Confused, lonely and wanting to come home. How?

[Teresa72]

Im a woman who just turned 40 years old. Converted to Catholicism 2006 and reunited with my children’s father 2007 who had been in and out of prison but seemed to want his life to turn around. Married him because I still loved him in 2008. Figured he would not want to go to Catholic church so started going to the protestant church I had attended for a number of years prior to Catholic conversion. this is a church that is so loving I thought it would be a really good support for him. Unfortunately things did not really seemed to get better for him as he battled addiction to alcohol and battled his past ties and associates. Finally these things caught up with him and he was murdered in 2009. It was such a tragic loss as we had just had another baby girl 6 weeks prior. My daughter was only 6 weeks old and I had three boys with him also who were twins 12 and a 13 at the time of his death. Unfortunately too I subsequently met his brother (long lost brother who had been discovered after I married my husband). His brother and I connected probably in an unhealthy way since he was also coming out of a wounded place from a failed relationship. Brother n law came down from out of state, we lived together and then two years later I made him leave because I felt he was not being faithful to the “relationship”. Needless to say, I fell away from the Catholic church and pretty much church in general although I’ve been trying to stay attached best I can…Attending churches here and there trying to find my way.

Brother n law still lives here in my town in his own apartment and I’m still in love with him and anxious over the future of the relationship and anxious over my own sense of loneliness and loss of spiritual direction. I feel that since I have been having an intimate relationship with brother n law these past three years even after he moved out, that I can not move forward. I feel in bondage to this sin. I need help. How can I begin to move in the right direction? I even think that if I go to confession everytime I mess up it won’t help me. For some reason I can’t stop trying to be with this man while my real husband is gone.

My husband was my first true love and I waited for him and was abstinent for 12 years waiting for him and when we finally got married he died a year later. Psychologically, when I feel his brother n law slipping away or when the relationship feels yucky and even when I feel mistreated, I still try to hang on. I can’t let go. Someone please pray for my soul. I’m reaching out for help. I work 50 hours a week and raising 4 kids with a mortgage payment the whole nine yards. So hard to be spiritual or devote the proper amount of time to it trying to keep my head above water financially. Can someone relate to this or give some wise words of advise? I’m really hurting here and torn up over this and what to do. Please give me some things I can do maybe even at work to help me. Please I need some good Catholic support from someone.

Thank you.

 

[Veronica97]

God bless you, Honey. You say you converted to the Catholic Church in 2006. Does this mean you were baptized and/or confirmed at that time? If so, all you need to do is go to Confession–at any Roman Catholic Church anywhere. Confess your relationship to BIL and anything else that is weighing on your heart, and I can almost guarantee you will feel instantly better. There is so much grace in confession. Not only does it wipe the slate clean and make our souls white as snow, but it gives “light” to see Truth (which becomes clouded by sin over time) and grace to avoid sin in the future. Then start going to Mass again. Even with your work schedule you should be able to find a Mass on Saturday evening or Sunday that you can attend. You need to receive Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. It will also strengthen you against sin. And finally, pray. I would heartily recommend praying the rosary if you can. Here is a link to a site where you can pray the rosary in 17 minutes with online audio. catholicity.com/cds/rosary.html Here is another site that explains how to pray the rosary.
how-to-pray-the-rosary-everyday.com/fruits-of-the-rosary.html
The Lord will never deny His mother’s requests as long as they are in line with the Will of God. And how could your wanting to be closer to God not be in line with the Will of God?
In fact, I will pray a rosary for you tonight. Your post really touched my heart, and I think God is very pleased that you are seeking Him. “Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.”

 

[Teresa72]

Thank you so much for your words of love towards me. I was confirmed into the church in 2006 after attending all of the RCIA classes. Even at the time I was pretty alone in my endeavour but felt that this was truly God’s path for me. As I continued in the Church, the novelty and newness wore off and I began to become complacent and was not practicing my faith like I should have. I believe that is why the timing was off when I married my husband and I probably got out of God’s will. Now I’m paying incessantly! But we did have a beautiful daughter from all of it. During the time I was attending before marrying in 2008, I had begun putting my husband on the prayer request list almost every mass and was calling him my husband on the prayer request (even though he officially was not!). I am hoping all was not in vain and my dear husband will be able to rest with his Lord and Saviour.

