Continuing marital relations when divorcing

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I really don’t know what to think about this. My husband has said that we have to get a divorce. I don’t want to get a divorce. But a day or two ago, he said he wanted to keep having sex even though he wants to continue with the divorce. I already filed the papers. Is it a sin to do this? We are married in the Catholic Church so even if we do get a civil divorce we will still be married in the Church. The way I look at it, I’m trying to keep us together by continuing to have sex. I know he isn’t looking at it that way though. I am really at a loss about this…is it a sin at all? I’m not using birth control either so I am open to life when we do have sex. The only reason I’m doing it is because I think it could be a way to keep us together but…if I know that he isn’t doing it for that reason then…is that wrong? It’s very confusing.
 
Not that it’s really my business, but why did your husband say you HAVE to get divorced? And why did YOU file if you don’t want to get divorced?
 
I asked him to work things out but he refused. I filed because that was his stance and he would not change it.
 
Ma’am whith all due respect I hate to say this but your husband is using you. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. And if I were you I would try to withdraw the divorce papers and let him know in no uncertain terms that if he wants this divorce HE needs to be to one doing the dirty work. By you filing the papers you are in essence agreeing to this divorce and are not even trying to save your marriage. And no you should not be sleeping with him until he shows that he is willing to get help and try and save your marriage with you. Also counciling is a MUST. For both of you.
 
Shana I’m aware that that is most likely his mentality. I’m not going to withdraw the papers because there’s no point in doing that unless he changes his mind. I in no way am agreeing to the divorce. My priest advised me to file after my husband and I talked to him about everything. All I’m asking is if it is a sin on my part to try to keep us together in this way since everything else has failed.
 
Consoler said:
Shana I’m aware that that is most likely his mentality. I’m not going to withdraw the papers because there’s no point in doing that unless he changes his mind. I in no way am agreeing to the divorce. My priest advised me to file after my husband and I talked to him about everything. All I’m asking is if it is a sin on my part to try to keep us together in this way since everything else has failed.
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I don’t think any of us could possibly answer your question. If you’re still married to him, I suppose it’s technically kosher. But I don’t think it’s a good idea. Do you want to be a single mother? For better or for worse he sounds like he’s on his way out. Like many of the other people here, I don’t understand why you are filing instead of him. It doesn’t make sense to me. But none of us has any idea what is really going on, which could be part of the confusion. Maybe you should talk to your priest some more? You guys seem to have told him what’s going on. (Not saying you should tell us, but I confess I’m scratching my head.) I’ll keep you guys in my prayers. God bless.
 
I suppose you’re right friendlyface. I guess I can’t think that it would be a sin since we are still married but it definitely doesn’t feel right. So, that was my problem with the whole thing. But my intention in doing it is to try to change his mind and save the marriage. Maybe it’s wrong headed and a long shot…but I’ve tried and tried to do every single thing I could think of to try to save the marriage and if I didn’t do this when he’s reaching out to me in a way then it would make me feel like I didn’t try that option when I’ve tried everything else.

I never thought it mattered that I was the one filing though. He was firm that he wanted the divorce and no matter what I said or did or talking to the priest wouldn’t change his mind, so I filed. It never occurred to me that the one filing had anything to do with anything.
 
Please don’t try to fix a crumbling marriage with sex (and a baby).

I don’t know how the law stands there, but where I’m from the one filing for divorce is basically the one saying, “this marriage is hopeless and I want it to be ended”, while the other party can claim, and that is how it appears to all, that they didn’t want the divorce, but their spouse did.

It seems you’re being manipulated on many levels here.
 
Vivienne I had advice from both my priest and my lawyer to file. So, I don’t really think that’s an issue. I don’t know who he would claim that to and he wouldn’t claim it anyway.
As for your first piece of advice, I think it’s probably good advice.
 
Consoler said:
I really don’t know what to think about this. My husband has said that we have to get a divorce. I don’t want to get a divorce. But a day or two ago, he said he wanted to keep having sex even though he wants to continue with the divorce. I already filed the papers. Is it a sin to do this? We are married in the Catholic Church so even if we do get a civil divorce we will still be married in the Church. The way I look at it, I’m trying to keep us together by continuing to have sex. I know he isn’t looking at it that way though. I am really at a loss about this…is it a sin at all? I’m not using birth control either so I am open to life when we do have sex. The only reason I’m doing it is because I think it could be a way to keep us together but…if I know that he isn’t doing it for that reason then…is that wrong? It’s very confusing.
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The reason separation or the threat of divorce some times works is because it makes the spouse think about what they will be loosing. Well lookie here he gets to be a single guy, and have sex with you. What? He won’t give an inch, to work things out, but you are giving your all in the sexual union. You need to let him go hungry for you! Sex is an expression of unity. If my husband said, I don’t want to be married to you! But let’s have sex. He’d see some righteous fury!

What you could read is “Love must be tough” by Gary Smalley. He gives strategies that help you move on with grace, and dignity in such a way that your spouse is impressed. Ways that will make him look back, and truely consider what he is loosing! Also it will help you move forward, and give you something positive to work on. You are grieving! it’s hard not to dispair when you don’t have a plan or know what direction to go in. The book will help you focus on a solution for you.

