Confusion about grounds for annulment

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andreaa2288

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Hi All,

This is my first post and after searching the internet for information I decided I would ask some real people for their opinions/ideas.

A little background story:

I am 26 and have been divorced for a year and a half now after a very short and disasterous 1 year marriage(Oct 2011-Oct 2012). I started the annulment process back in February of this year with a Deacon at my local church. I finished writting my narative back in May and have been back and forth with the Deacon editing and revising the narative. The problem is that he is having a hard time seeing my reasoning for invalidity and I am not even sure what my true grounds for invalidity may be based on Cannon law. I know that the marriage was not a healthy one but I cannot seem to p(name removed by moderator)oint a ground for invalidity. I am frustrated because I do not want to be ex-communicated from the Church if I cannot prove this marriage invalid and decide to marry again. I am hoping that by giving a few points of interest into our courtship and marraige someone can point me in the right direction of the cannon law I should use for invalidity.

Important points from our marriage/courtship:

-We dated for 3 years on and off (dated and broke up due to his infidelity on multiple occasions)

-Decided to marry and were engaged for a year and a half before the marriage.

-Immediatly started trying to conceive after the marriage. (I pushed for this to happen and he wanted to wait and enjoy being married as a couple for a year or so first). We began having infertility issues and he eventually decided we would put our conception attempts on hold due to it negativly affecting our relationship. (I had become obsessed and all consumed at this point with trying to start a family, and this lead to constand fighting and arguments).

-10 months into the relationship he started seeing a counselor without my knowledge to help with marital problems. About 11 months into the marriage I began seeing this counselor with him as well as another counselor who diagnosed me with depression.

-A week later he told me he wanted a divorce saying that he would never make me happy.

-That night he moved out of the house and two weeks later I was served with divorce papers.

-To my knowledge there was no infedelity during the marriage.

I am very frustrated with the process of using one law to p(name removed by moderator)oint the destruction of my whole marriage. I have a 28 page paper detailing our lives and I don’t know where to go from here. Please help!
 
Sorry, I’m not an expert at all, but I was thinking that if a person goes into a marriage not actually intending to be faithful (exclusivity) to the other spouse that would be grounds for an annulment.
 
Perhaps some research would help you. You could get some of the books on annulments to read. Some books on annulments in the Catholic Church are listed on amazon.com (with reviews by readers evaluating each of them.) Then you could go to your local library and see if they would get the ones you want via interlibrary loan (or you could buy them).
In fact, I got an annulment myself thirty years ago and read one book that helped me. (Though I don’t recall the title.)
 
Will someone on your diocesan marriage tribunal talk to you to advise you?

There are several good books on annulments.

You may need to consult with a canon lawyer.
 
It seems to me that his infidelity before the marriage may have foreshadowed the fact that he was ready to make a life-long committment to a single person. Maybe some of your witnesses can attest to the fact that he tended to have a roving eye even though he didn’t during your marriage. This is something that could come under consideration. Hope it helps.

May God continue to bless you.
 
Contact the Tribunal and ask for a reference to a canon lawyer. It sounds like you have grounds based on his infidelities before marriage coupled with the short duration of the marriage, but need someone more trained and experienced than the Deacon.
 
I agree with others who say you need to do a little research. I am sorry for what you are going thru and I offer my day, its joys and sorrows, struggles and moments of peace, for you that God will lead you to the people who can help you find the right answers.

I did find this article:
ewtn.com/expert/answers/annulment.htm

God Bless you.
 
Andreaa,

I am sorry you are going through this; I also went through the process. If the Deacon is coming across as you say “having a hard time seeing your reasoning” then it is most likely that he will not be putting this best effort into helping you – I would suggest that you talk to Priest that would be more supportive of your decision.

For the annulment:

It seems to me that he never really had a desire to get married. The infidelity prior to marriage could be a sign – and should also be explained in your documentation (I am sure it is there – but just in case).

After 10 months seeing a councilor without you – could also point to that he did not want to be married – and may never have wanted to be. Thus entering into the marriage without the intent of staying married.

For the Monsignor who helped me with my documents, he also had me rewrite it after reviewing it, told me to thy and have things tied together.

For your case:

Write about the dating prior to marriage – the on and off relationship, the infidelity, his lack of wanting to commit to a relationship.

Explain how this carried over into the marriage – not wanting to start a family, not seeming to be involved in the marriage, seeing a councilor without informing you or trying to communicate with you. Again his lack of wanting to be in a committed relationship.

