Confused as to whether I should leave my job, is it Gods will?

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MarthaSo

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Hi everyone,
I’ll try to be brief because I’m pregnant and a bit more emotional than usual and really just need some advice. Thank you.

I’ve worked somewhere for 4 years so my children could have free tuition and my son, when he turned college age, decided instead on the military. My daughter will go to college in 2 years so I’m staying for her.

The problem is, this is hard to explain in a way that sums up just how bad my job is. My current job stresses me out to the point where I’ve had to have my seat moved, I work with someone who hates and spreads rumors, i get panick attacks etc…

If I leave, at the appropriate time, we will earn enough (we made too much now) for her to get free Excelsior tuition anyway from a good SUNY school.

My lifetime dream was to always be a stay at home mom, my kids are pretty much grown now but this new baby, I just want to stay home with him.

I feel selfish but I’m not sure why since she’ll have free college just not a catholic college. The fact that this jobs affects me mentally and emotionally is always something that made me say I am suffering for the good of my children.

The plan would be to move to the suburbs where I could stay home and raise this baby. Am I being selfish? Should I stick it through that job so my daughter can get a free catholic college. Or accept I’ve stayed there 4 years with good intentions and now life has changed. She would be far from her friends (she’d be 17 and driving) but we would be able to afford it.

Any guidance is appreciated. I’m so very used to giving up my joy, my time my everything that even if free SUNY is there I still feel like I’m doing a disservice to my teen daughter and i must continue to sacrifice.

(ps- the baby would have to stay in day care(we don’t know where yet) at 4 months if I stay and ofcourse that’ll be hard )
 
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What does your husband think? If you can afford to stay home, I think you have “earned” that right. SUNY is fine for college. (Ex-NYer here.) Stay home and enjoy your last child. You do not need to be stressed out all the time. May God bless you and your baby.
 
Thank you. My husband has a plan to increase his income by the time the baby is born. It feels so weird to have endured these years (I can’t explain how awful a place but it led me much closer to God for sure, I didn’t know what “offer it up “ was until I worked there, i had very bad anxiety attacks) but i did it for my teens to have free college. My son didn’t attend but it’s my daughter that I feel like I’m letting down. This is a private university if I could only endure another 6 years. Am I letting her down because I want to stay home with the new baby? I can’t really think too clearly. One things for sure, this Excelsior is a blessing because it’s still free college but won’t look as good on her resume I guess. I feel like I’m picking one chid (the baby) over another. God forgive me I can’t see leaving my baby with people I don’t know just to give my daughter a private college? Now that I think of it I wonder if God is speaking clearly. I still feel like Im letting my girl down. Maybe i’m being too emotional. Thank you so much for your thoughtful and encouraging response.
 
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I think you are letting your emotions get the better of you. If your daughter wants private college, she needs to get a scholarship or take out loans like everyone else does. There is no law that says you need to provide your children with the college of their choice. And your daughter got the benefit of you working for 17 years. Now it is time for you to enjoy life with th no stress and to be home with your baby. Don’t overthink this, Martha! 😉
 
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I just love your response. Thank you and yes, I’m very emotional these days. I reread your first post and burst out crying when you said you don’t have to be stressed all the time. God as my witness, that’s my life. My husband hardly ever sees me cry but the other day I caught him by surprise by bursting out in tears saying “ i know God has joy in store some day!”. God bless you so much for your clarity of thinking and your kindness of heart. Sheesh I need a moment I’m getting emotional . I will check in later this evening. Thank you❤️
 
Do you even know for sure that your daughter wants to attend this particular college? It would be an awful waste to have you spend six years in hell if that isn’t even what your daughter wants! If it was a case of this school has a perfect program for her that she’s dreamed of attending for years, I could see it, but if she’s only interested in it because you could get it for her for free, I don’t think it sounds like it is worth it.
 
Hi Allegra, thank you too. She said she doesn’t care about going to a SUNY. I just hope moving far from her friends isn’t going to be a bad move. But one lady told me eventually they move out and my husband and I have to do what’s best overall financially. I’m a little torn on that but I am tired of renting.
 
