Confusion between guilt and scrupulosity

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Chabambou

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Hi all,

For the past few days my mind has been racked with stress and confusion. There are things that I know already, like the sins I have or haven’t done. The reason why I know this is because it is crystal clear to my conscience.
But then I have thoughts that, when i think of it at this moment, I would never want to entertain in my mind. I would consciencely know that i ultimately reject the thought at the end. However, my problem is* during *the temptation.
After the thought had been in my head, I have an uncertainty of whether or not i’ve entertained the thoughts, even for a single moment, before rejecting it.

In a nutshell, before I sleep I would be sitting in bed thinking, “but you remember that you rejected the thought in the end”, and then, “but did you entertain with it for a moment, before you rejected it?”
At the end my mind will be all mush until i just don’t know anything…

I’ve prayed to God about this. Since i couldn’t trust myself (in fear of lying to myself), I asked Him to answer for me. I don’t think He is ignoring me, but i don’t know how He’s answering. I just can’t help the feeling that I’m not being answered to. I’m not in anger with Him, I’m just desperate for His answer. Only this morning I felt a type of peace, even though it was short-lived. I can’t be sure if it was from God or it was some way my brain needed to relaxed. And then later today I had another thought. This time it stemmed from a moment when I was angry…

In conclusion, my problem is that i don’t know if I’m running away from guilt (if i have sinned), or if i have sinned at all. How does one know if he is running away from guilt?

Your prayers are much needed.
Thank you.
 
I would encourage you to find a good spiritual director. They are invaluable in dealing with scrupulosity.
 
Since you are not certain you entertained the thoughts, you didn’t entertain them.

Sin requires making a choice to do something. From what you wrote it sounds like you never made a conscious decision to entertain the thoughts, and instead tried to reject them as best you could. We cannot always master our minds, so I doubt you would be held accountable for it so long as you really are trying your best.

A person runs away from guilt when they know they are int he wrong, but choose to ignore that and continue on with what they are doing. At that point they make an active decision to reject God’s gift of conscience, which is a sin. You are not rejecting your conscience, but instead are trying your hardest not to sin, so you are not running away from guilt.

It does seem like you have a bit of an obsession with if you’re sinning or not, which I believe is the definition of scrupulosity (being obsessed with your own sins / potential sins rather than relying on God’s graces and gift of reconciliation). I’m not positive about that though, someone else will have to give you a more definitive answer.
 
In my own struggle with scrupulosity, I understand what you are dealing with. As you know, scrupulosity is tied to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and if it becomes totally disabling, than you will need professional help. However, in a spiritual sense it is a love of self (Pride). I didn’t realize this until I became aware of the 7 deadly sins and how to combat them. The love of self is sometimes very subtle. If you notice that you are spending /wasting time on (thoughts, compulsions, etc) rather than on God and our neighbor, that is a sign that we are focusing on the unimportant and therefore the love of self. We need to focus on other thoughts that will lead us to the Peace that only Christ can give. In my dealings with scrupulosity, when I find myself caught in the nasty web of thoughts that are unproductive, I will immediately start praying Hail Mary’s, The Chaplet of Divine Mercy or anything that will help me stay in the peace of Christ. Daily Mass, confession (once a month) and Adoration to the Blessed Sacrament keeps me in the Lord’s healing peace. We will always be plagued by guilt, but Our Lord’s says “Be healed and sin no more”. Ask for forgiveness and move on.

Blessings and have a ‘focused day’
 
In my own wars against my “demons of guilt,” I found out that fighting icky thoughts with sheer will power invariably gives them more strength. Fighting them gives them a reason to exist (like “as long as you fight me I’ll have my work cut out for you”), and it becomes a struggle.

I tried, with quite a bit of success, at taking a more contemplative approach toward evil thoughts. Since I used to get many evil thoughts during Mass, that was the perfect time to test it out.

When bad thoughts come by, I don’t allow them to trigger any anxiety in me. How? In many ways such as through contemplative prayer, and through hardening the chasm I have between my thoughts and my actions. When involuntary thoughts come through, I cannot tell whether I’ve gone along with them for a second or few, so I don’t worry about it as others have said you aren’t sinning. (At times I even started thinking horrible things back at the horrible thoughts but that wasn’t until I started getting confidence and some experience at spiritual warfare.)

