Considering moving back to PA

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whatevergirl

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*For those of you who read through and offered advice in my ‘not happy in Florida’ thread, I thank you. Since then, I have been feeling better–praying a lot for God’s will to be revealed to us–and really, feeling uplifted. Not feeling as depressed and downtrodden over the whole thing.

I think that if things hadn’t changed so much in my job, maybe …MAYBE I wouldn’t be yearning for past times in PA. I think that my son not being completely happy here, plays on me, too. He always rolls with it, the kids have made a lot of friends, but for every friend they make, 2 seem to move away. Not sure if that has more to do with the foreclosure issues in our country, or if it’s a Florida thing.

I wake up everyday, and thank God for all we have. And God never changes. No matter where we live, there will always be ‘something’ that we can find wrong with it, so I have surrendered the negative stuff, and am asking God to point us in the right direction. I really felt that God wanted us to move here, but not so sure, really.

I thought I’d see family more…thought my job would be different…it’s in the high 90’s here, already…so transient…it’s just not ‘all that.’ I think Florida is a place to come if you are single, retired, etc…I just don’t see it as having that hometown feeling.

That being said, I don’t miss the icy cold days in PA, and lack of sun. I have met a lot of nice people in Florida, but to me, it’s just not as friendly here as in Pittsburgh.

So…we are going on vacation next month to PA…we are excited. My dh said, let’s see how we all feel getting BACK on the plane to come back to Florida…if we’re all sobbing, then maybe that is God’s way of saying, it’s time to come back.

Why would God have paved the way for us to move to Florida, to just move back in two years? That is what I’m wondering about, and I don’t want to make another move back to PA, and then we regret it. I don’t want to move for the wrong reasons.

What might be wrong reasons…anyone have any suggestions? :ehh:

I just wanted to let you know where things stand. We wouldn’t move until next year, or maybe after our son graduates. We asked him if he wanted to move back, in his senior year, and he said he wouldn’t want us to move back for him…but, he also said, he wouldn’t mind moving back.

I sometimes wish we didn’t make the move–but then a lot of good things happened to us here. We are nearly out of debt. (except for our car payment) That wouldn’t have happened in PA…my husband got a great job here at Disney, and I ended up getting a promotion…we really have turned our finances around since moving here, so all is not negative.

I don’t know…how should we go about thinking this all through? Will you do my thinking for me? :o;)*
 
Hi,

First, the fact that you have possibilities in this economy is such a huge blessing!!! So many people don’t have the option of considering a move, as there are no realistic job possibilities for them.

I, too, love Western Pennsylvania; my husband’s mother’s family grew up there, and he still attends a pilgrimage at Mt. St. Macrina in Uniontown every Labor Day weekend (in fact he is heading up there next weekend to narrate a 75th anniversary video for the Sisters!) He is Byzantine Catholic (Ruthenian.)

Perhaps God allowed you to go to Florida to get your finances in a good place, and is now allowing you to see that Pennsylvania is where you really need to be. I think your thought about “if we’re all sobbing when we head back to Florida” is on target. You’ll know.

I also detest the hideously hot summers down here in the deep South; however, the thought of driving in ice and snow is pretty scary to me after 35 years away from it!

God bless you in your decision-making.
 
youtube.com/watch?v=GINNh15cT08

You can’t know God’s inscruptible reasons, but you can keep on trusting Him. A good way to know God’s Will is Scripture, Church teaching, human reason, conscience, desire or instinct, and prayer.
 
*Thanks Eucharisted. 🙂 I appreciate your post, and yours too, dixie.

I have read St Igatius’ (of Loyola) books, and he talks a lot about discerning God’s will, and how we can best detect when something is of us, or God. But, he explains that if something is morally neutral, that can make things harder to determine. For example, I’m not deciding whether or not I should leave my husband…my situation, on either side of the coin, is morally neutral. If we stay here in FL, there are positives and negatives, if we move back to PA, there will be positives and negatives. I can’t say I never felt sad in Pittsburgh…the lack of sun shining can play a role, but, I have pretty much non stop sun here, and it just isn’t enough. I go to work, my kids go to school, hubby goes to work…can’t be at the beach 5 days a week…otherwise, maybe non stop sun would be a good thing. I was feeling ok about things, and then today, I just don’t feel like we belong here, fit here…

This is our third Catholic parish we’re attending in less than 2 years of living here, and now this parish has to relocate to a storefront. I peeked in the window a few days ago to see how it looks, and here we go again…all chairs, no kneelers, no pews…I know that’s just cosmetic, and I do love these priests, but what is it with Florida and Catholic parishes? There seems to be a good number of them in the phone book, but when you actually attend these masses, etc…wow, world of difference between masses in the south, and up north. Now, again, we joined this parish, so we’re done looking–but a storefront? How bizarre can this get?

