Confused and unsure

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lefty22

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Hello all,

Recently I’ve been feeling very far away from Jesus. It’s been on and off for the last year or so, but right now I just feel so empty and hopeless about it. I can’t quite seem to catch on and believe without doubting. Sometimes I think I get it, but it inevitably returns to doubt and confusion. I’ve kept up praying through it all, but now it seems almost like an obligation, not something I want to do, and I’m afraid of turning away from God because I feel so lost. I feel alone and like there is no one to guide me in my faith. I’m 15 and have been raised a Catholic, but faith is extremely private in my family and I don’t feel comfortable talking to my parents about it. I feel like I have no one to turn to for guidance. I think it started about a year ago when I unintentionally blasphemed the Holy Spirit, and the words kept popping into my head when I didn’t want them to. Despite what I read, I couldn’t quite believe that it was okay, and I lost faith in God’s forgiveness. Since then, I think I’ve accepted it a little better, but I still feel this gap in my faith and like I still cannot entirely understand God’s love and forgiveness. I’m not sure if it’s still about those incidents, or if it’s entirely unrelated. I just can’t seem to focus. Things like music that used to inspire me and seem to bring me closer to God don’t seem to work anymore. Any help would be great because I am feeling really discouraged and frustrated and can’t seem to find Jesus anywhere. Thank you.

~lefty22
 
Unwanted Thoughts that come to one unsought or provided for …are not sins if one does not consent to them…

Same goes for doubts that may come unasked…etc (and not consented to)

(and sometimes thoughts can be so vivid or seem to “think themselves” …though one still does not consent…)

(best though not to fight such thoughts directly but indirectly…relaxing …simply not consenting…and turning to other good things)

Also we can all experience difficulties in understanding things …or in our experiences…

but

As Newman (who will be beatified soon) said --*Ten thousand difficulties do not equal one doubt. *

Know that Jesus loves you…and know too that faith does not require feelings…for often in life…on holds something to be true or in the case of the Catholic Faith --has faith–but does not feel it always. In this way one grows in love too. One may not feel love for ones parents…or even when married one may not feel all the time the feeling of love for ones wife…but this does not mean one does not love…

Our emotions are not fully under our control. We can not ‘rule’ them like a King…but only ‘diplomatically’ …and often they refuse to cooperate. And if fact it is often the case that when one “looks” for an emotion…it flees…

So cling to Jesus in faith …as Paul says we walk by faith not by sight…

and ask him to increase you faith “Lord increase my Faith!”

Pray often …“Lord Jesus Christ, I believe in you, I hope in you, I love you!”

Sometimes one must Hold fast to Jesus …despite thoughts that assail one …like so many sharp arrows…and stand fast in silent profession of faith…before those doubts that attack…standing like a martyr holding fast to Jesus the Word of Life.

(and assuming you are Catholic and do believe of course …confession and Holy Communion keep us close to Jesus…even if we do not feel it…in any case seek out a good Priest and talk with him…)
 
And know that Jesus Christ the Son of God …loves you!

He is our Hope! He is our life!

even in the midst of any darkness…hold fast to him…
 
Do you go to church? Does your church have a youth minister? Do you belong to your church’s youth group?

If so, I recommend you to talk to your youth minister. If not, maybe you should consider to join the youth group, participate their activities and have some interaction with other young Catholics. That may help.
 
Dear Left22,

“Do not be afraid !” — John Paul II. The words and thoughts that pop into your mind are from our Lord’s adversary. This happens to me too. The reason is that you likely have a heart that seeks the Lord. Do not be discouraged ! Our Lord and Savior, “Jesus the Christ” lives and reigns. I have gained great inspiration from the life of Saint Francis of Assisi and his 28 admonitions (can be found by doing a google search).

I have found that the best thing if you are willing is to be his servant. That is, the grower (God) owns the vineyard (the world), Christ is the vine and we are the branches. I myself am learning to become His servant and my life is changing.

Hope this helps
The Lord Loves you !

stuart5
 
Hey Lefty,

I will tell you something very special. I visit the sick and dying in the Hospital and have seen “Him” at work. I see the sheep and the people whose hope and longing for “Him” is obvious. I have seen things that defy “probability”. The reason I know this, is that, I have an undergraduate and graduate degrees in Science.

This really happened, it was “Him”. Not some fairly tale or some clever designed scheme.

stuart5
 
Wow, lefty. I could have written your post (in other words, we’re very, very similar). Faith is private in my family, too. So much so that I feel embaressed when I ask to go to church :o (I’m not much older than you, by the way).

Anyway, I doubt a lot as well and, like you, I doubt in Jesus (specifically His divinity. It’s a hard concept for me). So what I did is this:

(This may not apply to you, but): I research logical reasons why Jesus is God. Try searching the Trilemma argument.

I explore all the possibilities.

I analyze everything.

I draw a conclusion (though I still doubt, I find it probable that Jesus is God).

