Contrition for sins

[Veronica97]

I try to go to Confession regularly–at least every 4 to 5 weeks–and I went today. I wasn’t certain that any of the sins I confessed were mortal sins (at least I had some doubt that I had full knowledge and full consent of the will). I said at the end, “For these and for all the sins of my life I am sorry,” without feeling. The priest said, As you return to the Lord, examine your conscience and ask Him to show you how to avoid these circumstances in the future," I was a little taken aback. I thought if he was telling me to return to the Lord, that some of my sins must have been mortal sins. So I made an Act of Contrition, and as I did, I thought about a past serious sin I had committed because I wasn’t certain that the sins I had just confessed had been mortal sins. After I was absolved and left, I began to reflect upon the fact that I feel I lacked contrition for the sins that I had confessed, that I had been in a hurry to confess, to say the Act of Contrition and to leave the confessional because the process of examining my conscience and making a confession is an anxiety-ridden, painful experience for me as a scrupulous person. I began to realize that I had made an almost “mechanical” confession without the sorrow that I normally strive to have, both before and during my confessions. I wondered if my Confession had been bad, but I reasoned that if I wasn’t certain my sins were mortal (or if they were, which ones were, because the priest had said nothing about any of them) that I could receive Communion at Mass tonight and be forgiven. I reasoned that my Confession was still good because I had been sorry in my mind for one of my past mortal sins (although it was committed before my baptism). Still, I feel I lacked true sorrow and almost felt my sins “weren’t that bad” if that makes any sense. Should I just consider this a lesson learned (to pray to have proper contrition and to remember that even venial sins hurt God) and go on with my life until I make my next Confession, or should I reconfess?

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I try to go to Confession regularly–at least every 4 to 5 weeks–and I went today. I wasn’t certain that any of the sins I confessed were mortal sins (at least I had some doubt that I had full knowledge and full consent of the will). I said at the end, “For these and for all the sins of my life I am sorry,” without feeling. The priest said, As you return to the Lord, examine your conscience and ask Him to show you how to avoid these circumstances in the future," I was a little taken aback. I thought if he was telling me to return to the Lord, that some of my sins must have been mortal sins. So I made an Act of Contrition, and as I did, I thought about a past serious sin I had committed because I wasn’t certain that the sins I had just confessed had been mortal sins. After I was absolved and left, I began to reflect upon the fact that I feel I lacked contrition for the sins that I had confessed, that I had been in a hurry to confess, to say the Act of Contrition and to leave the confessional because the process of examining my conscience and making a confession is an anxiety-ridden, painful experience for me as a scrupulous person. I began to realize that I had made an almost “mechanical” confession without the sorrow that I normally strive to have, both before and during my confessions. I wondered if my Confession had been bad, but I reasoned that if I wasn’t certain my sins were mortal (or if they were, which ones were, because the priest had said nothing about any of them) that I could receive Communion at Mass tonight and be forgiven. I reasoned that my Confession was still good because I had been sorry in my mind for one of my past mortal sins (although it was committed before my baptism). Still, I feel I lacked true sorrow and almost felt my sins “weren’t that bad” if that makes any sense. Should I just consider this a lesson learned (to pray to have proper contrition and to remember that even venial sins hurt God) and go on with my life until I make my next Confession, or should I reconfess?

I cannot say anything that will settle your doubts, all I wanted to say was that you sound like me. I have also been scrupling over if my last confession was valid for the past week. I am also worried because the Priest asked me if I was sorry for my my sins (in the past tense) I thought about it and I have heard recently from a Priest, right here on The Forums, that Sorrow is not necessarily a matter of emotions but is in the intellect and will. So though I did not feel all emotional about my sins, I said “Yes” when the better answer should have been “I think so, but I am not sure.” A lot of the things I confess, I am not even sure that they are sins" plus, also, I feel I have just been using confession to try to ease my anxiety from my scrupulosity, not because I am really sorry for my sins. Though, most likely, I probably have at least imperfect contrition. If I was not afraid of going to hell, why would I waste so much time and energy all anxiety ridden over whether I sinned or not when the average Catholic probably would not give anything I worry about a second thought.

