Confused: Catholicism VS. What actually happens in parishes

[linamarie17]

Where is this happening? Not what Parish, but what state or something. So odd.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Where is this happening? Not what Parish, but what state or something. So odd.

I know, right? If you just looked at the situation where priests are standing parishioners up for personal confession appointments, you’d wonder if somehow, a Protestant attitude has invaded these parish priests - that it’s unnecessary and sacrilegious to confess to a priest. It’s very troubling and puzzling.

Note - I am not disrespectful of these priests - I just cannot understand why they are so unconcerned about the state of their parishioners’ souls as to break appointments for confession…it is troubling to say the least.

 

[Elizabeth502]

Juliane, Perhaps if we think about it, it’s not terribly different from the general attitude displayed by assuming that the entire parish combined needs a grand total of a scheduled 45 minutes once/week to confess their sins. That’s the typical time allotted for most parishes, staffed by more than one priest, by the way. I’m thinking of a parish near me which has 3 priests attending and residing, full-time, and a very large congregation. Yep, 45 minues will do it.

Look at the different calculus for a very differently-minded parish, also near me: Smaller congregation, 2 priests instead of 3, with a minimum of 18 scheduled, regular confession opportunities every week.

That does not address the separate issue of breaking appointments, but it does speak to attitudes and assumptions which are prevalent.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Juliane, Perhaps if we think about it, it’s not terribly different from the general attitude displayed by assuming that the entire parish combined needs a grand total of a scheduled 45 minutes once/week to confess their sins. That’s the typical time allotted for most parishes, staffed by more than one priest, by the way. I’m thinking of a parish near me which has 3 priests attending and residing, full-time, and a very large congregation. Yep, 45 minues will do it.

Look at the different calculus for a very differently-minded parish, also near me: Smaller congregation, 2 priests instead of 3, with a minimum of 18 scheduled, regular confession opportunities every week.

That does not address the separate issue of breaking appointments, but it does speak to attitudes and assumptions which are prevalent.

Wow! 18 every week! I want to go to THAT parish!!! That’s like mine during Lent and especially Holy Week leading up to Easter!

We need a revival, don’t we…

 

[Elizabeth502]

Wow! 18 every week! I want to go to THAT parish!!! That’s like mine during Lent and especially Holy Week leading up to Easter!

We need a revival, don’t we…

Yep we do. And by the way, lots of people want to go to that parish, and the bishop very much supports that parish (which is also refreshing!).

And during Holy Week, the confession opportunites are more than 18.

There are rarely not lines for confession – some short, some long, but lines.

 

[Boswell]

I would also say as a side note, the fact that you are a newly converted, fired up disciple of Christ, is most likely a big part of why things are coming at you from every angle as you said, to discourage you. You are a big threat to the Devil now. You are out there spreading Christ’s light to the world. The enemy doesn’t want that, he wants you confused and doubting God and miserable.

Keep the faith, God is super close to you. It’s possible every time you’re about to learn a big spiritual lesson, you’ll feel the same thing happening. Feel Peace, God has called you and the Devil’s not gonna shake you.

Remember it’s always hardest right before the finish line.

Lina

 

[brian614]

These are the hours for Reconciliation at a parish about 45 mins from mine. Like I said in an earlier post I have ample opportunities at my church with my confessor.

But this particular Church has a beautiful adoration chapel and is closer to PHX. So when I am down that way I like to swing by. Every time I have made a confession there the lines have been long. Over a 30 min. wait.

I just love the way the priests here stress the importance of penance and then follow up there words with action.

Reconciliation / Horario De Reconciliación
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday: 5:00 pm - 7:00 pm
Saturday / Sábado: 4:00 pm - 8:00 pm
Sunday / Domingo: 6:00 am - 6:00 pm

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I’d love more regular opportunities for Confession with our parish priest. We get 30 minutes once each month, and about 1/3 of the time it’s a visiting priest.

 

[nickybr38]

These are the hours for Reconciliation at a parish about 45 mins from mine. Like I said in an earlier post I have ample opportunities at my church with my confessor.

But this particular Church has a beautiful adoration chapel and is closer to PHX. So when I am down that way I like to swing by. Every time I have made a confession there the lines have been long. Over a 30 min. wait.

