Conflicting confessional advice

[jax123]

Hi

Hoping someone can shed some light and offer some advice …

I went to confession just before Easter and confessed to the fact that I am a divorced and remarried catholic (first marriage in a catholic church at the age of 19) - I have been happily married (registry office) to my current husband for 15 years and have teenage children. The only thing missing from my current marriage/family is a huge and constant feeling of emptyness from being separated from the church. I’ve been away from the catholic church for the past 2 decades due to the fact that in the eyes of the church I am committing adultary with my second husband. At this confession just before Easter the priest told me that God was all forgiving - citing that Jesus forgave St Paul for murder as an example. We had a long chat and discussed my penance - to say the Divine Mercy novena from Good Friday to Divine Mercy Sunday including going to confession and a Divine Mercy service.

I duly said the novena each day and went to confession at a different church on the saturday as part of the Divine Mercy requirements - I confessed to all of the above again as technically I know that I’m still committing adultary - The priest queried the validity of the previous confession, told me that I couldnt do the Divine Mercy as my penance as it involved taking the Host with complete trust in the mercy of Jesus (explaining that I shouldnt be taking the Host as I am constantly living a mortal sin). He said he couldnt absolve me of my sins as they were ongoing.

Both priests told me they thought I had grounds for an annulment which is something I will consider but I am totally confused about these two totally differing opinions. If I’m honest I was totally elated after the first confession truly believing that I would be accepted back into the catholic church and forgiven - I spent the whole of the Easter week extremely emotional (in a really good way - a high I haven’t felt for 20 years) and feeling as close as I could possibly get to Jesus - Now I am totally devastated - a heck of a lot more so than before I went to confession in the first place!

Any help / advice anyone can share would be more than welcome.

Thanks Jax

 

[Spirithound]

I went to confession just before Easter and confessed to the fact that I am a divorced and remarried catholic (first marriage in a catholic church at the age of 19) - I have been happily married (registry office) to my current husband for 15 years and have teenage children. The only thing missing from my current marriage/family is a huge and constant feeling of emptiness from being separated from the church. I’ve been away from the catholic church for the past 2 decades due to the fact that in the eyes of the church I am committing adultery with my second husband. At this confession just before Easter the priest told me that God was all forgiving - citing that Jesus forgave St Paul for murder as an example. We had a long chat and discussed my penance - to say the Divine Mercy novena from Good Friday to Divine Mercy Sunday including going to confession and a Divine Mercy service.

I duly said the novena each day and went to confession at a different church on the saturday as part of the Divine Mercy requirements - I confessed to all of the above again as technically I know that I’m still committing adultary - The priest queried the validity of the previous confession, told me that I couldnt do the Divine Mercy as my penance as it involved taking the Host with complete trust in the mercy of Jesus (explaining that I shouldnt be taking the Host as I am constantly living a mortal sin). He said he couldnt absolve me of my sins as they were ongoing.

Both priests told me they thought I had grounds for an annulment which is something I will consider but I am totally confused about these two totally differing opinions. If I’m honest I was totally elated after the first confession truly believing that I would be accepted back into the catholic church and forgiven - I spent the whole of the Easter week extremely emotional (in a really good way - a high I haven’t felt for 20 years) and feeling as close as I could possibly get to Jesus - Now I am totally devastated

Hi Jax,
Both priests said a few true things.
Because you attempted a second marriage without a declaration of nullity, yes you are in an adulterous relationship. But yes, God is all-forgiving. When the first priest gave you absolution, the absolution would have been valid only if you had resolved not to continue committing that sin. Specifically, the sin is sexual relations with a man who is not your husband. If you live as brother and sister with your civil husband, then you can be absolved. And a declaration is nullity is also a good thing to pursue.

 

[Bookcat]

Hi

Hoping someone can shed some light and offer some advice …

I went to confession just before Easter and confessed to the fact that I am a divorced and remarried catholic (first marriage in a catholic church at the age of 19) - I have been happily married (registry office) to my current husband for 15 years and have teenage children. The only thing missing from my current marriage/family is a huge and constant feeling of emptyness from being separated from the church. I’ve been away from the catholic church for the past 2 decades due to the fact that in the eyes of the church I am committing adultary with my second husband. At this confession just before Easter the priest told me that God was all forgiving - citing that Jesus forgave St Paul for murder as an example. We had a long chat and discussed my penance - to say the Divine Mercy novena from Good Friday to Divine Mercy Sunday including going to confession and a Divine Mercy service.

I duly said the novena each day and went to confession at a different church on the saturday as part of the Divine Mercy requirements - I confessed to all of the above again as technically I know that I’m still committing adultary - The priest queried the validity of the previous confession, told me that I couldnt do the Divine Mercy as my penance as it involved taking the Host with complete trust in the mercy of Jesus (explaining that I shouldnt be taking the Host as I am constantly living a mortal sin). He said he couldnt absolve me of my sins as they were ongoing.

Both priests told me they thought I had grounds for an annulment which is something I will consider but I am totally confused about these two totally differing opinions. If I’m honest I was totally elated after the first confession truly believing that I would be accepted back into the catholic church and forgiven - I spent the whole of the Easter week extremely emotional (in a really good way - a high I haven’t felt for 20 years) and feeling as close as I could possibly get to Jesus - Now I am totally devastated - a heck of a lot more so than before I went to confession in the first place!

Any help / advice anyone can share would be more than welcome.