Jesus didn’t come to be the Thought Police. He came to be the Thought Coach. When He says, “do not judge,” or not to harbor anger at our brothers, He isn’t saying it because it will make Him mad if we do it; it’s because it’s Good For Us. He came not to take away from us, but so we could have life in abundance, and in my world that means you get to share in the kingdom while you are still alive, if you believe and follow Him. And I mean follow Him, not go along with the crowd that claims to be also following Him. That means spend time in reading the gospels or listening on audio, I recommend John, and then maybe some Romans like Romans 8. And just read it and let it strike you however, letting your mind go where it may without arguing with yourself over what something means. And if you get troubled thoughts, just give them a minute to clear, without fighting them lest you give them energy, and gently get on with reading.

Bruce Lee calls this “the art of fighting without fighting.”

Jesus calls it “turning the other cheek.” I think the part about turning the other cheek is misunderstood because people are taking that as a life strategy for what to do when physically attacked. It’s a THOUGHT strategy, to deal with people who present their ideas strongly – if you get really good at it, then yes it can apply to face to face confrontations of various sorts. Let them make their point, even if it’s unacceptable – don’t try to shout them down. Let them “get it out” by explaining all the things they think is wrong with me (or whatever they’re talking about) and then you will have absorbed their energy without letting it make you defensive. If you get defensive, the attacks will get stronger. Hence, “turn the other cheek” in a conversational sense. If someone is loud, let them be loud.

Applied to the situation at hand, you might want to keep a small prayer handy. Like my pastor told me he gets evil thoughts during Mass a lot, and if they come at a particular sensitive time – like during the consecration which is one of their favorite times to distract him – he just stops for a second and whispers, “come Holy Spirit” and then continues Mass.

Alan
 
You just sound confused–not scrupulous. Temptation can be a very confusing thing and so can very quick venial sins.
 
The difference between guilt and scrupulosity is simple. One is based on truth (guilt) and the other has no basis in truth (scrupulosity).
 
PEACE to men of good will.

While you are putting yourself in a tizzy over your sins, you are not looking into the eyes of the compassionate Jesus. Look into His eyes and tell me what you see? What do those eyes say to you?

I will tell you what I see when I look into those eyes. First of all, I forget myself all together and I become mesmerized by His beauty. I get very focused and I do not turn my eyes away for anything…

Without a word, He locks His eyes to mine and they say, “You are beautiful! Long, have I waited for you to look at Me.”(pause) “I have been trying to get your attention for hours. When finally, you did look at Me, I felt a thrill of excitement in my heart.” (pause) Tell Me My beloved, what is on YOUR heart? Tell, Me what is it that has consumed your attention that it took you so long to notice Me looking at you?"

Do you not know that these passing thoughts should do just that, pass? Look, rather, into my eyes and tell me what they say to you."
 
Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
I’ve been to confession today. This sacrament is truly a gift!

Please keep me in your prayers. Thank you once again 🙂
 
+JMJ+

I am so sorry this reply has been late, as I had just noticed this thread now, but let me help you for any future brush with temptation.

Every temptation has three parts towards sin. The first is the presentation, in which the possibility of sin is proposed to you. The presentation can be through the senses, or it can be a thought or memory.

The second is the delectation, in which you sense pleasure from the temptation. I think this is where most who are scrupulous fail to distinguish between temptation and sin.

Let me give a thought experiment. Suppose a dollop of ice cream is placed into your mouth. Can you separate the moment you taste the ice cream (the presentation through the sense of taste) from feeling pleasure from it (the delectation)?

In the same way, the presentation and the delectation of temptation can come at the same time. And therefore, feeling the pleasure of temptation is NOT synonymous with sinning! As ProdglArchitect has commented, temptation can only become sin when you reach the third part towards sin, consent. It is only with consenting or entertaining with the pleasure of temptation that temptation becomes sin.

Therefore, when trying to examine your conscience, look past the pleasure of the temptation–ignore the memory of pleasure! it is not important–and search for the consent you gave, if there was any. If you clearly remembered an instance, then you sinned. If not, then you didn’t. Simple as that 👍
 
Since you are not certain you entertained the thoughts, you didn’t entertain them.
 
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