Consecrated Virginity Question

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child_of_God85

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Hello,

I have a vocation to become a consecrated virgin. I’m going to be getting in touch with someone at my parish that will steer me in whatever direction I have to go next. I do have one question that I hope someone can answer. Can someone that is a Consecrated Virgin adopt a child?

Thanks!
 
That’s an interesting question! I want to know the answer too!

I want to ask… how did you discover that you are called to become a consecrated virgin but not a religious sister or nun or a consecrated lay with some community?
 
jwywong said:
That’s an interesting question! I want to know the answer too!

I want to ask… how did you discover that you are called to become a consecrated virgin but not a religious sister or nun or a consecrated lay with some community?
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I thought at first about going into a community, but I have some serious health problems. I also want to be one of those that is in the secular world but not of the secular world. Do you know what I mean?
I also can’t see myself giving up my mother and pets, their just too dear to me.
 
child_of_God85 said:
I thought at first about going into a community, but I have some serious health problems. I also want to be one of those that is in the secular world but not of the secular world. Do you know what I mean?
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Potentially a community like the Marian Community of Reconciliation (fraternasusa.org)??) They are consecrated lay women living “in the secular world” and also together in a community.
child_of_God85 said:
I also can’t see myself giving up my mother and pets, their just too dear to me.
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They may be reasons but wouldn’t they also be fears/indications of attachments to self-will, lack of trust, for us to follow where God is really calling us?
 
While there is nothing in universal Church law that would prohibit a cv from adopting a child, there are several reasons which would probably move a bishop to refuse to confer the consecration on one who has adopted or intends to adopt a child. Here are a few:
  1. The consecrated virgin, although the spouse of Jesus Christ, would not have a tangible male-figure involved as father and husband in raising the child. Children ideally need stable, wed parents who live out their male/female roles. Strong, compelling reasons that take into consideration primarily the objective welfare of the child should be in place before a virgin even considers the possibility of adopting because in the natural order of things, a father figure is extremely important.
  2. A consecrated virgin would have to rigorously examine whether her own natural inclination to motherhood may be the impetus for considering adoption. Is she substituting a physical child for her spiritual children? “I can’t have children because I am a virgin, but I WANT children without the conjugal act and I want to have my own child to take care of.” Such a desire would be incompatible with the theology of the virginal charism of the vocation whereby one renounces the joy of children to follow Christ more closely in mothering many spiritual children.
  3. A child unless of a noticeably different race may be suspected to be the cv’s own child…
Even though the law itself does not forbid adoption, natural law must be brought into consideration, and only an emergency and highly unusual situation (like a niece or nephew of the cv whose entire family and relatives have died and the cv is the only survivor) should deprive a child from having a married couple as parents. God made marriage to be an institution intimately united with the procreation and education (raising) of children.
 
jwywong said:
They may be reasons but wouldn’t they also be fears/indications of attachments to self-will, lack of trust, for us to follow where God is really calling us?
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None of those are true for me, maybe for someone else, but not for me. I have complete trust in God. I know he is leading me to be a Consecrated Virgin, and I know he is not calling me to be in a comunity. I want to be a Journalist. I want to go to countries like Africa or India and write about the sufferings going on there. I couldn’t do that in a community.
My mom has been there for me, taking care of me every day sinse I was little. I owe it to her to be there for her now.

I also have to disagree that a child has to have a father. I grew up with both parents in the same household, and I wish that it had just been my mom. My father was a drunk, he cheated on my mom, and he was emotionaly abusive to me. My mother raised my brother and I by herself with no help from him. My brother who is 3 years older than me is in the Airforce and is remaining a virgin till he is married. He has a strong charactor and is deeply religious. While it’s ideal to have both parents, as long as you have one good parent you cna more than make it in life.
If I do someday down the line adopt, it would be from either Africa or Asia.
 
child_of_God85 said:
I also have to disagree that a child has to have a father. I grew up with both parents in the same household, and I wish that it had just been my mom. My father was a drunk, he cheated on my mom, and he was emotionaly abusive to me. My mother raised my brother and I by herself with no help from him. My brother who is 3 years older than me is in the Airforce and is remaining a virgin till he is married. He has a strong charactor and is deeply religious. While it’s ideal to have both parents, as long as you have one good parent you cna more than make it in life.
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I agree with you that single parent could also raise children to be very good people.

However, as relates back to a consecrated virgin adopting children, I think the key is in nature of this vocation, “the theology of the virginal charism of the vocation whereby one renounces the joy of children to follow Christ more closely in mothering many spiritual children.”

