Confusion

[Zana15]

Hello I am just looking for some advice of some sort. I am a Catholic, 18 years old and a college student. But I have a girlfriend. And we are in what most would call a homosexual relationship. She is also Catholic. We both are aware of things people say. We have been together 8 months and we pray together about being pure to God. We do not want to go to hell. We truly love each other. We just don’t want to be doing anything against our religion and go to hell for just because we love each other so much. Can someone please tell me what we should do?

 

[grace_singh]

you can care for each other, love each other, and support one another without crossing the line into inappropriate behavior and sentiments.

stong affection between female friends is normal. but when you begin to see your female friend as a kind of girlfriend, replacing the role of a boyfriend, fiance, or husband in your life, that is wrong.

are you two romantically affectionate, or sexually active? you don’t have to answer, but do think about it. the Lord has ordered our affections and behavior in that walk of life to be geared towards the opposite sex, within the confines of a Christian marriage.

same-sex attraction is a real thing, but it is not God-given, or holy. you can certainly love and care for your friend, but in the capacity of a friend, not a lover or wife.

God loves you, Zana. and if we are willing and obedient, He always provides a way out of sin.

 

[Zana15]

yes we are passionately affectionate toward each other. we stay away from sexual acts though. will we go to hell for this i guess is my real question?

 

[puzzleannie]

Hello I am just looking for some advice of some sort. I am a Catholic, 18 years old and a college student. But I have a girlfriend. And we are in what most would call a homosexual relationship. She is also Catholic. We both are aware of things people say. We have been together 8 months and we pray together about being pure to God. We do not want to go to hell. We truly love each other. We just don’t want to be doing anything against our religion and go to hell for just because we love each other so much. Can someone please tell me what we should do?

if love is truly the basis of your relationship neither of you would consider for one moment any activity or manner of living which would separate your loved one from God, bring her into a state of sin, and separate her from the sacraments of the Church. If the status of your relationship leads you to prefer sexual expression over God’s commandments, then it has left the realm of love and descended to the realm of objectification, selfish desires and sin. You already know this which is why you are asking. you also know what to do. Cease immediately any activity which is sinful, or which poses a temptation or occasion of sin, return to confession and communion and resolve to do everything in your power to live a chaste Christian life. you can do this. Thousands have done it and are doing it. You are not a prisoner of your desires and sexual orientation, you are free by virtue of your baptism, so remain in freedom and resist bondage.

 

[grace_singh]

yes we are passionately affectionate toward each other. we stay away from sexual acts though. will we go to hell for this i guess is my real question?

what i can say with certainty, is that this behavior needs to be repented of, quit, and God’s pardon asked.

physical intimacy of a romantic / passionate nature needs to remain between married, heterosexual couples.

you both do need to repent, ask God’s pardon, and remain pure. there’s nothing wrong with loving and caring for your friend, but the nature of your relationship is not morally licit.

you can love and respect her and have her back without having her as a girlfriend, as well. that is what friendship is for.

 

[Bookcat]

couragerc.net/

i have heard good things of this group…

 

[Bookcat]

couragerc.net/MTChastityand%20Homosexuality.html

 

[Zana15]

couragerc.net/MTChastityand%20Homosexuality.html

I read all of this. Can you explain further to me what this is saying?

 

[aspirant]

Almost everything said about this relationship so far has been too ambiguous for discerning comment. Please consult your confessor locally.

 

[Zana15]

Almost everything said about this relationship so far has been too ambiguous for discerning comment. Please consult your confessor locally.

THANK YOU FOR NOT RIDING DOWN ON ME. I get it all the time and it means a lot to me. God Bless you.

 

[littlequestion]

We truly love each other. We just don’t want to be doing anything against our religion and go to hell for just because we love each other so much.

First of all, the love you have for each other is not a sin. The question of carnal love is another matter. The fact is, if you were writing the same post about a boyfriend you would be facing the same problem: resisting carnal temptations. The fact that a boy/girl friendship might find a proper outlet, eventually, in marriage is really a separate issue from the fact that you have strong feelings and need to find a way to resist the temptations that they present.

did you know Ste Therese de Lisieux struggled with this? Read her autobiography. She talks about having become attached to another sister and having had to overcome that temptation.

And God bless you. I have one major criticism of those who claim that homosexual love is somehow morally equal to heterosexual love, and that is that they have robbed us of our innocent close-bonded friendships among our own sex. I hope that you can find the spiritual support you need to preserve your ability to trust and love each other without falling prey to the pressures of the carnal world.

 

[Dorothy]

<<did you know Ste Therese de Lisieux struggled with this? Read her autobiography. She talks about having become attached to another sister and having had to overcome that temptation.>>

I have read many books on St. Therese of Lisieux and this is the first time I am hearing this. Isn’t it possible that whatever she wrote about being “attached” to another sister was misunderstood?

 

[Zana15]

First of all, the love you have for each other is not a sin. The question of carnal love is another matter. The fact is, if you were writing the same post about a boyfriend you would be facing the same problem: resisting carnal temptations. The fact that a boy/girl friendship might find a proper outlet, eventually, in marriage is really a separate issue from the fact that you have strong feelings and need to find a way to resist the temptations that they present.

did you know Ste Therese de Lisieux struggled with this? Read her autobiography. She talks about having become attached to another sister and having had to overcome that temptation.

And God bless you. I have one major criticism of those who claim that homosexual love is somehow morally equal to heterosexual love, and that is that they have robbed us of our innocent close-bonded friendships among our own sex. I hope that you can find the spiritual support you need to preserve your ability to trust and love each other without falling prey to the pressures of the carnal world.

