Confused (scared)

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anne1234

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**In one of my posts, I mentioned how there is alot of bickering about my dad’s money and possesions (in his will).

Although it is spelled out quite clearly, (attotney says there may be some ‘gray’ areas, but hopeful it can be worked out without any major damage) I’m still concerned.

But that isn’t so much the problem with me as is what I have been reading about the Divine Mercy Warning…
…to not love the money … I don’t think I “love” it, but I want what was given me. Is this wrong to fight for it?

If I do, then am I loving the money?

thanks for any (name removed by moderator)ut.
**
 
I wish I had the answers for you, hon, really do. The only thing I can offer is that God wants us to be happy. No need to feel guilty about what rightfully belongs to you. You might want to consider tithing from your inheritance though. You’re in my prayers today with the hope that God shows you His will and grants you peace.

Auriella
 
First of all, the love and closeness of your family is worth a lot more than money. Many a family has been torn apart by fighting over inheritance.

I’d recommend prayer and love. I think this will show you that you have no need to claim more than is clearly deliniated as yours, and certainly no need to quarrel with other members of the family.

I would simply say to the others, “In Dad’s memory, we shouldn’t fight about this. Let’s draw straws to settle the gray areas.”
 
**Vern… I so agree with you.

Maybe I didn’t make my self clear though.
I’m not asking for anything that isn’t mine.

My sister is causing trouble for what was left me and not her.
Bottom line… my dad left my sister a very small sum of money and he left me everything else… which compared to what he left her is alot.

Since she is causing the trouble, I am getting defensive, and I hate feeling this way.

sorry… this posts sounds so trivial… but my heart is scared that I will go to hell because I want to have what was given me… legally… and she is fighting that.
**
 
You do have a problem – my dad did the same to my half brother. He left him $10.

You can simply refuse to fight – stay away from her and pray for her. If she takes legal action-- which usually makes the breach unrepairable – you will probably have to hire a lawyer, of course . And that’s sad.

Love her and pray for her. Pray God gets you through it all.
 
It sounds to me like you are simply yearning for justice to be done.
 
anne1234 said:
**Vern… I so agree with you.

Maybe I didn’t make my self clear though.
I’m not asking for anything that isn’t mine.

My sister is causing trouble for what was left me and not her.
Bottom line… my dad left my sister a very small sum of money and he left me everything else… which compared to what he left her is alot.

Since she is causing the trouble, I am getting defensive, and I hate feeling this way.

sorry… this posts sounds so trivial… but my heart is scared that I will go to hell because I want to have what was given me… legally… and she is fighting that.
**
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I might be in the minority here, but I think your father made a mistake leaving the bulk of his estate to just one of you. I suppose he thought your sister would waste the money or he was upset with her for some reason, and that was his prerogative. However, he didn’t take into account how she’d act towards you by leavng her a much smaller amount of money.

Although you have every legal right to keep what your father left you, I think you should give your sister half of the money to keep her from making you suffer for your father’s decision. I say this because you are clearly troubled by what she might do, and mere money isn’t worth it all. If she wouldn’t appreciate you even if you did give her half, still you would have the peace of mind knowing you did what you could to help the situation. Not that you should be bullied into giving up what your father wanted you to have, of course.

But, having peace with your sister, if that’s what you want more than the money, is worth it. Of course, it’s entirely up to you and I wouldn’t condemn you for not doing it. Only you know the whole situation. If you have any doubts about your ultimate fate, heaven or hell, I don’t think it’s that serious a situation. But do talk this over with your priest. I’m sure he’ll assure you that wanting to get what your father left you is no sin, but he too might advise you to give your sister half for the sake of family peace. In any case, talk to him about it. I will remember you in my prayers today.
 
anne1234 said:
**But that isn’t so much the problem with me as is what I have been reading about the Divine Mercy Warning…
…to not love the money … I don’t think I “love” it, but I want what was given me. Is this wrong to fight for it?

If I do, then am I loving the money?

**
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Renounce it my friend. If it comes to you, give it away.

If your family members insult you, forgive them and turn the other cheek.

Momey makes things easier and better, and who would argue with that? But if it troubles your spirit, or break your heart, or rends the family have nothing to do with it.
 