It seems that he entered into the marriage without the intent of “wanting to be married”. That is a reason enough I think. But talk to another at your Church or if that will be controversial – try a nearby Church and talk to a Priest there. One who would be supportive of you – as it seems that the Deacon is not.

I pray that God grants you strength and peace. Trust in Him and you will do fine.

Winter
 
andreaa2288 said:
Hi All,

This is my first post and after searching the internet for information I decided I would ask some real people for their opinions/ideas.

A little background story:

I am 26 and have been divorced for a year and a half now after a very short and disasterous 1 year marriage(Oct 2011-Oct 2012). I started the annulment process back in February of this year with a Deacon at my local church. I finished writting my narative back in May and have been back and forth with the Deacon editing and revising the narative. The problem is that he is having a hard time seeing my reasoning for invalidity and I am not even sure what my true grounds for invalidity may be based on Cannon law. I know that the marriage was not a healthy one but I cannot seem to p(name removed by moderator)oint a ground for invalidity. I am frustrated because I do not want to be ex-communicated from the Church if I cannot prove this marriage invalid and decide to marry again. I am hoping that by giving a few points of interest into our courtship and marraige someone can point me in the right direction of the cannon law I should use for invalidity.

Important points from our marriage/courtship:

-We dated for 3 years on and off (dated and broke up due to his infidelity on multiple occasions)

-Decided to marry and were engaged for a year and a half before the marriage.

-Immediatly started trying to conceive after the marriage. (I pushed for this to happen and he wanted to wait and enjoy being married as a couple for a year or so first). We began having infertility issues and he eventually decided we would put our conception attempts on hold due to it negativly affecting our relationship. (I had become obsessed and all consumed at this point with trying to start a family, and this lead to constand fighting and arguments).

-10 months into the relationship he started seeing a counselor without my knowledge to help with marital problems. About 11 months into the marriage I began seeing this counselor with him as well as another counselor who diagnosed me with depression.

-A week later he told me he wanted a divorce saying that he would never make me happy.

-That night he moved out of the house and two weeks later I was served with divorce papers.

-To my knowledge there was no infedelity during the marriage.

I am very frustrated with the process of using one law to p(name removed by moderator)oint the destruction of my whole marriage. I have a 28 page paper detailing our lives and I don’t know where to go from here. Please help!
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The fact that he was unfaithful to you before marriage speaks to the possibility that that in and of itself may be grounds for nullity. In fact, in our area, the initial intake paperwork asks about any problems that occurred during dating. (I know this because DH received a declaration of nullity for his first marriage.) An intent not to be faithful can render a marriage invalid. Is the deacon aware of this?
 
andreaa2288 said:
The problem is that he is having a hard time seeing my reasoning for invalidity and I am not even sure what my true grounds for invalidity may be based on Cannon law. I know that the marriage was not a healthy one but I cannot seem to p(name removed by moderator)oint a ground for invalidity.
Click to expand...
You need to entertain the idea that you cannot think of any grounds for invalidity because there aren’t any. Your marriage may very well be valid.
andreaa2288 said:
I am frustrated because I do not want to be ex-communicated from the Church if I cannot prove this marriage invalid and decide to marry again.
Click to expand...
If you cannot prove the marriage is invalid, then it is valid and you cannot marry again. Doing so would be adultery.

You should put that notion out of your head now. Commit to the reality that if your marriage is valid, marrying again while your husband is still alive is not an option and you will therefore conduct yourself as the married woman you are. No dating, no getting yourself in a situation that will cause you to make bad spiritual decisions such as committing adultery.

Only after a determination of your freedom to marry in the affirmative should you consider dating.
andreaa2288 said:
I am hoping that by giving a few points of interest into our courtship and marraige someone can point me in the right direction of the cannon law I should use for invalidity.
Click to expand...
personally, I’m not seeing anything that says ‘invalid marriage’ in what you have written here. That doesn’t mean there are no grounds, just that none seem apparent to me from your post.

I would encourage you to speak with someone at your diocese in the tribunal office.
 
Have you asked your ex-husband to provide a submission to help you in this? While it may be hard for you to demonstrate that he did not fully commit/consent to the marriage (with regard to exclusivity and/or permanence and/or offspring), he may be able to write something to demonstrate that his commitment at the time of the marriage was deficient.

