Contraception or no sex

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Wojo42

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My wife and i just had our third child. About a week ago my wife went to the gynocologist and secretly had a copper IUD put in. I only found out about it becuse she passed out at tbe doctors office because it was apparently painful to have put in. And they called me. She told me she’ll only have intercourse with me if she has ABC. If she has it taken out she absolutly refuses to have intercourse. She said she needs a break from being pregnant and doesn’t want to be pregnant again foe several years and doesn’t trust nfp. I’m worried that it will push us apart not being able to have intercourse for such a long time. What should i do?
 
1flesh.org/

I recommend you check out this site. Check out the Creighton Model (more effective than artificial birth control). It will help you space out children without compromising Church teaching
 
If you consent to resume marital relations with full knowledge that your wife is using an ABC device, you will be guilty of sin along with her. Seek the counsel of an orthodox Catholic priest as soon as possible. What a grave trial God has permitted you to go through! With His grace you can get through it. You are in my prayers.
 
Marocchino said:
If you consent to resume marital relations with full knowledge that your wife is using an ABC device, you will be guilty of sin along with her. Seek the counsel of an orthodox Catholic priest as soon as possible. What a grave trial God has permitted you to go through! With His grace you can get through it. You are in my prayers.
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That’s not true. The sin is hers, as long as he has made it clear that this is a sin and against his will the relations can continue. This may or may not be a good idea. He needs to consult a priest
 
Is there any chance she may not feel that she has enough emotional support and practical help in raising the children? (For example, maybe you work long hours and aren’t around very much to help with the children, and/or there aren’t very many family members or other people who could support her nearby?)

It seems that the communication between the two of you could be improved; I would be more than a little worried if my spouse made an important decision without consulting with me at all.

If there could be marriage and/or communication troubles separate from the contraception, a Catholic therapist could help. catholictherapists.com/
 
Wojo42 said:
My wife and i just had our third child. About a week ago my wife went to the gynocologist and secretly had a copper IUD put in. I only found out about it becuse she passed out at tbe doctors office because it was apparently painful to have put in. And they called me. She told me she’ll only have intercourse with me if she has ABC. If she has it taken out she absolutly refuses to have intercourse. She said she needs a break from being pregnant and doesn’t want to be pregnant again foe several years and doesn’t trust nfp. I’m worried that it will push us apart not being able to have intercourse for such a long time. What should i do?
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You should take this up with your priest. Having random, anonymous strangers on the internet give you marital and spiritual advice is not a great idea.
 
Does she realize that each month she will be able to conceive? She may conceive 4 to 12 times in a year. Only the IUD will often prevent the baby from being able to implant in the womb so it will die. Sometimes the baby is able to implant, but may suffer deformities, or a late miscarraige due to the implant. This can put both baby, and your wife at risk for serious complications, and death. In the next life how would you explain to your babies they had to die, so that you could have sex on you own terms?

Obviously you are very burdened by this or you wouldn’t have bothered to post this. Spend time in prayer for God’s guidence. I will pray for you both! We must always put God before all others, or our life is out of order, and begins to fall apart. Please find a Good Catholic Counselor soon. I would call your local NFP counselor and see if they would be willing to talk to you both, or could recommend some one.

You probably feel betrayed by her choice. Ask God to help you forgive her. Only speak about this in a loving, kind manner with your wife, (or she will shut you out!). Explain you love her more than anyone in the world. Explain you don’t want her to hurt herself physically or spiritually. **Agree with her that you want to help her to not become pregnant. Ask her to love you enough to work together **on a solution, and investigate your options as a couple. Your compassion may help her face her fears, and be more open to a better solution for your family.

May God Bless your Family. :hug3:
 
I have a 33 year old son (my fourth) who was conceived while I was using an IUD. Abortion was assumed even then. Even tho I was and am solidly pro-life, I was afraid that I might have a weak moment and cave in, since circumstances were, shall we say, not good at the time and the last thing I thought I needed was a pregnancy then. He is a fine man, and I still wonder how many children I might have unwittingly destroyed using the stupid copper IUD.
 
