Confusion on Mixed Marriages and attending Wedding

[Lisa_Duda]

I"m having some “issues” - My cousin, who was raised Catholic, Baptized, First Penance, Communion, and Confirmation, decided to leave the Catholic Faith completely in his twenties. He never really practiced his faith with his family except as a PACE Catholic(Palm Sunday, Ash Wednesday, Christmas, and Easter)

Recently, (mid-thirties), he found a nice Episcopalian Girl…they decided to get married.

Our family is divided. “To go or not to go?”

Is he not bound by Catholic law , by way of his Baptizm?

The Catechism says don’t go…but some family members say that their priest told them it is okay, because he left the church.

This is what is confusing.

Is there anyone who can answer for me???

Debates have blown into heated arguements…sometimes uncharitable ones…I am trying to find out the right answer before I make a decision.

Pray for understanding…and charity, while we learn these important facts, dealing with our faith.

Thank you, I await your answers!

 

[puzzleannie]

you already have your priest’s good advice. What is the point of gathering more conflicting opinions?

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Lisa Duda:

I"m having some “issues” - My cousin, who was raised Catholic, Baptized, First Penance, Communion, and Confirmation, decided to leave the Catholic Faith completely in his twenties. He never really practiced his faith with his family except as a PACE Catholic(Palm Sunday, Ash Wednesday, Christmas, and Easter)

Recently, (mid-thirties), he found a nice Episcopalian Girl…they decided to get married.

Our family is divided. “To go or not to go?”

Is he not bound by Catholic law , by way of his Baptizm?

The Catechism says don’t go…but some family members say that their priest told them it is okay, because he left the church.

This is what is confusing.

Is there anyone who can answer for me???

Debates have blown into heated arguements…sometimes uncharitable ones…I am trying to find out the right answer before I make a decision.

Pray for understanding…and charity, while we learn these important facts, dealing with our faith.

Thank you, I await your answers!

There is a BIG difference between “Leaving” the Catholic Faith and not “Practicing” the Catholic Faith.

By leaving you either publicly state that you are no longer Catholic or you publicly join a non-Catholic Christian denomination.

By not practicing you simply stop attending Mass and maybe even stop calling yourself Catholic. However you are still bound to Canon Law concerning Marriage.

 

[Deacon_Ed]

Br. Rich is correct. One leaves the Catholic Church by “formal act” (which, unfortunately, is not defined in canon law). Simply not practicing the faith does not constitute a formal act and, therefore, he is still considered Catholic and still bound by canon law.

Whether or not one attends the wedding is a complex issue. From a faith standpoint there is always the issue of an invalid marriage (which this would be). At the same time, one has to balance this with the need to leave the door open for a possible return to the practice of the faith and getting the marriage validated.

This is, in the end, a personal call that each must make based upon the relationship they have with the individual and their knowledge of the results of not going.

Deacon Ed

 

[Lisa_Duda]

Hello again…

As for my priest’s good advice? Which one? MY 3 priests say absolutely not…Her two say…well…I guess you could go.

The most confusing part is…My cousin DID make a “Formal” act to leave the church, so I am told. But should that make a difference to the validity of the marriage? The sacraments leave an indelible mark on your soul…whether we deny it or not.
Personally, I believe the marriage is invalid. But if there is one shred of evidence to prove me wrong, please let me know. I searched cannon law…it did not say anything about someone making a formal act, rejecting the church…and then saying it’s okay to support their “wedding”.

I believe my priests that say no…I just wonder where my family comes up with the idea that it is valid, and then treating me like I made a huge mistake…whereas, I feel that they simply gave in to “human respect”.

Am I missing something?

 

[Kielbasi]

If you don’t want to go to the wedding, then don’t go.

Presumably, if your an adult, you can go or not go. You don’t need a ruling that its an invalid marriage to skip it.

Under current canon law, non-catholics aren’t bound, this gentleman sounds like a non-catholic.

 

[m134e5]

A person may have received the Sacraments, but not understand what it means to be Catholic. They do not understand why the Church has the authority it has- they may think it’s just an outdated institution that still thinks we’re in the dark ages. For a sin to be mortal, a person must have full knowledge of the action taken.

