Confused about Catholic-Protestant Relationship

[LaBailey]

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and I sometimes fear that I’m “wasting my time.” If we can’t work things out while I’m protestant and he’s catholic then should we go separate ways? Most of the posts I’ve read are discouraging. He tells me that as long as we love each other, things will work themselves out. He’s very supportive.

Our plan as far as marriage and worship is as follows: We marry in my church with a priest standing by and contributing whatever he needs to, to give us his blessing. We will go (together) to Saturday evening mass and then go to my second service Sunday morning. When we decide to have kids, they’ll come with us to both and decide for themselves later what they want to do permanently. We’re not pushing them toward anything or forcing them to do anything. Why is everyone so gunge-ho about making sure they’re raised catholic? There’s nothing wrong with raising them protestant. I want them to have a broad outlook and not be narrow-minded.

There are so many things I don’t understand about the Catholic Church that causes me to dislike it. There are many traditions I don’t understand and can’t find anything that says to do them in the Bible. (Ex: Swinging incense in the air to carry up prayers. So if I’m praying at home and I don’t swing incense my prayers won’t make it up there??? And why do they sing everything they say? It bothers me. Does it say to do so somewhere???)

I was raised to believe that it’s what’s in your heart that counts. Coming to church just to receive communion is meaningless unless you have the right mindset. I also believe that, even if you’re not a member, or maybe not even baptized, you shouldn’t be turned away from communion if you really want to take it. I was baptized in my church and receive communion every Sunday. I hate the fact that I’m “not allowed” to take communion at his church. Why do Catholics believe they are so much better than everyone else? And don’t say “because we are” – everyone is equal! It’s a sin to think you’re better than someone else. Jesus is the only perfect human.

It’s a fact that everyone believes they are the superior race and everyone believes that their religion is superior, but I have noticed SO MUCH that Catholics frown upon everyone who isn’t of their faith - more so than other faiths. That is NOT the Christian way to act. Why can’t more people be “Good Samaritans”? A good Christian is inviting and understanding, loving and caring - regardless. When I think of Catholics, I think of trained rats who do everything they’re trained to do upon command or they get “punished”… Sit, stand, kneel, speak, sing, what have you. Everything is exactly the same. Even the books already have the entire year planned out. It’s like you wouldn’t even have to come to church because you already know what it’s going to be. I like to come to church not only for communion, but to hear the MESSAGE that I would miss otherwise. I also like spontaneity.

I may not always have all of my facts correct, and I can often be a hypocrite. I apologize. I’m trying to see things in a new light and it’s just very hard. I’m looking for some useful and sensitive advice. Please someone help me understand the things Catholics do. My boyfriend explains things to me often, but it always seems to lead to one of us offending the other. I want to believe this will work, but I need encouragement. Neither of us is willing to convert. We need tips on how to work through this together. Please shed some light on the subject. Any ideas?

Also… I am very confused about the Pope. I just really don’t get it. He’s not God, he’s not Jesus, he doesn’t have a secret telephone line to communicate with God… He’s a regular human being like you and me. I just don’t get it. So many things that Catholics respect so much seem to be meaningless to me … like the communion wafers… they’re just wafers, why kneel to them? I have so much to learn… Please HELP! I need a very detailed & understanding Dear Abby …

 

[ChristinaM]

Greetings, my sister in Christ! Welcome to CAF! It sounds like you have a lot of questions about the Catholic Church. You came to the right place. I’ll try to help with some of your questions.

Most of the posts I’ve read are discouraging. He tells me that as long as we love each other, things will work themselves out.

The posts you might have read on interfaith marriages are discouraging because, well, interfaith marriage is difficult. Many of those posters are speaking from life experience. I have been married 6 months to a man who does not practice any faith, and it’s definitely not always smooth sailing. Although easier in some respects than your typical Catholic-Protestant relationship (he has no problem coming to Mass with me on Sundays and Holy Days), I do wish that my husband and I could share our spiritual life more. Many of my Protestant women friends place great emphasis on the spiritual headship of the husband in a marriage. If it is your husband’s job to lead you spiritually, but you don’t agree with the doctrines of his church, wouldn’t that be difficult for you?

Why is everyone so gunge-ho about making sure they’re raised catholic? There’s nothing wrong with raising them protestant. I want them to have a broad outlook and not be narrow-minded.

Well, my Buddhist mother let my father raise us Catholic, and I don’t think I’m narrow-minded! I understand your concern, but you have to see it from our perspective as well. One of the main purposes of Marriage in the Catholic Church is to raise children in Christ’s Church. (In fact, in the Catholic marriage ceremony you promise to be open to children and raise them in Christ’s church.) We believe that the fullness of Christ’s teaching lies in the Catholic Church and that we would not be good parents if we did not raise them in that fullness of truth.

