Confronting Family Members About Sin

  • Thread starter Thread starter SnowAngels
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

SnowAngels

Guest
Hi CAF,

I am in need of some advice. A couple weeks back, I went to Mass of a priest I greatly respect and look up to. He is a gifted speaker whose homilies make you want to jump up and change your life. In his homily he was making the point that we should confront family members that are apathetic about certain aspects of the faith (admonish the sinner). He asked what we are scared of, that they will get mad at us? He made the point that Jesus and the Apostles were told to stop preaching, and when they didn’t, and we should do the same.

My problem lies with my Dad who has not been to Confession in years. I remember two years back, I pressed him to go to Confession and he got angry at me and told me he had free will and could do whatever he wanted. I pray for him daily that he will change his mind. My question is, should I confront him again? I already know it would end badly, but I couldn’t help but feel like God was using this priest to give me a message.

Thank you for your advice! God bless!
 
SnowAngels said:
My problem lies with my Dad who has not been to Confession in years. I remember two years back, I pressed him to go to Confession and he got angry at me and told me he had free will and could do whatever he wanted. I pray for him daily that he will change his mind. My question is, should I confront him again? I already know it would end badly, but I couldn’t help but feel like God was using this priest to give me a message.
Click to expand...
Why do you think this is a problem?

Catholics are only obliged to confess our grave sins (personal mortal sins) once a year. Which means that someone without any personal mortal sins has no obligation to go to confession. That being the case, it’s not your place to admonish him, unless you know (and how would you know?) that he has unconfessed personal mortal sins.

Continue to pray for him.
 
SnowAngels said:
Hi CAF,

I am in need of some advice. A couple weeks back, I went to Mass of a priest I greatly respect and look up to. He is a gifted speaker whose homilies make you want to jump up and change your life. In his homily he was making the point that we should confront family members that are apathetic about certain aspects of the faith (admonish the sinner). He asked what we are scared of, that they will get mad at us? He made the point that Jesus and the Apostles were told to stop preaching, and when they didn’t, and we should do the same.

My problem lies with my Dad who has not been to Confession in years. I remember two years back, I pressed him to go to Confession and he got angry at me and told me he had free will and could do whatever he wanted. I pray for him daily that he will change his mind. My question is, should I confront him again? I already know it would end badly, but I couldn’t help but feel like God was using this priest to give me a message.

Thank you for your advice! God bless!
Click to expand...
If you are pretty sure of the results, why would you want to again try to confront your father? You should pray for him and the Holy Spirit will call him back to confession in His time.
 
SnowAngels said:
Hi CAF,

I am in need of some advice. A couple weeks back, I went to Mass of a priest I greatly respect and look up to. He is a gifted speaker whose homilies make you want to jump up and change your life. In his homily he was making the point that we should confront family members that are apathetic about certain aspects of the faith (admonish the sinner). He asked what we are scared of, that they will get mad at us? He made the point that Jesus and the Apostles were told to stop preaching, and when they didn’t, and we should do the same.

My problem lies with my Dad who has not been to Confession in years. I remember two years back, I pressed him to go to Confession and he got angry at me and told me he had free will and could do whatever he wanted. I pray for him daily that he will change his mind. My question is, should I confront him again? I already know it would end badly, but I couldn’t help but feel like God was using this priest to give me a message.

Thank you for your advice! God bless!
Click to expand...
What’s the point of admonishing the sinner?

I ask that in all seriousness.

The answer is, I presume, to bring them to God–which means that you should have some idea that what you say might fall on fertile ground, rather than drive someone away. In short, it’s not about you, it’s about them.

You’ve already discussed this with your father, and you say that you already know asking him about it again will end badly, so what good will it do?

That having been said, there’s nothing wrong with saying something like, “Hey, Dad, I was planning on going to Confession this afternoon after lunch; want to join me?” If he says no, don’t push it; just smile and say, “Cool. I guess I’ll see you next week, then!” If he pushes back at you, say something like, “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, Dad. I love you, and I’m worried about you. That’s all.”
 
SnowAngels said:
Hi CAF,

I am in need of some advice. A couple weeks back, I went to Mass of a priest I greatly respect and look up to. He is a gifted speaker whose homilies make you want to jump up and change your life. In his homily he was making the point that we should confront family members that are apathetic about certain aspects of the faith (admonish the sinner). He asked what we are scared of, that they will get mad at us? He made the point that Jesus and the Apostles were told to stop preaching, and when they didn’t, and we should do the same.

My problem lies with my Dad who has not been to Confession in years. I remember two years back, I pressed him to go to Confession and he got angry at me and told me he had free will and could do whatever he wanted. I pray for him daily that he will change his mind. My question is, should I confront him again? I already know it would end badly, but I couldn’t help but feel like God was using this priest to give me a message.