I just love the way the priests here stress the importance of penance and then follow up there words with action.

Reconciliation / Horario De Reconciliación
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday: 5:00 pm - 7:00 pm
Saturday / Sábado: 4:00 pm - 8:00 pm
Sunday / Domingo: 6:00 am - 6:00 pm

You are very blessed.

 

[nickybr38]

I’d love more regular opportunities for Confession with our parish priest. We get 30 minutes once each month, and about 1/3 of the time it’s a visiting priest.

I’ve been Catholic three years. I’ve been to confession five times (and this is only because I refused to give up despite numerous no shows). That’s an average of twice per year. ): I’d even take once a month at this point.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’ve been Catholic three years. I’ve been to confession five times (and this is only because I refused to give up despite numerous no shows). That’s an average of twice per year. ): I’d even take once a month at this point.

I’m getting a mental picture of you camping out in front of the confessional the night before to make SURE you’re the first one in!



I don’t blame you.

 

[nickybr38]

I’m getting a mental picture of you camping out in front of the confessional the night before to make SURE you’re the first one in!



I don’t blame you.

LOL! I so would too. If we had regular scheduled confession times I would be first in line with bells on!

 

[MSSheBear]

I’ve been Catholic three years. I’ve been to confession five times (and this is only because I refused to give up despite numerous no shows). That’s an average of twice per year. ): I’d even take once a month at this point.

You mean you have no Reconciliation Service and no scheduled Confession times and the priests are reluctant to hear confessions by appointment? Maybe you should move where there are other sinners. I can guarantee there is at least one in my parish!

 

[nickybr38]

You mean you have no Reconciliation Service and no scheduled Confession times and the priests are reluctant to hear confessions by appointment? Maybe you should move where there are other sinners. I can guarantee there is at least one in my parish!

Oh! Is that the problem? Oh man. That’s what I get for joining a perfect parish. ): Ugh. The only sinner in a parish of saints. My position is a poor one indeed. I wish I could move! I would in a minute. Big city here I come!

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I’ve been Catholic three years. I’ve been to confession five times (and this is only because I refused to give up despite numerous no shows). That’s an average of twice per year. ): I’d even take once a month at this point.

Just out of curiosity, what do you do when the priest doesn’t show? I’d be knocking on the door of the parish office or rectory. The priest may well be there even if he’s forgotten your appointment or lost track of the time. I’ve made plenty of confessions in the priest’s office rather than in the church itself.

 

[nickybr38]

Just out of curiosity, what do you do when the priest doesn’t show? I’d be knocking on the door of the parish office or rectory. The priest may well be there even if he’s forgotten your appointment or lost track of the time. I’ve made plenty of confessions in the priest’s office rather than in the church itself.

Well, this week we knocked and then waited on the steps. Forty minutes later we gave up.

I know it seems creepy but I know it’s easy to forget.

Previous times we’ve done the same thing. Knock at church, knock at rectory. If no answer, hunker down and wait a bit then go home if after a reasonable amount of time he doesn’t show up.

Tried calling as well but there was no answer.

PS: I say we because I’m always with my family when I go to Confession. We come as a package deal since we’re all in the same boat of having to make appointments. It’s just easier if we all go at once. I always let the priest know exactly how many people will be coming and work with him for a day and time that is ideal for him.

Honestly, with my family alone, they could have a well attended scheduled confession every week. Haha. And more of us keep converting every year. Praise be!

 

[maryjk]

Honestly, with my family alone, they could have a well attended scheduled confession every week. Haha. And more of us keep converting every year. Praise be!

It just breaks my heart to hear that you can’t get a priest to show up for Confession. It just doesn’t make sense.

(Not that you are telling a tale, not at all. Just that I hate that there are priests that don’t see Confession as important.)

 

[NickD]

I’m having a really hard time coping with the discouragement and disappointment that keeps being hurled at me from every angle since my conversion. The latest hurtle is confession.

1. I know how these threads usually go. I have never, EVER voiced my discouragements and let ANYONE in our parish know what I’m struggling with. As far as they all know I’m perfectly happy. So no, this isn’t a reaction of people who are getting frustrated with dealing with my complaints.
2. I am only in my third year in this faith.