I hate the fact that I’m “not allowed” to take communion at his church. Why do Catholics believe they are so much better than everyone else? And don’t say “because we are” – everyone is equal! It’s a sin to think you’re better than someone else. Jesus is the only perfect human.

My sister, I will be the first one to say that we are not better than anyone else! The church is not a refuge for saints, but a hospital for sinners. The reason we do not have open communion is that we believe that the communion, or Eucharist, is the true Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ. It is not just a symbol or a ritual. Jesus Christ is truly present there. It would be a sacrilege to take the Eucharist thinking it was just a symbol.

So many things that Catholics respect so much seem to be meaningless to me … like the communion wafers… they’re just wafers, why kneel to them?

I hope the practice of respecting the Eucharist is more clear now that you understand that we believe Jesus is truly present and it’s not just some “wafer.” If you have some time, read John chapter 6 in your Bible. What do you think that Jesus meant when he said, “My flesh is true food and my blood is true drink?” I suggest that you read and pray over this to understand what we Catholics believe about Holy Communion. Also remember that Paul says whoever eats and drinks unworthily, eats and drinks condemnation to himself. (We Catholics aren’t any good at chapter and verse but I remember that one.) Closed communion is NOT because we are exclusive, or stuck up. It is because Holy Communion is sacred and we should not allow anyone to receive if they do not understand what is happening.

I recommend the book “Catholicism for Dummies.” I know you are not a dummy but it is a very good book written by two faithful priests. I bought it for my husband back when we were dating and it was a great help.

One last thing: you say you want to understand, but then you make disparaging remarks about your boyfriend’s faith:

hen I think of Catholics, I think of trained rats who do everything they’re trained to do upon command or they get “punished”… Sit, stand, kneel, speak, sing, what have you.

And you accuse us of being un-Christian. Is it Christian to compare your brethren in Christ to dumb animals? I love Christ as much as you, and I have found Him most abundantly in the Catholic Church. I love her worship, her music, her Sacraments. You cannot love what you do not understand. I am not some “trained rat” who acts out of fear. There are many, many faithful Catholics like me who would be most hurt by your comments.

If you cannot work through your bitter feelings about Catholicism, marrying a Catholic will not be a happy thing for you. If you would be understood, seek to understand. God bless.

 

[1ke]

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and I sometimes fear that I’m “wasting my time.” If we can’t work things out while I’m protestant and he’s catholic then should we go separate ways?

If you are both devout in your faith, the answer is probably yes.

Most of the posts I’ve read are discouraging. He tells me that as long as we love each other, things will work themselves out. He’s very supportive.

He is also very naive. You seem to be much more introspective and analytical.

Our plan as far as marriage and worship is as follows: We marry in my church with a priest standing by and contributing whatever he needs to, to give us his blessing. We will go (together) to Saturday evening mass and then go to my second service Sunday morning. When we decide to have kids, they’ll come with us to both and decide for themselves later what they want to do permanently.

A Catholic cannot do what you propose. To proceed in marriage, a Catholic must demonstrate that their own practice of their faith will not be impeded in a mixed marriage and they must also promise to baptize and raise their children as Catholics. This means the children would receive all the Catholic sacraments, attend Catholic religious education, and Catholic mass.

We’re not pushing them toward anything or forcing them to do anything. Why is everyone so gunge-ho about making sure they’re raised catholic?

Well, for one thing it’s required of a Catholic. And, secondly, any person who actually believes what their faith teaches would not want their children raised in another faith.

There’s nothing wrong with raising them protestant

In your opinion. There is plenty wrong with it if you are a Catholic.

I want them to have a broad outlook and not be narrow-minded.

Well, there you go. That’s a problem. You view denominations as interchangeable. They are not. It is not “narrow minded” to raise your child in the faith you believe to be true. However, it would be hypocritical to allow them to be raised in a religion you do NOT believe is true.

Catholic teaching and protestant teaching is mutually exclusive in many areas. So, only one is true. Teaching the children “both” will only serve to confuse them. And, if you are both devout believers in your own faiths this will become more problematic as time goes on.

There are so many things I don’t understand about the Catholic Church that causes me to dislike it. There are many traditions I don’t understand and can’t find anything that says to do them in the Bible.

Well, getting a copy of the Catechism and reading up on the Catholic faith would be a good start. For example, your question indicates you believe incense to be unbiblical. However, it is anything but…

(Ex: Swinging incense in the air to carry up prayers. So if I’m praying at home and I don’t swing incense my prayers won’t make it up there??? And why do they sing everything they say? It bothers me. Does it say to do so somewhere???)

Revelation Chapter 8:
3 Another angel came and stood at the altar, 3 holding a gold censer. He was given a great quantity of incense to offer, along with the prayers of all the holy ones, on the gold altar that was before the throne.

4 The smoke of the incense along with the prayers of the holy ones went up before God from the hand of the angel.

I was raised to believe that it’s what’s in your heart that counts. Coming to church just to receive communion is meaningless unless you have the right mindset.