But, all along the way, I pray to Jesus, even if I doubt in Him. Just talk to Him from the heart. Ask Him to help you. Talk to Him like you’d talk to a friend, because He is your friend. Say “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief”. Talk to Jesus and His mother. Try to say the Rosary if you can, if you can’t start up other devotions to Mary and St. Michael. Go to Confession as much as you can and be sure to recieve the Eucharist often as well. Really what this boils down to is pray, pray, pray some more, and go to church and Confession often.

Remember Jesus word’s in Matthew 11:28:
*“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
 
Lefty, :hug1:

I’ve really struggled with the “unforgiveable sin” too. Over several months, I had horrible unwanted thoughts about the Holy Spirit that were really blasphemous. They don’t happen as much anymore (I don’t know why!) but at times, it was dreadful… they would continue from the moment I woke up, to the moment I went to sleep. Often, I felt (and was completely sure) that I gave into them and meant them. Sometimes, I felt something tell me, really strongly, that God will not forgive me…and I felt it was God who told me those things. Often I was near despair.

However, - God did forgive me!! and He forgave me before I ever realized that He did. All I needed to do was just confess that I had horrible blasphemous thoughts against the Holy Spirit, and that was it. The priest (and many others, including people in this forum) explained to me that the unforgiveable sin involves unrepentance. It’s done by people who are so hardened against God that they simply wouldn’t even want to repent, and resist Him willfully till the end of their lives. Pope John Paul II wrote about it in his encyclical: vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/encyclicals/documents/hf_jp-ii_enc_18051986_dominum-et-vivificantem_en.html (scroll down to “number 6”)

I know it seems like if you just think some words against the Holy Spirit, you’ve done the unforgiveable sin, but the reason it’s unforgiveable is because if you TRULY meant them, you wouldn’t repent. Since you want to get back to God, that is not you 🙂
I suggest really trying and praying to accept God’s mercy, and making a good Confession:thumbsup:

I think that Jesus has been with you this whole time but He is waiting for you to reach out to Him with trust!

After all this happened to me (and I felt completely abandoned by God too, and couldn’t reach Him no matter how much a tried) a good priest told me that my real problem was distrust. I tried to trust, but it wasn’t working. I went to a Catholic conference and was praying to Our Lady and really trying to accept God’s forgiveness and believe in His love for me… and then during Adoration, He really helped me. I actually posted a thread about this a while ago and wanted to share it with you. Maybe it would encourage you because I did the same sin and God forgave me, so I’m certain that He can forgive you too 🙂 try to trust Him when you pray! Jesus told St Faustina, “My love deceives no one” and “sooner would Heaven and earth turn into nothingness than would My mercy not embrace a trusting soul”.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=451468&highlight=God%27s+mercy

God bless!
 
Thanks guys – I appreciate the encouragement. Monica, wow, thank you for sharing that story. It sounds like you were in a really similar place to me, and I’m glad it worked out well for you. It gave me some hope that this’ll work out okay.

PTL, yes, I do go to church almost every Sunday (probably like 49/52 weeks a year or something like that). It’s really where the entire foundation for my faith comes from, and it’s one of the highlights of my week. We do have a youth group, but for most of the year I couldn’t go because it conflicted with some other rehearsals. Now, though, I could go, but my parents don’t seem thrilled about it.

A lot of you mentioned Confession, and my parents don’t go to Confession. They are okay with it that way, though, and so they never take me or my brother. Coolduude, I think you can probably understand this – it’s next to impossible for me to ask them to take me. I also have been thinking about meeting with one of the priests at our parish to talk about this, but I have no way of doing it. Would email be okay for a discussion? Or do you have any advice on how I could talk to a priest or go to Confession? I think it might really help me to go and talk to someone, but I just don’t know how to.

I think you’re definitely right about having a hard time trusting. I just can’t quite seem to take that leap of faith I need.

Thanks! This has really helped me to know that I’m not alone. 🙂
 
PS: I started converting when I was around 14…was received into full communion with the Church when I was 18…

We must all keep following Christ!

He really is our true life 🙂
 
A lot of you mentioned Confession, and my parents don’t go to Confession. They are okay with it that way, though, and so they never take me or my brother. Coolduude, I think you can probably understand this – it’s next to impossible for me to ask them to take me. I also have been thinking about meeting with one of the priests at our parish to talk about this, but I have no way of doing it. Would email be okay for a discussion? Or do you have any advice on how I could talk to a priest or go to Confession? I think it might really help me to go and talk to someone, but I just don’t know how to.
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Confession is definitely very important. Remember that if you have a mortal sin, it’s a mortal sin to receive the Eucharist without first going to Confession. There are Sundays when I stay in the pew and don’t go up for Communion, cause I haven’t been able to go to Confession… this shouldn’t be looked down upon, that is the proper thing to do. If your parents didn’t teach you the importance of Confession, that is not your fault. But I would really encourage you to go and talk to a priest about this, and ask him to hear your confession 🙂 Is there any way you can go without asking your parents? Do you live walking distance from a church or is there a bus you can take? If you want to talk to a priest, maybe you can try just asking him after Mass, or you can phone or email him. Just so you know, many parish priests are really busy so he might not reply to your email in a while, - so I would suggest phoning him.