Confession via Catholicism.

When I read these forums, browse Catholic websites or just read the Catechism I’m told that Confession is good. It’s important. I’m told we can and if so disposed SHOULD attend regularly. I read that it’s good to go, even for venial sins. I’m encouraged to go, go, go.

Confession in Reality

Since my conversion I have had to struggle to get confession. There is no set time for confessions. You have to book an appointment. I would book appointments, the priest wouldn’t show up or he’d forget I was coming. I would write emails and confirm appointments and they would still not show up.

I finally found a confessor who seemed good. He would hear confession before Mass, after Mass, anytime. Again he would forget if I actually made a proper appointment but I just started going to him prior to Mass to alleviate that.

Recently he was moved to a neighboring parish.

I joked to some fellow parishioners about traveling to confess to him and I was scolded. I was told I should only hear confession in my own parish.

Fine. I made the decision to do that. I made the appointment for myself and my cousin (who travels here for confession because we have confessional booths. Her parish doesn’t and she doesn’t like face to face confession).

Today was our appointment. As per the usual the priest didn’t show up. I called my old confessor and asked him if we could come to him. My cousin believed she had committed a mortal sin so I wanted to help her get confession as soon as possible. If not for her I would have let it go.

My old confessor agreed to have us come. He seemed fine with it.

When we arrived Mass was in session so we sat and took part of Mass. After I introduced her to him and because I had another appointment I left her with him.

I just found out his response and it’s very, very discouraging.

What do I do?

A little History

To help you understand the depth of my disappointment I have a story.

The year I converted we had a special dinner with the Bishop. During dinner, as an excited convert, I shared with him my utmost joy and excitement for confession. I was a happy, newly forgiven sinner and a lover of confession.

His response was a roll of the eyes and to get up and leave my table. He did not speak to me again. My sponsor’s response was to tell me confession isn’t all that important. The others at the table just laughed at me.

Tonight

My cousin was told tonight that;

A: She shouldn’t be traveling just to receive confession in a booth. He didn’t understand what the big deal was and why she couldn’t just go to her own priest.

B: Tradition is NOT important (his response when she told him how much she loved the traditions of the Church - as a convert she is excited to learn Catholic traditions).

C: That she should not steal (she had NOT confessed to stealing - he just randomly started scolding her for theft)

She was treated like an inconvenience and an annoyance (despite the fact we asked if we could come - we did NOT impose. We made the trip only after he said; come on down!).

She was made to feel like she had done something wrong by coming to him.

What Now

So what do we do? I make appointments with my new priest… he doesn’t show up. I go to my old confessor and he gets irritated because I should only seek confession within my current parish… I’m not comfortable traveling to my cousin’s parish because I too prefer the confessional booths. I cannot go to my Bishop (to ask his advice on how to proceed) because he is dismissive of confession.

We’re out of options.

What do we do? How do we get confession? Do we just take it once a year during Easter when it’s offered? Do we only go when we have mortal sin on our hearts? Do we give up on trying to seek regular confession?

I’m so horribly discouraged right now and very, very sad for my cousin who had an absolutely terrible night thanks to my old confessors dismissive and annoyed treatment of her.

Find a Catholic parish which gives you the proper spiritual care that you need! The Church is meant to be a hospital for sinners–for all of us, then-- so that we can grow in sanctity and be saved! It makes me absolutely SICK to hear about bishops who have no care for saving souls.

If you cannot receive confession anywhere, when you ask for it repeatedly, you go ahead and write the bishop. If he doesn’t help, write to the archbishop if you have one. If he doesn’t help, write to the Apostolic Nuncio for your country!!! If he doesn’t help, take it to the Vatican: write to the Sacred Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments!

Of course, through all of this, remember to stay humble in your petitions and prayerful in your disposition.

I am so completely SICK of hearing about situations like this! We need to storm heaven with prayers for renewal in the Church and for good and holy priests who will provide the Sacraments for the faithful!!!

And in all things, remain charitable and pray for our priests.