Well, what is in your heart definitely counts. However, it is not the only thing that “counts.”

I also believe that, even if you’re not a member, or maybe not even baptized, you shouldn’t be turned away from communion if you really want to take it. I was baptized in my church and receive communion every Sunday. I hate the fact that I’m “not allowed” to take communion at his church. Why do Catholics believe they are so much better than everyone else? And don’t say “because we are” – everyone is equal! It’s a sin to think you’re better than someone else. Jesus is the only perfect human.

You have a lot of anger at something you know very little about.

In your denomination communion is a symbol. In the Catholic Church it is a Sacrament. There are many theological reasons that only those who are visible members of the Catholic Church in a state of grace can receive the Eucharist and equally valid reasons why Catholics must refrain from receiving communion in non-Catholic ecclesial communities. I suggest you start a thread on that in the Apologetics section in order to delve more deeply into this topic.

It’s a fact that everyone believes they are the superior race and everyone believes that their religion is superior, but I have noticed SO MUCH that Catholics frown upon everyone who isn’t of their faith - more so than other faiths. That is NOT the Christian way to act. Why can’t more people be “Good Samaritans”? A good Christian is inviting and understanding, loving and caring - regardless.

You continue to assert that Catholics think they are “better” or “superior”, etc. The Church does not teach that. And, you will find individual people in just about every religion who act like the Church Lady of Saturday Night Live.

 

[1ke]

When I think of Catholics, I think of trained rats who do everything they’re trained to do upon command or they get “punished”… Sit, stand, kneel, speak, sing, what have you. Everything is exactly the same. Even the books already have the entire year planned out. It’s like you wouldn’t even have to come to church because you already know what it’s going to be. I like to come to church not only for communion, but to hear the MESSAGE that I would miss otherwise. I also like spontaneity.

Spit a little more venom out, why don’t you? You are starting to sound like a petulant child.

Obviously your experience in worship services is rather limited or you would realize that Lutherans, Episcopalians, and Methodists worship in a liturgical manner nearly identical to the Catholic worship service. And, moreover, they use the Catholic lectionary of readings too.

If you examine the book of Revelation a little more, you will see the worship in heaven resembles Catholic Mass very closely.

I may not always have all of my facts correct,

You don’t even have any facts at all.

Please someone help me understand the things Catholics do.

Honey, no one can do that for you in a post. The Catholic faith is not merely a list of teachings. It is a way of living. If you really want to experience the Catholic faith and understand its teachings, I suggest you go to RCIA at the local parish. These are inquiry classes. There is no pressure to convert. It’s a place to learn the doctrines and the practices, they “what” and the “why.” Bible Study is also in order. The Catholic Church is very biblical, you should study up on it.

My boyfriend explains things to me often, but it always seems to lead to one of us offending the other. I want to believe this will work, but I need encouragement. Neither of us is willing to convert. We need tips on how to work through this together. Please shed some light on the subject. Any ideas?

It might work. But, it might not. I think you are being more realistic than he is.

You both believe different things. Personally, religion is the most important thing in my life. I am Catholic because I believe it is true. (I am a convert from a Protestant denomination, BTW). I would not be married to anyone but a Catholic precisely because I believe it’s true. I only want to live my marriage out in unity of belief and practice. I only want to raise my children in the faith I believe to be true.

That’s not superiority-- it is what everyone should want to do. If you really believe what your denomination teaches, then why would you want to be yoked to someone who does not believe that too? Why would you want to subject your children to things you think are untrue?

It makes no sense.

Also… I am very confused about the Pope. I just really don’t get it. He’s not God, he’s not Jesus, he doesn’t have a secret telephone line to communicate with God… He’s a regular human being like you and me. I just don’t get it.

Matthew 16:15-20

So many things that Catholics respect so much seem to be meaningless to me … like the communion wafers… they’re just wafers, why kneel to them? I have so much to learn… Please HELP! I need a very detailed & understanding Dear Abby …

They are not “just wafers.”

They are the Jesus, the Real Presence.

I really suggest the Catechism plus RCIA. If you truly have an open heart and mind, come learn what the Church really teaches.

 

[BamaRider]

Hi we are glad you are here and hope to answer all of your questions about the Catholic Faith. My suggestion is take a few questions at time. I gleamed through your post and will speak to a few of your questions, then let someone else take the ball for a few yards

Also… I am very confused about the Pope. I just really don’t get it. He’s not God, he’s not Jesus, he doesn’t have a secret telephone line to communicate with God… He’s a regular human being like you and me. I just don’t get it. So many things that Catholics respect so much seem to be meaningless to me … like the communion wafers… they’re just wafers, why kneel to them? I have so much to learn… Please HELP! I need a very detailed & understanding Dear Abby …

Catholics agree with you. The Pope is a man like eveyone else. It is the office he holds that we respect and revere. He has a direct line back to St. Peter.