I did not think that I’d miss my PA parish this much, I didn’t think that finding a comparable parish to ours up north, would be this challenging. Guess I thought all Roman Catholic parishes operate the same…

So, back to St Ignatius…he probably would tell me that my decisions are not morally conflicting. They aren’t. So, if we are to make a decision over something morally neutral, how can we do that, and adhere to God’s will? *
 
whatevergirl said:
*Thanks Eucharisted. 🙂 I appreciate your post, and yours too, dixie.

I have read St Igatius’ (of Loyola) books, and he talks a lot about discerning God’s will, and how we can best detect when something is of us, or God. But, he explains that if something is morally neutral, that can make things harder to determine. For example, I’m not deciding whether or not I should leave my husband…my situation, on either side of the coin, is morally neutral. If we stay here in FL, there are positives and negatives, if we move back to PA, there will be positives and negatives. I can’t say I never felt sad in Pittsburgh…the lack of sun shining can play a role, but, I have pretty much non stop sun here, and it just isn’t enough. I go to work, my kids go to school, hubby goes to work…can’t be at the beach 5 days a week…otherwise, maybe non stop sun would be a good thing. I was feeling ok about things, and then today, I just don’t feel like we belong here, fit here…

This is our third Catholic parish we’re attending in less than 2 years of living here, and now this parish has to relocate to a storefront. I peeked in the window a few days ago to see how it looks, and here we go again…all chairs, no kneelers, no pews…I know that’s just cosmetic, and I do love these priests, but what is it with Florida and Catholic parishes? There seems to be a good number of them in the phone book, but when you actually attend these masses, etc…wow, world of difference between masses in the south, and up north. Now, again, we joined this parish, so we’re done looking–but a storefront? How bizarre can this get?

I did not think that I’d miss my PA parish this much, I didn’t think that finding a comparable parish to ours up north, would be this challenging. Guess I thought all Roman Catholic parishes operate the same…

So, back to St Ignatius…he probably would tell me that my decisions are not morally conflicting. They aren’t. So, if we are to make a decision over something morally neutral, how can we do that, and adhere to God’s will? *
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I don’t think you can necessarily expect a thunderbolt to strike you with an answer! I think this is one of those times when you simply have to rely on your own prayerful good judgment and reason. As long as you’re doing that, you are certainly doing God’s will. (I don’t subscribe to the idea that there is only one place you SHOULD be, or God will be disappointed.)

It sounds to me as if PA is loudly calling your name, however, based on what you’ve said, and the fact that parish life is so important to your family.
 
There was the time we moved - for my job - to Virginia Beach. I hated it there, never felt at home, could not find a Parish - DH found his dream job.

He quit that job to move back to Arkansas less than a year later.
 
*kage, I needed to hear that, thank you. My dh truth be told, as much as he likes Disney, isn’t happy with these hours. It has been a blessing, we are glad to have jobs, etc…all that is positive.

I guess I never realized just how important my Catholic faith was to me (I mean, on many levels, I lived as it was) until I moved away from a very Catholic city. Pittsburgh, and many towns up north, are very Catholic. Tampa and most of Florida, is not. I have lived in Boca, Orlando, and now Tampa–and all three places cannot hold a candle to the Catholic parishes that are up north. What I mean by that, is that they just follow things to the letter in the up north churches. And I’m not a fanatic about rubrics, but what is right, is right. And there wasn’t a forcing of community–it’s like everyone just knew one another somehow. They are not concerned with holding hands and making mass more about us than about God. That is the problem I have been having with masses here, overall–the need to somehow make the mass about each other, music and socializing, than about reverence to God. I can’t get past this. I didn’t think that I’d have to go through 4parishes actually to find the one we are now staying with. The priests here are very reverent…finally, my kids, dh and I feel like we are learning about the faith! Leaving mass feeling edified and that it wasn’t about sitting back to a music minister’s solo performance of some complicated hymn. I just can’t handle that, call me whatever, I just can’t stomach what some of these parishes are doing to our blessed mass. 😦

