window, playing with sand, pouring water in a cup, all of those things required stillness and concentration in order to accomplish their goal-and that in itself was gratifying. And little by little she understood that concept of stillness. She is by no means perfect. She will be 3 in December. But now she knows at church our voices are quiet and bodies are still. I bring with me quiet toys, books, she is into tying so I bring two wooden rings and lace for her to practice tying and she lasts a while doing that. She is only allowed in my arms or husband’s arms or to be at my feet. If she leaves to walk around I pick her up and remind her we are going to the back or car until she is ready to be still again. I’ve had to leave before and not come back. And that is ok because our Mother Mary is right there with us giving us that strength to be consistent and not give up. Eventually our kids learn mass is for prayer, park is for screaming and running just as we have learned too. May the Lord fill you with the peace and wisdom to know when to correct with firmness yet love lots of love. You are doing well and He sees that.
 
Thanks you.

I think I should find some silent games for us.

Coloring does not work (or only a few seconds, as he only want to draw in place of her sister, in her chair, with her pencil and on her book).

Reading does not work.

I think he is too stimulated by what is happening and the place, as it is his only time he has a social activity outside the home.
It seems that church is only a place of mooving game or boredom.
 
Of course, I have a lot to improove my parenting to respect other whish of quietness…

But It revolts me that one make some parents understand they are not welcome if their kids are noisy. It happens to many people and some never come back.

It is a suicidal position from faithfull who have no children or who have raised children and are now older. With the demography of the Church in many western places, who will remain in 20 years in the Church?

It’s the second time that my son’s presence is said to be unwelcome in a Catholic gathering context. The first time, I never come back. It is a lot of rejection. Or I am in the wrong in my parenting.

I believe that the Catholic children need catholic education.
I think it is well started- until now- for my oldest. she is a believer.

But it has not start yet really for my youngest. Yes, a little, we go to mass (with no explanation to him), read some religious books, and pray for lunch and he recognizes our church on a picture.

But that’s not a lot. I think I do more for my oldest. I am worrying because he is a boy. It is much more difficult by obsertion to raise a boy to be devout than a girl. As mothers we certainely not the better person to educate and the best model for them. Nothing is proposed to boys in our Church, at mass or another place. (and definitely not with COVID). I go to a prayer group for parents/children, but he is napping.

Faith transmission we notice it, is done in home and only in home now.

We have still some time, but in the end, I think I should resign myself to the high probablity that he may become an agnostic or leave any practice of the Catholicism .
That’s hard, but it is as the things happened for many.
 
Anicette said:
Faith transmission we notice it, is done in home and only in home now.

We have still some time, but in the end, I think I should resign myself to the high probability that he may become an agnostic or leave any practice of the Catholicism .
That’s hard, but it is as the things happened for many.
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No Catholic parent should have such a defeatist attitude. It can become self-fulfilling.

One thing you ought to purchase for your children if you haven’t already done so are Catholic-themed coloring books. They’re out there though you might have to search for them on the internet.

Catholic-themed coloring books are an excellent way for children to lean about the Catholic Church and its prayers and customs.
 
goout said:
Um, that happens regularly at Catholic parishes. “CLOW” or children’s liturgy of the word. Kids are invited to leave Mass before the first reading and come back before offertory.
I don’t think it’s a wise idea, but smarter people than I believe otherwise.
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I’ve never understood it either.

Pax
 
I am so sorry about your experience.
Jesus wants Children to come to Him. Its so hard to persist when little ones act thier age at mass.

Prayers for you and family through Mary that this issue is resolved peacefully with everyone.
 
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Is it possible that you can try leaving him at home, and make it seem like a fun outing for “big kids only”? Say that he cannot come yet, he is too little, and make him think he is missing out? Maybe when he is a little older this could work. Make it an outing where you have a little walk and treat after Mass? Only for children who are old enough to behave well at church?
 
We have already a coloring missel that my oldest use sucessfully at mass. (and many religious activities and pious books).

But it does not work yet for the little one.

Thanks you @Katie777.

@27lw. I have already answer that possibility to reject it. in theory it will be possible.
But,
First, it will mean that the father has an excuse to stay at home (I except that he will come again). Second, I think children should come to mass as soon as they can. Third, it is his only social activity. Fourth, he will hate to saty at home while I go outside. Fifth, if his father saty at home, it is to work, not to take care of a little one.
 
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Merci! Bonne chance avec le petit! Hélas, je n’ai pas de conseils à donner, ma plus jeune à 25 ans…

Translation: thank you (for the kind words)! Good luck with the little one! Alas, I can’t offer any advice, my youngest is 25 years old,…
 
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Sit in a different pew…

A priest once told me to ignore it if anyone complained about children. Jesus said suffer the little children and come to me. God gave you that child, and you can take your child to Church every day (if you can and want to) to give thanks to and honor God.
 
Anicette said:
I don’t believe in letting the child with his father during and them at home during mass time.
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Why is that? The Church does not expect children to attend when they are very young. Why can’t you leave him home with your husband? Mass should not have to be such a struggle. If he isnt attending mass, your husband should be watching his son.
 
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