Maybe the best idea is to simply approach him after Mass 🙂 I’ve done this many times myself.

God bless!
 
Thank you for the suggestions, Monica. The parish I attend is about 8 miles away, and I have seriously considered biking there, but there is another parish only about 2.5 miles away that I have never been to. I guess I could go there and talk to a priest, but I wouldn’t know him at all. Talking after Mass would be hard because my parents would be around, so I don’t know if that would work.
 
lefty22 said:
Thank you for the suggestions, Monica. The parish I attend is about 8 miles away, and I have seriously considered biking there, but there is another parish only about 2.5 miles away that I have never been to. I guess I could go there and talk to a priest, but I wouldn’t know him at all. Talking after Mass would be hard because my parents would be around, so I don’t know if that would work.
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I understand how you feel. I know I always felt embaressed talking religion around my family, even though they’re Catholic. 😦 it can be hard. I’ve been there.
Maybe you can email the priest that’s at the parish 2.5 miles away. Introduce yourself and explain somewhat your situation (maybe) and ask him when you can arrange to have your confession heard. Here’s another idea- if you have a girlfriend (you’re a guy right? Lol!) say that you’re going to hang with her. But leave a little early and make some time for Confession, then head over to her place. This plan can even work if you have a close guy friend or two. See what I’m getting at? Good luck! PM if you need advice or something 🙂
 
I really like the idea of trying to contact that priest and arranging something. I don’t have my license yet, though, which could be a little tricky, but I just might be able to work something out. Of course the next challenge is working up the courage to talk to a priest. 🙂 But thanks so much for your help, and I’ll PM if I need any more help. Thanks!!

Oh by the way, I’m a girl. 🙂 And I don’t have a boyfriend, but other things might be able to serve the same purpose.
 
Hey lefty, all I can say is wow! You are 15 years old, and you do have an incredible Faith. You may not see it yourself, but here you are at 15 looking for the right answers. Hey lefty, most adults don’t have figured what you do. And I believe there are various seasons in our lives, and we grow from those. And for you to be growing at this young of an age, is awesome, for it is clear you are sincere.

Just a thought, but it seems to me God has some great things in store for you, and perhaps just perhaps, the enemy doesn’t want you to have those things, so he places those thoughts in your mind. I still at my age, alot older than lets just say, lol, and yes though my walk with the Lord has grown, and continues to do so, don’t think for a minute that the enemy tries to put doubt into my mind, sure he does. But I always try to remind myself of this, if the thought is not good, and is one of doubt, it is not coming from God.

Again, WTG, for not giving up, and to keep searching for those answers! That is awesome! We need more 15 year olds like you. You know in your heart what is the truth, and it shows, don’t let the enemy tell you any different. It seems to me that you are truly blessed!

Continue to do what you are doing, trust in Him, and He will surely show you the way!
 
Rebecca, thank you so much for your post! You have no idea how encouraging it was for me to read. 🙂 Because I really don’t look at myself as someone with a strong faith – I mean, I’m certainly trying and think of myself as caring about my faith a lot, but I just feel like I keep doubting myself and the things I think God is trying to tell me and show me. Maybe I’m not only lacking trust, but also confidence. Thank you!! 🙂
 
Last thing to remember is that Faith, Love, Trust…these are not just feelings. They are actions of the will. You can have and do all these things without “feeling” it. A married couple that argues with each other but still takes care of each other still have love. A child who is mad at his parents but still does what they tell him or doesn’t lie to them still loves them. A man who does not know 100% about a fact and feels apprehension and yet still acts as if that fact is question is true has faith. Same, a person who is scared of doing something God asks him to but does it anyway shows trust. Trust is not a mere feeling, and by coming onto this forum and asking for help you have shown great faith and trust in the Catholic community. Good job! Now show the same to God, because believe me, He is like any one of our fathers. We are out late and think that He is angry with us, waiting for us to come hope so that He can punish us, if He will let us in the house that is, when in fact it is the very opposite. It is God who is at the door knocking, hoping that you will let Him in. It is He who goes out to seek you. Remember that.

Btw, there is no sin that God cannot forgive us for. Not a single one. The only sin God cannot forgive us for are the ones we do not or will not feel sorry for, even if we know they were wrong. This is what it means to be unrepentant.

You truly seem to be sorry for your sins, so it is time to go to confession. If it would be too much of a hindrance then don’t tell your parents, otherwise just tell them that you talked to the priest after mass for confession. It is difficult because you are 15, and I do not know how your parents will react to you going to confession (if you are simply embarrassed about it then just go anyway, since even if your parents would tease you it would be suffering you could offer up for Christ, and besides, you can take it as a lesson in humility as well). If they will react unreasonably (you know your parents, not me) then It would be best to do it in secret.

Keep on going, and never give up. God is waiting for you to open up the door, but you must try, whether that means confession or exercising (because it is a act of the will) some trust in His mercy, of which He offers the most of it to the worst sinners.
 
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