So, all that being said…in Pittsburgh, my gosh, I took all of those parishes for granted. I thought everyone was reverent, and traditional. I will say, that despite the fact that we’ll be in a storefront, the parish community and priests are very special and reverent. It’s my one saving grace right now, that I enjoy about Tampa. Well, we love the look of our neighborhood, etc…that, I will miss in Pittsburgh. If there are lakes in neighborhoods in PA, they are frozen most of the time. 😛

dixie…wouldn’t it be nice though if God could send us a telegram…ok, do this…or that. Ah, free will. I thought it was comforting that my husband has not been at all difficult in this…he said, if we decide to move back, so be it. Pittsburgh is building a huge arena now, and his mom said they are hiring a lot of corporate people now…he could try for a job in sales of some sort there.

I just hesitate to give in to FEELINGS. But, I never felt this way in PA. I just never knew how grounded I was there, until I lost my footing here. But, when we first moved to Florida, everything was great, new and exciting…we had to move again last year remember, changes where I work, the economy hit, people I was close to here left, etc…

I think that change is good, but not constant and too much change.

Sigh, just miss PA. :o I have never been a whiner before, I’m afraid I’m starting to sound like one…any ideas on how to stop that?? :confused:*
 
WG: As a former northerner gone southern I can tell you that long term exposure to lack of seasons can have a HUGE impact on your mood. When you are used to four distinguished seasons, and suddenly only have two (‘summer’ and ‘not quite summer’), it really can mess with you. The scenery doesn’t change in the south. You have four seasons of beautiful changes in the north. You could be feeling that monotony. The same exact picture outside your window every time you look. Birds always stay, flowers never die. Leaves cling to trees, instead of changing gorgeous colors and falling off. The sun shines warm and bright in the winter, snow is a once a year blessing (if you are LUCKY,) and that whole inch that you got last night melts by noon. Time seems to stand still in the south, it doesn’t seem to progress normally like it does in the north. Just look at books and movies, entertainment. Books and movies are often set in places where there are four seasons. People don’t like monotony and stand still. People like exciting change and progression. I look forward to rain and storms here with great joy, just because something DIFFERENT is finally happening! 😃 Do you think this could be any of your troubles? I only say this because I know it affects me big time. Just a thought. I hope it all works out for you. I know that moves can be tough. :sad_yes:

Edit to add: We are trying to get back home too. But being here has made us rely only on God and each other. Something GREAT to happen to a newly married couple. We may not have been as close to each other or grown as much as if we were surrounded by family and friends. So maybe your getting out of debt during these hard economic times was God’s purpose in all this? 🤷
 
*Yes Convert, you are right on that, too! We initially moved to PA some 13 yrs ago FOR the change of seasons, and good schools. So, I don’t know why I thought it would be different two years ago. 😛 lol We live in a very nice community, that’s good. We have nice neighbors, although there are constantly new people moving in all around us, that’s not good. We like the sun, and the easy lifestyle…I get dressed for work, head out the door…no icy roads, or difficult weather to deal with, that’s good. Traffic and crazy drivers–not good. I don’t remember drivers back in PA being so rude…down here, people don’t let you in…just overall, ruder than up north.

And the Catholic-ity, it’s just big for me. My sister loves it here, but she has friends for years down in south florida…has worked for the same place for years and years. When she dated that guy for a while, she moved to Orlando and HATED it. So, see? Why did she hate it? Because she moved away from people who she was close to. Like we did.

I did not approach my company to move, they approached me, and every detail fell into place with little effort from us…it’s as if God orchestrated it all. I agree dixie that God doesn’t say…live here or there…but, maybe we were supposed to learn something here. Maybe God wanted me to see another place so I can appreciate what we had in PA.

Thing is, we move back…we won’t have those same neighbors. I’m sure I will go back into the office I came from, but then there will be differences there too. So, while nothing will be the same…we still felt grounded there.

