Content warning- on self harm

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HopeLove

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it has been awhile but i’m glad to back here. i went through four months of nearly crippling scrupulosity, originating from a sin i still experience guilt from, but i’ve been able to move forward, bit by bit, and this forum has helped me every step of the way. even if i didn’t speak much, the threads here were very helpful

i need help and guidance once again. since 8th grade has begun i have started to experience suicidal thoughts and tendencies. i recently relapsed in terms of self harm since school started once again. it’s now my sophomore year in high school and i am struggling with this.

i do not self harm in places that could kill me ultimately, but i’m inclined to leave scars around my arms and neck. i’m wondering if it is mortal sin if i’m not diagnosed with a mental illness. i have been tested by a therapist and i came up normal. i do not know why i self harm. i am not sure if i have begun to normalize, or, even worse, romanticize the appearance of my scars. i’m having a hard time feeling in general.

any advice or prayers are greatly appreciated. God bless. ❤️
 
Hi,I think you should seek out the help of a psychologist.
One of my family has been through this and is doing well.
Take care and God bless, in my prayers.
 
HopeLove said:
i’m inclined to leave scars around my arms and neck. i’m wondering if it is mortal sin if i’m not diagnosed with a mental illness. i have been tested by a therapist and i came up normal. i do not know why i self harm.
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Self harm is very certainly not normal. You need to see a physician. This is a mental health issue and generally not a moral issue. It would be sinful if you failed to seek treatment. Do not delay, please!
 
do you know if it would be mortal sin or not? i have a deathly fear of anyone i know in real life discovering the issues i have. i do not feel at all comfortable with my parents, especially when it comes to sharing something like this. thank you for your reply.
 
It is difficult to talk about sin and mental health issues because such issues affect the ability to give consent, one of the conditions of mortal sin. For instance, addiction to certain behaviors may reduce the ability to consent.

If you are not comfortable talking to your parents about this problem, find a trustworthy adult, a counselor or teacher or physician. Anyone who works with teenagers has seen this self harm problem before.

What we can say is that you have a moral responsibility to seek professional help. God does not want you to be self harming.
 
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Hey. I am not a professional but I just wanted to say something after I read your words. It makes me so sad to hear that you are thinking about suicide. I wish I understood why you do and why you hurt yourself. You seem alone without anyone to confide in. There are other posts by other people who are also suicidal. I wish I knew what to say to all of you. I can say I understand pain.

I have had my own pains and I bear some with me always because it’s the way the past is. Can’t change it and can’t be perfect enough to make a perfect future. Even if I could, the world isn’t perfect either. There will be pain and heartache and regret and guilt and shame. There will be anger and hate. If you are suicidal, I believe you must already know this. Please do stay healthy and alive because there is more to life than all of that. You can love. You can build. You can witness and testify to your truth. You can listen to others and lend a hand to who you can, when you are able. You can do much more than hurt, though sometimes it can be hard to do more than suffer. I think you have to acknowledge your pain and accept it. It is your heart and soul and it sounds like you care. Perhaps a great deal.

Do you care about injustice? Have you been unjustly treated? So have others and so will more to come. Stick around and learn…and suffer some more and grow. Suffer among us because many suffer and God is not blind. Pray and suffer. Pray and love. Pray and testify. Pray. God be with you.
 
If you’re not comfortable with your parents, perhaps you would consider talking to your priest? In my experience (and yes, I have the scars to show for it) most of them have at least some familiarity with the subject. I would also look to go back to a counselor if you can. If not, there are forums that are specifically designed to help - bus (bodies under siege) is the name of one popular one that’s pretty well moderated.
 
I struggle with this and I totally get what you mean by romanticizing the scars. For some reason I feel comforted at the marks too. I don’t really know how to help you with that, I’m not mentally ill too so it’s something that I’m quite lost on when it comes to the advice here.

School seems to be a trigger for you. Is it about academic excellence, bullying, etc? If you could find something specific that seems like a link, it could be easier to stop because you can manage that. You haven’t said anything about wanting to stop, but you could just throw out whatever you hurt yourself with or keep it in places where you are forced to ride the wave before you find it.

I hope it isn’t a mortal sin, it seems cruel for God to send someone to hell because of this.
 
I disagree with @PaulfromIowa. You have to talk with your parents about this first. You are a child and they love you and can take care of you better than you think. I will pray for them and you that you talk to them. You deserve a happy youth too. Do not keep this burden just on yourself especially since it is not only yours to bear it alone. God gave us families, even if they are not perfect they are a gift from God. Parents have a way of surprising you even when you are an adult. Especially when you pray for them.
Do not judge yourself and do not fear. You have to open up. Jesus taught to be honest and truthful not hidden. This is why mental illness is called illness. It is like a flu. You aren’t sinful if you have a flu. Please stop trying to solve this alone.
 
