Considering tubal

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Silva6

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Hi! My name is Maria. I am married with 3 children ages 12, 10 and 6. I have been married for 15 years and just turned 40. My husband will be 50 in September. I considered tying my tubes after my third child as we definitely didn’t want anymore, but decided against it for religious reasons. I am currently 4 months pregnant and am struggling tremendously with the idea of tying my tubes. We definitely do not want anymore children, especially considering that we will now have 4 kids and of course taking into account my husband and my ages. Nevertheless, my relationship with God is my priority but I cant imagine that He would expect for us to continue bearing children. I truly believe in offering ones’ children the very best and age eventually becomes a big deterrent in doing so. Any advice?
 
Silva6 said:
Hi! My name is Maria. I am married with 3 children ages 12, 10 and 6. I have been married for 15 years and just turned 40. My husband will be 50 in September. I considered tying my tubes after my third child as we definitely didn’t want anymore, but decided against it for religious reasons. I am currently 4 months pregnant and am struggling tremendously with the idea of tying my tubes. We definitely do not want anymore children, especially considering that we will now have 4 kids and of course taking into account my husband and my ages. Nevertheless, my relationship with God is my priority but I cant imagine that He would expect for us to continue bearing children. I truly believe in offering ones’ children the very best and age eventually becomes a big deterrent in doing so. Any advice?
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Curious as to why you’d go directly to considering a tubal? Will this baby be c-section?

I can certainly understand the decision the children you have are enough for your family situation. But with other options on the table, why something that is risky for your health - and has been known to fail? How much have you looked into NFP?

Not judging - just asking?
 
Hi…This would be my third c section. It actually is not a tubal it is the removal of the Fallopian tubes. According to my obg, studies show that removing the tubes lowers ones risk of ovarian cancer. Since I’m a c section, it would be the most practical thing to do.
 
Silva6 said:
Hi…This would be my third c section. It actually is not a tubal it is the removal of the Fallopian tubes. According to my obg, studies show that removing the tubes lowers ones risk of ovarian cancer. Since I’m a c section, it would be the most practical thing to do.
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Ah - but what is practical isn’t always what is wise or moral…so that’s why you’re asking. I understand better now.

I’m going to step aside because others have much better knowledge in this area than I do and better understanding of the risks/benefits regarding the cancer situation.

I will pray that you and your family are blessed with good health, peace and guidance.

Hugs,
CJ
 
You must put your conscience first. It’s is your gift from God. Your conscience is working well, it’s telling you that sterilization is wrong, very wrong. You are required to put God before all else in your life, even before the desires of your husband. Put God first and refrain from getting sterilized. Learn a strict method of NFP, or abstain from relations until menopause. Those are the only two options approved by God and His Church.
 
Married 15 years. Kids 12, 10 and 6. There are some pretty big gaps in there. What did you do to avoid pregnancy in those gaps? How long have you been Catholic? Does your diocese have some help with NPF? When you were in marriage prep did no one talk to you about NFP?
 
I think that sometimes we, as moms, are only able to see the picture that we can control… that of the role that we play in our children’s lives. I think that’s what you were referring to when you said you wanted to offer your children the best… meaning, the best of you and all your resources. Sometimes, it’s easy to fail to see years and years into the future. We fail to see that brothers and sisters are a huge support, love, and safety net for their entire adult lives. We also forget that it takes a village to raise a child. And we fail to see that the village is good because we are so enclosed in our own little lives, fearful to let our children even ride their bike down the sidewalk or dig deep into the earth with their hands. Perhaps this is not you, but we must remember that a very large world, a bruised and wise world, is a healthy and natural world that is full of beauty. Contriving safety in an unnatural manner leads to a sickly reality. We must remind ourselves that God is in control and has a very beautiful and wise perspective, usually different from our own. Giving your children many brothers and sisters adds to their health and happiness for the rest of their lives.
 
faithsmind said:
I think that sometimes we, as moms, are only able to see the picture that we can control… that of the role that we play in our children’s lives. I think that’s what you were referring to when you said you wanted to offer your children the best… meaning, the best of you and all your resources. Sometimes, it’s easy to fail to see years and years into the future. We fail to see that brothers and sisters are a huge support, love, and safety net for their entire adult lives. We also forget that it takes a village to raise a child. And we fail to see that the village is good because we are so enclosed in our own little lives, fearful to let our children even ride their bike down the sidewalk or dig deep into the earth with their hands. Perhaps this is not you, but we must remember that a very large world, a bruised and wise world, is a healthy and natural world that is full of beauty. Contriving safety in an unnatural manner leads to a sickly reality. We must remind ourselves that God is in control and has a very beautiful and wise perspective, usually different from our own. Giving your children many brothers and sisters adds to their health and happiness for the rest of their lives.
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The OP is having C-section number 3. Leaving aside her age and her corresponding concerns, doctors generally don’t like to do more than 3-4 C-sections on women because of the corresponding uterine thinning and risk of rupture/abruption. Obviously, she should consult her own doctor on this point, as some women heal better than others, but it’s a perfectly valid concern.

OP, while I’m not personally familiar with perimenopausal NFP, I’ve heard it can be rather difficult. I suggest reviewing the different available methods and finding a really good instructor. For what it’s worth, your chances of conceiving will drop significantly every year after 40, with a really steep drop after 45. (Who knows–you might even be through menopause by then!)

Best of luck to you.
 
Do you have a history of uterine cancer? I would have trouble trusting a doctor that recommended removing a perfectly healthy body part in order to avoid a disease that you don’t have a heightened risk of contracting. Tubal ligations can cause severe hormonal side effects that affect the whole body and even mental function. Without a history of uterine cancer, I would be very wary of this suggestion. However, if you DO have a history of uterine cancer and your doctor feels that this procedure is necessary to protect you form a real risk of cancer, then I would think the tubal ligation would be all right because you are doing it for a medical reason and not with birth control being the primary reason. Of course, you would want to discuss your personal situation with the doctor and your priest.
 
Convert_in_99 said:
You must put your conscience first. It’s is your gift from God. Your conscience is working well, it’s telling you that sterilization is wrong, very wrong. You are required to put God before all else in your life, even before the desires of your husband. Put God first and refrain from getting sterilized. Learn a strict method of NFP, or abstain from relations until menopause. Those are the only two options approved by God and His Church.
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I know it is difficult but this is completely right. Sterilization is wrong and sinful.
 
Is the doctor in favor of removing the fallopian tubes and ovaries because you have a family history of ovarian cancer?
 
I’m not sure why a doctor would want to remove your ovaries, unless there is something wrong with them. This would cause instant menopause, and you would probably have to take hormones for the rest of your life.

Is there more to the story than you’re telling us?
 
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