S
SOM_II
Guest
My 17 year old son has become a pretty strident atheist. We’ve had numerous debates and discussions and will continue to talk about his beliefs (or lack thereof). I have told him that I’m not “mad” at him for his beliefs…I reject them, I think he is wrong, but I appreciate the fact that he is thinking about things, and am willing to hear and discuss his views.
I have also said that - as long as he lives under my roof - he is required to go to mass. We are pretty easy-going parents, but believe that our committment to raise our children Catholic compels us to make this rule. Putting aside the spiritual benefits of mass, and the mandate from the church to go to mass (both of which my son currently rejects anyway), I have told him that he needs to go out of obediance to his parents. We’ve had some heated moments over this.
My son insists that attending mass is tantamount to betraying his beliefs and personal integrity. Think how I would feel if I were forced to, I don’t know, attend atheist meetings or something. I personally think he’s being a bit of a drama queen about it at all. It’s simple: go to mass while you live under our roof because it’s a rule of our household. Period. He says that I don’ t understand, it’s not that simple…
ANYWAY, it seems like we have a battle every Sunday. He’ll lie about going; he’ll come in late, stand at the back, leave early - he makes it a weekly battle.
This has really been getting me down. I don’t like the battles, but can’t stand the thought of a child under our roof “getting away” with not going to mass (let alone just…NOT GOING TO MASS!). I’ve thought about making a deal with him…you commit to go to mass (maybe even have a thing for him to sign). If you DON’T, then you can still live here, we will still provide room and board, but we are canceling your cell phone, we will no longer wash your clothes, you cannot have friends over, you have basically forfeited all of your “rights” in our family…NOT because of your beliefs, but because of your refusal to live up to the main requirement of our household.
On the other hand, I can see this alienating him, and it really makes my heart heavy to think of imposing harsh consequences.
On the OTHER hand, I do not want him to wear us down and bascially “give up” without any consequences.
Thoughts / guidance / feedback please!
I have also said that - as long as he lives under my roof - he is required to go to mass. We are pretty easy-going parents, but believe that our committment to raise our children Catholic compels us to make this rule. Putting aside the spiritual benefits of mass, and the mandate from the church to go to mass (both of which my son currently rejects anyway), I have told him that he needs to go out of obediance to his parents. We’ve had some heated moments over this.
My son insists that attending mass is tantamount to betraying his beliefs and personal integrity. Think how I would feel if I were forced to, I don’t know, attend atheist meetings or something. I personally think he’s being a bit of a drama queen about it at all. It’s simple: go to mass while you live under our roof because it’s a rule of our household. Period. He says that I don’ t understand, it’s not that simple…
ANYWAY, it seems like we have a battle every Sunday. He’ll lie about going; he’ll come in late, stand at the back, leave early - he makes it a weekly battle.
This has really been getting me down. I don’t like the battles, but can’t stand the thought of a child under our roof “getting away” with not going to mass (let alone just…NOT GOING TO MASS!). I’ve thought about making a deal with him…you commit to go to mass (maybe even have a thing for him to sign). If you DON’T, then you can still live here, we will still provide room and board, but we are canceling your cell phone, we will no longer wash your clothes, you cannot have friends over, you have basically forfeited all of your “rights” in our family…NOT because of your beliefs, but because of your refusal to live up to the main requirement of our household.
On the other hand, I can see this alienating him, and it really makes my heart heavy to think of imposing harsh consequences.
On the OTHER hand, I do not want him to wear us down and bascially “give up” without any consequences.
Thoughts / guidance / feedback please!