The vocation of marriage is the vocation to raise children, while the vocation to the consecrated life (in whatever manifestation) is to give oneself more fully to the Lord through relationships with more people, to manifest the love of God among more people. While married life is to manifest the love of God, first and foremost, through the relationships within the family (with one’s spouse and children).

If one were to adopt a child, would this person devoting most of her time and energy with her adopted child? or with other people in the community whom she serves? or both equally? → this equally idea reminds me of being a Buddhist monk after marriage… that the monk would have to treat everyone equally, his wife as if just a “stranger”, as everybody else…
 
Is a single parent household really in the best interest of the child?
 
Thank you very much for all the contributions towards my question. All l have desired in life is to be His - God - in totality. I resigned from former employment and decided first to join the Poor Clares (Srs. of St. Clare). I was sent back after two years. I still felt l was called hence l had to ask around about this vocation as it is not common in Africa.It took three years before the Archbishop could approve and accept my application.

I was not and am not so much attracted to the acive sisters hence he mnore reason why l went to the monastery to be a Contemplative.

thank you. May we continue to pray for each other.
 
rowermath said:
Is a single parent household really in the best interest of the child?
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I was raised in a two parent household, we’re the affect my father had on me was very negative. It was because of his drinking and emotional abuse that when I was in my teens I began to self mutilate. Do you think it was in my best interest to have him around?
My mother did a wonderful job with my brother and I by herself.
 
child_of_God85 said:
I was raised in a two parent household, we’re the affect my father had on me was very negative. It was because of his drinking and emotional abuse that when I was in my teens I began to self mutilate. Do you think it was in my best interest to have him around?
My mother did a wonderful job with my brother and I by herself.
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Your response actually points out a good point, but I think we should note a potential flaw in the argument…

If both father and mother are bad → bad for the children. TRUE
If father OR mother is bad → bad for the children. TRUE
one parent who is good → can bring up good children. TRUE
I agree to both. BUT
this argument does NOT prove that single parent is good for children either.

And the original question is “Is a single parent household really in the best interest of the child?”

Which I don’t think single parent is the best.

Indeed, just a personal opinion, would your family history leads you to have fears about married life and potentially mislead you into thinking that you are called to consecrated life? Since you discovered inside yourself so much motherly love to have your own children… do you have a deeper yearning to manifest this motherly love through having, instead, many spiritual “children” (whom potentially be people of all ages whom you serve and relates with)?
 
Is a single parent household really in the best interest of the child?

Do you think the child welfare/foster care system is really better than having one parent devoted to the child?
 
jwywong said:
Your response actually points out a good point, but I think we should note a potential flaw in the argument…

If both father and mother are bad → bad for the children. TRUE
If father OR mother is bad → bad for the children. TRUE
one parent who is good → can bring up good children. TRUE
I agree to both. BUT
this argument does NOT prove that single parent is good for children either.

And the original question is “Is a single parent household really in the best interest of the child?”

Which I don’t think single parent is the best.

Indeed, just a personal opinion, would your family history leads you to have fears about married life and potentially mislead you into thinking that you are called to consecrated life? Since you discovered inside yourself so much motherly love to have your own children… do you have a deeper yearning to manifest this motherly love through having, instead, many spiritual “children” (whom potentially be people of all ages whom you serve and relates with)?
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I’ve have been lucky enough to have “father” figures in my life. I have a brother who is 19 years older than me who has been more like a father than a brother. And up until 6 years ago I had every intent on getting married, because my mom really drilled into me that even though she had bad luck in marriage that doesn’t mean all men are bad, that you just had to find a good man. She really tried to raise me around good moral men. So it’s not a fear of making her same mistakes. I’ve had a calling sinse before I even wanted to be Catholic. It’s just this strong feeling that God wants something different for me.
I had an idea today. Aside from wanting to be a journalist I’d also like to do missionary work, and I though “why not work with poor children”. I could put any maternal feelings I’m having into work like that.
 
child_of_God85 said:
I’ve have been lucky enough to have “father” figures in my life. I have a brother who is 19 years older than me who has been more like a father than a brother. And up until 6 years ago I had every intent on getting married, because my mom really drilled into me that even though she had bad luck in marriage that doesn’t mean all men are bad, that you just had to find a good man. She really tried to raise me around good moral men. So it’s not a fear of making her same mistakes. I’ve had a calling sinse before I even wanted to be Catholic. It’s just this strong feeling that God wants something different for me.
I had an idea today. Aside from wanting to be a journalist I’d also like to do missionary work, and I though “why not work with poor children”. I could put any maternal feelings I’m having into work like that.
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I have been reading the posts here - you did pose a very interesting question, to be sure. You should certainly search your heart and mind very carefuly in these regards. First, do a little good old fashioned research about Consecrated Virgins - its got a very long history that actually predates the Roman Church - and it hearkens back to a time when the sole worth of a woman was based on some rather antiquated notions (my opinion!)