It makes no sense for a marriage outside the church between a non-catholic and a catholic who was only given the sacraments, but never catechized would be invalid, yet two non-catholic nominal christians married in a non-catholic church are presumably validly married.

 

[cheddarsox]

I was Catholic, and I married an Episcopalian. We signed all the right papers, had a dispensation, etc. etc. We did not invite my great aunt because we knew that, reguardless of Church approval, it would be an issue for her.

As a previous poster stated, if it is a problem for you (even if a priest says it is OK) then don’t go. Don’t act against your conscience. You don’t need to make a big stink over it in the family, just return the regret and no harm done.

The only person you have control over, the only one you can make certain lives their faith, is yourself.

Say a prayer, light a candle, offer a Mass for the couple. That is a gift you can give them whether you are present or not, that they might do things right and raise their children in God’s family.

cheddar

 

[kaymart]

My brother never went back inside a Catholic Church or any Church for that matter(except Weddings and Funerals) since the Day he graduated from Catholic H.S. A few years later he to Married a very devout Lutheren Girl. They were Married in her Church, she alone takes all their children every week, plus attend some Bible class. The Children of course, we Baptised Lutheren. I respect very much my SIL, if I counted on my Brother to introduce the children to any Religion, forget it. Now, I attended their Wedding, Watched the Baptisms and Watched my Nieces and Nephews make Commuion, the difference I did not “partipate” in the Mass I was just went out of respect. My brother unfortunately doesn’t seem to believe in anything.

 

[Lisa_Duda]

Kielbasi:

If you don’t want to go to the wedding, then don’t go.

Presumably, if your an adult, you can go or not go. You don’t need a ruling that its an invalid marriage to skip it.

Under current canon law, non-catholics aren’t bound, this gentleman sounds like a non-catholic.

I didn’t go…yes, I am an adult, the mother of 9 children…and that’s not the issue.

 

[Lisa_Duda]

cheddarsox:

I was Catholic, and I married an Episcopalian. We signed all the right papers, had a dispensation, etc. etc. We did not invite my great aunt because we knew that, reguardless of Church approval, it would be an issue for her.

As a previous poster stated, if it is a problem for you (even if a priest says it is OK) then don’t go. Don’t act against your conscience. You don’t need to make a big stink over it in the family, just return the regret and no harm done.

The only person you have control over, the only one you can make certain lives their faith, is yourself.

Say a prayer, light a candle, offer a Mass for the couple. That is a gift you can give them whether you are present or not, that they might do things right and raise their children in God’s family.

cheddar

I did exactly that…I am not making a big stink-my mother and sister were for my not attending. I **love ** my cousin-I am sad that I could not, according to Catholic teaching , attend his ceremony…nor acknowledge it being a wedding.

(Yes, of course I know if a Protestant marries a Protestant I can go…duhhhh.)

But I am no longer confused, thank you all very much for all your (name removed by moderator)ut…my sister called to apologize and said, " I was so angry, I set out to prove you wrong…and found out that I was wrong, and needed a SPECIAL DISPENSATION FROM THE BISHOP in order to have attended that wedding."

So as you see, all is resolved…Thank you all for your kindness and prayers!!
God Bless you!

(Thus ends this discussion)

 

[Lisa_Duda]

kaymart:

My brother never went back inside a Catholic Church or any Church for that matter(except Weddings and Funerals) since the Day he graduated from Catholic H.S. A few years later he to Married a very devout Lutheren Girl. They were Married in her Church, she alone takes all their children every week, plus attend some Bible class. The Children of course, we Baptised Lutheren. I respect very much my SIL, if I counted on my Brother to introduce the children to any Religion, forget it. Now, I attended their Wedding, Watched the Baptisms and Watched my Nieces and Nephews make Commuion, the difference I did not “partipate” in the Mass I was just went out of respect. My brother unfortunately doesn’t seem to believe in anything.

How lovely! I can only pray for them, too, because I do love my cousin! I just feel badly for not being able to go.
Oh well! Everything is fine, now, I’ve got my answer already, I was only trying to look for further “justification” of my decision in this forum…I don’t think anyone fully understood my conflict. But that’s ok…it seemed to have resolved itself, with patience and prayers! Thank you all for your prayers!