This is one case where I might actually recommend talking to a counselor first. Self-harm is something a lot of parents don’t know how to handle, and it can be easy to inadvertently cause more issues.

If at all practical I would have the counselor speak to the parents ASAP, but a counselor is going to have more ability to explain things to the family and get everyone to be able to work together.

(And of course we don’t know much about OP’s family. I know telling my parents did absolutely nothing positive for my recovery. I think they tried, but I think they were too locked into “we know what we’re doing” to help. Not that my family is a shining example of functioning.)
 
True. Not all parents are ideal ones. My dad thinks depression can be completely cured by eating more vegetables. Imagine if I told him what I’m going through. 😣 unfortunately there are a lot of people that are just ignorant when it comes to issues like this.
 
Sometimes even good, well-meaning parents can cause issues. One big thing that’s a common issue with self-harm is that trying to force it to stop without addressing underlying issues often causes more problems. And that’s often a parent’s instinct, is to try to make it stop however they can. Not that stopping isn’t the goal, but that trying to force a stop without alternate means of dealing with the root cause can push someone towards more destructive behavior.

OP, I can tell you this much - it does get better. I still have the scars, but it’s been 5+ years for me. It wasn’t a quick or easy road, but it’s a survivable one.
 
@DarkLight I hear you but I am really wary of giving such an advise to anyone. Do we know the school OP attends is Catholic or at least traditional in views? Alternative thinking in today’s counselors views can lead to more traumatic situations. We do not know OP’s parents but we also don’t how emancipated the school he or she attends is. The LGBTQ propaganda is somewhat successful in certain schools and for a psychologist who OP finds alone, without parents’ help or guidance, and for that person to make the first call of deciding what is the issue here can simply disastrous. The parents should be involved in choosing the counselor and let us pray that if they are close minded about psychology they can be enlightened to be more open to it. But we don’t know how they are, so to advise online a kid with problems to hide things from parents is simply irresponsible to me.
 
I didn’t necessarily mean a school counselor. OP can still involve parents, if possible, without telling them everything all at once, assuming their parents aren’t completely anti-psychiatry. I’m just worried - I know how bad my life got when I told mine, and I was over 18 and had supposedly good, loving, concerned parents.
 
Your parents reaction may have been linked with the fact that you are older than what they expected was the age of complete maturity and achievement. We have to admit that they do have expectations that we would be immensely happy and live a fairy tale life about which we would tell them every Sunday we visit. I am not a parent (yet I hope) but sometimes I think even if they don’t admit it, parents really want to give us far more than what is humanly possible to give to someone else. We are somewhat part of them whether we like it or not.
If not the parents then OP can go talk with someone with expected moral integrity like a priest or pastor if not he/she is not Catholic. But I doubt that talking about something as intimate as this can be possible since OP said that fear of anyone finding out is consuming. A talk with a stranger is more like a social environment, it can leak out more easily than with someone close within the family. I think that everyone OP is referring to is mostly kids at school who may be dumb enough to be mean. Parents will be careful to keep it intimate and secret and this is what OP wants.
 
My parents’ reaction, as far as I can tell, was tied up in the idea that they were good parents who made good choices and therefore if I was hurt or stressed by their choices or asked them to change, it must be my mental illness talking. They were extremely supportive so long as nothing they did was asked to change.

That said - it may also be easier for OP to talk to a counselor that his parents directly. I am familiar enough with anxiety to know it can be paralytic. Literally being unable to do something - like, say, going to say something and my throat would stop working.
 
Try to talk with a confessor about it.
But do be careful and try to not do it, it can be very dangerous, especially since you’re doing it around your neck and such, even if you think you are being safe about it.
 
thank you so much for everyone’s kind comments and prayers. i am still navigating this website so i hope you all can see some of my answers to your questions.

it has been comforting to see both people going through similar situations and people who haven’t who are offering possible resources. ❤️

i was raised Catholic by both of my parents, whom are very kind and hardworking people. one parent came from near poverty and worked a way up into where we fortunately are now in terms of our financial situation. my other parent has a genetic history of mental illness, but is wary about getting diagnosed and therapy in general.

school is definitely difficult for me, not academic-wise. my first year of high school was a period of practical isolation, as almost all of my closest friends went to different schools and distanced themselves from me. i have no one closer to me than an aquaintence here.

i am not comfortable with speaking to my counselor for a number of reasons.
 
HopeLove said:
i am not comfortable with speaking to my counselor for a number of reasons.
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May I ask who this counselor is? Are we talking a school counselor, or someone picked out specifically for dealing with mental health?

You can also likely talk to your priest if you’re not comfortable going to either your family or a counselor.
 
my school counselor, who is more intent on pushing us to college than anything else
 
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