It’s a fact that everyone believes they are the superior race and everyone believes that their religion is superior, but I have noticed SO MUCH that Catholics frown upon everyone who isn’t of their faith - more so than other faiths. That is NOT the Christian way to act. Why can’t more people be “Good Samaritans”? A good Christian is inviting and understanding, loving and caring - regardless. When I think of Catholics, I think of trained rats who do everything they’re trained to do upon command or they get “punished”… Sit, stand, kneel, speak, sing, what have you. Everything is exactly the same. Even the books already have the entire year planned out. It’s like you wouldn’t even have to come to church because you already know what it’s going to be. I like to come to church not only for communion, but to hear the MESSAGE that I would miss otherwise. I also like spontaneity.

Catholics don’t believe we are better then anyone else. But WE do believe our Church has the fullness of the truth, as handed down by those that came before us, all the way back to the Apostles. So yes, we might view things differently, but we don’t think we are better. I take comfort in the unity of the Church. I can go any RCC on Sunday and I* know *what he readings will be. The Mass and what takes place is the focal point of the worship, not the priest. He is but God’s instrument. The choir is not gonna be the showcase, the dyanmics of the preacher not gonna be the showcase, the focus is on the Jesus.

Each Sunday the readings will deliver the message, backed up by the Homily. It is not true Catholics are not loyal to Scripture we talk about them every Sunday, but it is only a part of how we worship.

There are so many things I don’t understand about the Catholic Church that causes me to dislike it. There are many traditions I don’t understand and can’t find anything that says to do them in the Bible. (Ex: Swinging incense in the air to carry up prayers. So if I’m praying at home and I don’t swing incense my prayers won’t make it up there??? And why do they sing everything they say? It bothers me. Does it say to do so somewhere???)

Your prayers at home are just fine. The incense does NOT carry our prayers to heaven but serves as a metaphor to heighten our senses to remind us our prayers carry to heaven like clouds. It goes back to the ancient times, and the Catacombs. For Catholics it is not just a wafer, but the real presence of the Lord.

Our plan as far as marriage and worship is as follows: We marry in my church with a priest standing by and contributing whatever he needs to, to give us his blessing. We will go (together) to Saturday evening mass and then go to my second service Sunday morning. When we decide to have kids, they’ll come with us to both and decide for themselves later what they want to do permanently. We’re not pushing them toward anything or forcing them to do anything. Why is everyone so gunge-ho about making sure they’re raised catholic? There’s nothing wrong with raising them protestant. I want them to have a broad outlook and not be narrow

I suggest searching the topic of mixed marriages and see a few of the problems. If both are devout to their Faith, I don’t see how it works. As bad as it is to say it, if one side is wish washy the marriage has a better chance. If you raise your children in the manner you suggest, they probably won’t know what to believe.

I see you don’t want to get married in a Catholic Ceremony, but at the same you insist your boyfriend compromise on what HE believes to accomdate you. See where this goes? Somebody has to yield, “but it gonna be me,” and in the long run, it can breed resentment.

From what I can sense you don’t much like The Church, and the Faith, and you’re entitled to feel that way. How do you think that makes your boyfriend feel??

I suggest becoming a active member on the forum. Good people here can help you understand what you need to know, because its clear you have misconceptions. Good luck on your journey, but I can’t promise you’re gonna like what you might hear, when it comes to mixed marriages of devouts of different Faiths.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

I am reminded of the two clergy who were discussing their respective faiths. One concluded that they would have to agree to disagree and continue to worship “You in your way and I in His.”

 

[jwatza]

Your misconceptions about Catholicism and your boyfriend’s thinking that it will all work itself out is worrisome. You both have a lot of issues to work through. The most important thing in my life is my faith in Christ which is lived out in my Catholic faith. To marry someone of a different faith would mean that we wouldn’t be one in the most important aspect of our lives.

I think it very unrealistic to plan to go to 2 different churches each weekend–that might work for a little while, but as the years go on it will become a burden and then there will be a decision to choose one or the other or worse still, he will go to his and you will go to yours… and then there are the children–you will have to promise to raise the children Catholic in order for your marriage to be approved by the Catholic Church. Are you willing to do that?

My advice is to love your boyfriend enough to let him go and marry someone who is of his faith and you go do the same. Of course, this just coming from someone who doesn’t know you and has only read one post–however, there are many red flags in your post, so unless you are willing to do lots of hard work trying to learn and understand his faith and willing to compromise on your own faith, then my advice is probably not too bad.

 

[Rolltide]

I recommend the book “Catholicism for Dummies.” I know you are not a dummy but it is a very good book written by two faithful priests. I bought it for my husband back when we were dating and it was a great help.

I also STRONGLY recommend you get this book. It is written in a very easy-to-understand manner, but gives surprisingly thorough explanations covering virtually all of Catholic belief. It is a very clear and enjoyable read. Even if it doesn’t convince you Catholicism is right, it will go a LONG way toward helping you understand our faith.