Thanks Jax

The Priest who withheld absolution was correct…one cannot be absolved if one is not repentant which includes the firm purpose of not committing mortal sins…and one can not go to Communion (you will need it seems to also confess all your mortal sins again…once you are able to repent and be firmly amended etc…for as he says if your having ongoing sexual relations etc…such would not go with repentance…)

You are on the right path in seeking God…and to get things here sorted out so you can get married (in reality) before God if that first marriage was invalid for some reason…

In Jesus and thus in his Church is true life…

He loves you and desires you to have true life in him…

Seek out the possibility of annulment…seek God in Prayer…attend Mass…talk with that second Priest…etc

A short reading from the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

1650 Today there are numerous Catholics in many countries who have recourse to civil divorce and contract new civil unions. In fidelity to the words of Jesus Christ - "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery"158 The Church maintains that a new union cannot be recognized as valid, if the first marriage was. If the divorced are remarried civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God’s law. Consequently, they cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists. For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities. Reconciliation through the sacrament of Penance can be granted only to those who have repented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are committed to living in complete continence.

1651 Toward Christians who live in this situation, and who often keep the faith and desire to bring up their children in a Christian manner, priests and the whole community must manifest an attentive solicitude, so that they do not consider themselves separated from the Church, in whose life they can and must participate as baptized persons:

They should be encouraged to listen to the Word of God, to attend the Sacrifice of the Mass, to persevere in prayer, to contribute to works of charity and to community efforts for justice, to bring up their children in the Christian faith, to cultivate the spirit and practice of penance and thus implore, day by day, God’s grace.159

vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P55.HTM

 

[Robertanthony]

If you pursue annulment and you receive it, it means that, to God, your previous marriage was never a marriage to begin with. So if it is indeed found to be null, then what has kept you from entering into a legitimate Catholic marriage with your current spouse is a technicality, not a willful and stubborn decision on your part to stay out of God’s will. God allowed King David to remain with the woman whose husband he arranged to have killed, so he can’t be as harsh and rigid as some would like to say/think. Still, since you have 2 conflicting views from 2 priests, seeking an annulment and refraining from Confession and Communion in the process would be the wise and sensible thing to do

 

[wild_thing]

Spirithound pretty much said what I would say to you. You could receive communion and participate fully IF you lived with your spouse as brother and sister. That’s a hard thing for a lot of people to wrap their minds around, especially in this day and age, but it is what our Church teaches. Explore the anulment thing further and in the meantime (Yes, I’ll say it! ) live chastely with your spouse. That sacrifice will draw down great graces from God and will bring you much inner peace. Good luck to you, and God bless!

 

[Warrior1979]

I went to confession just before Easter and confessed to the fact that I am a divorced and remarried catholic (first marriage in a catholic church at the age of 19) - I have been happily married (registry office) to my current husband for 15 years and have teenage children. The only thing missing from my current marriage/family is a huge and constant feeling of emptyness from being separated from the church. I’ve been away from the catholic church for the past 2 decades due to the fact that in the eyes of the church I am committing adultary with my second husband. At this confession just before Easter the priest told me that God was all forgiving - citing that Jesus forgave St Paul for murder as an example. We had a long chat and discussed my penance - to say the Divine Mercy novena from Good Friday to Divine Mercy Sunday including going to confession and a Divine Mercy service.

The priest is indeed correct that God is all forgiving. However, Catholics have to deal with within the context of the Church.

There seems to be an issue an issue with the advice pertaining to absolution, though I’m not one to criticize a priest especially since I wasn’t there, nor do I know all the facts. Basically, the Church does not recognize your marriage, nor does your marital issue go away with confession. You cannot receive Communion, barring the situation where the Catholic parties go to confession and live as brother and sister until the marriage is convalidated.

 

[jax123]

Thank you all for your help and explanations - am a lot clearer now and I now know what I need to do. Thanks again x

 

[LilyM]

If you pursue annulment and you receive it, it means that, to God, your previous marriage was never a marriage to begin with. So if it is indeed found to be null, then what has kept you from entering into a legitimate Catholic marriage with your current spouse is a technicality, not a willful and stubborn decision on your part to stay out of God’s will. God allowed King David to remain with the woman whose husband he arranged to have killed, so he can’t be as harsh and rigid as some would like to say/think. Still, since you have 2 conflicting views from 2 priests, seeking an annulment and refraining from Confession and Communion in the process would be the wise and sensible thing to do

Sounds like you didn’t read the whole story. Or at least conveniently ignored bits of it. David and Bathsheba’s child conceived in adultery died as a direct consequence of their sin, and Nathan the prophet revealed that the death of the child would be their punishment.

You can’t really get much more ‘harsh’ than that. Of course God is never inappropriately harsh, so I’d call it perfectly just given the enormity of their sin. It couldn’t be anything less.

 

[hudson]

My situation may help you. I married my protestant wife outside the church 7 years ago. I tried to go to confession so i could receive the Eucharist. I began my confession telling about how I married my wife outside the church. He stopped my confession there and asked if it had been convalidated. I told him it had not and he said I would have to get it done. Luckily neither of us were in previous marriages. My wonderful wife was very understanding and the Priest was excellent in helping us. He made my wife and I attend a precana class. We had our marriage convalidated within 2 weeks time. The scariest part was going to confession right before having the convalidation done. I had to tell 15 years of mortal sins to the Priest that was about to do the ceremony. Since he knew it was me in the confessional, I just sat face to face with him and spilled it all out. I am back in the church now and it has been a wonderful few weeks. I hope you are able to get everything worked out.

 

[Robertanthony]

Sounds like you didn’t read the whole story. Or at least conveniently ignored bits of it.

LilyM, there you go assuming the worst from me! I basically remember that David’s life appeared to have gone downhill from there, but there’s still no denying that God never asked David to give up Bathsheba, which my (very limited) human intellect can’t grasp.