Continuing marital relations when divorcing

[Rence]

Honestly I think his opinion that I would get an annulment is probably right. I haven’t gone into all the details about everything that’s happened. We only got married Sept 1st. There are some issues about my husband hiding things from me and lying from before we were married. It’s complicated. I don’t want to think that our marriage isn’t valid and it isn’t like I can just sit here and proclaim that it isn’t. But there is good reason to think so.
The only thing I’ve been focused on though is just not getting divorced, because that’s the only thing that I can try to do right now, but nothing has stopped his determination to get one. I talked to the priest and the deacon. Neither of them said anything about it being wrong in this situation for me to file. I never had any thought that it would be wrong either.

AGain, you MUST talk to your priest because he would know the answers to your questions. But if your husband was hiding things from you and lying before you were married, and knowledge of these things would have affected your decision to marry him, then you may, may, have an invalid marriage. One cannot consent to marry another if they don’t know the truth, which is knowingly being kept from them.

I would suggest you stop talking online to strangers who don’t know you and your situation and get with your priest and lawyer…THEY know you. THEY know your situation. You are NOT sinning by filing for divorce. You cannot marry someone by deceiving them. It’s not possible.

 

[Blue_Horizon]

Honestly I think his opinion that I would get an annulment is probably right. I haven’t gone into all the details about everything that’s happened. We only got married Sept 1st. There are some issues about my husband hiding things from me and lying from before we were married. It’s complicated. I don’t want to think that our marriage isn’t valid and it isn’t like I can just sit here and proclaim that it isn’t. But there is good reason to think so.
The only thing I’ve been focused on though is just not getting divorced, because that’s the only thing that I can try to do right now, but nothing has stopped his determination to get one. I talked to the priest and the deacon. Neither of them said anything about it being wrong in this situation for me to file. I never had any thought that it would be wrong either.

Consoler, may I ask who had the biggest share of assets when you got married?
Was the house yours or his? If you bought it after marriage who contributed most to the deposit?

Also, I cannot help thinking that both of you seem to have had difficult personal issues well before the recent marriage?

This man is no longer your husband if he rejects spending the rest of his life with you and raising your children together. You understand this don’t you . Everything is all messed up at the moment and the present technicalities re law/Church havn’t yet caught up with that new reality. Its painful, so painful - but please try to start living it now. Its your best shot at getting your peace of mind back.

No marriage=no sex. What you are attempting to do with sex simply will not work. You risk self-loathing and even greater and more explicit disrespect from your former-husband.

You sound so terribly insecure and dependent on men. They are over-rated (I am one)!
Maybe you think there is no peace of mind being single. Is that the compulsion driving your present responses?

 

[Chantal25]

This is truly a question for the priest. Please meet with a good priest that will guide you.

All the best!

 

[Regina_Love]

Honestly I think his opinion that I would get an annulment is probably right. I haven’t gone into all the details about everything that’s happened. We only got married Sept 1st. There are some issues about my husband hiding things from me and lying from before we were married. It’s complicated. ** I don’t want to think that our marriage isn’t valid and it isn’t like I can just sit here and proclaim that it isn’t.** But there is good reason to think so.
The only thing I’ve been focused on though is just not getting divorced, because that’s the only thing that I can try to do right now, but nothing has stopped his determination to get one. I talked to the priest and the deacon. Neither of them said anything about it being wrong in this situation for me to file. I never had any thought that it would be wrong either.

It sounds to me that you have a beautiful heart. You are so willing to follow God’s leading. I feel your pain. I wish I could give you a giant hug! What I can say is that It is possible to live through, the worst things you could possibly imagine, and heal from it. You learn valuable things. I can testify that which ever direction this goes…Follow God, and you will be happy again. God will richly bless your future whether your husband is in it or not.

Do not fear the Church declaring your marriage invalid. If it is the truth, we do well to embrace it. It may help to think of it this way; when your husband married you he was incapable of fully making, and keeping that committment. Some people make all the right noises to get what they want, but their heart is not in it. Others, due to their sinful state, and determination to remain in it, lack capacity to carry out even the basics of their covenant.

Cling to the one who loves you with a true love! To Jesus who wants to spend all eternity with you. In John 17:24 Jesus proclaims that **you are a gift **to him from the Father!

Your sister in prayer

 

[Consoler]

No marriage=no sex. What you are attempting to do with sex simply will not work. You risk self-loathing and even greater and more explicit disrespect from your former-husband.

You sound so terribly insecure and dependent on men. They are over-rated (I am one)!
Maybe you think there is no peace of mind being single. Is that the compulsion driving your present responses?

No it’s not a compulsion driving me right now. I’ve never been dependent on men at all. I was single for almost ten years before I met my husband. I didn’t date. Being single didn’t bother me at all. He was the one who wanted to be with me and get married even though I said I never had it in my mind or heart to get married. He convinced me that he loved me and all that so I married him. I resisted it a lot. Maybe that’s part of the reason it’s so painful now. But, the only reason I’m doing anything is try to save our marriage because I took my vows seriously when I said them. That’s it.

 

[Consoler]

It sounds to me that you have a beautiful heart. You are so willing to follow God’s leading. I feel your pain. I wish I could give you a giant hug! What I can say is that It is possible to live through, the worst things you could possibly imagine, and heal from it. You learn valuable things. I can testify that which ever direction this goes…Follow God, and you will be happy again. God will richly bless your future whether your husband is in it or not.

Do not fear the Church declaring your marriage invalid. If it is the truth, we do well to embrace it. It may help to think of it this way; when your husband married you he was incapable of fully making, and keeping that committment. Some people make all the right noises to get what they want, but their heart is not in it. Others, due to their sinful state, and determination to remain in it, lack capacity to carry out even the basics of their covenant.

Cling to the one who loves you with a true love! To Jesus who wants to spend all eternity with you. In John 17:24 Jesus proclaims that **you are a gift **to him from the Father!

Your sister in prayer

Thanks. I think it’s pretty obvious at this point that he was just making the right noises to get what he wanted. I didn’t want to live in sin with him so he married me to get what he wanted and then he regretted it I guess. He has said that he had it in his mind before we got married that he would divorce me if things didn’t go the way he wanted.

 

[Formosus]

I don’t have any legal advice beyond work with your attorney, but I just wanted to say that I will keep you in my prayers. My wife and I just got married last July, only a short time before you, and I can’t even imagine something like this happening and it just hurts to hear about this. Keep praying and don’t give that jerk anything if you can help it (including the sex, he is just using your body).