Convert–there is something special about grabbing a sweater at the first sign of fall, going to a farm to pick out a pumpkin, and walking around with a hot cup of cocoa or apple cider. There’s a smell in the air, that is not here. The grass isn’t even grass here. It’s sod. 😛 I guess I’ll always be a northerner. Maybe when we’re retired, Florida will seem more appealing, I don’t know. 🤷

I’m not 100% convinced we’ll move back, but we are considering it, and the nice thing is, my dh is not disappointed that we feel this way, he said that he misses the people back in PA, too. *
 
Convert_in_99 said:
WG: As a former northerner gone southern I can tell you that long term exposure to lack of seasons can have a HUGE impact on your mood. When you are used to four distinguished seasons, and suddenly only have two (‘summer’ and ‘not quite summer’), it really can mess with you. The scenery doesn’t change in the south. You have four seasons of beautiful changes in the north. You could be feeling that monotony. The same exact picture outside your window every time you look. Birds always stay, flowers never die. Leaves cling to trees, instead of changing gorgeous colors and falling off. The sun shines warm and bright in the winter, snow is a once a year blessing (if you are LUCKY,) and that whole inch that you got last night melts by noon. Time seems to stand still in the south, it doesn’t seem to progress normally like it does in the north. Just look at books and movies, entertainment. Books and movies are often set in places where there are four seasons. People don’t like monotony and stand still. People like exciting change and progression. I look forward to rain and storms here with great joy, just because something DIFFERENT is finally happening! 😃 Do you think this could be any of your troubles? I only say this because I know it affects me big time. Just a thought. I hope it all works out for you. I know that moves can be tough. :sad_yes:

Edit to add: We are trying to get back home too. But being here has made us rely only on God and each other. Something GREAT to happen to a newly married couple. We may not have been as close to each other or grown as much as if we were surrounded by family and friends. So maybe your getting out of debt during these hard economic times was God’s purpose in all this? 🤷
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I’ve got to say I completely agree with what you’ve said about the seasons. We moved from New England, where we both grew up and went to college, to Ohio for a year for grad school, and then to southernmost Alabama, where we have been most of the last 35 years (except for 3 years in Virginia, which I LOVED.) I have pined for family, all the missed celebrations and get-togethers, not only due to distance, but also because of my husband’s job, which precludes being off certain times of the year, and also for the wonderful change of seasons. Fall was always my favorite, and we don’t even get a taste of that here until November, usually. There’s just something not right about leaves falling in January… Much of the time, I couldn’t tell you what month it is, as 3/4 of them are pretty much the same! I feel somewhat discombobulated, even after all this time.

That said, I have adjusted, mostly. I was quite angry for a long time, at giving up things so dear to me, but our girls did very well here and have had wonderful experiences that would have been difficult in Boston (this is a much smaller pond.) The cost of living is lower, and we have been blessed to have my husband enjoy longevity in a field where it is most unusual (TV news.) We have no idea what the next 10 years until retirement will bring, as the business is changing radically. But, our girls are married to wonderful young men, and we can relax a little.

I’ll tell you one thing…Lord willing, we will be “snowbirds” when the time comes, spending part of the summer and the fall in New England, if possible!

Again, WG, you are so fortunate to have the option to head back to where family is, and where you feel once again drawn. We never did have the option, due to the exceedingly limited positions available in dh’s field. Pray, evaluate, and then go with your heart.
 
dixieagle said:
I’ve got to say I completely agree with what you’ve said about the seasons. We moved from New England, where we both grew up and went to college, to Ohio for a year for grad school, and then to southernmost Alabama, where we have been most of the last 35 years (except for 3 years in Virginia, which I LOVED.) I have pined for family, all the missed celebrations and get-togethers, not only due to distance, but also because of my husband’s job, which precludes being off certain times of the year, and also for the wonderful change of seasons. Fall was always my favorite, and we don’t even get a taste of that here until November, usually. There’s just something not right about leaves falling in January… Much of the time, I couldn’t tell you what month it is, as 3/4 of them are pretty much the same! I feel somewhat discombobulated, even after all this time.
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Not to mention the whole southern culture. No offense to you southern natives, but it is like night and day different to us northerners. :o We had a whole ‘you know you are in the south when…’ list going. 😃
 
My daughter just finished her first year of college at Duquesne. Having made numerous trips there to visit and go to a Pens game, yay! Stanley Cup Champs!! (sorry, couldn’t help myself) I can see why you love Pittsburgh. It is a great city and a beautiful area too. But you already know that!

