Contraception when only one spouse follows the Church teachings

[cor5755]

I’m looking for answers. My wife is an amazing woman and we have a great marriage. We have 2 children and are both in our 40s. I follow the Church teachings as closely as I can and I believe everything that the Church teaches but my wife does not. She was not raised by practicing Catholic parents and therefore does not believe in certain Church teachings - specifically, contraception. I have refused to use artificial contraception and this has caused a strain on our marriage. She is afraid of NFP and I cannot convince her that this method can be safe. My question is this: what is the right thing for me to do? Do I go against my beliefs and contracept to keep my marriage strong or do I hold tight to my beliefs and chance harming or possibly losing my marriage?

 

[1ke]

You cannot sin by contracepting. If your wife contracepts, you may still have relations with her under certain circumstances. This is something to talk to your priest about. Also read the document Vademecum for Confessors.

 

[underacloud]

You cannot sin by contracepting. If your wife contracepts, you may still have relations with her under certain circumstances. This is something to talk to your priest about. Also read the document Vademecum for Confessors.

Yes, as 1ke says, if she decides to contracept, you do not need to abstain, but there are a few conditions.

You can’t encourage her in any way to sin. And you can’t cooperate…so for example using condoms would not be OK. She could use the Pill, but you can’t encourage her to use it, remind her that it’s time to take it, get the pills from the pharmacy for her, etc. You need to voice your disapproval, but not continuously.

Discuss this with your priest and he can help you discern the way to resolve this.

Is your wife Catholic? Or protestant Christian? Or otherwise? I ask because if she is Catholic, then you arguably have a greater responsibility to encourage her to obey the teachings of the Church in this matter. If she’s not - for example she’s protestant - then she’s not bound in the same way. But again, your priest can help advise.

 

[Sheadad]

I think the key here is in your comment that “I cant convince her that NFP is safe”.

While going through convalidation classes at our local parish, my wife and I sat in on a presentation on NFP. It was definately geared for young couples coming into the church, but the program was put on by a woman with a local practice that helps ladies get a grip on just how their bodies work. We were shocked to see how she had this whole concept nailed down to a tee. I remember her saying that women have come to her with reservations of all kinds including some that felt their system was different and NFP couldn’t possibly work for them. She said she has never had a case where she couldn’t help each of them to chart their cycle perfectly. She was Catholic and had 4 children. We were blown away by the presentation and hoped everyone else was too.

If I were to try and explain this to my wife, I wouldn’t have been effective, but when it came from this woman as an authority and with so much experience, it seemed to take on a different dimension.