Considering asking someone to marry me

[AnotherSonofGod]

Hello,

I am probably just moving a bit ahead to fast but I was just wondering what people think…

There is a friend of mine who I really like and I was wondering if it would be wise to consider asking her to marry me someday if I have stronger feelings of willed Love for her, considering she doesn’t believe in God in the sense that she doesn’t have the faith of knowing that God is really Real.

She is a practicing Catholic etc…and is really nice and I love her, but I do not feel like I am in Love with her yet and I do not think she is feeling like she is in Love with me.
But I do pray for and am accepting of what is best for her.

I don’t know maybe we are just friends, that is good too.

I just think I am figuring things out about friendship and Love but I am good.

I just was wondering if anyone knows how does one know that they are truly in Love?

 

[LittleSoldier]

Hello,

I am probably just moving a bit ahead to fast but I was just wondering what people think…

There is a friend of mine who I really like and I was wondering if it would be wise to consider asking her to marry me someday if I have stronger feelings of willed Love for her, considering she doesn’t believe in God in the sense that she doesn’t have the faith of knowing that God is really Real.

She is a practicing Catholic etc…and is really nice and I love her, but I do not feel like I am in Love with her yet and I do not think she is feeling like she is in Love with me.
But I do pray for and am accepting of what is best for her.

I don’t know maybe we are just friends, that is good too.

I just think I am figuring things out about friendship and Love but I am good.

I just was wondering if anyone knows how does one know that they are truly in Love?

I think that one can be fooled into thinking that one is in love. I made that mistake and it caused so much sorrow and grief that I could hardly bear it. I also think that being friends is great and can lead to being in love, in a romantic sense.

One reason I posted is because you said she is Catholic and that made me very happy. I married a non-Catholic and was too young to marry because I hadn’t been out on my own. Ever. The marriage failed in four years. In fact, I’m sure it would have been annulled except that he died and so an annullment wasn’t necessary.

If you’re thinking about it, then maybe you’re in the process of falling in love with her. She should be your best friend if you marry. I hope you grow together in your faith. I really wish I had married a Catholic.

Sorry for the disjointed post. It’s 2:30 a.m. and I’m not thinking too clearly.

I will pray for you and your friend.

 

[Et_Cetera]

Don’t ask her to marry you if you’re not sure that you love her. It’s not fair to her. Be patient.

 

[PerfectTiming]

Hello,

I am probably just moving a bit ahead to fast but I was just wondering what people think…

There is a friend of mine who I really like and I was wondering if it would be wise to consider asking her to marry me someday if I have stronger feelings of willed Love for her, considering she doesn’t believe in God in the sense that she doesn’t have the faith of knowing that God is really Real.

She is a practicing Catholic etc…and is really nice and I love her, but I do not feel like I am in Love with her yet and I do not think she is feeling like she is in Love with me.
But I do pray for and am accepting of what is best for her.

I don’t know maybe we are just friends, that is good too.

I just think I am figuring things out about friendship and Love but I am good.

I just was wondering if anyone knows how does one know that they are truly in Love?

Are you actually in a relationship with this woman? As in, a dating relationship? Because your post is a bit ambiguous about that. If you’re not in a dating relationship, then you’re going a bit ahead of yourself.

 

[AllSeasons]

Are you actually in a relationship with this woman? As in, a dating relationship? Because your post is a bit ambiguous about that. If you’re not in a dating relationship, then you’re going a bit ahead of yourself.

That was going to be my question, too. If you’re not already dating her, then you’re right that you’re thinking way ahead.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hello,

I am probably just moving a bit ahead to fast but I was just wondering what people think…

There is a friend of mine who I really like and I was wondering if it would be wise to consider asking her to marry me someday if I have stronger feelings of willed Love for her, considering she doesn’t believe in God in the sense that she doesn’t have the faith of knowing that God is really Real.

She is a practicing Catholic etc…and is really nice and I love her,** but I do not feel like I am in Love with her yet and I do not think she is feeling like she is in Love with me.
But I do pray for and am accepting of what is best for her.
**
I don’t know maybe we are just friends, that is good too.

I just think I am figuring things out about friendship and Love but I am good.

I just was wondering if anyone knows how does one know that they are truly in Love?

It sounds as if you are speculating far in advance of any deeper relationship. If you really don’t know if you are just good friends, and you do not think you are in love with her, nor is she in love with you, why would you ask her to marry you?

You said “someday” - maybe you are not even dating this woman yet? How old are you?

 

[Schieffelin]

Hello,

I am probably just moving a bit ahead to fast but I was just wondering what people think…

There is a friend of mine who I really like and I was wondering if it would be wise to consider asking her to marry me someday if I have stronger feelings of willed Love for her, considering she doesn’t believe in God in the sense that she doesn’t have the faith of knowing that God is really Real.

She is a practicing Catholic etc…and is really nice and I love her, but I do not feel like I am in Love with her yet and I do not think she is feeling like she is in Love with me.
But I do pray for and am accepting of what is best for her.