I was recently diagnosed with OCD. My mind even tells me that maybe that is incorrect. That is how my mind works. It is always doubting. You kinda sound like me. Thus, I feel your pain. Lets pray for each other. I have been trying to find a spiritual director. I emailed a religious order about it a few weeks ago and I recently sent a letter to The Superior of another religious order, asking if any of their priests can help me. I am also helping my parish priest with something that is going to take a few hours this Monday. I am hoping I can ask him some questions about some of my concerns. Do you have a spiritual director? Have you talked to your senior pastor about your struggles? You should. I say that not as a outsider looking in but someone who struggles with the same scrupulosity that you do. I think I have read that you are married? Why not ask your husband to hold you accountable to getting a spiritual director and making a appointment to talk to your parish priest? That is, if you have not already. I am sorry if you did, but it did not help. You have someone to help hold you accountable. Take advantage. I have absolutely no one. Take care and God bless.

 

[pianistclare]

Read this:

mission.liguori.org/newsletters/pdf_archive/Ten_Commandments_for_the_Scrupulous_2013.pdf

Then read it again,

Peace.

 

[Veronica97]

I cannot say anything that will settle your doubts, all I wanted to say was that you sound like me. I have also been scrupling over if my last confession was valid for the past week. I am also worried because the Priest asked me if I was sorry for my my sins (in the past tense) I thought about it and I have heard recently from a Priest, right here on The Forums, that Sorrow is not necessarily a matter of emotions but is in the intellect and will. So though I did not feel all emotional about my sins, I said “Yes” when the better answer should have been “I think so, but I am not sure.” A lot of the things I confess, I am not even sure that they are sins" plus, also, I feel I have just been using confession to try to ease my anxiety from my scrupulosity, not because I am really sorry for my sins. Though, most likely, I probably have at least imperfect contrition. If I was not afraid of going to hell, why would I waste so much time and energy all anxiety ridden over whether I sinned or not when the average Catholic probably would not give anything I worry about a second thought.

I was recently diagnosed with OCD. My mind even tells me that maybe that is incorrect. That is how my mind works. It is always doubting. You kinda sound like me. Thus, I feel your pain. Lets pray for each other. I have been trying to find a spiritual director. I emailed a religious order about it a few weeks ago and I recently sent a letter to The Superior of another religious order, asking if any of their priests can help me. I am also helping my parish priest with something that is going to take a few hours this Monday. I am hoping I can ask him some questions about some of my concerns. Do you have a spiritual director? Have you talked to your senior pastor about your struggles? You should. I say that not as a outsider looking in but someone who struggles with the same scrupulosity that you do. I think I have read that you are married? Why not ask your husband to hold you accountable to getting a spiritual director and making a appointment to talk to your parish priest? That is, if you have not already. I am sorry if you did, but it did not help. You have someone to help hold you accountable. Take advantage. I have absolutely no one. Take care and God bless.