Perhaps on your trip there you can do a “feasability study” as we like to call it. Make some time there to check on the current housing market, availability of jobs for your husband and yourself etc. It is hard to move if you aren’t sure if you would be able to find a job. Maybe your husband can put some feelers out now and see what’s out there. In a way, if you were to wait, the uncertainty will still be there in a couple of years, though with different doubts.

I agree with the poster that said there is not just one place for anyone. You loved Pittsburgh, but found things to love about Tampa. Only you and your husband can decide where you should be. God is not going to intervene most likely and send a sign as much as we would like him to. But he will help you make it work wherever you choose. If you trust that he will help you, it doesn’t matter where you choose. We have moved 5 times in 20 years from NY to NC to PA, to NY to MD. The least amount of time we stayed was 15 months, the longest, 13 years. At the time it was a mixture of excitement and misery! Looking back now, it all served a purpose in our lives.You might not “get” why you were there for two years only to move (if you do.) Most likely, it was for the reason of getting out of debt as you mentioned. But who is really to know?

Sometimes you have to follow your instincts and your heart.
 
I still say you guys should consider moving to Arkansas 😛 but PA is pretty nice as well I guess…
 
*Hmmm…arkansas, huh? Isn’t that where President Clinton grew up? :rotfl:

We are going to wait and see how our trip goes, keeping in mind that all places look appealing when on vacation. Tampa was exciting when we visited too. It’s funny, I had good memories of our days living in Orlando, but I had been down here since I was 17, and met my dh …Florida has its positives if I met dh here! 😛

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s me. :eek:

There is something that is hard to explain about how I’m feeling…I just think we have been through a lot of changes, and while change is good, there have been too many in a short amount of time. 🤷 And Florida, I think, was always meant to be a vacation spot. I think schools, corporate life, churches etc…were afterthoughts to accomodate the influx of people moving here, but it’s not the Florida I once knew 20 years ago, when I went to college here. Or maybe because I am now married with kids, Florida doesn’t appeal to me like it did back in my college days. *
 
Being in El Paso is so totally different from the “north” and “south” thing. We get
cold weather here, but the sun comes out most everyday and we don’t have the
changing leaves, etc. Having lived everywhere from Long Island, to North Dakota, to
an island, to Oregon, to California, I got a taste of just about all kinds of weather.
Having family (our kids and us) and our church helped a great deal when we couldn’t
even plan vacations to go “home”. For me, my kids and grandkids have a great pull where I’d like to live.But a friend of mine moved to where her son lived (only child) and no
sooner did she get settled into her new job, that he relocated :eek:! But the other
thing that keeps me here is that I like the weather, love the sun everyday. I love the
mountain that gives me a gorgeous view. Despite the news, it is safe to walk here
even at night.
I don’t think I could take being in a place like Florida. The beach is not my thing and
neither is humidity. So I can’t quite figure out what I’d do in your situation. Any place
that is really “old” or really “new” will feel a little unfriendly to a newcomer. It won’t feel that way for you in Pa. because you are from there, but it probably would to me.
The good thing is that you have someone who can help you make the decision. I
know when you finally do, you’ll probably be at peace about it. Have you thought of
a compromise? Do you have family anywhere else?
Praying for you and your family.
 
*Thanks for your comments, tex. My husband took a business trip a few years ago to Houston, and LOVED IT. But, I don’t think I could go there. I hear it’s great though.

Florida is not a bad place. I actually like parts of it, and do love where we have chosen to live north of Tampa. I would make the best of things if we end up staying, and frankly, I didn’t think I’d feel like this. I really didn’t think about PA much last year…it was this year, when I saw all the parades for the SB on tv that we were missing…the parades now for the Stanley cup…there is a hometown feeling there, and it’s like everyone is one big family. Florida just isn’t like that. It is a melting pot of so many people, and when I was younger, I could adapt. Maybe at 40, I’m too stuck in my ways. 😃 How sad is this sounding?

