Contraception and Marriage Crisis

[1ke]

Thanks for the advice, I sometimes wonder if its just me being whiny of if the way he treats me is really that bad…he has improved a lot since we have had children, but I’ve also lost a lot of will to stand my ground, it’s easier to just give him what he wants, since he usually gets his way eventually. I’m committed to making this work, I just wish he would agree to counseling, I think it would help us a lot. I have learned to live with it, but sometimes when he gets going, I look at my daughter and pray that she can somehow learn that this isn’t what she should expect for herself, I don’t want her to settle for someone who treats her like that.

I guess the dialog on the"Lifetime" movie of the week where the battered woman thinks she deserves it isn’t really all that far fetched after all.

You need to get some perspective, because you cannot hear yourself-- read this back to yourself out loud and see if it sounds normal. If your friend came to you and gave you the facts you have given in this post and post #1, what would you conclude?

 

[GenerationHV]

I guess the dialog on the"Lifetime" movie of the week where the battered woman thinks she deserves it isn’t really all that far fetched after all.

You need to get some perspective, because you cannot hear yourself-- read this back to yourself out loud and see if it sounds normal. If your friend came to you and gave you the facts you have given in this post and post #1, what would you conclude?

The devil wants your marriage to fail.

You need to mourn loss of the idea that you will have a large family with him ( “as many as God gives us” to quote another thread of yours. )

You can " let him" get the vasectomy but if that leaves you mortally wounded will you be able to forgive him and focus on your spiritual journey and your marriage?

He sounds depressed. I have seen first hand how depression can make a good man verbally abusive. It can change though.

Tell him to go to the dr for his recent mood swings ( hello recently told you he wanted as many as God gives you.).
Pray for him and put on spiritual armor to protect your marriage.

 

[marymary1975]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going to this and I have to agree fully with 1ke, your husband is being totally abusive. Also, do not believe his threats. What Xantippe says that it is unlikely that he can take your daughter away (if it helps to reassure I am a lawyer and while not a lawyer in your state I have well enough knowledge to know for a fact that Courts in the USA are very reluctant to give full custody of kids to the father, truth is in family courts the father is the one with the short end of the straw.) With decent legal.represention, he should be the one worried not you.

I do think you need some professional help, it seems to ne that you fear him and that he is an emotional abuser so you may need professional help and if you can get him to see a professional even better. My second advice is that you need to overcome your fear of him. The reason why he says these things to you is because he knows he can manipulate you, he knows you are going to do what he says out of fear and he believes he has the bull grabbed by the tail. Stand up for yourself! He can’t take your daughter away from you and in a divorce he has more to loose. What is he going to do if you don’t take the pill? He can’t do anything!!! Don’t fall into his game and don’t do anything immoral. Show him no fear and tell him that he must go to a professional to get helpand be strong about it.

Last, pray, pray, and more praying. Ask God to guide you in the right direction and to give you the strength you need. I will keep you in my prayers.