Confused/Lost/Venting

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rj114

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This is literally the first post I have ever made on any Internet forum in my life. I am a 29 year old male who was raised in a very traditional Catholic home (in the South). My father has been an ordained deacon for years. I left the Church completely about 11 years ago (for many reasons), but have been struggling for the last few years mentally and spiritually. I suddenly feel compelled to go to confession (or at least have a private conversation with a priest as I am not sure I even remember the ins and outs of a traditional confession). I have almost completely made up my mind to do it, but am concerned about talking to my wife about it (she was also raised Catholic, but in a significantly less devout home and has also left the church). She tends to be much more adverse to the idea of coming back to the church. We were married during a mass almost 8 years ago, but that decision was mostly made out of respect to my parents, and neither of us have received communion since our wedding (that I can rmemeber). I don’t know what I am looking for here; assurance, advice, similar stories?

Edit: I’m not even sure if this was the correct place to post this or sub board (whatever it’s called) to post this under. Like I said, I’ve never even been to this site, or posted anywhere before tonight.
 
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I can share some parallels with your story. I came into the Catholic Church after being raised Anglican and going through a spell of agnosticism. While still a newlywed, I was craving a deeper faith connection. My husband, himself a lapsed Catholic, didn’t balk when I told him that I wanted to start going back to church. What surprised me most was when he said that he was willing to come with me. We visited an Episcopal Church, but that just whetted his appetite to return to the Catholic Church. He convinced me to attend Mass with him, and the rest was history.

It sounds like your wife may not be as supportive, however. Does she harbor any resentment toward the Church? What makes her averse to the idea of returning? Would she object to you at least going to Mass alone?

Don’t sweat the Confession. Print out a copy of the Act of Contrition, in case you end up needing it. But most priests are pretty accommodating and will coach you through it if you’re candid with them and tell you exactly what you just told us.

A number of parishes have supportive programs specifically for returning Catholics. You could call your Diocese and ask if such a resource is available in your area.

You’re beginning an exciting journey - I’ll say a prayer for you!
 
I’ll remember you and your dear wife in my prayers during your faith journey 🙂:pray:t2:
 
I’m not completely sure if she has resentment toward the church, or just people associated with it, which creates a bias. Neither one of us have the greatest relationship with my parents anymore (probably because of our decisions since we were married) specifically with my mother. She (mom) tends to be very selfish and judgemental, and likes to tie every argument we have into our decision to leave, which I believes drives the stake deeper between my wife and the church.

This is only one example; we have had short conversations about returning to SOME sort of church a few times but she always seems to get defensive when I bring up Catholicism.

I am honestly not sure how she would respond to the idea of me returning alone right now. My career takes me away from home for long hours and long durations frequently (military), and I think she would be upset if I suggested taking more time away from her and the kids.
 
Truthfully it sounds like The Holy Spirit nudged you a bit perhaps? He has done this to me many times… in amazing ways and I’m sooooo grateful! I agree about the confessional, don’t hesitate, the priest will probably help you. I would just start taking steps, go to confession, head to Sunday mass, basic prayer life… You never know your wife might be grateful you lead the way. An unlikely roommate of mine gently nagged me back into going to mass… I had intended to go for a while but he finally got me through the door, I’m now so glad he did.
 
Its a sign that God is knocking on your door. 😉
 
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Your story/situation is a common one. You’re a lapsed Catholic who is about to revert to the Faith, and that’s great. Many Catholics here (on CAF) have gone through what you’re going through, so you’re in good company. Just have a private conversation with a priest like you said, it’s an excellent start. As for your wife, I’m pretty sure she’ll come around after a while, especially if you lead the way in a confident, non-pushy manner. Thank heavens she was at least raised Catholic (even if not particularly devout) and the two of you had a proper sacramental marriage (even if only for your parents’ sake), so that there aren’t any formal barriers preventing you and your family from returning to the Church.
 