I do keep thinking about going to confession over this, but I keep thinking that I will feel worse if I return to the sin or cannot resist after I confess. By worse, I will feel more discouraged that I will never be able to stop or to please God or ever be able to be released from this sin. In other words, I will go to confession, and still mess up and then I will feel like I’ll never get better. Like I think that i must feel like I am completely ready to stop before I go to confession. Please tell me what you think or what the church says about this.

 

[Lady_Love]

I do keep thinking about going to confession over this, but I keep thinking that I will feel worse if I return to the sin or cannot resist after I confess. By worse, I will feel more discouraged that I will never be able to stop or to please God or ever be able to be released from this sin. In other words, I will go to confession, and still mess up and then I will feel like I’ll never get better. Like I think that i must feel like I am completely ready to stop before I go to confession. Please tell me what you think or what the church says about this.

Every time you go to confession you receive grace to overcome the sin you are battling.

I also struggled with an attachment to a man. For years I felt that pull and I was in bondage, even when I was in a relationship with someone else. It tore at me. I discovered that I had a “soul-tie” with this person. I sought out a priest to pray with me breaking unholy soul ties. Even then, because of my unwillingness to let him go, the soul-tie remained but not with as much strength. Eventually, the tie got thinner and thinner. Now, I still love the man but with detachment and freedom and at a distance. Ask your priest to help you.

 

[Lancer]

The late and beloved Blessed Pope John Paul II made an astounding statement of Truth in the closing of his last homily at his last World Youth Day in Toronto at Downsview Park on Sunday, 28 July 2002:

You are young, and the Pope is old, 82 or 83 years of life is not the same as 22 or 23. But the Pope still fully identifies with your hopes and aspirations. Although I have lived through much darkness, under harsh totalitarian regimes,** I have seen enough evidence to be unshakably convinced that no difficulty, no fear is so great that it can completely suffocate the hope that springs eternal in the hearts of the young. You are our hope, the young are our hope.**

**Do not let that hope die! Stake your lives on it! **We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures; we are the sum of the Father’s love for us ****and our real capacity to become the image of his Son.

1. I finish with a prayer.

O Lord Jesus Christ, keep these young people in your love. Let them hear your voice and believe what you say, for you alone have the words of life.

Teach them how to profess their faith, bestow their love, and impart their hope to others.

Make them convincing witnesses to your Gospel in a world so much in need of your saving grace.

Make them the new people of the Beatitudes, that they may be the salt of the earth and the light of the world at the beginning of the Third Christian Millennium!

Mary, Mother of the Church, protect and guide these young men and women of the Twenty-first Century. Keep us all close to your maternal heart. Amen.

**Isaiah 43: 1-4
English Standard Version (ESV)

Israel’s Only Savior**

1 But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
3** For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior**.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
4** Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you**,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.

I pray that you will seek a priest for reconciliation and spiritual guidance…let him help you to focus on God’s Mercy and power to change anything…to make great good come from all that may have gone wrong…let him help you to put your hand and heart into the hand and Sacred heart of Jesus…leading you to your Father in heaven. Don’t look at your self and life without looking first on the Father’s love for you…gazing on you from the Cross on Calvary with a love and mercy that is stronger than all the evil and wrongs of every life that has ever existed or will exist…on the face of the Earth.

Pax Christi

 

[blueshells]

I do keep thinking about going to confession over this, but I keep thinking that I will feel worse if I return to the sin or cannot resist after I confess. By worse, I will feel more discouraged that I will never be able to stop or to please God or ever be able to be released from this sin. In other words, I will go to confession, and still mess up and then I will feel like I’ll never get better. Like I think that i must feel like I am completely ready to stop before I go to confession. Please tell me what you think or what the church says about this.

Go to confession! You will receive such grace there, and it will help you be able to stop.

As far as your worry about failing and feeling worse, never give up. Look up the denial of Peter in the Bible, and if you can, read and meditate on it in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. Peter denied Jesus three times, knowing that He knew that he would do it, and yet He found Peter a solid enough rock to build the whole Church on! A number of the Saints and other holy people have fallen flat on their face many times; you just pick yourself up (or let Jesus pick you up) and keep on trying.

God knows the innermost parts of your soul, and He loves you perfectly, whatever is there, and He is infinite in mercy. Go home, dear one. You will be most welcome.

 

[Veronica97]

I do keep thinking about going to confession over this, but I keep thinking that I will feel worse if I return to the sin or cannot resist after I confess. By worse, I will feel more discouraged that I will never be able to stop or to please God or ever be able to be released from this sin. In other words, I will go to confession, and still mess up and then I will feel like I’ll never get better. Like I think that i must feel like I am completely ready to stop before I go to confession. Please tell me what you think or what the church says about this.