I don’t know maybe we are just friends, that is good too.

I just think I am figuring things out about friendship and Love but I am good.

I just was wondering if anyone knows how does one know that they are truly in Love?

What does this mean I wouldn’t want to marry someone who is “Catholic” but doesn’t believe in God. Not sure how that would work.

 

[AnotherSonofGod]

Well she goes to church etc… but she is not fully convinced that God is real.
She even goes to daily mass sometimes and adoration!

Should I at all feel it is normal to feel discouraged?

Anyway I am most likely thinking ahead but that is something I think about.
I may not ever feel like asking her to marry me but I was wondering how would I know to consider asking her (someone) to marry me. (Even if it is not with this one particular fine young lady)

A possible problem (difficulty) is that I am passionate about not lip kissing till my wedding day. And I try not to hug and hold hands cause I do not want to be missleading in the case that we are not perfect for each other as husband and wife.

I do kinda feel lonely sometimes but I do not want that to be a factor and I try to remind myself that we are friends and we are not in love as far as I know.

And I am happy for our friendship

 

[28562]

Anyway I am most likely thinking ahead but that is something I think about.
I may not ever feel like asking her to marry me but I was wondering how would I know to consider asking her (someone) to marry me. (Even if it is not with this one particular fine young lady)

Slow down Hoss! You have to walk before you can run…you are not even dating this girl, there is NO WAY that you could be thinking about proposing. The idea is ridiculous, IMO…

Get to know her…start dating…GIVE IT TIME. As far as knowing when it is okay to ask someone to marry you, in my experience, you’ll just know. My wife and I were together for two weeks before we both knew that we would eventually get married. We were 16 and 17 years old…I get the feeling from your posts that you are younger than that, but I may be wrong. When you find the one, you’ll just ‘click’. It’s not really something you can describe, but you’ll know.

 

[PatriceA]

Hello,

I am probably just moving a bit ahead to fast but I was just wondering what people think…

There is a friend of mine who I really like and I was wondering if it would be wise to consider asking her to marry me someday if I have stronger feelings of willed Love for her, considering she doesn’t believe in God in the sense that she doesn’t have the faith of knowing that God is really Real.

She is a practicing Catholic etc…and is really nice and I love her, but I do not feel like I am in Love with her yet and I do not think she is feeling like she is in Love with me.
But I do pray for and am accepting of what is best for her.

I don’t know maybe we are just friends, that is good too.

I just think I am figuring things out about friendship and Love but I am good.

I just was wondering if anyone knows how does one know that they are truly in Love?

What is “willed Love”?

Have you even discerned if marriage is your vocation? Can’t think about asking anyone to marry you until you know what God wants for you.

How does one know that they are truly in love? That’s a complicated question and you’d probably get just as many different answers as there would be people that respond. I knew immediately with my husband. But I had discerned a long time that I was suppose to get married.

Take it to adoration, discern your vocation, and keep praying like your life depended upon it.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

I just was wondering if anyone knows how does one know that they are truly in Love?

Describing what it’s like being in love is like describing a rainbow to a desert dweller. You know what you mean, but it’s highly doubtful your interlocutor will.

I can say with some authority, however, that it’s a really bad idea to propose marriage to someone you’re not sure you love, someone you’re not sure if you’re ‘just friends’ with, someone from the sound of your post you’ve not dated yet.

Luna

 

[twoangels]

I get the impression that English is not your first language. Where are you from? What are the traditions in your culture revolving around courtship and marriage?

I would not focus on whether or not you are “in love.” I would focus on praying to discern whether you truly want to marry this individual or whether you merely want to get married.

 

[LittleSoldier]

What is “willed Love”?

Have you even discerned if marriage is your vocation? Can’t think about asking anyone to marry you until you know what God wants for you.

How does one know that they are truly in love? That’s a complicated question and you’d probably get just as many different answers as there would be people that respond. I knew immediately with my husband. But I had discerned a long time that I was suppose to get married.

Take it to adoration, discern your vocation, and keep praying like your life depended upon it.

I like this! After my marriage failed I thought that I would get married again. And years and years went by and I didn’t. I dated off and on and received two proposals but it didn’t feel right. I finally realized that my marriage was successful in some ways (I have two babies in heaven and a son still alive), but that my vocation after the marriage ended was different. I finally took a vow of celibacy and will not date or marry. Ever.

I took that vow about four years ago. I’m sure it was the right thing for me. Although I miss the companionship and romantic love once in awhile and am sometimes lonely I am also so blessed and I honestly believe this is the best way for me to serve God.

The OP’s life may very well depend on it - his eternal life. We should obey God always.

 

[chevalier]

Slow down Hoss! You have to walk before you can run…you are not even dating this girl, there is NO WAY that you could be thinking about proposing.

+1

I can say with some authority, however, that it’s a really bad idea to propose marriage to someone you’re not sure you love, someone you’re not sure if you’re ‘just friends’ with, someone from the sound of your post you’ve not dated yet.