Laughingboy, yes, let’s pray for each other. I hit rock bottom with my ocd/scruples about a year ago after struggling with scruples for three years. At my low point it seemed as though almost every thought that entered my mind was sinful, and I worried that I was in a constant state of mortal sin. It was during this time that I would sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament in a fog of confusion, just hoping that the Lord would show me what to do. Finally, I asked my confessor for help. I asked him if he would take responsibility before God for the advice he gave me, so that I could be confident in following it. He agreed, and things started to get better. This priest was literally the face of Jesus for me. Unfortunately, he retired, and I had to start over with a new confessor. I asked my new confessor, during my first confession with him, if he would do the same for me as the previous priest, and he never gave me an answer. Maybe he forgot by the time I was finished with my confession? I don’t know how long you have been struggling with this, but I have been praying for a long time for an end to scruples. I am beginning to get a better sense of when something is venial and when something is mortal. Before, I felt an urge to run to Confession every time I had a doubt; now I feel more able to discern when it is urgent or necessary to go and when I can be forgiven in other ways, such as by receiving the Eucharist. The hardest thing for me is Confession: deciding what to confess, how to confess it, and worrying afterward that I might have made a bad Confession. Even if I have decided earlier in the month that my sins were probably venial and have gone to Communion, when it comes time for Confession I panic. Now today I wonder if I haven’t gone too far the other way…in not taking sin, even venial sin, serious enough and not having the contrition I should have. Yes, OCD is a very painful condition…I liken it to being with Jesus in the Agony of the Garden. Thank you for your post.

 

[Mary_Ellen]

Should I just consider this a lesson learned (to pray to have proper contrition and to remember that even venial sins hurt God) and go on with my life until I make my next Confession, or should I reconfess?

Do. Not. Reconfess.
Your confession was valid. You *had *contrition, which is an act of the will and not an emotional feeling.

We can always better our confessions, we can always find faults in the way we assisted at mass. When we reflect on our celebration of these sacraments we should use what we learn to better prepare for next time . . . not as a source of worry that we invalidated or profaned the sacrament in question.

Remember that we celebrate sacraments-concentrate on that word, “celebrate!” When we celebrate something sometimes we don’t do everything perfectly. So what? We’re not perfect. Just give thanks to the Lord for his Love and great Mercy!

Be at peace.

 

[Veronica97]

So I read online that confessing only venial sins and not having sorrow for any of them is not a sacreligious confession unless you are aware at the time of your confession that you have no contrition. I must have had some inkling that I didn’t have sufficient sorrow, otherwise I would not have made a point of thinking of a past mortal sin during my Act of Contrition. (I wish now I had mentioned the past mortal sin at the end of my Confession, and then I would know my Confession was valid.) When the priest gave me the penance of reflecting on how I can avoid putting myself in the same situations, I agreed to do that, which means that I must have had some purpose of amendment, right? But I lacked sorrow, and like I said before, I confessed in a mechanical way and basically had the attitude that my sins weren’t all that bad. I was surprised that the priest’s comments implied that at least one of my sins was mortal, and when he said to pray for the other people involved, I was also surprised and wondered, “How did I hurt them?” So my question is, what kind of contrition is necessary for a confession of venial sins to be valid? Is it enough that I agreed to look at my sins and ask God to show me how to avoid being put in the same situations again? Or do I also need to detest my sins and be sorry for having offended God? I am sorry NOW, but I feel like the Holy Spirit showed me after my Confession that I lacked contrition. I was making the Confession as part of the First Saturdays devotion, and I think that was more of the reason for my going than actually being sorry for my sins. And then there’s the matter that perhaps at least one of my sins was mortal and not venial like I had thought and then lack of contrition is worse. I prayed the Act of Contrition in a mechanical way, without really reflecting on what I was saying, for at least half of it. Does anyone have any idea as to whether I need to go back to Confession?

 

[brigid12]