Okay, I feel a little better now

 

[xixxvmcm85]

You know, the first time I made an appointment for Confession and the priest didn’t show up I cried for an hour. I had spent hours preparing myself for the sacrament and then to be denied… I don’t know. It was just …

The second time I made an appointment and the priest didn’t show up I was disappointed but no tears.

The third time I wasn’t even disappointed. I wasn’t surprised. I was expecting it.

Yesterday, when the first priest didn’t show for our appointment… I laughed (Yup! Not a surprise, not a disappointment, it’s an expected slight that happens every time).

My God, Nickybr38, your thread here has really caused me to reflect on my own reluctance to confess. Here I am in a relatively large city, with a couple dozen or so confessors within a bus ride away, and I’m a member of a parish that has confession 30 minutes prior to every Mass, and I go maybe once a month (and doing so often feels like going to a dentist appointment). You on the other hand are practically running to the Sacrament and yet it’s being denied to you. I don’t want to in any way diminish the pain this whole ordeal has no doubt caused you, but I’m thinking I may stop in to chat with my confessor tomorrow thanks to the passion and high esteem in which you hold the Sacrament. So if nothing else good comes from this, know that this thread may very well do the same thing for others.

I notice that in most of your posts I’ve skimmed on this thread you mention being incredibly hurt by priests who have not shown up for appointments, but you don’t mention pointing it out to them that they flaked on you. Have you not done so? You may well have a very flighty priest who’s really bad at remembering confession appointments. He doesn’t intend to deliberately stand you up, and (assuming this is the case) you not pointing it out to him that he has indeed stood you up, isn’t cognizant of his poor behavior. If you haven’t mentioned it to him yet, maybe you should try setting up another appointment, and when you do, say something along the lines of “Father, I’ve made a number of confession appointments with you at around this time but you didn’t show up. I don’t mean to bother at a busy time, so would there be a better hour to schedule an appointment?”

I’ll say a little prayer for your situation tonight, and best of luck!

 

[nickybr38]

My God, Nickybr38, your thread here has really caused me to reflect on my own reluctance to confess. Here I am in a relatively large city, with a couple dozen or so confessors within a bus ride away, and I’m a member of a parish that has confession 30 minutes prior to every Mass, and I go maybe once a month (and doing so often feels like going to a dentist appointment). You on the other hand are practically running to the Sacrament and yet it’s being denied to you. I don’t want to in any way diminish the pain this whole ordeal has no doubt caused you, but I’m thinking I may stop in to chat with my confessor tomorrow thanks to the passion and high esteem in which you hold the Sacrament. So if nothing else good comes from this, know that this thread may very well do the same thing for others.

I notice that in most of your posts I’ve skimmed on this thread you mention being incredibly hurt by priests who have not shown up for appointments, but you don’t mention pointing it out to them that they flaked on you. Have you not done so? You may well have a very flighty priest who’s really bad at remembering confession appointments. He doesn’t intend to deliberately stand you up, and (assuming this is the case) you not pointing it out to him that he has indeed stood you up, isn’t cognizant of his poor behavior. If you haven’t mentioned it to him yet, maybe you should try setting up another appointment, and when you do, say something along the lines of “Father, I’ve made a number of confession appointments with you at around this time but you didn’t show up. I don’t mean to bother at a busy time, so would there be a better hour to schedule an appointment?”

I’ll say a little prayer for your situation tonight, and best of luck!

Thank you. That’s a very good suggestion. I am a very careful person, it could be because I’m Canadian. I don’t like to make people feel bad, I don’t like to burden them, I don’t like to demand anything of them. I haven’t complained to the priest or even mentioned that he stood me up several times. Mainly because I don’t want to accidentally offend or burden him.

I like your idea of just gently slipping it into conversation.

I think part of the problem could be that I have to arrange these appointments two-three weeks in advance so I can book the time off work. It could be that with such a large time gap between when the appointment is made and when it happens it’s just slipping his mind. I realize it’s quite the gap. I’m not sure what to do to help alleviate this gap without being troublesome though. I thought of writing him a little reminder email the day before but then I thought that would seem quite pushy, especially if it’s one of the rare moments where he’s NOT forgetting…

I suppose some of the problem IS me because I’m not being as assertive as perhaps I could or should be but it’s not in my nature to demand anything. Even something like this.