We do not have to have perfect contrition in order to go to confession–we can have imperfect contrition as well. Perfect contrition is being sorry for our sins because we have offended God, Whom we should love above all things. Imperfect contrition is being sorry for our sons because we fear the loss of Heaven and pains of Hell. We do have to have the intention to TRY (with God’s help of course) not to sin in this way again. But suppose you do try your very best and then out of weakness, you fall. If that happens, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back to Confession! I am thinking that you are very lonely and this is why the relationship with your BIL is such a temptation. As you get closer to the Lord (and if you read some of my old posts you will see that I am 44 and had a reversion about 15 months ago, went to Confession for the first time in 7 or 8 years, and received much grace and light to really get serious about practicing my Faith), you will find that HE begins to fill that void of loneliness. In the Glorious Mysteries of the rosary, we meditate upon “the descent of the Holy Spirit” and the fruit of that mystery is “love of God.” When I am praying the Hail Mary’s for that mystery, I am praying that I will love God above all things. If you pray for this, God will answer your request. You will find in time that you love Him more than anyone or anything else and that you would rather die than do something that is seriously against His Will. Now I am not saying that you need to live the rest of your life alone. Perhaps God does have another marriage in your future. But what I am saying is, aim to put God first and pray for all of the virtues of the rosary (Faith, Hope, Love of God, Love of Neighbor, etc.) and then EVERYTHING ELSE will be given to you. Matthew 6:33: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you besides.” Now I’m not saying that you’ll get everything you WANT, but you will get everything you NEED if you put the Kingdom of God first. I can also almost guarantee you that the devil is trying very hard to keep you from confession b/c he knows the power that it has against evil. Don’t let the devil keep you away from confession.

 

[TuAutem]

Like I think that i must feel like I am completely ready to stop before I go to confession. Please tell me what you think or what the church says about this.

No! And this is what is so humbling, so overwhelming, about God’s graciousness to us. Not only do we not need to be free from attachment to sin before going to confession (though we do need to regret the fact that we sinned), the sacrament actually can be the vehicle that gives us the freedom from sin that we crave. (And yes, some sins, when we are particularly weak, are ones we are going to need to confess many times in a row. But God will help us to win out in the end, if we let him.)

Or think of it this way: if we could be good on our own, without God, why would we even need to turn to God? But if you find, by experience, as we all do, that you cannot do everything you would like without God, then the only possible conclusion is that you need to turn to God, and ask for his help. This is not something you can handle on your own, nor should it be. Handle it together with Jesus.

 

[acadian]

My priest has said that confession is a two-part miracle. The first part of the miracle is when God calls us there (and we have the good sense to listen). Your thinking about confession is the Hoy Spirit tapping you on the shoulder and whispering, “Teresa, come to me. Bring me your burdens. You, who are weary. I will give you rest.”

The second part of the miracle is absolution and forgiveness. God loves to forgive. He never tires of us coming to him.

What Veronica says is true. The devil will step up his attempts to keep you away from confession. The doubts and second-guessing comes from the evil one.

Go to confession! The angels and saints will rejoice! Jesus welcomes you with open arms!

I will pray for you.

 

[fred_conty]

To help yourself, obtain the miraculous medal of Mary, have it blessed and wear it.
This is a very simple thing to ask of you, and it is Mary’s request, not mine.

Here is some important info about the Miraculous Medal, one of Mother Theresa’s
favorites.

“Have a medal struck… All who wear it will receive GREAT graces; they should wear it
around the neck. GRACES will ABOUND for persons who wear it with CONFIDENCE.”
From the mother of Jesus spoken to sister Catherine Laboure 1830.

“Great graces are often attached to what seems trifling.” St. Margaret Mary Alacoque

“The devotions we practice in honor of the glorious Virgin Mary, however trifling they be,
are very pleasing to her divine Son, …” St. Teresa of Jesus

During this apparition, Mary’s hands had 3 rings on each finger. Each ring gave off
rays of colored light. A few rings did not. Mary said that the lights radiating from
the rings are graces that people ASK for. The rings that didn’t radiate she said
were graces not given because they were NOT asked for.

St. Paul said that our battle is against Principalities and Powers, i.e. Demons.

It is blessed. The devil hates blessed objects. Keep it on all all times.
Wear her medal in her honor because the devil avoids her.