Given the briefness of your marriage, combined with the fact that he was not unfaithful during the marriage and did try to conceive with you, it may be the issue of permanence that is your best bet.
andreaa2288 said:
I am frustrated because I do not want to be ex-communicated from the Church if I cannot prove this marriage invalid and decide to marry again.
Click to expand...
As 1ke notes, you need to be prepared for the possibility that your marriage is found to be valid. In fact, until it is proven to be invalid, it is presumed to be valid. As such, you should stop thinking this way (above). Your faith seems subordinate to your desire to remarry; it needs to be the other way around.

To be clear though, you would not be excommunicated. That is no longer a canonical penalty in this case. You would be committing adultery, living in objective mortal sin, and the potential consequences of that are infinitiely worse than merely being excommunicated.

I wish you all the best.
 
andreaa2288 said:
Hi All,

This is my first post and after searching the internet for information I decided I would ask some real people for their opinions/ideas.

A little background story:

I am 26 and have been divorced for a year and a half now after a very short and disasterous 1 year marriage(Oct 2011-Oct 2012). I started the annulment process back in February of this year with a Deacon at my local church. I finished writting my narative back in May and have been back and forth with the Deacon editing and revising the narative. The problem is that he is having a hard time seeing my reasoning for invalidity and I am not even sure what my true grounds for invalidity may be based on Cannon law. I know that the marriage was not a healthy one but I cannot seem to p(name removed by moderator)oint a ground for invalidity. I am frustrated because I do not want to be ex-communicated from the Church if I cannot prove this marriage invalid and decide to marry again. I am hoping that by giving a few points of interest into our courtship and marraige someone can point me in the right direction of the cannon law I should use for invalidity.

Important points from our marriage/courtship:

-We dated for 3 years on and off (dated and broke up due to his infidelity on multiple occasions)

-Decided to marry and were engaged for a year and a half before the marriage.

-Immediatly started trying to conceive after the marriage. (I pushed for this to happen and he wanted to wait and enjoy being married as a couple for a year or so first). We began having infertility issues and he eventually decided we would put our conception attempts on hold due to it negativly affecting our relationship. (I had become obsessed and all consumed at this point with trying to start a family, and this lead to constand fighting and arguments).

-10 months into the relationship he started seeing a counselor without my knowledge to help with marital problems. About 11 months into the marriage I began seeing this counselor with him as well as another counselor who diagnosed me with depression.

-A week later he told me he wanted a divorce saying that he would never make me happy.

-That night he moved out of the house and two weeks later I was served with divorce papers.

-To my knowledge there was no infedelity during the marriage.

I am very frustrated with the process of using one law to p(name removed by moderator)oint the destruction of my whole marriage. I have a 28 page paper detailing our lives and I don’t know where to go from here. Please help!
Click to expand...
Since fertility is not a requirement for matrimony, it may be that he did not give proper consent, secretly making fertility a condition of marriage. That would be simulation, but you would need to prove it.

Here is a brief synopsis of the eight grounds for annulment:

archdiocesesantafe.org/Offices/Tribunal/ExplanationGr.html
 
FWIW, you may want to consider grave lack of discretionary judgment as grounds for an annulment. While there is nothing posted that we can say assertively points to an invalid marriage, taken in total there appears to be a real problem concerning the nature of marriage, especially on his part.

Let this be a lesson, and do not ignore the warning signs in the future.
 
I agree with earlier posters who recommend that you do some research and / or see a cannon lawyer …

Basically the conditions upon which an annulment is founded are defects [resent at the time of the marriage … thus infidelity before and or after the marriage - in an of itself - is not grounds for an annulment … it may be evidence that your spouse did not understand the vows - but it is evidence of a condition - not the reason for an annulment …

For example - a person who is unfaithful before and after a marriage may never intended the singularity of the marriage vows - …

you say you wanted to start a family immediately - but your spouse did not … did you and or your spouse ever practice artificial birth control [ABC]? The desire and actions of a spouse to practice ABC is evidence of a violation of the marriage vows due to the lack of being open to life … your post is not specific in this area …

Was there coercion to marry? - the marriage vows need to be freely made … thus - not your case from your post - but an impeding child [evidence of premarital sex] and advice/duty to marry for the sake of the child - renders the assent at the time of the vows coerced … similarly the desire to escape a bad home life [one with abuse present] illustrates less then a free act …

instead of focusing on issues perhaps you need to focus on why you got married - after infidelity and an obvious lack of communication upon family and other topics … ??
 
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