Thank you for your advice! God bless!
Click to expand...
It is more important and more powerful that you pray insistently and persistently for your father. Grace will come to your father in God’s time. We cannot rush it, and it is possible that our efforts can backfire. Prayer is more powerful. You already said that you know it would not have a god effect on him, speaking to him again about it, unless perhaps you changed your tone? Maybe you should say, "Dad, I’m going to confession today, would you like to come with me? " or “Dad, have you thought any more about going to confession?” and leave it at that. Say no more.

God Bless you Snow Angels. 🙂
 
If you know some means of evangelization would end badly, don’t do it. Don’t toss your pearls before swine. Remember that Peter and John weren’t preaching in order to get themselves stoned. They were willing to chance getting stoned in order that those who might hear the Good News with joy would have the opportunity to hear it.

That doesn’t mean that you never raise the possibility of going to confession with your dad. It means that you think about a different way of doing it, should the opportunity present itself.

Have you thought of asking the priest you admire about this?
 
I think parents and their children are not peers, they are not “fellow sinners.” Therefore, different principles of admonition apply.

Parents can admonish their children at any time, as needed, they are supposed to, as parents.
Children need to be very careful about how and when they admonish their parents.
 
Snowangels:

I’m touched by your concern for your father regarding confession. You’ve been given some good advice and I agree confronting him again is not the best plan but inviting him with you to confession might be worth a try. I think it’s an excellent idea.

God bless,
Mary.
 
SnowAngels said:
Hi CAF,

I am in need of some advice. A couple weeks back, I went to Mass of a priest I greatly respect and look up to. He is a gifted speaker whose homilies make you want to jump up and change your life. In his homily he was making the point that we should confront family members that are apathetic about certain aspects of the faith (admonish the sinner). He asked what we are scared of, that they will get mad at us? He made the point that Jesus and the Apostles were told to stop preaching, and when they didn’t, and we should do the same.

My problem lies with my Dad who has not been to Confession in years. I remember two years back, I pressed him to go to Confession and he got angry at me and told me he had free will and could do whatever he wanted. I pray for him daily that he will change his mind. My question is, should I confront him again? I already know it would end badly, but I couldn’t help but feel like God was using this priest to give me a message.

Thank you for your advice! God bless!
Click to expand...
I definitely can understand your thoughts, SnowAngels. Have been dealing with the same situation but with my husband for decades, unfortunately. I also know that if I continue to bring up the Confession issue another time it will likely end badly and cause yet another angry outburst from him and huge argument as it has in the past. The advice given by several posters above seems excellent - that of inviting him to confession with you next time you go, but in a caring, loving, manner. And then letting it go if he says no. Also continuing to pray for him as often as possible is wonderful advice, no matter what. No prayer goes unheard, but sometimes we might not see the results here on this earth, unfortunately.
Best of luck, and may God bless you and your family.
 
Lucy107 said:
I think parents and their children are not peers, they are not “fellow sinners.” Therefore, different principles of admonition apply.

Parents can admonish their children at any time, as needed, they are supposed to, as parents.
Children need to be very careful about how and when they admonish their parents.
Click to expand...
Actually, I think a dose, of “Hey, when you were teaching me the rules of life, YOU always told ME that…” can be a very effective medicine. I wouldn’t bring home anything to a parent that I’ve learned from somebody else, but asking why Dad’s old rules don’t seem to apply to Dad these days is not out-of-bounds at all.
 
Propose not impose. He’s an adult.

He knows how you feel. Drop it.
 
underacloud said:
Why do you think this is a problem?

Catholics are only obliged to confess our grave sins (personal mortal sins) once a year. Which means that someone without any personal mortal sins has no obligation to go to confession. That being the case, it’s not your place to admonish him, unless you know (and how would you know?) that he has unconfessed personal mortal sins.

Continue to pray for him.
Click to expand...
Confession is not just for mortal sins. If someone does not go to confession for many years then it is likely that they are living an unexamined life. Confession isn’t just for when you commit mortal sins, mother Church demands you go at least once a year. It keeps you aware of your sins and gives you the grace to grow in holiness. That being said, I think that if the OP has already tried to confront his/her dad about confession and it did not end well then there is no point in creating tension with another in-your-face confrontation. Other posters here have had good advice. Even when the apostles went from town to town preaching the good news, some did not receive it and rejected it, and the apostles “shook the dust off their feet” and left that town because they would not hear them. I guess all you can do is pray.
 
JamalChristophr said:
It is more important and more powerful that you pray insistently and persistently for your father. Grace will come to your father in God’s time. We cannot rush it, and it is possible that our efforts can backfire. Prayer is more powerful. You already said that you know it would not have a god effect on him, speaking to him again about it, unless perhaps you changed your tone? Maybe you should say, "Dad, I’m going to confession today, would you like to come with me? " or “Dad, have you thought any more about going to confession?” and leave it at that. Say no more.