If it is not carnal love is it still wrong? We don’t even consider ourselves gay. We both know that if we break up we will both marry a man. We aren’t at all attracted to the same sex. We fell in love with each other from the inside out and not the inside in. There are no other females on this planet that we are attracted to. That’s why i refuse to consider myself ssa or anything else. It is so complicated and most people are so judgmental. I truly love this girl for how God created her. We stay away from “sex” not only because its wrong but because we want to be pure to God individually and together.

 

[Dorothy]

If it is not carnal love is it still wrong? We don’t even consider ourselves gay. We both know that if we break up we will both marry a man. We aren’t at all attracted to the same sex. We fell in love with each other from the inside out and not the inside in. There are no other females on this planet that we are attracted to. That’s why i refuse to consider myself ssa or anything else. It is so complicated and most people are so judgmental. I truly love this girl for how God created her. We stay away from “sex” not only because its wrong but because we want to be pure to God individually and together.

In message #3 of this thread you said that you are “passionately affectionate toward each other.” Are you aware that there can be serious sins of lust without being totally sexual?

You wrote in this thread because you feel “confusion”. When someone gives you advice that does not mean they are being judgmental…they are trying to be helpful and want you to be aware of what is sinful and correction is not being judgmental.

 

[Zana15]

In message #3 of this thread you said that you are “passionately affectionate toward each other.” Are you aware that there can be serious sins of lust without being totally sexual?

You wrote in this thread because you feel “confusion”. When someone gives you advice that does not mean they are being judgmental…they are trying to be helpful and want you to be aware of what is sinful and correction is not being judgmental.

ok

 

[Bookcat]

Lots of info here…so check out the entire site…and perhaps contact them…

couragerc.net/OCFMagisterial%20Teachings.html

couragerc.net/index.htm

I encourage you in seeking to follow Jesus Christ…He very much loves you …

He is for all of us…those without same sex attraction (like myself a married man)…and those with such attraction…for all of us… He is…

Our Hope!

We all have or particular struggles in life the key is to follow Christ! Stick with him

He knows and loves you better than anyone!

Mary Star of Hope …pray for us all!

 

[MercyMia]

Zana…this feeling is not uncommon in young women. Our culture really distorts what appropriate bonds are. You are likely looking for a safe and tender friendship with another female - but because our culture is so sex saturated, we often confuse the love of a friend with sexual love. Always feeling like we have to take it there. Perhaps you have been disappointed or mistreated by the harshness of certain boyfriends or seen men be careless with girl’s emotions? This might make a sensitive woman look like a more ideal partner, yet God calls us to search for meaning in the mystery between male and female.
Love her as a friend above all, will her good and encourage her to return to the sacraments. Even in opposite sex friendships these days, people feel that everything must be sexual, there is a real loss of genuine friendship. Romantic love is over-rated in comparison to love of God and love of fellow man, which is the root of romantic love anyways (not sex).

 

[littlequestion]

<<did you know Ste Therese de Lisieux struggled with this? Read her autobiography. She talks about having become attached to another sister and having had to overcome that temptation.>>

I have read many books on St. Therese of Lisieux and this is the first time I am hearing this. Isn’t it possible that whatever she wrote about being “attached” to another sister was misunderstood?

She says something very close to what this poster says: that she had overwhelming affection for a particular sister and wanted to spend a lot of time with her, and she took herself to task for it. In those days there was not an overt labeling of affection between same-sex as lustful, and so it may not have been exactly the same as today, when every form of appreciation for another person is sexualized, but the elements of distraction and fascination are there.

I think we really do make too much of the carnal side of friendship in our culture today. Not that it is not a problem, but that every form of charitable affection and close loyalty between friends is pushed by today’s culture in a lustful and carnal direction. This is sad, but it is something we have to contend with, sometimes by ending friendships if we cannot firmly erase the carnal side. I don’t see, for example, why two young women could not remain as close as sisters while still loving and marrying men. At one time it was perfectly normal for women to look after each other as close friends, and just spend time together. That should not necessarily be a carnal relationship.

Ste. Therese was not in a situation of having that friendship in the convent replace a desire to marry a man, but it did threaten her time with her spouse, Jesus. She broke it off before it could become an obstacle. She did not speak of any carnal side, just of the interference with her devotional focus.

 

[VisionaryOne]

Please understand that homosexuals do not go to hell. Hell is for those who are consciously aware of what they are doing and do not care. Any of the 10 commandments lead to hell by too many repeats without confession. That statement is not a green signal to engage in homosexual acts.

Homosexuality bears no fruit. It is lust as nothing comes from being a homosexual then to derive sexual gratification of your self. Homosexuality slowly destroys the psychology of a person and degrades their personality. You become disgusted with your actions because we are made for the opposite sex. Some people spend 20 years trying to fix their psychology and struggle bitterly.

I encourage you to pray to St Michael and your Guardian Angel as well as the Holy Souls in Purgatory. Find a Catholic priest and speak to him.

 

[Zana15]

Please understand that homosexuals do not go to hell. Hell is for those who are consciously aware of what they are doing and do not care. Any of the 10 commandments lead to hell by too many repeats without confession. That statement is not a green signal to engage in homosexual acts.

Homosexuality bears no fruit. It is lust as nothing comes from being a homosexual then to derive sexual gratification of your self. Homosexuality slowly destroys the psychology of a person and degrades their personality. You become disgusted with your actions because we are made for the opposite sex. Some people spend 20 years trying to fix their psychology and struggle bitterly.

I encourage you to pray to St Michael and your Guardian Angel as well as the Holy Souls in Purgatory. Find a Catholic priest and speak to him.

This post was really helpful. Thank you.