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I honestly think that is part of the problem thought. I DONT even know if I am ready to come back to the church; I personally still have a good deal of issues with alot of things. I just feel this gnawing desire to confess or talk/receive guidance or something. As I mentioned in my OP, I have had a great deal of mental/emotional/spiritual stress the last few years, but I am worried of “taking advantage” of the sacrament. My upbringing has fostered in me a great deal of respect and understanding of the intensity of the sacraments, and I am hesitant to “confess” when I am not completely sure if or at peace with returning point at this point. I almost feel as if it would be disrespectful to all of the faithful or soemthing… I don’t know… like I said, CONFUSED, haha.
 
That last post was meant in response to you. I don’t exactly know how to internet sometimes. I am a horrible millennial 😬
 
I was actually in a similar spot. One thing I would say though is don’t feel like you have to be perfect, the church is as the saying goes “is not a store house for saints, but a hospital for sinners”. The sacraments can help you with the grace to get going. Also I had a lot of my questions answered… Catholic radio was also a big help here.
 
Any priest would be happy to guide you in confession, no need to know what to do, simply enter the confessional and say father I have not been to confession for years and don’t remember what to say or do. the priest will take it from there and you will be healed.
Even if your wife is reluctant now you should still start going to mass and receive the bread of life, this is why God is calling you into his Ark before the return of Christ as he wants you saved. Your wife will come around in her own time, but for now it is up to you to guide her home.
there are many miracles on line to watch or read if it helps, like the shroud of turin or the Lanciano miracle etc, all signs from Heaven.

so a pray Lord, I choose You and Your Will as my one possession in life. All else is passing and all else can be lost in an instant. But You, oh Lord, are eternal and You can never be taken away if I choose You. I love You, dear Lord, help me to remain firmly attached to You and Your Will. Jesus, I trust in You.
Have you heard of the Divine Mercy chaplet? it is our last salvation and hope for all sinners. and welcome back to your true family.

 
rj114 said:
I DONT even know if I am ready to come back to the church; I personally still have a good deal of issues with alot of things. I just feel this gnawing desire to confess or talk/receive guidance or something.[…] My upbringing has fostered in me a great deal of respect and understanding of the intensity of the sacraments, and I am hesitant to “confess” when I am not completely sure if or at peace with returning point at this point. I almost feel as if it would be disrespectful to all of the faithful or soemthing…
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Many of us have plenty of issues with the Church as she is now. But if you were raised Catholic and believe in the sacraments, She is still your Church (unless you truly find something that suits you better, but you’ve made no mention of that). You say you have a gnawing desire to confess and/or get some guidance. I think that’s a compelling reason to return. Your reverent attitude toward the sacrament of confession is laudable, but it shouldn’t get to the point where you are actually avoiding it while your heart tells you you need it. Don’t worry about offending “the faithful” either. Plenty of them put the bar a whole lot lower for themselves than you do. Not that that’s a yardstick to go by, but I’m just saying: don’t be too hard on yourself. Returning to the Church is a gradual process, something that grows on you; it’s not a matter of brooding it out first until you’re “absolutely sure”. As you proposed yourself, just talk to a priest to see how you feel. Attend a couple of masses, skipping communion until you’re ready for your first confession. If it feels right, take the next step. If it doesn’t feel right, then that’s still a valuable lesson and you may need some more time away from Church before you’re ready. See, you’re a baptized, confirmed, sacramentally married Catholic anyway, so as long as you’re not taking Communion without confessing your sins, you’re not transgressing or doing anything “weird” by talking to a priest or attending mass.
 
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You don’t need perfect clarity or to have all your doubts resolved to speak to a priest or make a confession. It’s okay to be confused and it’s okay to vent.

I would say, though, that you should make an appointment to speak to a priest, not just show up in the regular confession line. Regular confessions typically take like 5 minutes, and there’s usually a line. You sound like you’re wanting to have a longer, in depth conversation.
 
I have to say this…your dad is a deacon and very likely able to answer all of these questions. He wants to answer your questions and help you more than anyone on the planet. Asking him may not be the best thing, it might complicate things with your wife, but please, at least consider it. It will likely take swallowing a lot of pride to do so but will also begin to heal rifts in your family caused by your leaving the Church.
 
Pray and follow your heart. Let the Holy Spirit guide you in all truth.
 
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