LucyLight said:
Read this from Father Vincent Serpa. He addresses having sex with a contracepting spouse. forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=135215

Quote Fr Serpa: You need to know that the Church does allow you to engage in sexual relations with a spouse who is using birth control. The dissenting spouse must be the one who is using it and not you. Also you must continue to educate and encourage the spouse according to the Church’s teachings on this matter.
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Personally, I would not feel comfortable thinking that a baby might be conceived and then aborted. God would hold me accountable as well because I have the knowledge. If I am incorrect that there is no possibility that a child can be conceived because there’s a hormonal element with the IUD, please let all of us know. Otherwise, this answer totally baffles me. What am I missing?
 
LucyLight said:
That’s not true. The sin is hers, as long as he has made it clear that this is a sin and against his will the relations can continue. This may or may not be a good idea. He needs to consult a priest
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If he knows with full knowledge that she is sinning by using ABC and “chooses” to engage in sexual relations with her than he is guilty of sin. He “knows” that contraception is being used and still engages in sexual relations, that is no different than him using contraceptives himself. First and foremost she needs to speak too a Priest. In the meantime he needs to be strong and stay faithful to Christ. If she is going to refuse and live with sin than he must deny her and remain faithful to Christ. This is why a Priest is so necessary. It would be very hard to have to choose between ones wife and Christ. Especially if he’s been married for a long time. But ultimately it is Christ who will save Him, not his wife. He has been given a difficult cross to bare right now, but encouraging him to sin is the farthest thing from helping that you could offer. :mad:
 
SaintPatrick333 said:
If he knows with full knowledge that she is sinning by using ABC and “chooses” to engage in sexual relations with her than he is guilty of sin. He “knows” that contraception is being used and still engages in sexual relations, that is no different than him using contraceptives himself. First and foremost she needs to speak too a Priest. In the meantime he needs to be strong and stay faithful to Christ. If she is going to refuse and live with sin than he must deny her and remain faithful to Christ. This is why a Priest is so necessary. It would be very hard to have to choose between ones wife and Christ. Especially if he’s been married for a long time. But ultimately it is Christ who will save Him, not his wife. He has been given a difficult cross to bare right now, but encouraging him to sin is the farthest thing from helping that you could offer. :mad:
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I’m not encouraging him to sin. Did you read the link from Father Vincent Serpa? I know a very orthodox priest who also agrees with this. If this is upsetting to you maybe you could try asking for more clarification in the ask an apologist forum.
 
SaintPatrick333 said:
If he knows with full knowledge that she is sinning by using ABC and “chooses” to engage in sexual relations with her than he is guilty of sin. He “knows” that contraception is being used and still engages in sexual relations, that is no different than him using contraceptives himself.
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This is not correct. The prohibition against contraception is doctrine, whereas a spouse having sex with a contracepting spouse is neither doctrine nor defined any way. Nor is a spouse using a contraceptive defined as a reason to withhold sex from that spouse. As such, it is not a sin.
 
SaintPatrick333 said:
If he knows with full knowledge that she is sinning by using ABC and “chooses” to engage in sexual relations with her than he is guilty of sin. He “knows” that contraception is being used and still engages in sexual relations, that is no different than him using contraceptives himself. First and foremost she needs to speak too a Priest. In the meantime he needs to be strong and stay faithful to Christ. If she is going to refuse and live with sin than he must deny her and remain faithful to Christ. This is why a Priest is so necessary. It would be very hard to have to choose between ones wife and Christ. Especially if he’s been married for a long time. But ultimately it is Christ who will save Him, not his wife. He has been given a difficult cross to bare right now, but encouraging him to sin is the farthest thing from helping that you could offer. :mad:
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I’m not encouraging him to sin. Did you read the link from Father Vincent Serpa? I know a very orthodox priest who also agrees with this. If this is upsetting to you maybe you could try asking for more clarification in the ask an apologist forum.
 
ValPal said:
This is not correct. The prohibition against contraception is doctrine, whereas a spouse having sex with a contracepting spouse is neither doctrine nor defined any way. Nor is a spouse using a contraceptive defined as a reason to withhold sex from that spouse. As such, it is not a sin.
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In Acts the Apostles tell us that we can eat the meat if we do not know if it’s a burnt offering to other God’s; we should abstain from eating if we have been told it’s meat from burnt offering’s. We can apply this logic to doctrine as well.
 
Iusenfp.com is a great resource for learning more about NFP, especially since your wife is skeptical. It is written very solidly with overviews of each of the NFP options.
 
NFP (Natural Family Planning) is realiable, inexpensive, healthy, moral, and never causes abortion. It is versatile. It can be used one month to avoid pregnancy & the next to achieve it! 👍
 
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