+1

I wouldn’t bet a dime on my authority but I can tell you that dating a girl who sees herself as not much more than a friend if at all can turn to have been a poor idea a dozen-odd months later.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

I just was wondering if anyone knows how does one know that they are truly in Love?

It’s probably different for everyone.

For me, it was this feeling that we were ‘one,’ in some sense.

Her happiness became almost as important to me as my own happiness. What was happening to her was, in some sense, happening to me. When she succeeded, I succeeded. When she failed, I failed. When she rejoiced, I too, rejoiced - and when she mourned, her mourning was my mourning.

 

[Splagchnizomai]

considering she doesn’t believe in God in the sense that she doesn’t have the faith of knowing that God is really Real.

She is a practicing Catholic etc

The first part doesn’t seem to make sense with her being a practicing Catholic. How can she not believe in God and be a practicing Catholic.

 

[AnotherSonofGod]

Well I think we are very good friends and whether or not she believes in God or not we will still be friends and I thank God I have a friend to go to church with on Sunday.
(or to go anywhere that we go together)

I do not know how to date but I think hanging out as friends is good to me.
I love being with her but I don’t know how I should know weather or not to ask her to go on a date with me. (which may lead to something more)

I believe dating implies that you are putting yourself in a mind setup for romantic interest but I think that romantic interest should just happen naturally within friendship first, and I feel like kissing and holding hands is a physical language which says “I love you lets be together” Which I would not be doing in friendship or dating unless I know that we are perfect for each other. (otherwise I could be giving all my wife intended kisses to someone who may not be my wife…(she did kiss me on the cheek once…That was awesome!)
But I plan on not kissing my wife’s lips till our wedding day…sounds insanely difficult…yes yes yes but I think holding back till our wedding day will make that kiss (and every kiss after that!) that much more special, plus it will make our wedding day kiss more fun and we will probably start laughing. (because of thinking about all the times we deliberately holded back from kissing and knowing that we did it! or I could start crying …or both!)

 

[Irishmom2]

I do not know how to date but I think hanging out as friends is good to me.
I love being with her but I don’t know how I should know weather or not to ask her to go on a date with me. (which may lead to something more)

Please tell us how old you are. It would really help us understand where you are at in life and how you are thinking.

 

[chevalier]

Well I think we are very good friends and whether or not she believes in God or not we will still be friends and I thank God I have a friend to go to church with on Sunday.
(or to go anywhere that we go together)

I do not know how to date but I think hanging out as friends is good to me.
I love being with her but I don’t know how I should know weather or not to ask her to go on a date with me. (which may lead to something more)

I believe dating implies that you are putting yourself in a mind setup for romantic interest but I think that romantic interest should just happen naturally within friendship first, and I feel like kissing and holding hands is a physical language which says “I love you lets be together” Which I would not be doing in friendship or dating unless I know that we are perfect for each other. (otherwise I could be giving all my wife intended kisses to someone who may not be my wife…(she did kiss me on the cheek once…That was awesome!)
But I plan on not kissing my wife’s lips till our wedding day…sounds insanely difficult…yes yes yes but I think holding back till our wedding day will make that kiss (and every kiss after that!) that much more special, plus it will make our wedding day kiss more fun and we will probably start laughing. (because of thinking about all the times we deliberately holded back from kissing and knowing that we did it! or I could start crying …or both!)

The meaning of holding hands or kissing is largely cultural but at the same time if there tends to be a specific meaning, which is part of what makes the experience enjoyable, then the experience shouldn’t be sought for itself when the meaning isn’t present there. For this reason I disagree with casual kissing (not talking about the cheek here, which is normal for friends, at least when saying hello).

You’re correct if you don’t want to make your existing relationship with that girl (friendly or otherwise, whatever it is) look like more than it really is. No pressure. If you two are good potential partners for each other, you will most probably eventually discover it.

 

[AnotherSonofGod]

The meaning of holding hands or kissing is largely cultural but at the same time if there tends to be a specific meaning, which is part of what makes the experience enjoyable, then the experience shouldn’t be sought for itself when the meaning isn’t present there. For this reason I disagree with casual kissing (not talking about the cheek here, which is normal for friends, at least when saying hello).

You’re correct if you don’t want to make your existing relationship with that girl (friendly or otherwise, whatever it is) look like more than it really is. No pressure. If you two are good potential partners for each other, you will most probably eventually discover it.

Thank you for agreeing with me on the kissing, and I kinda felt that way about the possible discovery, but I also wonder about what her feelings could be sometimes.

For example … does she really like me…does she just like being friends with me and thats all…if she thinks we are just friends…how would she feel if I had other girl friends, would she then think that I don’t really like her if maybe she did like me…

Or should I not worry about having other girl friends as well?
I really don’t like the idea of her possibly feeling disregarded or just like any other friend.
Or should I not worry about that and let her figure out that I still do care about her?

Well I don’t know forsure, but tomorrow we are going to go play tennis or something.
I hope it is a nice day…