Confused about my feelings

[upallnight]

I am confused about my feelings toward my priest. My husband and I have grown very close to him over the past year. He has taught me everything I know about the Catholic faith. He is the first pastor I’ve ever had that cares about me. He tells my husband and I that he loves us like we are his own children. I love him very much but sometimes I wonder if I am IN love with him. Like I said, it is all very confusing for me. He is 20 years older than me and I very much look up to him as a father figure, but I also find myself thinking of him constantly and always looking forward to seeing him again. I feel attracted to him because he is so much like Christ. I guess there is a tiny bit of physical attraction, but it is not much and I think it is only because of his magnetic personality. I have told my husband about these confusing feelings. I don’t know what to do about it, though. Should I limit my interaction with him? (The thought of doing that hurts!)

 

[andremiguel]

I am confused about my feelings toward my priest. My husband and I have grown very close to him over the past year. He has taught me everything I know about the Catholic faith. He is the first pastor I’ve ever had that cares about me. He tells my husband and I that he loves us like we are his own children. I love him very much but sometimes I wonder if I am IN love with him. Like I said, it is all very confusing for me. He is 20 years older than me and I very much look up to him as a father figure, but I also find myself thinking of him constantly and always looking forward to seeing him again. I feel attracted to him because he is so much like Christ. I guess there is a tiny bit of physical attraction, but it is not much and I think it is only because of his magnetic personality. I have told my husband about these confusing feelings. I don’t know what to do about it, though. Should I limit my interaction with him? (The thought of doing that hurts!)

Do you want my opinion? You are in love with the pastor.
So, take out these ideas: father figure (God only is the Father); so much like Christ (there is only one Christ); magnetic personality (be afraid of it, every idol has its clay feet).
Do not limit your interactions with him.
If I were you, I would realize that you are in love with your pastor which is nothing wrong. But if you act on it, then it is wrong. So, I would never suggest seeing the pastor. Only when your husband wants it and even so, I would say no sometimes.
You do not need to see the pastor that many times. I have not seen mine for years…
“The thought of doing that hurts!” - Sorry, easy said than done but you must suffer to cut yourself from that passion. It is like a wound.
But wounds heal.

 

[Aggies08]

I think you sound a bit infatuated. I would curtail my interactions, and be sure I’m only meeting with him in public, and with DH- never alone.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am confused about my feelings toward my priest. My husband and I have grown very close to him over the past year. He has taught me everything I know about the Catholic faith. He is the first pastor I’ve ever had that cares about me. He tells my husband and I that he loves us like we are his own children. I love him very much but sometimes I wonder if I am IN love with him. Like I said, it is all very confusing for me. He is 20 years older than me and I very much look up to him as a father figure, but I also find myself thinking of him constantly and always looking forward to seeing him again. I feel attracted to him because he is so much like Christ. I guess there is a tiny bit of physical attraction, but it is not much and I think it is only because of his magnetic personality. I have told my husband about these confusing feelings. I don’t know what to do about it, though. Should I limit my interaction with him? (The thought of doing that hurts!)

Yes, I think you have a crush on your priest. You aren’t the first, and you won’t be the last. Part of the appeal sometimes is that priests are unavailable and something inside some women responds to that as a challenge. You think your priest has a magnetic personality but others may not see him that way. I would definitely limit your contact with him and increase spending fun and intimate times with your husband. I am glad you are not keeping your crush secret from your husband, but make sure he knows that you are not going to continue to allow your emotions to go any further down this road. YOU are in control of what happens here. The more “real estate” (space in your mind) you hand over to your priest, the more daydreams and fantasies will take over your real life. Every time you think of your priest, substitute a warm thought of your husband instead.

Oh, and make sure your priest understands that you appreciate everything he has done for you. He obviously has an affection for you two and feels you are like his children (although the whole parish and indeed, the world, should be like his children) so don’t just disappear completely. I would not see him alone, though, ever. Always with your husband, but your husband is free to meet your priest on his own if he wishes.

 

[mamaslo]

It is important for you to have this conversation also with God. It is a time of formation for you as a Christian.

Your pastor will never be more than a father-figure, friend, mentor, or brother. That in itself is amazing. It is a difficult task to keep your heart in the right place, but if you aim higher to the One who made us all, then maybe you will get this right, eventually.

We are supposed to love our neighbor as ourselves. So it is a journey to find out what that looks like. It would include doing whatever it takes to help him be successful in his vocation…even if you feel selfish you would have to do what is best for the other person.

That would also include what is best for your vocation, he would support that.

Eventually, you will find balance, but it is a tough challenge, but worth it. this will help you love other people better, sisters and brothers alike. It’s a chance to grow in holiness.

 

[jazzy0710]

I can relate to this. I’m going through something similar. I totally have the hots for my therapist. I think it’s probably just because he totally understands me. He’s a fair bit older. 18 yrs older. When I go into see him I just tune out the fact that he’s adorable and really concentrate on my issues so he can help me without it being so awkward.

 

[catholicanne]

I guess there is a tiny bit of physical attraction, but it is not much and I think it is only because of his magnetic personality.

I’ll admit as well that the first priest I was ever close to I had a crush on. Although my priest was only 11 years old than I am, was in fantastic shape, and had this dynamic personality! When he spoke, every single person was glued to his words. I think it’s also the “forbidden” factor. You’re attracted to what you can’t have.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong or unnatural about you having a crush on man that isn’t your husband. After all, we’re just human. What would be wrong is acting on that crush. Pray and ask God to help you overcome your crush and to transfer your feelings for your priest to your husband, where it rightfully belongs. Don’t beat yourself up too much.