But also bear in mind we are often the sum total of our experiences in life - how we live through things often lends a great deal to what feelings we have or decisions we make later about such experiences. If you are young, give this decision some time and talk to many others - religious and non-religious alike. If you had a bad experience in early family life, you might want to talk to someone about that, to get an objective and rational insight as to how that experience may be influencing you now. And by all means, regardless of your path, seek the highest level of education you can afford so that you will better see all that life may offer!! 👍

Oh yes, and I do tend to agree with the notion that the mother-father-child family model is not always the best, particularly if there is serious disfunction and if the parent raising the child is blessed with strength, wisdom and resources! Unfortunately that usually is not the case and the traditional model seems to offer the optimal environment, at least until children are fully grown!!
 
I believe there are some Consecrated Virgins who have adopted children. You may wish to consult with the United States Association of Consecrated Virgins (www.consecratedvirgins.org) for an official answer to your question. I also wish to remind others on this thread that Consecrated Virginity is just as valid and distinct a vocation as one to religious life. And that is a fact in canon law not just my opinion.
 
MFTM said:
I believe there are some Consecrated Virgins who have adopted children. You may wish to consult with the United States Association of Consecrated Virgins (www.consecratedvirgins.org) for an official answer to your question. I also wish to remind others on this thread that Consecrated Virginity is just as valid and distinct a vocation as one to religious life. And that is a fact in canon law not just my opinion.
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I did actually get in touch with them. The lady that responded to my email is the one that gave me an idea about working with children somehow.
Her answer was pretty much the same as what everyone else has said, there isn’t any law saying that a consecrated virgin cannot adopt.
And thanks for sticking up for my vocation. I do get the feeling sometimes when I tell others (this isn’t directed towards anyone here, you all have been very helpful) that I want to be a consecrated virgin that they don’t think it’s as good as other vocations. I was supposed to talk to a nun that is a spiritual director locally, but I cancelled after talking to her on the phone. She made it quite clear that she didn’t take my vocation seriously.
 
child_of_God85 said:
I did actually get in touch with them. The lady that responded to my email is the one that gave me an idea about working with children somehow.
Her answer was pretty much the same as what everyone else has said, there isn’t any law saying that a consecrated virgin cannot adopt.
And thanks for sticking up for my vocation. I do get the feeling sometimes when I tell others (this isn’t directed towards anyone here, you all have been very helpful) that I want to be a consecrated virgin that they don’t think it’s as good as other vocations. I was supposed to talk to a nun that is a spiritual director locally, but I cancelled after talking to her on the phone. She made it quite clear that she didn’t take my vocation seriously.
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That’s a shame. Consecrated virgins are very valuable and I see it as a respectable vocation, one that you should be thankful for. I’m glad to see that others’ reactions haven’t dissuaded you. It might help you to read the stories of consecrated virgins on vocation.com. This actually reminded me of something! About 2 years ago, my diocesan bishop approved a consecrated virgin’s desire to make public vows. She made them in my home Church. 😉
 
I would like to be a consecrated virgin myself, since I don’t feel called to marriage and I’m considered ‘too old’ at 54 years of age to be in religious life.

But I am not working right now, and there’s a requirement that you have to support yourself.

I don’t have a spiritual director either. I’m not in a parish per se-I attend the TLM in a small chapel, and the priests don’t reside there, they come from out of town.

Where can I go for help?
 
Since consecrated virginity lived in the world is a diocesan vocation and is lived under the direction of your ordinary, you would speak to your bishop/archbishop/cardinal about it and go through a formation process if the said prelate is willing to discern with you. Some bishops are not comfortable with the vocation even though it is one of the most ancient and will not consecrate virgins in their diocese. In such a situation, you can either periodically check up with them (not as in harassing but as in every few years) or move to a different diocese (which is drastic and not ordinarily recommended). Of course, the final decision rests with your bishop. Some dioceses have a consecrated life office you go through first and others you’d go directly to the bishop.
 
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