Conflicting Feelings

[TemplarKnight]

I have a couple of issues with my church life today. Part of the reason will become apparent when I explain a little background information.

I consider myself a devout catholic. For the last couple of years, I have felt a vocational call to evangelize and to help those less fortunate. I feel particularly drawn to the priesthood for a number of reasons, most of which may be irrelevant here. It is a calling I have felt off and on nearly my entire life. The catch is I am a husband and father. Happy in both aspects with no regrets. I have looked into the deaconate program in my archdiocese but was for all intents and purposes turned away as I work full time and have small children. It was felt I would not be able to devote enough time to my family and studies. I disagree however, they have the last say. I can’t understand how a church that is struggling with ordained vocations can afford to turn young <50 y.o. person away from an ordained vocation. Meanwhile my calling seems to grow stronger and stronger.

Have I talked to my priest about it? Here lies the rue. This is another issue that is truly the foundation of most of my “frustration”. I love and respect my priest for a number of reasons. I believe he is kind, sincere, compassionate and faithful. I thoroughly enjoy his homilies and find myself taking a good bit away. However, he is past retirement age and it appears that anything above and beyond his required duties is an inconvenience to him, although he hasn’t said anything. I am fairly adept at reading body language and that is the impression I get. I can’t engage him in dialogue, nor does he share his thoughts and/or suggestions with me. I’m almost made to feel as if I am putting him out to try and interact with him. Although in all fairness to him he has been there to answer questions, but never proceeds to elaborate. I’ve written emails to him asking for assistance to no avail. I feel like I cannot go to another priest due to the size of my parish and the basis of my issue. I have too much respect for my priest to embarrass him by going to someone else. So I feel I have no where else to turn and wanted outside opinions.

Am I being selfish? Should I approach him and ask him? Should I seek another priest?

Going to another parish is out of the question as I live in a rural area in the South and catholic churches aren’t on every corner.

Thank you for your thoughts and opinions.

 

[Luke65]

Well, it seems like God has got you right where He wants you! My advice: be patient. You’ll know when the time is right, and where God wants you to be. In the meantime, this is a wonderful cross to carry.

 

[Trishie]

If your priest for whatever health or personal issues feels unable to help you, and you if have approached him several times, personally and by email, he may feel some anxiety in being approached by you. You say it is a large parish…his burdens may be cumulative and he may have some degree of burnout.

It is possible that he may prefer you to approach someone else. You need to respond to the Spirit in a way you can, not in a way you can’t…so someone else may be the person God wishes you to approach. That isn’t selfishness, but quite possibly wisdom and commonsense of you to consider approaching someone else.

May God bless you for your enthusiam to follow the calls of Jesus!
:harp:
Have you researched and considered discerning a vocation to the deaconate?

God bless you in your desire, which if God gives, He will lead you to.
God bless you and your family

 

[Pat_the_Cat]

Surely your diocese has a vocational director?
Maybe you could contact him for a chat! I’m sure your parish priest wouldn’t mind, after all it is the job of a vocational director to discuss vocations in the diocese!

 

[puzzleannie]

in this diocese you will not be accepted into diaconate formation if you are over 50, so talk to them again. you will need a working wife, investments or some other source of income. Be aware even if they tell you that your deacon duties will only by PT and you can continue with your day job, in practice a deacon assigned to a parish will put in a full work week, and will be doing many duties, including marriages and baptisms, formerly reserved for priests. They should be overseeing the charitable, outreach, evangelization and catechetical missions of the parish, but often they are kept from those functions by duties to liturgy and sacraments.

make contacts with other deacons in your diocese, and get the real deal on what they actually do and how it affects their families. the wives have to be involved in every stage of discernment and formation, so how she feels about this is crucial.

you might begin by looking for ways to be more active in your parish, focusing on one ministry or apostolate, because that is likely to be a requirement of your formation in any case. St Vincent de Paul is the most obvious lay-led movement that would enable you to do the work you are drawn to.

but OP seems to about something else, and if I am wrong, trash it but if the root of your dilemma is dissatisfaction with the marriage vocation (not your own family or married life, the vocation itself) you have to overcome that first. Your first task and commitment is to your current vocation, your wife and children. If something about the duties inherent in that vocation is distasteful to you now, deal with that first and become happy and content there before “looking for an ordained vocation”.

also priests come and go so don’t make your plans based on one priest who will probably not be around for long.

 

[Graubo3]

Your first task and commitment is to your current vocation, your wife and children.

Amen puzzleannie!!! This is a most difficult vocation in itself (priest of your family). IMHO, motherhood must be close to the top (if not on the top) of the list!

Peace, Graubo

 

[napoli426]

TemplarKnight,

I know how you feel. I have similar thoughts about a vocation to the deaconate. In my archdiocese of Vancouver, Canada, there is not even a program running. I am meeting our Archbishop shortly to discuss discernment, but since there is no program in place I am confused. If there is such a shortage of priests, every diocese should be jumping on men coming forward and willing to commit there lives to service. I have four children and I work full time…I am hoping my meeting goes well. Please pray for me everyone. Thanks and God Bless

 

[TemplarKnight]

Greetings to those who were kind enough to respond to my post.

As if on cue, my priest pulls me aside to speak with me before mass today. He tells me that he has read my emails and felt the responses warranted verbal interaction rather than a long drawn out written correspondence. Hence, he wanted to wait and see me to explain his hesitance in writing back.

As usual, God never ceases to amaze me with His grace while teaching me another lesson in my spiritual growth. Perhaps these are the lessons I need to learn in preparation for my true calling. I will never stop praising Him and thanking Him for his blessings and teachings.

For those who contacted me with words of encouragement, I also thank you and pray for your situations as well. Thank you for your responses and support. Napoli, God Bless you in your meeting and I hope your discernment leads you to the path you desire. His will be done.

God Bless You All.

 

[Trishie]

I thank God for His kindness and for the wisdom of your priest who sought to discern carefully your questions

“I was thinking: ‘I have toiled in vain, I have exhausted myself for nothing.’ And all the while my cause was with God, my reward with my God.” [Isaiah 49:3-4] For “the Lord is not being slow to carry out His promises…but He is being patient with you all, wanting nobody to be lost and everybody to be brought to change his ways.” [2Peter 3:9]