Conflict with the Priest

[gail1066]

When I still lived with my parents before I got married, I attended church every week and even played the organ for the church. After I married and moved out of town I became a member of the Catholic Church where I live now. We are gone alot on the weekends and are unable to attend mass sometimes. During our Christmas program this last year he got in my face in front of my parents and some of the other members of the church and wanted to know where I had been and would not let me out of the church where my girls were waiting for me outside. It really imbaraced me in front of everyone and upset me. This isn’t the first time he has done this. If he was so worried about where I was then why didn’t he call. I have not been back since then for fear he will do it again. My daughter is supposed to take her first communion this year and you have to attend mass every week and she has to attend faith formation every week or she can’t receive her first communion. Is there anything I can do?

 

[TimOliv]

When I still lived with my parents before I got married, I attended church every week and even played the organ for the church. After I married and moved out of town I became a member of the Catholic Church where I live now. We are gone alot on the weekends and are unable to attend mass sometimes. During our Christmas program this last year he got in my face in front of my parents and some of the other members of the church and wanted to know where I had been and would not let me out of the church where my girls were waiting for me outside. It really imbaraced me in front of everyone and upset me. This isn’t the first time he has done this. If he was so worried about where I was then why didn’t he call. I have not been back since then for fear he will do it again. My daughter is supposed to take her first communion this year and you have to attend mass every week and she has to attend faith formation every week or she can’t receive her first communion. Is there anything I can do?

I am assuming he is the pastor (perhaps the only other priest), in which case I would simply take my concerns a step above him (please don’t just call the Bishop), contact your Chancery and speak to the Vicar for Clergy (or whichever person handles clergy formation there, our Diocese keeps adding and subtracting titles every so often).

 

[setter]

We are gone alot on the weekends and are unable to attend mass sometimes.

You can go to web site www.masstimes.org for mass times on your travels out of the area.

My daughter is supposed to take her first communion this year and you have to attend mass every week and she has to attend faith formation every week or she can’t receive her first communion. Is there anything I can do?

Make an appointment with the pastor are see what options are available to fulfill your daughter’s formation requirements. Worse case, your daughter can always wait another year.

 

[puzzleannie]

I am not sure what is the nature of your grievance. your priest asked where you have been, you could have replied, we have been attending Mass out of town because we visit family on the weekends, or whatever. Other posters have complained here that their priest doesn’t seem to notice when they are absent for illness etc, so it appears no matter what the priest does or does not do, he will get criticism from somebody.

 

[TimOliv]

I am not sure what is the nature of your grievance. your priest asked where you have been, you could have replied, we have been attending Mass out of town because we visit family on the weekends, or whatever. Other posters have complained here that their priest doesn’t seem to notice when they are absent for illness etc, so it appears no matter what the priest does or does not do, he will get criticism from somebody.

I think the issue here is that the priest seemed confrontational. Indeed, I have seen the same before, where a priest will challenge a person (in a not-so-nice tone) in front of other people. I don’t believe this is an issue of a priest needing to mind his own business or not minding business which is actually his, I think this is more of an attitude thing.

 

[LeahInancsi]

Since this priest has no problem confronting you, I think you should make an appointment with him and confront him. If you had no duties (other than your Sunday obligation) at Mass on the Sunday he was referring to, perhaps he was concerned for your welfare. This could all be a needless misunderstanding. If not, he may get the message that he needs to let God be the judge of your Sunday activites.

 

[Liberian]

Gail,

I got into the habit with my previous parish priest of bringing him a bulletin from wherever I had attended Mass that weekend–usually signed by the priest. There was one time I attended Mass at a cathedral in Montreal and asked the priest for his signature; he responded incredulously, “The bishop’s right over there; why do you want my signature?” Another time I brought him a bulletin from St. Kizito’s Catholic Church in Paynesville, Liberia.

• Liberian

 

[Damascus]

I have to admit I was relieved when I read the nature of the conflict.

I was thinking this was a real knock down fight or something.

Glad to hear it was hopefully just a misunderstanding.

Let us know how it works out for you.

 

[Corki]

When I still lived with my parents before I got married, I attended church every week and even played the organ for the church. After I married and moved out of town I became a member of the Catholic Church where I live now. We are gone alot on the weekends and are unable to attend mass sometimes. During our Christmas program this last year he got in my face in front of my parents and some of the other members of the church and wanted to know where I had been and would not let me out of the church where my girls were waiting for me outside. It really imbaraced me in front of everyone and upset me. This isn’t the first time he has done this. If he was so worried about where I was then why didn’t he call. I have not been back since then for fear he will do it again. My daughter is supposed to take her first communion this year and you have to attend mass every week and she has to attend faith formation every week or she can’t receive her first communion. Is there anything I can do?