Your father left you in a very awkward position and in the interest of family peace, I would split the inheritance differently, down the middle if possible.

You may have every legal right to what was specified, BUT if you have no ‘attachment’ to money as God commands, you would not let it be a cause for disruption between you and your sister.
Christ’s Peace.
 
Your father’s wishes should not be ignored here either. Accept what he wanted to give you. If you choose to share it afterwards with your sister, it is then your prerogative.
 
Sometimes one parent leaves one child more because that child sacraficed more to take care of them when they were ill (left a job, went part time). Or maybe you altered part of your house to accomodate a lengthy illness.

It may be more than just you were Daddy’s favorite in which case you shouldn’t feel guilty.

Sometimes the prodigal son or daughter feels justified in getting half when really that isn’t justice at all. The son or daughter not involved as much in their care shouldn’t feel slighted.

Be honest with yourself about everything - you may be being too hard on yourself.
 
**Yes Scanner… so true.
I did so much for my parents, while my sister made a conscious choice to do otherwise.

As in all family stories… there is so much more than I can possibly type out here.

Is there an emoticon for A HUGE SIGH

😦

**
 
Anne,

That’s okay - don’t type it out. Just tell you sister why and all the work and sacrafice you gave and hopefully one day she’ll understand. If you gave up a part time job, or gave up spending time with your kids, etc, I think you are entitled to a disproportionate amount.

If I were the child who didn’t sacrafice, I think I would understand. If my sister took care of my parents, and gave up this and that, being the selfish person I am (and we all are to a certain extent), I wouild understand the reasoning and be thankful I wasn’t “burdened” (hate that word but it’s kind of ture) with the work of caring for that parent. She had freedom you did not.

Oh well. Unfortunately, that’s the way it goes.

Sorry for the pain.

I want you to be prepared - this may be the end of your relationship with your sister. Those kinds of resentments seem to last for years, often til death.

I don’t know if I would give her half. You would think you could “buy” off people’s happiness but chances are you would generously give her half and she would still resent the power you had in making that decision.

I wish you well.
 
anne1234 said:
**Vern… I so agree with you.

Maybe I didn’t make my self clear though.
I’m not asking for anything that isn’t mine.

My sister is causing trouble for what was left me and not her.
Bottom line… my dad left my sister a very small sum of money and he left me everything else… which compared to what he left her is alot.

Since she is causing the trouble, I am getting defensive, and I hate feeling this way.

sorry… this posts sounds so trivial… but my heart is scared that I will go to hell because I want to have what was given me… legally… and she is fighting that.
**
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Anne,

I’m more in agreement with Della than with anybody else. The money may be legally yours, but it sounds–and from what little you have told us, all I can say is that it sounds–like your dad did your sister an injustice. Of course, if your sister won the lottery two years before your dad died and is rolling in money, then this is not the case. But assuming two sisters of roughly similar means, and in roughly similar situations (I assume your sister is not in a dishonorable profession), they should get roughly similar amounts in the inheritance. And if your dad did do your sister wrong, then I would not recommend trying to enforce it.
  • Liberian
 
Again, a big thank you for all your replies.

Without getting into alot of my family’s dirty laundry…
my sister and her husband didn’t treat my parents with respect.
They treated them very poorly.

In august 2003, we all thought my dad wasn’t going to make it. My mother somehow “forced” my sister to come and see him before he dies.
My sister said AND I QUOTE …“I will never regret ever seeing him again.”

…… so there you have it.

What makes me sick is now she has her hand out 😦

sorry for the dirty laundry… but that’s the way it is 😦
 
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Della:
I might be in the minority here, but I think your father made a mistake leaving the bulk of his estate to just one of you. I suppose he thought your sister would waste the money or he was upset with her for some reason, and that was his prerogative. However, he didn’t take into account how she’d act towards you by leavng her a much smaller amount of money. Although you have every legal right to keep what your father left you, I think you should give your sister half of the money to
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I think I’m in the minority here with you. One thing I know the OP says it she only wants what is “mine” [hers]–but it may be easier to make a decision when remembering nothing here on this earth is ours. When we keep thinking about “what is rightfully mine,” I believe is when we get into trouble (at least it’s when I get into trouble). I try to remember to look at it as nothing here is mine and that I’m not entitled to anything, and it makes it easier when I lose something that was important to me or did not gain something important to me, and makes it so much easier to stay satisfied. We become joyful at the little things that come our way when we don’t expect anything.

