D
Drewww
Guest
I hope everyone had a spectacular Christmas!
I’m going to make it clear that I can be over-scrupulous and that there will be noticeable elements and symptoms of this condition throughout my writing. However, I also wish to be honest with myself and the Lord about whether my actions have been sinful to the extent in taking a complete 180 degree spin in my relationship with the Lord, which I would dearly dread. The bottom line is, two days ago, the same day I went to confession, I was talking to two friends quite some time before Mass and I mentioned Catholics that show up for Mass only on Christmas and Easter which usually leads to the Church being more crowded than usual, all this I said so without trying to belittle them or intentionally raise negative emotions towards them. Anyway, when mentioning this to my friends, I jokingly called these people “Cheasters”, a term I used by combining Christmas and Easter for labeling these folks. However, the familiar sense of dread swept me as I immediately began to worry that I blasphemed against the Lord by taking the names of sacred holidays (especially CHRISTmas), and bent them so they would be comical while labeling these people. I’m struggling in discerning the effect of this on my relationship with Christ - which is my biggest worry, and I learned not to trust my feelings because they come and go. But despite saying this and being unsure of my soul’s current state, I went to receive the Eucharist four times since. Worrying even greater in committing sacrilege against the Lord. I know about the three conditions of mortal sin, and I feel like I havent met the condition of full knowledge of that aspect because what I said - I said thoughtlessly. And to worsen my state of clarity, I ended up saying that word again when saying it outloud in the shower - trying to discern to myself if it’s sinful.
As you probably noticed, I’m a scrupulous mess, and I’m doing my best to trust in God - whether He’ll reveal to me in some way that I have severely tainted my relationship with Him, or not which I’d take as opportunity for continual communion in the upcoming celebrations of Mass as a form of expressing my trust in Him. Confession is also available tomorrow before daily morning Mass. Any advice is greatly appreciated, thank you all in advance.
I’m going to make it clear that I can be over-scrupulous and that there will be noticeable elements and symptoms of this condition throughout my writing. However, I also wish to be honest with myself and the Lord about whether my actions have been sinful to the extent in taking a complete 180 degree spin in my relationship with the Lord, which I would dearly dread. The bottom line is, two days ago, the same day I went to confession, I was talking to two friends quite some time before Mass and I mentioned Catholics that show up for Mass only on Christmas and Easter which usually leads to the Church being more crowded than usual, all this I said so without trying to belittle them or intentionally raise negative emotions towards them. Anyway, when mentioning this to my friends, I jokingly called these people “Cheasters”, a term I used by combining Christmas and Easter for labeling these folks. However, the familiar sense of dread swept me as I immediately began to worry that I blasphemed against the Lord by taking the names of sacred holidays (especially CHRISTmas), and bent them so they would be comical while labeling these people. I’m struggling in discerning the effect of this on my relationship with Christ - which is my biggest worry, and I learned not to trust my feelings because they come and go. But despite saying this and being unsure of my soul’s current state, I went to receive the Eucharist four times since. Worrying even greater in committing sacrilege against the Lord. I know about the three conditions of mortal sin, and I feel like I havent met the condition of full knowledge of that aspect because what I said - I said thoughtlessly. And to worsen my state of clarity, I ended up saying that word again when saying it outloud in the shower - trying to discern to myself if it’s sinful.
As you probably noticed, I’m a scrupulous mess, and I’m doing my best to trust in God - whether He’ll reveal to me in some way that I have severely tainted my relationship with Him, or not which I’d take as opportunity for continual communion in the upcoming celebrations of Mass as a form of expressing my trust in Him. Confession is also available tomorrow before daily morning Mass. Any advice is greatly appreciated, thank you all in advance.