God Bless you Snow Angels. 🙂
Click to expand...
👍

LIKE!

There is also a beautiful prayer we can say for ourselves to help us relieve the stress and concern we have for those we love. It is the prayer of releasing them to God, and wholly trusting that He is constantly calling them back and desires their goodwill even more than we do.
 
I know the situation you are in. As for myself, it is a daily struggle with my husband, children and family. I have a thread about a relative I am closely connected to who is in an, adulterous relationship. I have told her and prayed for her. It is in God’s hand and you must be a light to these people. This is a sacrifice on our part. I must and you must constantly be vigilant to pray for their salvation.

I asked God what to do to bring my family to the truth and salvation. The answer He gave was to do as He did; love them unconditionally and be wise and humble. You can invest in having your father interested in reading small bible passages that reinforce the need to confess one’s sins. If he wishes not to speak to you, then strategically leave the passage somewhere visible like on his nightstand. Maybe he will read it.

God Bless
 
CompSciGuy said:
Confession is not just for mortal sins. If someone does not go to confession for many years then it is likely that they are living an unexamined life. Confession isn’t just for when you commit mortal sins, mother Church demands you go at least once a year. It keeps you aware of your sins and gives you the grace to grow in holiness. That being said, I think that if the OP has already tried to confront his/her dad about confession and it did not end well then there is no point in creating tension with another in-your-face confrontation. Other posters here have had good advice. Even when the apostles went from town to town preaching the good news, some did not receive it and rejected it, and the apostles “shook the dust off their feet” and left that town because they would not hear them. I guess all you can do is pray.
Click to expand...
No, the obligation to go once a year only exists for mortal sin. If a Catholic has no mortal sin to confess, there is no obligation.

Thus, to admonish another Catholic for not going to confession is I believe presumptuous and misguided (in most circumstances); it is in effect to accuse them of being in personal mortal sin.

To encourage them to go is another matter. Of course confession is not just for mortal sins, and of course it is an excellent sacrament regardless of the level of sins to be examined and confessed.
 
underacloud said:
No, the obligation to go once a year only exists for mortal sin. If a Catholic has no mortal sin to confess, there is no obligation.

Thus, to admonish another Catholic for not going to confession is I believe presumptuous and misguided (in most circumstances); it is in effect to accuse them of being in personal mortal sin.

To encourage them to go is another matter. Of course confession is not just for mortal sins, and of course it is an excellent sacrament regardless of the level of sins to be examined and confessed.
Click to expand...
I would not go so far as that. We can rightly be admonished for lukewarmness that is not yet a mortal sin. We may not like it, but the person who admonishes us is not “presumptuous” unless they actually do say they believe we are in mortal sin without any objective reason to suggest this is so. (If the first two of the three conditions of a mortal sin are present, which can be known by a third party, it is worth bringing up the possibility, and not a presumption.)
 
EasterJoy said:
I would not go so far as that. We can rightly be admonished for lukewarmness that is not yet a mortal sin. We may not like it, but the person who admonishes us is not “presumptuous” unless they actually do say they believe we are in mortal sin without any objective reason to suggest this is so. (If the first two of the three conditions of a mortal sin are present, which can be known by a third party, it is worth bringing up the possibility, and not a presumption.)
Click to expand...
The OP asked about admonishing the sinner, not about admonishing the lukewarm. To say that someone is sinning by not going to confession only holds if they are in mortal sin.

Admonishing the lukewarm is another matter. As addressed, encouragement is typically the better option here.

Thus, the OP should encourage her father to attend confession (because it is an excellent sacrament), but she should not admonish him for not attending, unless she knows him to be in mortal sin (yes, as you say, knowing that the first two conditions are met).
 
Outside of sharing my faith with others, I simply keep myself and my own sins in check. Perhaps when I was younger and more immature, I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to try and point the way, especially as an enthusiastic Catholic, but I chose in my walk with the Lord to focus more on my own sins. I think that if you’re strong in your faith, in your walk, that’s really the BEST way to admonish sinners, so to speak, because you’re setting an example. NOT that this should be our goal per se, I really think we need to be mindful of our own self more so than those of others, even IF you’re concerned for your dad/family/friends/neighbors out of love, because it’s what God would want, especially before going out and preaching to others about how to live!

The best witnessing is done when we focus on overcoming our own sins and leading a life as is as holy as possible within the limits of our nature as sinners. At least, that’s what I think. I understand your heart and your intentions, but especially considering that you’ve already gone out of your way once with negative results, I wouldn’t worry about your dad anymore as much as yourself. Prayer is the best that can be done, and that’s a lot!

God bless you!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top