Considered cheating my girlfriend

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Vincit

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Hello.

When my wife and I were just dating, but living together and everything I flirted with other women, and even considered cheat on her, but I never did it. Anyway, I already confessed it, but should I tell her? I am really afraid it harms my marriage.
 
Telling her will serve to “lighten your load” and to hurt your wife. No good will come of it. Bearing the guilt of this is a form of penance and a reminder to you.
 
How is it harming your marraige? I could see how telling her could harm your marraige. But that is not how I read that last sentence.
 
Yes, of course. However I really considered cheating sometimes and had some misplaced intimacies with another women but never get to the point to do something like kissing or else.
 
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Get into counseling, now. Ask your priest if he can suggest someone, or, ask your GP doc for a referral.

“I flirted and thought about cheating when we were dating” is something very different than:
Vincit said:
However I really considered cheating sometimes and have some misplaced intimacies with another women but never get to the point to do something like kissing or else.
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going on now after marriage.
 
All this was before marriage.

Why counseling? I don’t do this anymore, it was just before really becoming Catholic when I was just a stupid young man.
 
Vincit said:
and have some misplaced intimacies with another women
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I missed this. I am deleting my other posts. Go talk to a priest about these current “intimacies” first. You are married. Man-up. You need to out thoughts of other women out if your head.
 
HAD! Sorry. I wrote wrong. Really sorry.

All this was before been married and I confessed it. I just never told my wife.
 
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Well, it’s a pretty significant point.

Ok, my advice stands: assuming this is all history, from before you married, then telling her is both selfish and mean. Why do you want to harm your wife?
 
I don’t want obviously. I want to do what is right, just that. I don’t know the answer.
 
The answer is plain and simple. You do what is best for your wife. The behavior happened before your marraige, you have confessed it, telling her may (according to you) harm your marraige. Why tell her? For no other reason than for your to assuage your lingering feelings of guilt, ie selfishness.
 
Why counseling? Because this is something that is still bothering you even after confession to a priest.
I don’t believe our spouse or in your case at the time, future spouse, has a right to know our thoughts. You are concerned with things that did not actually happen, to the point that you would tell your wife what you thought about in the past. That is just too much to throw at her. Even thought you did not cheat, she will always wonder if and when it will happen. As if you were warning her. Even if you never cheat, it will always be there between you. Do not distress your wife with your thoughts.
 
Thank you for your answer. However it was not only thoughts, but also intimacy, talking, flirting, giving signals of interest to other women. I think sometimes I only didn’t cheat by shyness…
 
However, it is something that I want to understand Church position. Whatever it is, I will try to so my peace with it.
 
Do you think the church actually has a position on whether someone should confess something to another person? Every situation is different. Please, make an appointment with your priest and listen to his advice.
 
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