Then say, “Mary I am asking now for great graces which you promised to those who ask and believe you.”
Trust her, it works. She is the mother of God. She would certainly do what she promised.
She wants you to wear it. It is her gift to you. She promised to help.

 legionofmary.org/miracmedal.html

What is so special about this medal is that Mary will lead you where you need to go.
You take her on as your guide.
There are no special promises from her except GREAT graces and ABUNDANT graces.
This promise is good as long as you rely on her and believe she will make it happen.
She will make it happen if you trust her.
“O Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to you.”
“O Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.”
Say these frequently and she will see you thru this.

And that’s a promise…from Her.

 

[Teresa72]

Thank you so much for all of your replies! Somehow I don’t feel quite so alone now.

To help yourself, obtain the miraculous medal of Mary, have it blessed and wear it.
This is a very simple thing to ask of you, and it is Mary’s request, not mine

I’ve felt tons of anxiety today but I did pray the rosary this morning and found my miraculous medal I ordered years ago. I’m actually wearing my rosary today and the medal. I will be going to confession tomorrow and try to attend mass as soon as possible.

My priest has said that confession is a two-part miracle. The first part of the miracle is when God calls us there (and we have the good sense to listen).

Thank you Acadian I must believe that.

And yes, some sins, when we are particularly weak, are ones we are going to need to confess many times in a row

Yes TuAutem and this is tha hardest part to me because I don’t want to ask forgiveness and then turn right around and hurt the Lord over again. That must mean I wasn’t sincere the first time is what I start to think. But I wil take the advice and go!

As you get closer to the Lord (and if you read some of my old posts you will see that I am 44 and had a reversion about 15 months ago, went to Confession for the first time in 7 or 8 years, and received much grace and light to really get serious about practicing my Faith), you will find that HE begins to fill that void of loneliness.

Thank you Veronica, I have felt particularly touched by your posts. I am definitely going to take time to read your story and I’d like to somewhat be able to keep in touch. It feels good to meet Catholics who are on fire about their faith.

Go home, dear one. You will be most welcome

. I thought at least one person would come down on me for my situation but instead I’ve been given love from everyone and encouragement. Thank you so much. This love is what draws people to God.

The late and beloved Blessed Pope John Paul II made an astounding statement of Truth in the closing of his last homily at his last World Youth Day in Toronto at Downsview Park on Sunday, 28 July 2002

Pope John Paul II was actually the very first inspiration to become Catholic for me. I felt I could see Jesus so clearly in him. Thank you for reminding me of him today.

I also struggled with an attachment to a man. For years I felt that pull and I was in bondage, even when I was in a relationship with someone else. It tore at me. I discovered that I had a “soul-tie” with this person. I sought out a priest to pray with me breaking unholy soul ties. Even then, because of my unwillingness to let him go, the soul-tie remained but not with as much strength. Eventually, the tie got thinner and thinner. Now, I still love the man but with detachment and freedom and at a distance. Ask your priest to help you.

Lady Love, I am in this same situation and it is so hard because my love for him gets entangled with the sin I feel compelled to commit in order to try to stay with him. You have given me encouragement that I can still love him and in the right way. Once I can love him from a distance, I can then pray for his soul as well.

Thank you all so much. This has been extremely helpful to me. Please if you can pray for me although my prayer life is at the time horrible!!! thank you thank you thank you!!!

 

[Veronica97]

Thank you Veronica, I have felt particularly touched by your posts. I am definitely going to take time to read your story and I’d like to somewhat be able to keep in touch. It feels good to meet Catholics who are on fire about their faith.

You’re welcome, Teresa. I prayed the rosary for you yesterday. I’m so glad you’re going to confession and Mass! One thing you will notice if you read my posts, I am scrupulous–there’s no denying it. My OCD has always taken one form or another, but since my reversion it has taken the form of scrupulosity (excessive fear of sin.) I will tell you this, though. My husband noticed that when I was going to daily Mass, I was significantly better. When I stopped going (b/c our pastor went on vacation), my OCD got really bad again. Now I’ve been going to daily Mass several times a week for the past five weeks, and I am feeling much more peaceful. There is healing in the Blessed Sacrament. We are not promised physical healing (although sometimes the Lord does heal us physically) but we are promised spiritual healing. I truly believe everything we will ever need to know is contained in the Catholic Church. Welcome home!!

 

[maltmom]

First I’d like to tell you I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. I will pray for the repose of his soul.

Second…WELCOME HOME!!! You are not alone. We are here to pray for you and to listen if you need a shoulder.