:rotfl:

We will wait and see when we get there. My son surprisingly…all this time has complained about Florida, and how he misses the snow, and snowboarding, and his friends, bla bla…and now that potentially moving back to PA is on the table, he has been quiet. He said, well, I uh, didn’t say we had to move back. 😊 Almost skittish about the whole thing, now that we are giving it some thought? Wonder what that is about…any counselors in the house? :o*
 
whatevergirl said:
*Thanks for your comments, tex. My husband took a business trip a few years ago to Houston, and LOVED IT.

:):)🙂
LOL, Houston is a neat place, but so far away from El Paso. I forget how many states
you could put in between. Climate is totally different as well.

My son surprisingly…all this time has complained about Florida, and how he misses the snow, and snowboarding, and his friends, bla bla…and now that potentially moving back to PA is on the table, he has been quiet. He said, well, I uh, didn’t say we had to move back. 😊 Almost skittish about the whole thing, now that we are giving it some thought? Wonder what that is about…any counselors in the house? :o*
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I deleted part of the post where I suggested you let your son graduate before you go
back to Pa. Two years is a long time and though he will know some family and friends,
it is not the same. Look back on the changes that happen in high school. From 9th
grade to 11th is a world apart. Yet some of the friends from these last years are the
ones he’ll have the rest of his life. I think all of that is working into his apprehension.

Ok, my response starts with the happy faces about Houston and El Paso. The second
response is below the box. Gee, it’ll be nice when I figure this new quote thing. Probably
in time for them to change it.
 
Whatevergirl, I’m currently living somewhere very different from where I truly want to be, I have a whole lot of good (to me) reasons for being here. Initially I came here on a two year contract, which I’ve just renewed for a year, yes, I’ve been here for 2 years already. The first four months were absolutely horrible, then I went home for Christmas, I wondered if I’d cry more when I flew back after that holiday than when I first flew out here. No, I didn’t. Now I know why I’m here and I can cope with it, so what your husband has said here is good advice:
whatevergirl said:
So…we are going on vacation next month to PA…we are excited. My dh said, let’s see how we all feel getting BACK on the plane to come back to Florida…if we’re all sobbing, then maybe that is God’s way of saying, it’s time to come back.
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Enjoy your holiday in PA and when you leave to fly back to Florida, I think you will have your answer, not a telegram from God, but a clearer idea of where you want to be.

Peace as you figure this whole thing out.
 
*Vivienne, your post really hits home. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. As I lay awake this morning, I prayed in bed before getting up, and I had a long talk with God. I think that there is much truth in what you have to say–and I have to pay attention to whimsical feelings. I have been missing Pittsburgh, and that’s ok. Nothing wrong with it, doesn’t mean we need to move back. lol I also thought about how nothing really would be the same…I mean, the close knit relationships with those neighbors, we wouldn’t live in that neighborhood again. My company moved us here, gave me a nice raise…to go back to Pgh, what would that say? I am not overly concerned about that, but what would I be returning to? I wasn’t going anywhere in my job in Pgh, I had plateaued. I was given a great opportunity here, and frankly, did better here than back in Pgh. My husband too…Going back to even those relationships, the close relationship I had with one of my coworkers, she resigned before I moved away to Florida. I started realizing that since my dept is ‘stationed’ in Pgh, that might be why I’m feeling a little isolated here in this office.

The economy tanking didn’t help…I have to make sure I don’t misplace the fact that sales has become harder this year, on an uneasiness with Florida.

It’s amazing what we hear when we listen for God’s still small voice. :o I am going to take your advice and everyone else’s…and just enjoy the vacation, not put pressure on it…and see how we feel about it when it’s over. I have to say, there are things I do like about Florida…things I like and miss about Pittsburgh. I think that what happens when we move away from a place and return, is that truly, we will have new experiences in a familiar place, but we can never go back.

My dh said that to the kids last night…‘you can’t go back to your past, you only have the present.’

Remember when Christ says to His followers about placing their hand on the plow, and not turning their heads back…? If God paved the way for us to be here, and I do believe He did, am I in some way, telling Him that His will isn’t enough …by turning my head back to ‘what if’ thoughts about Pittsburgh? 😦 I don’t want God to think I’m not grateful for the many blessings He has given to my family and me. *
 
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