I might also suggest to you a second book - Four Witnesses: The Early Church in Her Own Words by Rod Bennett. It discusses the lives of four of the earliest Christians after the Apostles - St. Clement of Rome, St. Ignatius of Antioch, Justin Martyr, and St. Iraneus of Lyons - and shows how MANY Catholic practices date right back to the first and second generation of Christians.

 

[beckers]

I also STRONGLY recommend you get this book. It is written in a very easy-to-understand manner, but gives surprisingly thorough explanations covering virtually all of Catholic belief. It is a very clear and enjoyable read. Even if it doesn’t convince you Catholicism is right, it will go a LONG way toward helping you understand our faith.

I might also suggest to you a second book - Four Witnesses: The Early Church in Her Own Words by Rod Bennett. It discusses the lives of four of the earliest Christians after the Apostles - St. Clement of Rome, St. Ignatius of Antioch, Justin Martyr, and St. Iraneus of Lyons - and shows how MANY Catholic practices date right back to the first and second generation of Christians.

I agree with both books. Four witnesses is a great book for anyone to read. You can’t claim to understand the bible and christianity without understand hte roots and history of it. This book does a great job at explaining and opening your eyes to understand the early christians.

Also Surprised by Truth. It is multiple conversion stories. What i like about the original book is that the questions you (OP) are asking are the same questions that they asked. It walks you through their understanding, their gowth and finding the answer.

Please actaully read about what catholicism is and not what you assume it is. I considered myself very open-minded and I don’t just follow the churches teachings just because I am catholic. I may have been baptized in the faith as a child but made the choice to be confirmed in the faith when i was 20. It was after much prayer and discernment that i made the decision. My faith was not given to me on that day nor did my growth just stop just because i had been confirmed. But it has grown in leaps in bound. I have learned and see more beauty in the church and her teachings. I fall more in love and am very proud to be Catholic.

As a single women i would not want to marry someone who didn’t share my faith. Do you know how hard it would be for me to not to be able to talk to my spouse about my faith or be able to share that with them? It would be like i was hiding part of myself from my spouse which is not what God wants in a marriage. PLEASE read up on Catholicsm. Heck you found these forums. Go to the home page and read the basic tracts about communion. You would learn that we don’t deny people communion because we don’t want them to be included but we do it to protect them. It is the ACTUAL body and blood of our lord savior not just a symbol. Therefore I will bow to my King to show my respect before receiving him into my body. If you don’t believe in that then you why would you want to take communion?

PLEASE just take time to learn and understand Catholicism. And do it with an open mind.

 

[KCtheMommy]

Oh my goodness poster – you are SO awesome. You are! You are so articulate and your questions are very honest and sincere. I just want to squeeze you!! LOL

I have been a member here for a long time – and usually these types of posts are SO hostile and bitter. Future in-laws (we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, so that makes you our future sister-in-law) questioning why they have to do it our way or the highway and they are so angry about it. You’re not, you are honestly asking “OK CATHOLICS: what the HECK IS UP?” The part about us being better than anyone else in regards to communion – that about had me falling of my chair. Simple answer: we believe that the Bread and Wine is TRULY the Body and the Blood of Christ, not symbolically, but truly the BODY and the BLOOD of Jesus Christ. Protestants symbolically take communion in respect of the last supper. There is a difference. Now, they are not “just wafers” – in your church, yes, in ours: NO.

I am sure your questions have been answered many times over in this thread. Can I offer just a simple start to understanding our faith? Buy the book “Catholicism for Dummies” and go from there. I am not saying you are a dummy at all, it just happens to be the most all-encompassing yet simple, and entertaining book out there on the basic principals of our faith. A lot of your “WHY?” questions will quickly be answered there.

Again. it’s entertaining, and it’s informative.

Oh and please come update us when you guys reach a compromise. I will be excited to hear about it. If ever a catholic brother should enter a marriage with a protestant – it should be someone as inquisitive as you.

Oh and by the way – a catholic priest won’t stand by throwing blessings at you at your protestant wedding…ha ha ha that is funny. Your boyfriend did explain that right???

 

[KCtheMommy]

Oh my goodness poster – you are SO awesome. You are! You are so articulate and your questions are very honest and sincere. I don’t much care for the “trained rats” comment (can rats be trained?) but over-all – I just want to squeeze you!! LOL

I have been a member here for a long time – and usually these types of posts are SO hostile and bitter. Yes, you are resentful, I see that, but it’s resentment of not understanding, not just blanket hatred or anger. Future in-laws (we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, so that makes you our future sister-in-law) questioning why they have to do it our way or the highway and they are so angry about it. You’re not totally there, you are honestly asking “OK CATHOLICS: what the HECK IS UP?” The part about us being better than anyone else in regards to communion – that about had me falling of my chair. Simple answer: we believe that the Bread and Wine is TRULY the Body and the Blood of Christ, not symbolically, but truly the BODY and the BLOOD of Jesus Christ. Protestants symbolically take communion in respect of the last supper. There is a difference. Now, they are not “just wafers” – in your church, yes, in ours: NO.