Is this her last year of high school? It might be hard on her to move at this point. Or are you talking about moving after she graduates?
 
We would move at the end of her Junior year when she starts senior year but her father would take her to school every day and there’d be a bus (i have to double check that, we haven’t decided on a neighborhood yet).
 
I would think that changing schools would be the hardest thing, this late in the game. If there’s a way around it, I think it wouldn’t be such a big deal.
 
Hi Monicad, my apologies I did not explain a SUNY is a state university of new york and Excelsior is a scholarship that enables families to send their children to college for free if they meet the income guidelines. Thank you for allowing me to explain and thank you for your response.
 
Thank you so much! It’s strange after the idea of me staying home occurred to us in a real way ( my lifelong dream) that feeling of hope made me so emotional it still doesn’t feel real. I know we’d have to move to a smaller place and if it’s a boy I can’t put him in a room with my almost 19 year old son it’s too big of an age gap! lol. But I sense with this new hope that I haven’t experienced in I don’t even know how long, perhaps 2 decades, that with God we’ll work it out. Thank you again and it’s funny you posted because you are one of my favorite people here that I read and ofcourse you would have no idea of that. God bless
 
God’s will is that we get to heaven and that we help our families and our friends and even strangers to get there too. He also wills us a vocation (married life, religious life?) and you have discerned that marriage is your vocation.

He allows us free will to determine if this job or that job is going to best help us to live well our vocation. Is this job causing you to falter at your vocation? Will this job hinder your or another’s path to heaven?

If not, then, use your reason to make the decision. I believe that in the womb children are effected by our emotions and stress.

Are you certain your daughter desires to attend the school where you work? If this is her dream school, if she has planned on this for years, feels that you have promised her that she can attend here, well, it is time to talk to her.

The other note, this is a Catholic college? There should be a chaplain and HR department who would not want the workplace to be hostile. Have you had a meeting with them?

ETA I see you have already talked to her! See 🙂 Your daughter will likely rather see you at peace!!!
 
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Hi and thank you. This Catholic college could help my daughter get to heaven but I don’t know. Yes I’m very stressed at work but these past few days thinking the possibility of me finally being a stay at home mom made me feel, I don’t have words but maybe happy finally.

My daughter never had her hopes on the college where I work, I’ve always just wanted them to go there because it was free and a Catholic University.

For 4 years I’ve gone to HR because of this hostile person, I’ve gone to my old manager and my new one. I used my company resources to try to help me and the end result was they let her get away with her nasty behavior and “I” get a needs improvement rating on my performance review because of not working well with “others” aka hostile bullies. That part was unbelievable.
 
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Seriously, this sounds like a “no brainer”! Give your notice and start house hunting!

Oh, edit to add. Your 19 year old is in the Military? Maybe you can find a house with a separate apartment “mother-in-law” suite, garage apartment so he can rent an apartment from you when he is home, still be close to family, but be learning independence.
 
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Lol thank you. I guess I keep thinking back on those 4 years and the dream of having my kids go there. My son didn’t qualify after all but I thought about my daughter.

I told my husband last night maybe those 4 years weren’t for them ( those were our plans), maybe all those panic attacks and rivers of tears and anguish were to humble me and get me closer to the Lord. I read St Therese during this time, I learned what offering it up was (boy did I) , I learned to pray for people even when you feel almost repulsed to. I still don’t like this woman at all and can barely stomach seeing her every day so nothing improved there but I did grow closer to God during my time at this job that brought me to depression.
 
oh thank you so much, he’s not there yet but will likely join in the Spring. Thank you again.
 
Hi MarthaSo,

Congratulations on your soon-to-be new addition to the family !

Would a plan something like the following be doable so everyone benefits?
-You find a house to buy in an area that keeps your daughter in the same school, same friends, her senior year.
-Your job income might be of help in qualifying for your new house, so quit your job after you get the house.
-You be a stay at home mom.
-Your daughter attends SUNY since it is free (If she wants collage and is o.k. with it) for three years). She then transfers over to the more prestigious collage her last year, and that will be the collage she graduates from. The cost would then be only one year of collage with the added benefit of the more prestigious collage degree that you were working so hard for her to have.
 
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