Confused, Lost, Sad, Unhappy at times in my marriage

[Lady_Love]

Do you know how to communicate to your husband effectively? If you do not then you could do more damage to your relationship by talking, talking, and talking.

Number one:

Know what you need from your husband that he can manifest in concrete ways before you ever approach him.

Ask him for what you need specifically. “I could really use a hug. Will you give me a hug?” “I am really overwhelmed with housework. Would you do the dishes for me, please?” “I am really feeling disconnected with you in the bedroom. Would you please make more eye contact with me?”

Do not ever bring a problem to a man without giving him a concrete way in which he can fix it. Example: “I need to talk. Will you just listen to me while I vent my frustration? I don’t need you to fix it, I just need to vent.” Even though, in this statement you told him you didn’t want him to fix it, you gave him a way to fix it by asking him to listen.

Never make your husband the ENEMY! Your husband is, and wants to be your hero. He wants to be there for you, he just needs to know HOW to be there for you. If you blame your husband, if you make him your enemy, you will push him away and he will feel like a failure. This is not what you want. You want to give him opportunities to be your hero.

Oh yeah, If you did not ask for it, Do not expect it. Men cannot read your mind, they don’t know what you are thinking, feeling or expecting.

You can also apply these principals to your relationship with God. Let God be your hero. Tell him what, exactly, you want from Him. Then TRUST that He will make His move at the PERFECT TIME, It may not be in your time, but wait and TRUST. God can fix anything if you just let Him.

In the meantime, when you need to cry, vent your anger, and figure out exactly WHAT it is you need and want. You can talk to Mary. She is a woman and knows you inside and out.

 

[Irishmom2]

Do not ever bring a problem to a man without giving him a concrete way in which he can fix it.

This is true, because that is what he will want to do for you, and he may be frustrated that he can’t help. However, if there really is nothing you want him to do, you may need to just say “I know you can’t fix this for me, but sometimes, I just need to get it out of my system.” As long as it is not something negative towards him that you are saying without a solution.

 

[marry951]

I am in a similar situation as far as feeling confused and not knowing what direction to steer. I have tried marriage counseling, we even started attending a marriage group every Wednesday. My husband at one point 9 years ago went to Anger Management due to him physically hurting me, he hasnt physically hurt me again, but mentally yes. My husband and I have beem married for 10 years and dated for 3 total of 13 years. We have 2 children 6 & 7. They are a true blessing. I was like many Catholics, a believer by mouth, but would not pratice or live by God’s word. I would go to church and not pay attention, did not understand the readings. However, I have gotten closer to god for over a 2 years, and he has helped me with everything and every situation. We are bleseed to be alive and healthy, however its really tough when the spouse isnt ready to make a change, to renew his heart or try more. I hear this every time, and from all sources, " Be patient, he will come around." However our marriage is more like living with a room mate. Or maybe worse. He is a great dad, but not a good husband. I have tried, reading prayer(maybe I need to do more), but it is hard when the spouse, doesnt help you financially with the kids needs, or household, as well as picking them up from daycare, and cleaning etc…on top of that I am a full time working mom. I AM SO STRESSED OUT. I am at the point were I need my space to be able to think, I cant even think or focus at home, at work. I know I am leaving out alot, but I am married to a mexican macho, that was raised thinking the wife is the maid, and that he can come and go as he pleases without informing the wife. Not to mention the communication…welll lets just say he talks to everyone on Facebook, texting all the time, and is on his computer and phone all the time. If I try to ask for help he says yes, and will forget and I remind him way later, and he gets mad because according to him he will get to it. Then he doesnt do it at all. Then the maid (me) steps in. Sorry for venting, I am so in over my head. I am a true believer of the marriage, til death due us part, I believe God can change him, but in the mist of all this I am getting really depressed, and all i want to do is cry, cry cry. I can focus on anything…At this point I feel a separation is what will either make us or break us. I dont act on impulse, but I do feel like I am going to lose it…PLEASE HELP…

 

[yjenkins]

I’m sorry to hear you are going through all this. Please know you are not alone. I am fortunate to have my husband help around the house and with our children. We are currently going through counseling and I have also been told to be patient,pray etc. I strongly believe in the power of prayer. God does not want us to separate. I’m not sure what your situation is really like however I am reading a book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Let me tell you, reading this book has given me a rude awakening. I can relate to everything that the book says and have a better understanding as to why my marriage is where it is it. I also have a better understanding of my husband as well. In the mean time, all I can do at this point is give my husband space and time while we go through counseling together. I believe that if he did not want to stay in this marriage he really would not be going through counseling. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[marry951]

Thank you so much I do need it, and so does my husband. You are right about the counseling if they didnt want to make it work they probably wouldnt go. In my husbands case I really dont know why he pulls away and is not open to change. Not sure what his fears are. Whether his other buddies will make fun of him for walking in Gods path, and treating his wife with respect, in the past Mexican culture is known as the woman being in control and that is a disgrace to men. I really really hope and pray that my husband reaches salvation. I want to as well. Again thank you for hearing me.

 

[Lucky7]

Do you respect your husband? Does he know you respect him by your words or deeds?

I highly suggest reading this book:

amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desires-Desperately-Needs/dp/1594153205

It’s not written by Catholics, but it is Christian/Bible-based Ephesians 5 (and I do not remember reading anything that went against Catholic teaching). It has some tough advice for us women (and men). It teaches that women need to give unconditional respect for their husbands and husbands need to show unconditional love towards their wives. Men feed mostly off of respect; women feed mostly off of love. An eye opener. I am willing to bet that you will notice some things that you need to work on as well as your husband.

 

[Lucky7]

I’m sorry to hear you are going through all this. Please know you are not alone. I am fortunate to have my husband help around the house and with our children. We are currently going through counseling and I have also been told to be patient,pray etc. I strongly believe in the power of prayer. God does not want us to separate. **I’m not sure what your situation is really like however I am reading a book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Let me tell you, reading this book has given me a rude awakening. **I can relate to everything that the book says and have a better understanding as to why my marriage is where it is it. I also have a better understanding of my husband as well. In the mean time, all I can do at this point is give my husband space and time while we go through counseling together. I believe that if he did not want to stay in this marriage he really would not be going through counseling. I will keep you in my prayers.

LOL…I am just seeing this!!