So I read online that confessing only venial sins and not having sorrow for any of them is not a sacreligious confession unless you are aware at the time of your confession that you have no contrition. I must have had some inkling that I didn’t have sufficient sorrow, otherwise I would not have made a point of thinking of a past mortal sin during my Act of Contrition. (I wish now I had mentioned the past mortal sin at the end of my Confession, and then I would know my Confession was valid.) When the priest gave me the penance of reflecting on how I can avoid putting myself in the same situations, I agreed to do that, which means that I must have had some purpose of amendment, right? But I lacked sorrow, and like I said before, I confessed in a mechanical way and basically had the attitude that my sins weren’t all that bad. I was surprised that the priest’s comments implied that at least one of my sins was mortal, and when he said to pray for the other people involved, I was also surprised and wondered, “How did I hurt them?” So my question is, what kind of contrition is necessary for a confession of venial sins to be valid? Is it enough that I agreed to look at my sins and ask God to show me how to avoid being put in the same situations again? Or do I also need to detest my sins and be sorry for having offended God? I am sorry NOW, but I feel like the Holy Spirit showed me after my Confession that I lacked contrition. I was making the Confession as part of the First Saturdays devotion, and I think that was more of the reason for my going than actually being sorry for my sins. And then there’s the matter that perhaps at least one of my sins was mortal and not venial like I had thought and then lack of contrition is worse. I prayed the Act of Contrition in a mechanical way, without really reflecting on what I was saying, for at least half of it. Does anyone have any idea as to whether I need to go back to Confession?

As has been said before, intellectually willing contrition is not only valid but sometimes more to be desired than emotional contrition. After the fact a person may feel the emotional contrition (helpful to avoid the sin again).

Just mention the mortal sin you forgot at your next confession, although it has already been forgiven.

 

[Veronica97]

As has been said before, intellectually willing contrition is not only valid but sometimes more to be desired than emotional contrition. After the fact a person may feel the emotional contrition (helpful to avoid the sin again).

Just mention the mortal sin you forgot at your next confession, although it has already been forgiven.

The mortal sin I thought of during my Act of Contrition was a sin from my past already confessed and forgiven. I just concentrated on it during my Act of Contrition because it was a sin that I was truly sorry for. I did this because I wasn’t sure I had enough contrition for the sins I had just confessed. I meant that I wished I had mentioned the past, already forgiven sin at the end of my Confession, because I have read that we should do that when we only confess venial sins, so that we may be sure of having enough contrition (Baltimore Catechism).

 

[Bonnie]

Does anyone have any idea as to whether I need to go back to Confession?

Read what Mary Ellen said above - contrition is NOT a feeling, it is an act of the will. You do not have to make another confession. When the priest says you are absolved - believe him!

You also don’t have to re-confess any past sin, mortal or venial, for your confession to be valid.

Again - believe the priest and be at peace!

 

[Vico]

I try to go to Confession regularly–at least every 4 to 5 weeks–and I went today. I wasn’t certain that any of the sins I confessed were mortal sins (at least I had some doubt that I had full knowledge and full consent of the will). I said at the end, “For these and for all the sins of my life I am sorry,” without feeling. The priest said, As you return to the Lord, examine your conscience and ask Him to show you how to avoid these circumstances in the future," I was a little taken aback. I thought if he was telling me to return to the Lord, that some of my sins must have been mortal sins. So I made an Act of Contrition, and as I did, I thought about a past serious sin I had committed because I wasn’t certain that the sins I had just confessed had been mortal sins. After I was absolved and left, I began to reflect upon the fact that I feel I lacked contrition for the sins that I had confessed, that I had been in a hurry to confess, to say the Act of Contrition and to leave the confessional because the process of examining my conscience and making a confession is an anxiety-ridden, painful experience for me as a scrupulous person. I began to realize that I had made an almost “mechanical” confession without the sorrow that I normally strive to have, both before and during my confessions. I wondered if my Confession had been bad, but I reasoned that if I wasn’t certain my sins were mortal (or if they were, which ones were, because the priest had said nothing about any of them) that I could receive Communion at Mass tonight and be forgiven. I reasoned that my Confession was still good because I had been sorry in my mind for one of my past mortal sins (although it was committed before my baptism). Still, I feel I lacked true sorrow and almost felt my sins “weren’t that bad” if that makes any sense. Should I just consider this a lesson learned (to pray to have proper contrition and to remember that even venial sins hurt God) and go on with my life until I make my next Confession, or should I reconfess?

