Considering Catholicism... questions

  • Thread starter Thread starter amyece
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

amyece

Guest
Hi everyone. I am a 28 year old divorced woman with no children.
I have a fiance.

I was raised pentecostal but have not been to any church regularly for years.

My fiance was raised Catholic though not strictly I guess as he was not confirmed I don’t think.

Anyway I have been researching a lot of stuff and feel like I am doomed before even starting.

As I said I am divorced. From what I read I cannot marry my fiance if I were to be a catholic.

I did read about annulments but it did not seem my situation would be covered under that. I married at 18 so I was legal age. I was not in any way the instigator of the divorce. He cheated from months into the marriage and finally told me he did not want to be with me and drove me 3000 miles back to my parents home.

And even if that could be annulled my fiance is also divorced. Same situation… she left for other man.

Also not sure if it matters but I highly doubt he would ever revert back to Catholicism based on his feelings about it.

Anyway my point is if I cannot fully participate because of my past marriage its disheartening to even start investigating…

Any thoughts on this… Thanks… 🙂

I ask these things in sincerity.
 
My best advice is: you and your fiance should consult a priest. Being that you are not Catholic marrying a former Catholic, if he or even you may want to ever come back to the Catholic Church, you never know what the Holy Spirit will and can do, it would better to maybe go the former way through the Church for just in case. But like I said before, your best bet would be consulting a priest because he would know the proper procedure in this case better.

Hope this helps! No matter what you do, I hope you have a long and happy marriage. God Bless!
 
The best place to start is for both of you to talk with your fiance’s priest. The people here can’t possibly know all the details to be able to predict what decision a Tribunal would make. A priest can start to ask the right questions and steer you in the right direction.

The Archdiocese of Chicago has a nice FAQ about annulments at archchicago.org/departments/tribunal/faq.shtm
 
congratulations for researching into what the Church of your Catholic partner teaches, that attitude bodes well for your relationship. And in fact you will find that during your marriage preparation it is required that you be informed of what law he, as a Catholic, is bound to follow.

There is no way to give a good answer about a particular marriage situation on this forum, since there are so many variables. That is why your previous marriage must be investigated by the canon law tribunal of your partner’s diocese. To establish the facts that existed surrounding that first union at the time of the marriage. What happened after the marriage is not relevant except insofar as it sheds light on the capacity and intent of the parties to marry in the first place.

Your current fiance is bound by Catholic law on marriage, and the Church regards your first marriage as valid until proven otherwise. Think of the alternative which would mean we consider no one validly married who is not Catholic, which would be dreadful and against all the theology of marriage.

The investigation looks into many things, including was your first spouse Catholic, the intention, capacity and freedom of each party to enter into marriage. Both you and your ex have the opportunity to complete an interview form (similar to a deposition in a civil law case) and tell your side of the story, and to list witnesses who can attest to these facts. If you feel your first marriage is invalid you may, even though you are not Catholic, petition the diocesan tribunal to investigate and render a judgement. If you receive a decree of nullity–that the marriage never happened because the proper conditions were not met–you will be free to marry again.

I heartily encourage you to pursue this process, as many people find it a healing experience.
 
I completely agree with the advice being given here!

The Annulment process (from what I hear) can be a complicated one and from what I have learned, the Church will see if you and your ex were ever officially married in the first place.

I didn’t realize it until I was getting married, but the priest is actually just a witness to the marriage. It is the bride and groom who conduct the sacrament of matrimony. So…if you or your ex honestly did not have the intention of fulfilling your marital vows - and therefore were “dishonestly” getting married - the Church will find that out (through your cooperation).

Most definitely talk with your fiance’s priest. You are most certainly not doomed!

God bless!
 
amyece said:
Hi everyone. I am a 28 year old divorced woman with no children.
I have a fiance.

I was raised pentecostal but have not been to any church regularly for years.

My fiance was raised Catholic though not strictly I guess as he was not confirmed I don’t think.

Anyway I have been researching a lot of stuff and feel like I am doomed before even starting.

As I said I am divorced. From what I read I cannot marry my fiance if I were to be a catholic.

I did read about annulments but it did not seem my situation would be covered under that. I married at 18 so I was legal age. I was not in any way the instigator of the divorce. He cheated from months into the marriage and finally told me he did not want to be with me and drove me 3000 miles back to my parents home.

And even if that could be annulled my fiance is also divorced. Same situation… she left for other man.

Also not sure if it matters but I highly doubt he would ever revert back to Catholicism based on his feelings about it.