I am sure your questions have been answered many times over in this thread. Can I offer just a simple start to understanding our faith? Buy the book “Catholicism for Dummies” and go from there. I am not saying you are a dummy at all, it just happens to be the most all-encompassing yet simple, and entertaining book out there on the basic principals of our faith. A lot of your “WHY?” questions will quickly be answered there.

Again. it’s entertaining, and it’s informative.

Oh and please come update us when you guys reach a compromise. I will be excited to hear about it. If ever a catholic brother should enter a marriage with a protestant – it should be someone as inquisitive as you.

Oh and by the way – a catholic priest won’t stand by throwing blessings at you at your protestant wedding…ha ha ha that is funny. Your boyfriend did explain that right???

 

[Rolltide]

I just don’t get it. So many things that Catholics respect so much seem to be meaningless to me … like the communion wafers… they’re just wafers, why kneel to them? I have so much to learn… Please HELP! I need a very detailed & understanding Dear Abby …

All of the questions and concerns you have can be answered, but it will take some time. In the meantime, let me at least offer an answer to the last of your questions, on Communion wafers. Now, if they were indeed just wafers, then it would be a sin to kneel to them, as it would be idolatry. However, Catholics and Orthodox (and some Anglicans and Lutherans) believe in the “Real Presence”. In other words, Jesus is not just spiritually present in the Communion. Through a miracle, the bread and wine is actually physically transformed into Christ himself. We are literally in the PHYSICAL presence of Jesus during Communion! THIS is why we kneel, bow, and genuflect before it, because it’s Jesus HIMSELF. About a year ago, I wrote a very long post about the basis for the belief in the Real Presence. I think that you will find it VERY relevant for understanding this Catholic belief. Here is the link:

See post #4:
catholicforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=28818

I realize that it’s a very long analysis with a number of brief quotes from the early church, but if you take some time and read it carefully, I think that it will help you.

Lemme know what you think when you’ve read it and I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have. As I get time, I’ll try to address some of your other points as well.

 

[ChristinaM]

The church is not a refuge for saints, but a hospital for sinners.

Sorry…that should have read, “The church is not a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners.” That quote didn’t make very much sense, did it?

I should also mention that I had a good Presbyterian friend who was planning her wedding at the same time I was. She mentioned that many ministers in her church will not permit a Catholic priest to assist at the wedding. So be aware that having a Catholic priest may not be all hunky-dory with your minister or preacher.

I also feel like I need to stand up for our Pope. NO, we do not worship him and bow down to him. We do honor him as Christ’s representative on earth. And he really is such a great, loving man. Maybe you are mistaking the love we have for him for worship. Even if you are not Catholic I would think you could respect him as a Christian leader.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I Most of the posts I’ve read are discouraging. With good reason. You’re talking about 2 different lifestyles. He tells me that as long as we love each other, things will work themselves out. He’s very supportive. Maybe, maybe not.

Our plan as far as marriage and worship is as follows: We marry in my church with a priest standing by and contributing whatever he needs to, to give us his blessing. No can do! You start in his parish, in his pastor’s office. IF the priest decides, he can give your fiance a dispensation to be married in your church. Otherwise, he will simply give him a dispensation to be married to you in that parish. When we decide to have kids, they’ll come with us to both and decide for themselves later what they want to do permanently. No can do! Your fiance is going to have to promise to raise the kids Catholic, and to do everything in his power to do that. You don’t have to promise anything, but you will be informed of his promise. We’re not pushing them toward anything or forcing them to do anything. Why is everyone so gunge-ho about making sure they’re raised catholic? Because being Catholic is not just something one does of a Sunday. There’s nothing wrong with raising them protestant. There is if you’re Catholic. I want them to have a broad outlook and not be narrow-minded. Just like you and your current view on the Catholic Church, hmmm?

There are so many things I don’t understand about the Catholic Church that causes me to dislike it. Not understanding means you need to learn about it, not condemn it out-of-hand. There are many traditions I don’t understand and can’t find anything that says to do them in the Bible. (Ex: Swinging incense in the air to carry up prayers. So if I’m praying at home and I don’t swing incense my prayers won’t make it up there??? And why do they sing everything they say? It bothers me. Does it say to do so somewhere???) 1ke pointed out this one. I suggest also besides Catholicism For Dummies you get Scott Hahn’s book, The Lamb’s Supper. Dr. Hahn is a former Presbyterian minister, also a Bible scholar.

Why do Catholics believe they are so much better than everyone else? And don’t say “because we are” – everyone is equal! It’s a sin to think you’re better than someone else. Jesus is the only perfect human. You cannot receive Communion because in your church you receive bread and wine. We receive the Body and Blood, Sould and Divinity, of Jesus. We don’t allow you or anybody else who shouldn’t to commune out of respect for you. You don’t believe that, and you would be eating and drinking a condemnation upon yourself, according to Scripture. We don’t want you to hurt yourself!