Penitent
 
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anne1234:
Again, a big thank you for all your replies.

Without getting into alot of my family’s dirty laundry…
my sister and her husband didn’t treat my parents with respect.
They treated them very poorly.

In august 2003, we all thought my dad wasn’t going to make it. My mother somehow “forced” my sister to come and see him before he dies.
My sister said AND I QUOTE …“I will never regret ever seeing him again.”

…… so there you have it.

What makes me sick is now she has her hand out 😦

sorry for the dirty laundry… but that’s the way it is 😦
Click to expand...
My family was in the same situation a few years ago with my grandmother’s death at age 80. My older brother ran off for ten years without even sending a letter. A year prior to my grandmother’s death he came back and she welcomed him along with everyone in the family. When she died, she named my sister and mother as decsion makers (I was too young) and didnt want my brother to get the family heirlooms, becasue he is not responsible. My brother became irate and bitter and hates my sister and is very bitter towards my mom. She tried giving him what money she could spare (she can’t even afford to get her car fixed and has been taking the bus for months) but it did no good. Money and possessions never cured a bitter heart, only prayer. Whatever you do, don’t give in to the temptation to hate your sister or be bitter towards her for what she does to you (it will get hard if she starts hating you and gossiping about you to family friends) You must love her and pray for her no matter what, but don’t think giving her some extra money will change her heart. (I am not saying you shouldn’t if you feel God calls you to, but I am saying that it is unlikely to heal the rift of a bitter person with an entitlement complex. Nothing short of God will fill the void in their lives they try to fill with money and things.) I will pray for you, I know what you are going through.
 
I know you guys are probably sick to DEATH of me sharing my weird experience, strength and hope on these things but here goes:

My father was not a good father. Thanks to a good Catholic mom, AA and prayer I was the only one of his three children to have any kind of relationship with him during the last 4 years of his life. My brother could barely tolerate him and my older sister thought he was all ready dead! Dad promised me the moon when it came to inheritance and I will tell you that I absolutely allowed myself to be tempted by the thought of a large sum of money that would wipe out all my debts (mostly student loans) and allow me to have a nice supplement to my government pension (when I retire).

Well, true to form my Dad (God Bless him) did not write a will. WORSE - he told me he HAD written one and even gave me the name of the atty he ‘gave’ the will to in the event of his death. The atty never even heard of him.

Long story short, the estate is being divided equally between the 3 kids.

At first I was very hurt and angry - Dad had lied to me AGAIN, and a part of me (the frail human part) got all caught up with the idea that I had done so much for him and taken care of him and his mother-in-law (92 years old and HATED me) after his wife had died, he promised me, his other kids never did a thing to help me or him, blah blah blah.

Then it dawned on me - God had given me an incredible gift that had been offered to, but spurned, by my siblings. I had had a chance to be the daughter my father needed during the last four years of his life. I would not have acted any differently if there had been nothing to inherit at all.

I went to confession, made my peace with God and today I have a good relationship with my siblings.

Oh, and I still have to pay off all those student loans…lolololol.

Hope this helps.
 
Thank you again… I read every reply and take every Idea to heart, really I do.
I guess alot of what I need to do is to vent.
What will happen will happen.

There is so much family history that makes my dad’s will more understandable… but I know… this is not the place to “air” it all.

I have no motive to lie about any of this, I’m trying to give basic facts without getting into all the years of stuff

Although we are not Catholic, we are Greek Orthodox… and years ago my sister renounced the Church, all it’s teachings and became a member of the world wide church of God… the Armstrong people.

Now… she was “baptized” into this organization and my parents fell apart. It was ugly.

She not only left the church, she was arrogant and disrespectful of her family, my parents, myself included.
This behavior NEVER stopped… not even to this day.

I am so tired and am grieving the death of my mother from 2004 and now my dad who depended on me so much more towards the end of his life than my mother did.

I’m just so sad all the time, getting up to drink some coffee, come online, and go back to bed to cry and sleep until 5pm.

I’m sorry… I just feel so alone.
 
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