Anyway my point is if I cannot fully participate because of my past marriage its disheartening to even start investigating…

Any thoughts on this… Thanks… 🙂

I ask these things in sincerity.
Click to expand...
JL: You have received the best advise in post one, which is to talk to a priest. Don’t be afraid, just tell the priest what you posted, that you are investigating the Catholic Church and want to know where you stand before you make any decisions. I don’t think your previous marriage would be a problem as you did not have the fullness of truth. If your fiance was not married in the Church, then his previous marriage would not be a problem either. I will be praying for you.
 
amyece said:
Hi everyone. I am a 28 year old divorced woman with no children.
I have a fiance.

I was raised pentecostal but have not been to any church regularly for years.

My fiance was raised Catholic though not strictly I guess as he was not confirmed I don’t think.

Anyway I have been researching a lot of stuff and feel like I am doomed before even starting.

As I said I am divorced. From what I read I cannot marry my fiance if I were to be a catholic.

I did read about annulments but it did not seem my situation would be covered under that. I married at 18 so I was legal age. I was not in any way the instigator of the divorce. He cheated from months into the marriage and finally told me he did not want to be with me and drove me 3000 miles back to my parents home.

And even if that could be annulled my fiance is also divorced. Same situation… she left for other man.

Also not sure if it matters but I highly doubt he would ever revert back to Catholicism based on his feelings about it.Yes this does matter and what would you do? His feelings could change, but not just feelings beliefs and may be soul searching, commitment is more than just marriage on a paper. Is he good to you? Would you have children with him? There is a lot between the lines here. You should get with some one and seek more questions in this relationship. IMO

Anyway my point is if I cannot fully participate because of my past marriage its disheartening to even start investigating…

Any thoughts on this… Thanks… 🙂

I ask these things in sincerity.
Click to expand...
 
Thank you everyone!
I believe the best advice I have been given is to speak with a priest. I admit that scares me a little but is the best way to get answers.

This may be a dumb question but will a priest speak with someone that is not a member?
I have not even been to the church yet. Going to go with my future mother in law soon though.

I am an overplanner! LOL I try to learn as much as possible before doing anything.

Thank you all again.
 
amyece said:
Thank you everyone!
I believe the best advice I have been given is to speak with a priest. I admit that scares me a little but is the best way to get answers.

This may be a dumb question but will a priest speak with someone that is not a member?
I have not even been to the church yet. Going to go with my future mother in law soon though.

I am an overplanner! LOL I try to learn as much as possible before doing anything.

Thank you all again.
Click to expand...
Just call and ask the church secretary if the priest can meet with you, explain your sitch to her and she will help you.

Priests are people too! Some of them are stoic and reserved, but some of them are playful and have hilarious senses of humor.
 
I agree - a priest would be happy to speak with you, I am sure!! Just be calm and explain things to him - he’s going to listen.
 
You cannot become a catholic just because your fiance is a catholic…Divorce is not an option in the catholic church…If you are sincerely considering about being a catholic then you should either stay single or marry someone who has never been married in the catholic church, which is the only valid marriage since it is the true church of Christ. The question is was your fiance married in the catholic church, if his wife truly commited adultery then he has basis for annulment. Like Our Dear Lord said only when a woman commits adultery, then according to the Mosaic laws can she be put away. Coming back to you, I guess you were not married in the catholic church, so basically you can marry in the church, since the catholic should not recognize an outside marriage. You just have to fill a certain form invadilating your previous marriage, not an annulment. Your fiance should file for annulment based on adultery if this is the truth, otherwise both you and him will be in adultery if you marry. This is what Christ said and we have to answer to Him. If I would I were you I would make sure to know if the truly left for another man, giving your fiance reason for a divorce and annulmemt.
 
amyece said:
Hi everyone. I am a 28 year old divorced woman with no children.
I have a fiance.

I was raised pentecostal but have not been to any church regularly for years.

My fiance was raised Catholic though not strictly I guess as he was not confirmed I don’t think.

Anyway I have been researching a lot of stuff and feel like I am doomed before even starting.

As I said I am divorced. From what I read I cannot marry my fiance if I were to be a catholic.

I did read about annulments but it did not seem my situation would be covered under that. I married at 18 so I was legal age. I was not in any way the instigator of the divorce. He cheated from months into the marriage and finally told me he did not want to be with me and drove me 3000 miles back to my parents home.

And even if that could be annulled my fiance is also divorced. Same situation… she left for other man.

Also not sure if it matters but I highly doubt he would ever revert back to Catholicism based on his feelings about it.

Anyway my point is if I cannot fully participate because of my past marriage its disheartening to even start investigating…

Any thoughts on this… Thanks… 🙂

I ask these things in sincerity.
Click to expand...
the priest told me once that if you are not married in the CC, you never been married in the eyes of the CC.

another thing is that you are not at fault here, since your husband left. there is nothing you can do about it if he wanted to leave.

i dont know about your fiancee. has he been married in the CC? if not, the same applied to him.

Receive the Grace of God in your journey.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top