Conflict W/Priests

[Teresa]

One thing I have learned over the many years as a volunteer in various aspects of my parish life is that although we place our clergy on a pedestal (rightly so , in my opinion), they are still human beings, and as such the priest is subject to being tired, overworked, insensitive, prideful, etc…they too are sinners. I was told once by my Spiritual Director to take no offence where none is intended…and that we should always try to give others the benefit of the doubt, that hopefully, no offence was intended. Sometimes, there is blatant offensive behavior on the part of the priest and then respectful, private confrontation may be necessary. Praying for our enemies…asking God to take this hurt away (and in the words of my wonderful Spiritual Director , who by the way has also offended me personally, if God doesn’t take it away, then it’s His fault)
Blessings and peace to all.

 

[Augustine]

baltobetsy:

The common (and I believe wrong) interpretation, however, has been that lay people should participate in the business of ministry alongside the priests and religious.

For the record, my ministry is supporting the IT resources in the parish.

 

[Augustine]

puzzleannie:

here are harsh and there are kind ways to do this, but in my experience it becomes an issue leading to division and rancor only when either party publicizes the situation and invites commentary and reaction from others.

The events are known by the pastor, the parish office and the other volunteer in the ministry, but not my feelings about this priest.

I do not intend to escalate this unless this priest treats me like a bag of manure again. Then I’d feel obligated to take this to the pastor and leave the parish, so that the pastor feels free to make any decision, if anything.

 

[Augustine]

*You never said what you might have done to make this Priest come down on you, if anything. *
I humbly think I’m innocent in this. Yes, my rection was far from commendable this last time, but he was unfair by not trying to know what was happening before accusing me of wrong-doing and then by insulting me after explaining that I had nothing to do with the problems he was experiencing.

• You did say that you two talked about it and both apologized. That’s an awsome start. If you’re still feeling bad about it, go back and talk to him more. Make an appointment if necessary. *
  I’m not sure I’d be able to. This morning I was praying to not come across him. I’d rather leave as it is and avoid him as much as possible.

It’s not so much the personal side, but the fact that I can’t see Christ behind this priest when receiving sacraments through him, although He is. I just couldn’t go to confession with him anymore, but through my fault.
You might be surprised. Priest are people too. They have shortcommings and trials like us. How many times have we had a problem with a friend, only to have the problems strengthen our relationship. Why not give the Priest the same chance. If nothing else, you can come away knowing you tried your best.
Then again, today’s 2nd reading was indeed food for thought…

• Also, I wouldn’t quit just yet. Have you considered that this my be a trial of your own? Could you be walking away from a test of faith? God will not hand you anything you cannot handle. He has already given you what you need to deal with this problem. Pray about it, take a deep breath, and be the big boy you said you are.*
  I was quite surprised at my reaction. I’m fairly thick-skinned, but yet puzzled at what God threw at me. Of course, right now, pride continues to cloud my judgement and hopefully it’ll wane and I’ll be able to see this trial more clearly.

 

[Augustine]

coyote:

And, as consequence, I am very ambivalent about Catholicism, the Church, and humanity. Ambivalent heck! I am discouraged, hurt and bitter.

I am really sorry to hear this.

FWIW, I am not discouraged, though a bit bitter and quite hurt. I do not blame the Church of Catholicism for the failings of this priest, who’s likely less of a sinner than me.

Yes, my prayer life is a bit dry now, but typically this happens when my pride is between my sould and God.

I don’t mean to bring others in this forum to my side against the priest, although I’m afraid that I may have done this in other posts in this thread. Rather, I’m trying to get help and support to deal with my reaction to the event. And have I found it!

I need time and grace to get to a closing, hopefully oen which would get me closer to Jesus and to His Church.

 

[baltobetsy]

Augustine:

For the record, my ministry is supporting the IT resources in the parish.

Wow - then nothing I said applies to you. You’ve brought your secular-world skills as a gift to the parish and still you’ve run into a buzz-saw. I’m so sorry for your bad experience, but also glad to see you’re not letting it affect your faith.

Betsy

 

[puzzleannie]

coyote:

SoRegardless of what happens after this, my relationship with the Church and the faith has been permanently changed. My regard for this priest and this layperson permanently colored. The stain of which interferes with my ability to trust most of the people of my parish.

