thank your all for replying and taking the time to read my post…no i dont find it harmful to raise my children in the catholic church…but my fiancee and I both agree we like her church a bit more …and correct my fiancee, growing up christian was/has never been baptised …she has been dedicated but never baptised …
First thing’s first: based on everything you’ve said, it appears that you won’t be able to get married in the Catholic Church. There are two reasons: first, it appears that you will not raise the children in the Church and second it appears that the relationship has caused you to weaken your Catholic Faith to the point where you’ve fallen away.
To marry a non-baptized Christian, you would need a “Dispensation from the Impediment of Disparity of Cult”. To receive that dispensation, you would need to make a promise similar to the following (just an example): “I reaffirm my faith in Jesus Christ and, with God’s help,
intend to continue living that faith in the Catholic Church. At the same time, I acknowledge the respect I owe to the conscience of my partner in marriage. Therefore,
I promise to do all I can to share the faith I have received with our children by having them baptized and educated as Catholics.” Since you won’t agree to the bolded parts above, you cannot request this permission. So, unless your situation radically changes, regardless of what your family wants, it’s not going to happen.
…it tech. wouldnt count as a sacrament?
Since she is not baptized, the marriage would be Natural and not Sacramental if you followed canonical form (i.e. get married in a Catholic church). The Church recognizes both Natural and Sacramental marriages.
If she is baptized at a later time, the marriage would become Sacramental (even if she is baptized in the non-denom church, assuming they properly baptize her in the eyes of the Catholic Church, which they probably would).
However if you get married outside of the Church, the marriage is considered to be “irregular”. If you go through with this, you will not be eligible to receive Communion in a Catholic church. More importantly, though, if you believe what the Catholic Church teaches, you will be in grave danger of going to Hell. Of course, since you claim to not believe in the Catholic Church’s authority or teachings, that shouldn’t affect you.
so even if her pastor were to marry us in a catholic church assuming thats allowed
No, her pastor cannot marry you in a Catholic church. Also, a priest cannot marry you in her non-denominational church.
There is an alternative, though. You can apply for and receive permission to marry in a non-denominational church and still have the marriage acceptable by the Catholic Church. The permission you would need from your bishop is called a “Dispensation from the Canonical Form of Marriage”. If you were an actively practicing Catholic in good standing with the Church, willing to raise your children Catholic, and not in threat of losing your Faith, you may have been able to receive this permission. In your case and with your current situation, I very, very strongly doubt it would be approved. And even if it was granted, you would still need a Dispensation from the Impediment of Disparity of Cult, which we already concluded you can’t get.
However, if you want your marriage to be valid in the eyes of the Church, you need to get married in a Catholic church. If you come from a traditional Catholic background, it is understandable that your family is urging you to have a traditional Catholic wedding ceremony.
