Conscience

[sorely_tempted]

In a snippet, why is my conscience dead, for a lack of a better term?

I’ve struggled with serious sin for quite a while, and on many occasions, my conscience has been seemingly numbed. Rarely, I feel little or no remorse for what I have done, while at other times it brings me to tears over the same sin. I feel a baseline level of remorse for my actions, I see/understand the wrong I have done, but I have no pressing need to beg for forgiveness.

Other times I have felt crushed from what I have done. I cannot forgive myself, and feel guilt and depression for days. It seems that there is no balance between these two extremes, and that the changing guilt is harming the situation; if I keep focusing on my mistakes, I commit them again.

What am I doing wrong, besides sinning, of course?

 

[JReducation]

In a snippet, why is my conscience dead, for a lack of a better term?

I’ve struggled with serious sin for quite a while, and on many occasions, my conscience has been seemingly numbed. Rarely, I feel little or no remorse for what I have done, while at other times it brings me to tears over the same sin. I feel a baseline level of remorse for my actions, I see/understand the wrong I have done, but I have no pressing need to beg for forgiveness.

Other times I have felt crushed from what I have done. I cannot forgive myself, and feel guilt and depression for days. It seems that there is no balance between these two extremes, and that the changing guilt is harming the situation; if I keep focusing on my mistakes, I commit them again.

What am I doing wrong, besides sinning, of course?

You may be confusing conscience with feelings. Conscience is the voice of God. It is not the onset of emotions of guilt over sin. If one is aware of one’s sinfulness, then conscience is working fine even if one feels nothing. The awareness is the conscience. The feeling is just the emotional component that sometimes is co-morbid with the awareness.

Don’t go by your feelings. Go by what you know and act accordingly. Feelings come and go, knowledge is permanent. We know that we have done wrong. Then there are times when we really don’t know, where we have doubts. That too is legitimate. The good thing is that if you are not sure if you have done wrong, it is likely that you are not guilty of mortal sin, even though the act was a mortal sin. Culpability requires knowledge. Doubt can mitigate the culpability.

In any case, go with what you know, not how you feel. One can easily get caught in a web of toxic spirituality based on fleeting emotions. The heart has a place in faith, but it must work in cooperation with reason, knowledge.

JR

 

[SteveGC]

To piggy-back on JR’s excellent response…

You also seem to have issue with contrition, being genuinely sorry for your sin, whether it be imperfect (for fear of judgment) or perfect (for pure love of God). In fact, in your entire post, not once did you mention God. I found that striking. You referenced your remorse (or lack thereof) based on your own judgment on yourself. You said you don’t feel like begging for forgiveness.
You asked, ‘what am I doing wrong?’…might I suggest…‘you’re leaving God out of the equation here’.

If you often aren’t remorseful for your sin, then perhaps you are not fully connecting with the fact that your sin is equivalent to turning your back on God, your Father.

If you connect with the immeasurable love that God has for you, and how He wants communion with you, that He indeed is Abba, your Father, and that sin is the thing that draws you away from Him, then it becomes evident to you when you sin just exactly what you’ve done. The natural reaction to that, then, is remorse (contrition).

This leads to confession…and conversion…a better relationship with our Lord…and a more virtuous life.

JR’s right, though. What you “feel” about it is overwhelmingly trumped by what you “know” about it. So when you know you sin, seek to convert your heart back to God, even if you don’t “feel” like it.

God Bless.