Our faith rests in the person of Jesus Christ, and is not dependent on any member of the clergy, the hierarchy or any lay person, no matter what their conduct. Our faith in human nature may be shaken by such experiences, but our faith in Jesus Christ and in the Church, one, holy, Catholic and apostolic, of which He is the Head, can never be shaken.

 

[rwoehmke]

baltobetsy:

It is my feeling that problems such as those encountered by people posting in this thread might result, in the larger sense, from a common misinterpretation of Vatican II.

Vatican II told us that lay people are not second class citizens when it comes to holiness. Priests and religious are not automatically more holy than lay people. What the documents really tell us is that the lay vocation is as valuable as the priestly or religious vocation, and lay people are called to sanctify the secular world through their work and prayer and good example.

The common (and I believe wrong) interpretation, however, has been that lay people should participate in the business of ministry alongside the priests and religious. All of a sudden, lay people began to perform liturgical ministries and take charge of areas of parish work traditionally headed by priests and religious. It was as if the “holier” work was now open to be done by lay people. The problem is, there is no “holier” work. It’s all holy, and the division of labor is not a ranking.

It is this mixing of roles that I believe has led to widespread unhappiness among priests and religious, as well as a decline in vocations. Of course, they can’t say that the lay people are stepping on their toes, and they may not even realize it, having been so thoroughly grounded in the idea that lay people should be doing religious stuff. But the fact is, we are stepping on their toes (making some of them act like jerks, as some have encountered), when we should be out there influencing medicine and politics and the arts and fashion and journalism and labor relations and economics and every other aspect of secular society.

Betsy

Heavens to Betsy, someone who has a good understanding of what Vatican II called the laity to be doing. I was beginning to think that no one else “got it.” Thanks Betsy, you made my evening.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Augustine:

For the record, my ministry is supporting the IT resources in the parish.

Oh I know your pain, personally!!! I have such a ministry, in our school, part time. The school is GREAT.

But then there is Father, who forgets that I am not his personal secretary, and certainly not his personal tech for his recreational PC; and forgets that I am part time staff and not full time volunteer. Add to the fact that this guy is a micro-manager at times, and well, stress flows.

 

[Augustine]

OutinChgoburbs:

But then there is Father, who forgets that I am not his personal secretary, and certainly not his personal tech for his recreational PC; and forgets that I am part time staff and not full time volunteer. Add to the fact that this guy is a micro-manager at times, and well, stress flows.

I’ve told my wife that he was an exercise in charity on my part and I’ve been taking his rants and frustration with the computers (often because he tinkers with his computer) with as much patience as possible.

What hurt was being treated like(EDIT)by a spiritual father of mine…

I remember in the Mass with the pastor last Sunday that if this priest was presiding, I’d approach the altar fixing my eyes in the crucifix. Yet, just to be on the safe side, I’d probably go to an EMOC instead.

Anyways, through prayer, I’ve recovered quite a bit from the pain he caused me. Jesus is my soul’s PCP.

 

[Augustine]

Nothing like time to heal wounds. I can’t say I’m 100% healed though, because I’m afraid I developed a protective layer of resentment.

I’ve been at Masses presided by him and even went to confession with him. Thank God I’ve been able to see Christ most of the time, not the man.

However, he still uses of sarcasm with me and continues jumping on judgments about how I perform my ministry when he’s wrong, yet he can’t accept my explanations.

Unfortunately, he’s become an occasion of sin to me. I’m easily tempted to not forgive one who offends me, to bear false witness, to not love others as myself.

I pray that I could be more like St. Therese when she’d always smile at and be attentive to those nuns she was most at odds with. God is giving me a gift to grow towards Him and I’m blowing this golden opportunity.

Even the thoughts of leaving the ministry and of changing parishes cross my mind. I.e., I’m tempted to run away from a gift of God. Please, pray for us.

 

[Pug]

Augustine:

I pray that I could be more like St. Therese when she’d always smile at and be attentive to those nuns she was most at odds with. God is giving me a gift to grow towards Him and I’m blowing this golden opportunity.

No, not blowing it yet…See how God keeps re-presenting the opportunity to you, he he he. Try again next time! Plan in advance how to respond. Pray that morning for the grace!