Dear friends,
I would be most grateful for your prayer and (name removed by moderator)ut regarding the following matter - I will keep my message short, for I could write a small novel without any additional syntax.
I am considering becoming a Dominican friar after much thought. What is keeping me from committing to this decision with total freedom and acceptance is my need to be loved, appreciated, and cared for in an intimate, romantic relationship.
I appreciate the similarities between the greater relationship with the Lord and His Church, but in a weak, human, and pragmatic sense, this is a massive difficulty for me. Until recently, the sacrament of marriage was not only mandatory in my eyes, but the pinnacle of my earthly, human life. I also have struggled with this notion psychologically for many years, as this relationship has been largely absent in my life.
I would like your spiritual, practical, and sympathetic advice regarding this matter. Of course, your prayer is most appreciated, and I look forward to any replies.
Yours in Christ,
L
Please consider this post with sympathy, and the benefit of a doubt. At the expense of context, I wanted to keep my message short.
I am a medical student having completed my third year, but I wish to discontinue as it is no longer a vocation I wish to pursue. This decision is multifaceted - my only big area of study and passion is philosophy and theology, I wish to commit my life to something vocational, my prayer life is structured and regular, I am a Benedictine Oblate, and the most peaceful and complete moments of my life are in prayer, at Mass, before the Eucharist, etc. Even with this, there is much, much more to this query.
I don’t wish to speak too heavily or contextually, because I wanted to address my feeling and psychological/emotional tenancies. I have made it this far after discussion with my local Bishop and the Dominican Vocations Director.
As a priest, I am not sure what meaningful advice could be offered to you in this circumstance.
You say that there is “much much more to this query” and that the decision is “multifaceted.” Having done formation work, I am quite confident that this is very true…but it is precisely in the absence of such details that there is little basis upon which to offer advice.
You say that you are “considering” becoming a Dominican friar and that you have had “discussion” with your bishop and with the vocation director for the friars…but there is a long continuum between considering a vocation and having a discussion with the vocation director and being on the eve of entering. You say that you have made it “this far” but I have no idea what that represents or where you are in the process.
I will say that, as a diocesan priest, when a parishioner approached the bishops I served about a potential
Religious vocation, the person would be warmly encouraged but unless they were actually close to the bishop in their lives, or were a former seminarian of ours, he was not making any sort of judgment or discernment about the matter of vocation because it is outside of his jurisdiction – the matter rests with the Major Superior of the Religious Community concerned and their mechanism of internal governance.
What you do not say, however, does give me pause for concern. You mention your considering, the bishop, and the vocation director…you do not mention your own spiritual director, who is key for a decision as life altering as leaving medical school and trying your vocation in Religious life. He is really the one to turn to in this moment. I would hope he has been helping you throughout this process – considering, for example, all the vocational prospects for a man in your circumstance.
You do mention, moreover, that you a Benedictine Oblate. Given this is such a major decision, have you considered making a retreat at the monastery whose oblature you belong to and laying out your concerns before a senior monk, preferably one who knows you already, to have the benefit of his counsel – one to whom you could explain all these unstated particulars and who, thus, would not be trying to offer advice while blindfolded?
Not knowing you, not knowing the particulars, not having any concepts of these issues which have weighed upon you, as you say, for years obviates any meaningful advice beyond the platitudinous.
I gladly assure you of my prayers.