I am a little confused. This incident happened at Christmas and you haven’t been back since? I assume that you are attending a different parish for Sunday Mass with your daughter. Why are you then sending your daughter for First Communion at this parish instead of the one where you are actually attending?

In my own parish, Father is pretty strict about the First Communicants. We don’t require 100% attendance at CCE classes but we do require that the kids be at Mass every Sunday. He even asked one of the CCE teachers to do attendance one year. Most of the parishes around us require that the kids be in CCE for two years (usually 1st and 2nd grade) prior to making First Communion. Is it possible that your priest was confused and thought that your daughter was making First Communion this past Spring?

What, by the way, was the priest’s response when you told him you had been out of town alot and attending another parish for Mass?

 

[wcknight]

Sounds like pretty bizzarre behavior from a priest. Unless you come from a very small parish or the particular priest knows you and your family fairly well, I can’t imagine how a priest would be able to track any one particular parishioner.

Confronting individual parishioners is not how most priests or pastors operate. That would be a good way to drive parishioners away in my opinion. I’d be looking for another parish if my pastor did that to me.

 

[dulcissima]

When I still lived with my parents before I got married, I attended church every week and even played the organ for the church. After I married and moved out of town I became a member of the Catholic Church where I live now. We are gone alot on the weekends and are unable to attend mass sometimes. During our Christmas program this last year he got in my face in front of my parents and some of the other members of the church and wanted to know where I had been and would not let me out of the church where my girls were waiting for me outside. It really imbaraced me in front of everyone and upset me. This isn’t the first time he has done this. If he was so worried about where I was then why didn’t he call. I have not been back since then for fear he will do it again. My daughter is supposed to take her first communion this year and you have to attend mass every week and she has to attend faith formation every week or she can’t receive her first communion. Is there anything I can do?

I’m confused. Is this the priest at your new parish or your parent’s parish? I ask since you mention you were emabrassed in front of your parents.

You do still need to attend mass every week at a Catholic church. If you move, then it would be at the one in your town, and if you are on vacation, you can plan ahead to attend in that area. There really is nothing else going on in your life that should come ahead of your faith, so having things planned on the weekend should not mean that you are missing mass. If this is the case, you would need to go to confession and start attending regularly again. Don’t let being embarassed by a priest stop you from doing what you know is right. As you are preparing for your daugther’s first communion, now is the time to put things right.

 

[Crumpy]

I think the priest was wrong to handle the matter in so public a fashion.

At some point along the way, an apology is in order. Nothing can happen until the priest apologizes. That was no way to handle the matter.

You were unfortunate to be in the spotlight on this one, and maybe that is God’s will. So be it. Bless His holy name.

But, the priest should confess that confronting you publicly was poor judgment. His apology should be public and sincere. His apology must not be just another round of accusations.

There is nothing to discuss until that is done. The apology, of course, has little to do with you. It should serve to make the priest repent of his action. You must forgive him and get on.

Some would point out that Jesus simply said to forgive others, unconditionally. That is true, and that is what you must do. But, you must help this priest to reform. You’ve gone this far, why not go all the way.

 

[dulcissima]

I think the priest was wrong to handle the matter in so public a fashion.

At some point along the way, an apology is in order. Nothing can happen until the priest apologizes. That was no way to handle the matter.

You were unfortunate to be in the spotlight on this one, and maybe that is God’s will. So be it. Bless His holy name.

But, the priest should confess that confronting you publicly was poor judgment. His apology should be public and sincere. His apology must not be just another round of accusations.

There is nothing to discuss until that is done. The apology, of course, has little to do with you. It should serve to make the priest repent of his action. You must forgive him and get on.

Some would point out that Jesus simply said to forgive others, unconditionally. That is true, and that is what you must do. But, you must help this priest to reform. You’ve gone this far, why not go all the way.

Nothing can be done until the priest apologizes? Sorry, I would disagree. Even though he did not handle it tactfully, the real problem is that she hasn’t been attending mass. The first thing that happens is that she needs to go to confession, at whatever parish she chooses, then she needs to start attending regularly and bring her daughter to CCD. None of this is dependent upon the priest apologizing. She can’t let one priest’s improper behavior jeopardize her faith or that of her daughter.

 

[Saint_Michael]

Honestly I think it’s endearing that your Pastor cares enough to get in your face when you are admittedly missing Mass. I wish more Pastors were more hannds on like him. Count your blessings and get your butt in the pew every Sunday.