Imperfect contrition is sufficient for a sacramental confession. Catechism:
1453 The contrition called “imperfect” (or “attrition”) is also a gift of God, a prompting of the Holy Spirit. It is born of the consideration of sin’s ugliness or the fear of eternal damnation and the other penalties threatening the sinner (contrition of fear). Such a stirring of conscience can initiate an interior process which, under the prompting of grace, will be brought to completion by sacramental absolution. By itself however, imperfect contrition cannot obtain the forgiveness of grave sins, but it disposes one to obtain forgiveness in the sacrament of Penance. 52

52 Cf. Council of Trent (1551): DS 1678; 1705.

 

[Veronica97]

Imperfect contrition is sufficient for a sacramental confession. Catechism:
1453 The contrition called “imperfect” (or “attrition”) is also a gift of God, a prompting of the Holy Spirit. It is born of the consideration of sin’s ugliness or the fear of eternal damnation and the other penalties threatening the sinner (contrition of fear). Such a stirring of conscience can initiate an interior process which, under the prompting of grace, will be brought to completion by sacramental absolution. By itself however, imperfect contrition cannot obtain the forgiveness of grave sins, but it disposes one to obtain forgiveness in the sacrament of Penance. 52

52 Cf. Council of Trent (1551): DS 1678; 1705.

I didn’t really feel a fear of Hell because I thought my sins were venial. I just went to Confession to make the First Saturday devotion and because I used to go years without going to Confession, and I don’t want that to happen again so I go monthly. Is that, along with agreeing to do my penance (asking God to show me how to avoid these situations in the future) enough contrition for a valid absolution for what I thought were venial sins? After my Confession was over, I felt like I took both sin and the Sacrament of Penance too lightly instead of seeing it for the gift it is. I felt like an ungrateful child.

 

[Bonnie]

Is that, along with agreeing to do my penance (asking God to show me how to avoid these situations in the future) enough contrition for a valid absolution for what I thought were venial sins?

I doubt if there is such a thing as “enough” contrition. Simply believe the priest.

I mentioned this thread to my husband. He told me that Our Lord told St. Faustina the same thing that I told you - believe the priest. He absolved you - you are trying to “undo” the sacrament.

 

[pianistclare]

I doubt if there is such a thing as “enough” contrition. Simply believe the priest.

I mentioned this thread to my husband. He told me that Our Lord told St. Faustina the same thing that I told you - believe the priest. He absolved you - you are trying to “undo” the sacrament.

Yes.
OP, did you read the link to that document I recommended?

 

[Gorgias]

The priest said, As you return to the Lord, examine your conscience and ask Him to show you how to avoid these circumstances in the future," I was a little taken aback. I thought if he was telling me to return to the Lord, that some of my sins must have been mortal sins.

The way I read it, he wasn’t giving you a command (i.e., ‘return to the Lord!’), but rather, that he was acknowledging that you were already in the process of returning to the Lord. Even if we commit only venial sin, we harm our relationship with God, and therefore, our contrition – whether expressed through sacramental confession or other means – enables us to turn back to God.

Moreover, by saying this, he wasn’t implying that your sins were mortal.

Be at peace.

Blessings,
G.

 

[Vico]

I didn’t really feel a fear of Hell because I thought my sins were venial. I just went to Confession to make the First Saturday devotion and because I used to go years without going to Confession, and I don’t want that to happen again so I go monthly. Is that, along with agreeing to do my penance (asking God to show me how to avoid these situations in the future) enough contrition for a valid absolution for what I thought were venial sins? After my Confession was over, I felt like I took both sin and the Sacrament of Penance too lightly instead of seeing it for the gift it is. I felt like an ungrateful child.

There must be at least attrition or the confession is invalid. See Baltimore Catechism No. 3, Lesson 19:
Q. 782. What should one do who has only venial sins to confess?
A. One who has only venial sins to confess should tell also some sin already confessed in his past life for which he knows he is truly sorry; because it is not easy to be truly sorry for slight sins and imperfections, and yet we must be sorry for the sins confessed that our confession may be valid – hence we add some past sin for which we are truly sorry to those for which we may not be sufficiently sorry.