In my prayers. ❤️
 
Thank you Regina. I am very depressed and I’m probably not thinking things through very well at all.
 
You sound, and also seem to admit, that you are very conflicted. I’d like to think that you have other people who you are close to, close family, close friends… to see what options you have toward becoming more independent, less reliant on a person who betrayed you. I guess I’m saying that you’d want to keep your distance, create your own space, and be able to make better decisions. Saying a prayer for you, this is not easy.
 
I bathe you Satan in the Victorious Blood of Jesus Christ Our Saviour’s Victorious Resurrection over you Satan and command you to leave all Marriages here on Earth now and for Eternity, and bathe you and all of your evil chronies in the love and peace and power of The Holy Spirit, commanding you to leave God’s Earth, now and for Eternity, never to return Satan,

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of The Holy Spirit, Amen.
 
Cancel the filing (of the Divorce) and request he file and pay for the Divorce and do not forget to hire legal assistance.

If he wants out of the marriage, inform him to move out and process the divorce.

Next, you work on restoring the feelings of the beautiful Child of God within you, through praying to Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus while walking daily of a morning and late afternoon.

if you are able to fast on bread while drinking loads of water, attending Reconciliation and attending Mass, it will make it easier for you to receive Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus’ Love, Wisdom and Guidance after praying The Holy Rosary daily to handle with Our Lady Mary’s strength, the booting out of Satan the third party uninvited guest.

Praise be to You Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus through all marriages here on Thy Earth now and for Eternity
 
If your husband wants a divorce, then he has to accept the consequences of that decision. He cannot get “unmarried” and still have the benefits of being married.

It is unreasonable (among other things!) of him to request both freedom from marriage and the marriage debt, so for you to refuse him would not be a sin.

If he tells ou he wants to have sex with you, just say, oh, so you want to be married to me again? You want to call off the divorce?

And the wait until everything is back to normal, papers unfiled, you two fully back together, before you have sex with him. **Don’t **fall for his saying, "sure, we’ll do all that tomorrow but let’s do this in the meantime… "
 
St_Francis said:
If your husband wants a divorce, then he has to accept the consequences of that decision. He cannot get “unmarried” and still have the benefits of being married.

It is unreasonable (among other things!) of him to request both freedom from marriage and the marriage debt, so for you to refuse him would not be a sin.

If he tells ou he wants to have sex with you, just say, oh, so you want to be married to me again? You want to call off the divorce?

And the wait until everything is back to normal, papers unfiled, you two fully back together, before you have sex with him. **Don’t **fall for his saying, "sure, we’ll do all that tomorrow but let’s do this in the meantime… "
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I agree.
 
Consoler said:
Vivienne I had advice from both my priest and my lawyer to file. So, I don’t really think that’s an issue. I don’t know who he would claim that to and he wouldn’t claim it anyway.
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I would be asking that lawyer why I should be filing when he wants the divorce. It truly doesn’t make any sense. He’s not also your husband’s lawyer, is he?
 
Consoler said:
I really don’t know what to think about this. My husband has said that we have to get a divorce. I don’t want to get a divorce. But a day or two ago, he said he wanted to keep having sex even though he wants to continue with the divorce. I already filed the papers. Is it a sin to do this? We are married in the Catholic Church so even if we do get a civil divorce we will still be married in the Church. The way I look at it, I’m trying to keep us together by continuing to have sex. I know he isn’t looking at it that way though. I am really at a loss about this…is it a sin at all? I’m not using birth control either so I am open to life when we do have sex. The only reason I’m doing it is because I think it could be a way to keep us together but…if I know that he isn’t doing it for that reason then…is that wrong? It’s very confusing.
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I pray for your marriage. You say you are married in the Catholic Church. So I assume niether of you is divorced and remarried. I have no idea why no one answered your question, it is certainly not a sin. People have all kinds of goofy relationships. But having sex with your husband is not a sin. Your intention to save your marriage is also good. So what if you are living apart now or heading in that direction. Sometimes people live apart because they drive each other nuts under the same roof and they need space. Marriages have ups and downs. There was a funny episode on Everybody Loves Raymond about this. God hates divorce. But life gets this way sometimes.
 
Marital intercourse is a renewal of the wedding vows. But your husband wants to divorce you; he’s not renewing his wedding vows (to be faithful until death) by having sex with you. He’s using you. I agree with most of the previous posters, he’s using you and you should stop having sex with him.

Furthermore, consider the remifications of getting pregnant now. If ever there was a reason to abstain, your pending divorce would be it. It’s not fair to bring a child into being when his father has already declared his intention to abandon you.
 
HolyRosaryChild said:
**Cancel the filing (of the Divorce) and request he file and pay for the Divorce and do not forget to hire legal assistance.

If he wants out of the marriage, inform him to move out and process the divorce.**
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**^^^ This! **

If you insist on not cancelling the filing, then DO NOT move out of your house (you can lose your rights to it). Also, if he wants out of the marriage, he needs to stay out of the marriage bed. If you do have sex with him and get pregnant, it will most likely delay the divorce proceedings until after the baby is born and paternity is proven. But why would you want to have a child with a man who doesn’t want to be your husband???
 
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