When I think of Catholics, I think of trained rats who do everything they’re trained to do upon command or they get “punished”… Sit, stand, kneel, speak, sing, what have you. Everything is exactly the same. Even the books already have the entire year planned out. It’s like you wouldn’t even have to come to church because you already know what it’s going to be. I like to come to church not only for communion, but to hear the MESSAGE that I would miss otherwise. I also like spontaneity. Then perhaps this young man is not for you, and you should break up. You already admit you don’t understand, yet you are so quick to criticize.

I may not always have all of my facts correct, You don’t. and I can often be a hypocrite. I apologize. OK. I’m trying to see things in a new light and it’s just very hard. Truly, not hard enough. You are coming off as a selfish person, and a bigot against Catholics. I’m looking for some useful and sensitive advice. I think you’re looking to vent, and you aren’t being very sensitive to Catholics as a whole. So, don’t be surprised if some of that comes back to bite you on the hiney.
Also… I am very confused about the Pope. I just really don’t get it. He’s not God, he’s not Jesus, he doesn’t have a secret telephone line to communicate with God… He’s a regular human being like you and me. He is the sucessor of the guy Jesus left behind to run things. How’s that? I personally don’t think you want to get it. I think you want your fiance to convert to your church, because you seem to think you’re right and he’s wrong… like the communion wafers… they’re just wafers, why kneel to them? No, they are not. I have so much to learn… Please HELP! I need a very detailed & understanding Dear Abby …

Want my opinion? You don’t need a Dear Abby. You need to reconsider marrying this young man. It’s my opinion you aren’t ready for the work it will take to be married to him. You seem to want it all your way. You have a heavy mindset against Catholics, a deep prejudice. You say you want to understand, but you put down our core beliefs. Honey, I’m sorry, but break up with him. It’ll hurt, but not as much as the fights you will have down the road, because I don’t see you changing your tune on this.

 

[Alix1912]

Dear Original Poster,

You totally came to the wrong forum to ask your questions. People here will mostly eat you alive for even wanting to try and figure out a way to make it work or for disagreeing with the Catholic Church.

To most of them you are nothing more than someone sent to lure faithful catholics away, and any children you have that are exposed to your faith with be tainted forever.

Intra faith marriages can work…but I will warn you it’s hard. I would do some serious soul searching before getting married and get some serious premarital counseling (and no Pre Cana is not what I mean). Find a someone who is outside of either church and can help you objectively decide if you can make things work or not.

Also seriously…don’t come here looking for answers…you won’t find them, and the things said will only make you more hurt and more bitter. I posted a similar post on here a while ago. I did get some decent advice, but a lot of it was pretty discouraging as well.

I wish you the best and will keep you in my thoughts.

 

[mom_maggie]

I would simply like to thank the original poster for her questions and for the many, thoughtful responses. Ironically, I joined this forum, seeking (name removed by moderator)ut in helping my son better explain our Catholic faith to his girlfriend - (if I didn’t know better, I’d say she could be the author of t he original post!). It’s best to ask the questions now, and make decisions based on facts and truths. One bit of advice I’d like to offer, is, if you truly do want to understand, you cannot negate the power of prayer.

 

[biswrest]

You should read Rome Sweet Home, by Scott Hahn Its a beautiful read for someone looking to grow in there faith. Your understanding of the Catholic church will be much stronger! God Bless

 

[1ke]

Dear Original Poster,

You totally came to the wrong forum to ask your questions. People here will mostly eat you alive for even wanting to try and figure out a way to make it work or for disagreeing with the Catholic Church.

To most of them you are nothing more than someone sent to lure faithful catholics away, and any children you have that are exposed to your faith with be tainted forever.

Intra faith marriages can work…but I will warn you it’s hard. I would do some serious soul searching before getting married and get some serious premarital counseling (and no Pre Cana is not what I mean). Find a someone who is outside of either church and can help you objectively decide if you can make things work or not.

Also seriously…don’t come here looking for answers…you won’t find them, and the things said will only make you more hurt and more bitter. I posted a similar post on here a while ago. I did get some decent advice, but a lot of it was pretty discouraging as well.

I wish you the best and will keep you in my thoughts.

What you assume-- wrongly-- is that the reason people discourage the person is because they intend to marry a Catholic (or are a Catholic seeking to marry a non-Catholic).

It doesn’t have anything to do with the person being a Catholic. I’d give the same advice to a Baptist and a Lutheran, a Mormon and a Jew, a Hindu and a Muslim.

Whenever two people of different faith traditions (and, yes, different Christian denominations ARE different because they teach things that are mutually exclusive) contemplate marrying each other I tell them it’s a bad idea… not because either of them are bad people, but because its a bad idea to marry someone who believes completely different things than you do.