 

[Veronica97]

There must be at least attrition or the confession is invalid. See Baltimore Catechism No. 3, Lesson 19:
Q. 782. What should one do who has only venial sins to confess?
A. One who has only venial sins to confess should tell also some sin already confessed in his past life for which he knows he is truly sorry; because it is not easy to be truly sorry for slight sins and imperfections, and yet we must be sorry for the sins confessed that our confession may be valid – hence we add some past sin for which we are truly sorry to those for which we may not be sufficiently sorry.

I had resolved at home before I went to Confession to avoid one of my sins in the future. I wanted to go to Confession to wipe the slate clean–to never let my sins build up for years as I had in the past. This was probably more of a motivation to be “clean and spotless” rather than sorrow for having offended God or fear of Hell. And I wanted to make reparation for sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary as part of the First Saturdays devotion. I just felt that I was trying to get Confession “over with” because it is a very-anxiety ridden experience for me as a scrupulous person. As I said above, I felt my confession was mechanical and I brought to mind a past, already confessed, mortal sin that I knew I was sorry for during my Act of Contrition because I was afraid I wasn’t sufficiently sorry for the (probably venial) sins I had actually confessed. However, I had agreed to the penance of asking God to show me how to avoid these sins in the future and was fully planning on carrying out the penance. I am contemplating going back to Confession because, as I also said before, my attitude was almost that the sins I confessed “weren’t that bad.”

 

[Veronica97]

I tried to edit my post above, but too much time had gone by. I meant to also say that I spent a lot of time preparing for Confession, trying to write my sins down honestly and accurately, and I did pray to make a good Confession. But I just feel like I didn’t have sorrow for my sins and had almost a “they’re that not that bad” kind of attitude. Am I making any sense?

 

[Vico]

I had resolved at home before I went to Confession to avoid one of my sins in the future. I wanted to go to Confession to wipe the slate clean–to never let my sins build up for years as I had in the past. This was probably more of a motivation to be “clean and spotless” rather than sorrow for having offended God or fear of Hell. And I wanted to make reparation for sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary as part of the First Saturdays devotion. I just felt that I was trying to get Confession “over with” because it is a very-anxiety ridden experience for me as a scrupulous person. As I said above, I felt my confession was mechanical and I brought to mind a past, already confessed, mortal sin that I knew I was sorry for during my Act of Contrition because I was afraid I wasn’t sufficiently sorry for the (probably venial) sins I had actually confessed. However, I had agreed to the penance of asking God to show me how to avoid these sins in the future and was fully planning on carrying out the penance. I am contemplating going back to Confession because, as I also said before, my attitude was almost that the sins I confessed “weren’t that bad.”

The past already confessed mortal sin that you knew you were sorry and mentioned for was sufficient for the contrition. The resolution to avoid one sin in the future was sufficient for repentance. This sounds like a valid confession.
all the mortal sins you are aware of.

 

[Veronica97]

The past already confessed mortal sin that you knew you were sorry and mentioned for was sufficient for the contrition. The resolution to avoid one sin in the future was sufficient for repentance. This sounds like a valid confession.
all the mortal sins you are aware of.

I didn’t actually mention the past, already confessed mortal sin unfortunately. I only focused on it in my mind when I said the Act of Contrition. I did say, however (very mechanically), “I’m sorry for these and for all the sins of my life.”

 

[Vico]

I didn’t actually mention the past, already confessed mortal sin unfortunately. I only focused on it in my mind when I said the Act of Contrition. I did say, however (very mechanically), “I’m sorry for these and for all the sins of my life.”

But that mortal sin that you were thinking of before your confession is one of those that you mentioned with “I’m sorry for these and for all the sins of my life.” so that indicates that what you did was sufficient for the contrition.