Contradictions and the non-Catholic spouse

[millstreet]

I’ve posted about this before so this is kind of just venting, but of course if anyone has anything comforting to say I’ll take it.

I’m spiritual, I don’t need a church to tell me what to do.
I can’t really explain what being spiritual is and I don’t want to.
I don’t understand the church.
I don’t have time to read about it.
You talk about religion too much, you’re turning me off of it.
You’re leaving me behind, I don’t feel like I’m a part of it.
I don’t feel welcome in church.
I don’t really want to talk to anybody in church.
Yes, I believe in Jesus.
I don’t want to hear about Jesus.
You’ve become a Jesus freak.
I didn’t sign up for this [despite the fact I committed to raising my kids Catholic twice].
I don’t want my kids to be part of this.
Yes, I’ll come to church with you this morning.
I don’t want any part of going to church, it’s a waste of time.
Absolutely, I don’t mind if you go to church.
You take two hours every time you go to church, what are you doing?
I wasn’t raised Catholic, it’s not fair, I’ll never feel a part of it.
I want to know what my kids are learning.
I don’t want to hear anything about Catholicism.
Organized religion is stupid.
I don’t know what they are talking about [but I don’t want to talk about it].
So I can get baptized and do all of the “other stuff” all at once?
I think I might go to RCIA with you (I am going to learn more and to be confirmed).
RCIA is too long and too much of a commitment.

Sigh. I know I have to be patient, but sometimes I feel like I can do no right.

 

[Isca]

It must be hard if you are bringing up a family and one parent is less than enthusiastic about helping them to grow in the faith. You can’t push these things, the fact that your spouse keeps changing their mind shows that they are at least thinking about it!

My husband is also not a Catholic, but since I converted this year he’s been very supportive. We’ve just booked to go on a retreat together to Ampleforth, which is great for me. However, we are older and perhaps it’s just easier for us, because of that.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Sigh. I know I have to be patient, but sometimes I feel like I can do no right.

Perhaps you can’t.

Maybe if you completely dropped the topic things would get better. Just get on with it and do what you need to do regarding the children and their faith formation, but let her out of it.

Praying for you and your family.

 

[ClearWater]

I’ve posted about this before so this is kind of just venting, but of course if anyone has anything comforting to say I’ll take it.

I’m spiritual, I don’t need a church to tell me what to do.
I can’t really explain what being spiritual is and I don’t want to.
I don’t understand the church.
I don’t have time to read about it.
You talk about religion too much, you’re turning me off of it.
You’re leaving me behind, I don’t feel like I’m a part of it.
I don’t feel welcome in church.
I don’t really want to talk to anybody in church.
Yes, I believe in Jesus.
I don’t want to hear about Jesus.
You’ve become a Jesus freak.
I didn’t sign up for this [despite the fact I committed to raising my kids Catholic twice].
I don’t want my kids to be part of this.
Yes, I’ll come to church with you this morning.
I don’t want any part of going to church, it’s a waste of time.
Absolutely, I don’t mind if you go to church.
You take two hours every time you go to church, what are you doing?
I wasn’t raised Catholic, it’s not fair, I’ll never feel a part of it.
I want to know what my kids are learning.
I don’t want to hear anything about Catholicism.
Organized religion is stupid.
I don’t know what they are talking about [but I don’t want to talk about it].
So I can get baptized and do all of the “other stuff” all at once?
I think I might go to RCIA with you (I am going to learn more and to be confirmed).
RCIA is too long and too much of a commitment.

Sigh. I know I have to be patient, but sometimes I feel like I can do no right.

It’s hard being “unevenly yoked”.

 

[ClearWater]

There is also marriage counseling, particularly with a Catholic Counselor, or a sympathetic one. If your wife would not agree to marriage counseling, perhaps you might consider individual counseling to help give yourself an opportunity to vent and get some support.

Often health insurance will pay for at least a few visits.

 

[firead]

Maybe your spouse is truly struggling with their own spirituality and feelings about religion, or maybe they are trying to understand or accept Catholicism to please you at times, but don’t feel like it’s something they truly accept or believe in.

I went through this with my husband in the past. He was even baptized, joined a church, went with me every Sunday for a year, etc, but it was all because he thought it would make me happy and was what others expected, not because he ever truly believed.

As of now, he’s an atheist and pretty hostile to religion as a whole, but still agreed I can raise out son Catholic and was even willing to have our marriage convalidated if it had been needed (it wasn’t), because he know it was important to me.

You cannot change a person and especially cannot force them to have faith or change religious beliefs. Sometimes the best you can do is just practice your own faith, be kind to them, and pray for them, but pushing it too hard can just make them stubborn and drive them even further away from the church.

 

[henpecked]

add one to your list?

“I just don’t get the confessing to a man thing”

but a bit of advise I got from my brother in a different context:

“…sometimes it’s an inside job”