Child being raised Catholic. Mom is Lutheran:
“Mommy, I learned the Pope is infallible in CCD. Is that true?”
“Mommy, why don’t you pray the Rosary with us?”

Child being raised Baptist. Mom is Catholic:
“Mommy, I learned that all you have to do to go to heaven is accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. Mom, are you saved?”

Child is being raised Jewish, Mom is Catholic:
“Mommy, I learned that Jesus is not God. Is that true?”

What’s an intellectually honest Catholic, Lutheran, Baptist, or Jew supposed to say to that? Either they are going to go along to get along, or if they are honest they are going to tell the child what their faith tradition teaches… which is the opposite of what they have learned in their religious formation classes. You can’t be both faiths and you can’t raise your children to be “both.”

 

[VivienneJ]

LaBailey, most of what you’ve asked has been answered, most with great tact and charity, even if we have been compared to trained rats - that really hurts and is very unkind. I would just like to offer a few thoughts on some of what you have said.

First though, my background, briefly. Born Protestant, my parents of different Protestant denomnations. Educated mainly in Catholic schools. Married to a Protestant of yet another different denomination. Widowed many years ago. Was a member of yet another Protestant denomination, returned to my first church (Anglican). Finally found my way to the Catholic church and was confirmed Catholic just over a year ago. I’m still learning.

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and I sometimes fear that I’m “wasting my time.” If we can’t work things out while I’m protestant and he’s catholic then should we go separate ways? Most of the posts I’ve read are discouraging. He tells me that as long as we love each other, things will work themselves out. He’s very supportive.

Things may well work themselves out, but it can be very difficult getting there, there are so many more chances for hurt feelings and misunderstandings. BTW, I commend your awareness that there is a lot that needs to be worked out now, while you are still dating, before engagement and marriage become part of your lives. I wish your boyfriend had a greater awareness of this urgent need.

I want them to have a broad outlook and not be narrow-minded. Please do not assume that being a member of one church means that you are narrow-minded. In fact, in order to be broad-minded you have to be very secure in what you believe, otherwise you have to condemn anything that ‘rocks your boat’ because your beliefs are not secure enough to consider any other view points.

Why do Catholics believe they are so much better than everyone else? And don’t say “because we are” – everyone is equal! It’s a sin to think you’re better than someone else. Jesus is the only perfect human. I have heard the ‘we are better than all other denominations’ from people of many other denominations. I have never heard a Catholic priest preach against any other Christian denomination (or any other religious movement, come to think of it); but I have sat in a church where the pastor used to regularly and specifically preach against Catholics, on Sunday, from the pulpit.

When I think of Catholics, I think of trained rats who do everything they’re trained to do upon command or they get “punished”… Sit, stand, kneel, speak, sing, what have you. Everything is exactly the same. Even the books already have the entire year planned out. It’s like you wouldn’t even have to come to church because you already know what it’s going to be. I like to come to church not only for communion, but to hear the MESSAGE that I would miss otherwise. I also like spontaneity.

It is interesting how often this accusation is thrown at Catholics, Anglicans and Lutherans. Yes, we do have our services written out and printed in books and there are lots of benefits to this, but that is not my point here. You say you like spontaneity, but I think, if you look at it, your church also does things in a particuar order Sunday after Sunday, service after service? The words prayed may be diffrent each time, but there is a definate pattern to each service. There has to be some sort of structure, or the services would be absolute chaos? BTW this was pointed out to me by a Protestant priest

 

[KristinM]

From the above replies, I think most of your questions were addressed. I just have a few things to add:

Catholicism for Dummies is excellent at explaining why the Catholic church does what it does and believes what it believes.

Communion: Why can’t you take communion at a Catholic service? Why can’t a Catholic take communion at a protestant service? Someone already mentioned the real presence, so I would like to look at the definition of the word communion. One of the definitions of “communion” is a group of people with common religious beliefs. This definition implies that by taking communion in any service, regardless of the denomination, you are pubilcally saying that you believe in what that denomination practices and believes. Therefore, why would you even want to take communin in the Catholic church if you don’t believe its teachings?

Can a mixed marriage work? Sure, I’ve been in one for 16 years. We were married in the Catholic Church. A Baptist minister gave the sermon. Our children were baptized and are being raised as Catholics. Our weekend schedule is: mass on Saturday night, DH’s churh Sunday morning, then back to the Catholic church by 10:15 for religious education. I was out of town one Saturday and DH took the children to mass by himself because they were scheduled as altar servers for that mass. Anyway, the key to this working is that both parties must be respectful of the others beliefs. Concentrate on your similarities rather than your differences.

Are Catholics better than Protestants? I don’t believe so, and I’ve NEVER heard another Catholic say so. Unfortunately, I have heard some protestants, including their ministers, claim the opposite.

You have a hard decision to make. Your research will help you make the right one.